


Maybe One Day

by ecclesia



Category: Misc - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-12-30 09:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 103,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18313208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecclesia/pseuds/ecclesia





	1. Chapter 1

        "NOW REMEMBER," MY best friend, Amelia, said over the loudspeaker. "Jace lives on the third floor, right beside the elevator. I don't know who approved the design. I mean, you'd think he lived in a cupboard, not a complex." Her singsong voice was light and airy, but I could hardly focus on her words. "The first time I went to visit him, I walked straight past his apartment, so don't forget—"

        "You've told me this, like, a billion times," I pointed out. I slowed my Volkswagen down and hung a sharp left, managing to catch my phone before it slid out of my lap. "I think I've got it."

        "God, Hayles, who peed in your Wheaties this morning?" she jested. "As if you're not rejoicing right now. You've been wanting to leave this place since forever."

        That was true.

        I'd been desperate to leave Fowler's Hill ever since I was sixteen, and it wasn't because there was anything wrong with where I'd grown up. It was a picturesque and secluded little town with a tight-knit community, the mainstay of my near-perfect childhood.

        It had more to do with the fact that Fowler's Hill's population was a staggering two hundred, give or take. In such a small town, there was nowhere to hide after tragedy struck my family. No way to forget. For the last two years, living there had been a constant reminder of what I'd had to endure, and I knew it even wore thin on my parents occasionally.

        "I am," I eventually relented, crawling to a stop at another intersection. I sat forward and drummed my fingers on the dash anxiously. "I'm just tired. My mattress in the dorm was like sleeping on tissue paper, and you know how much I hate driving in unfamiliar places."

        Despite the fact that over a hundred miles stretched between us now, I could practically see Amelia roll her eyes. "Do I." She laughed. "I'm still scarred from that road trip with my..." The line went quiet, and I cringed, anticipating that the conversation was about to shift into dangerous territory. "Wait. This doesn't have anything to do with you being about to see my brother again, does it?"

        My insides churned at the very thought.

        Of course it did.

        Jace Hammond had featured in every one of my girlish fantasies for as long as I could remember, even though I was certain that he only thought of me as an honorary sibling. It had been almost a year since I'd last seen him, and my face still heated from the memory. He'd come home to visit the summer before my senior year, and at one of his parties, I'd completely embarrassed myself. Better yet, Jace's ex-girlfriend, Zoe, had shown up unexpectedly. 

        To be honest, most of that night was fuzzy. I'd been persuaded to drink by Amelia, and I had stupidly tried to keep up with her. At least she was able to tolerate her alcohol and not act like a complete spaz. Sadly, the same couldn't be said for me.

        So, before I'd been hunched over the toilet upstairs, Jace kneeling beside me dutifully, my vision blurring, I might have blurted something about having a teeny-tiny crush on him. I'll never forget the baffled look he'd given me, like I was speaking in riddles. And then, forgoing what I'm sure would have been his flat-out rejection, I'd proceeded to empty the entire contents of my stomach.

        Suffice to say, I'd made a valiant effort to avoid him ever since that night.

        And now I was less than five minutes away from his apartment.

        Son of a biscuit.

        "No," I lied, thankful that my voice didn't waver. "Why would it? It doesn't mean anything. He's only helping me out because you asked him to."

        "Okaaaay." Amelia drew out the word over the phone, clearly unconvinced. "I know I sort of pushed the idea of meeting up with him before classes, but I just thought it might take the pressure off of you. At least you already know somebody who goes to UGA, right?"

        "Right," I agreed. I was truly grateful that I had someone at the University of Georgia, but there was no denying that I felt way more intimidated by the idea of having to see Jace again than the prospect of befriending another bewildered freshman. "I just wish you'd come with me."

        " _Me?_ " she echoed incredulously. "You know I'm totally leaving the college thing to you and Jace."

        "And on that note." I exhaled, clutching the steering wheel firmly, almost like my existence was contingent on it. "I'm pulling into his complex now."

        "Well, be sure to say hi to him for me, seeing as he barely replies to my texts these days," Amelia grumbled. "Oh and tell him I'll kick his ass to the curb if he doesn't at least walk you to your first class this morning."

        An icy ball of fear formed in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought of promenading through the campus with Jace. I swallowed. "Will do."

        "Hayles, listen, you're in college now. You've finally got what you've wanted. You can move on and reinvent yourself. Don't let anyone detract from that, not even my jerk of a brother, okay?" she said softly.

        "Thanks, Millie," I whispered. "This is exactly why I need you here. You always know what to say."

        "I know," she quipped. "Now go. The sooner you get it over with, the easier it'll be."

        Before I could argue, the line went dead. She'd hung up on me. I inhaled a shallow breath, feeling like my lifeline had just been severed.

        Once I'd snatched a parking spot within close walking distance to the entrance of the complex, I cut the engine. Locking my phone and slipping it into my bag, I noticed that my hands were shaking. 

        I was about to come face-to-face with Jace for the first time since I'd come clean about the enormous crush on him that I'd harbored for the last five years.

        I needed to get my shit together. Like, urgently.

        Fighting a rabble of butterflies, I got out of my car and tried not to overthink what was about to happen. With a stroke of luck, he hadn't even retained a word I'd said that night.

        Yeah, there was no fucking way.

        He hadn't sought me out in nearly a year for a reason. Before I'd opened my big, good-for-nothing mouth, Jace and I had actually been friends. That was the worst part.

        I sweltered as I made my way across the parking lot, the concrete pavement red-hot, threatening to burn through the soles of my Converses. When the automatic sliding doors unsealed and I walked into the apartment complex, I almost cheered as the cool, air-conditioned breeze rolled over me.

        But that feeling was short-lived.

        As soon as I stepped into the empty elevator and pressed the button for the third floor on the panel, dread began gnawing at my belly again. The closer I got to Jace's floor, the more nauseous I felt—a mixture of nervous energy and motion sickness.

        Heeding Amelia's advice, I made sure that when I got off at the third floor, I didn't just walk straight past his apartment. I noticed it—only because I knew where to look—tucked away in the corner of the corridor, partially obscured by a half-wall at the exit of the elevator.

        As I knocked softly on his door, a lump crawled into my throat. I pushed my long, dark hair back from my face and squared my shoulders.

        I could totally do this.

        Nothing to freak out about. Nope.

        But when the door to Jace's apartment opened, my heart faltered for a moment.

        Standing there in an oversized T-shirt was a girl who could make me feel like I'd fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, and that was being generous. She was as pretty as a peach, with long, tanned legs and silky blonde hair. I tried to ignore the fact that the flimsy material didn't do much to cover her breasts, but it was difficult when they were on full display for the entire third-floor to see.

        Her eyes narrowed at me. "Can I help you?"

        Well, this was awkward.

        I hastily looked down at Amelia's text. Maybe I'd still managed to arrive at the wrong apartment? 

        My sense of direction  _was_  known to be poor at the best of times.

        The knot tightened in my throat as I scrolled through her last message.

         _Apartment 304,_ it read.

I shifted my eyes to the numbered door that the blonde was gripping between her dainty, manicured hand, and then I mentally groaned.

        I wasn't lost like I'd secretly hoped for. There was just a girl, looking gorgeously rumpled in what I expected was Jace's shirt, who was staying in his apartment and—I made an educated guess—in his bed. I despised the jealous twinge that cinched my insides, which was stupid, because I totally didn't care what Jace did in his spare time, or more accurately,  _whom_.

        I moistened my lips. "Uh, hey. Didn't Jace tell you I was swinging by?"

        "No, he didn't. We didn't exactly do much talking last night, if you know what I mean." She sighed, a dreamy smile on her face. As her brown eyes glazed over, I swore she practically melted on the hardwood floor, and I immediately recognized the expression that stole over her features. It was probably the same boy-obsessed look I had whenever I spoke, or even thought, about Jace.

        My stomach bottomed out.

        "Right." I nodded emphatically. "Is he here? Can I speak to him, please?"

        The blonde studied me closely. "Yeah. I'll just wake him up."

        Spinning around, she padded barefoot down the narrow entryway and disappearing around a corner I assumed led to Jace's bedroom.

        She'd left the door ajar, and I stood restlessly in the foyer, clasping my fingers together to keep them from fidgeting. When I was unable to resist the urge any longer, I poked my head further into the quiet apartment, curious to see where Jace had been living for the last year.

        Along the hallway, there was an abundance of framed photographs that hung slightly crooked on the pale walls. They were mainly nature shots, which were Jace's specialty. He'd always been a talented photographer; committed to seeing the world through a lens. When I was younger, I couldn't remember a time when he hadn't carried a camera with him, and Amelia and I had been his loyal subjects until he'd begun to take his photography more seriously.

        Down to the left—the only room I could see—was a spacious and carpeted living room that was minimalistic and modern. There was a black leather couch positioned in front of a giant flat-screen TV, sitting on top of a wooden cabinet, but aside from that, the room was virtually empty.

        I rocked back on the balls of my feet, grateful that I'd decided to come to Jace's early. The last thing I needed was to be late for my first day of classes at college.

        My breath caught when he eventually emerged. He was alone, too. Thank God for small favors.

        When I drank Jace in, my pulse skittered, and all the feelings I'd spent years trying to keep in check came flooding back.

        Holy Mother Mary.

        He was even more gorgeous than he'd been a year ago, if that was somehow possible. His chestnut brown hair was scruffy from sleep and it fell in waves over his forehead. He had the most incredible eyes I'd ever seen; they were a steel blue-gray—definitely his most striking feature. Every time he looked at me with that penetrating gaze, I wished that he would see  _me_ , not just the girl who also happened to be his sister's best friend.

        As he neared me, my knees almost buckled.

        I detected that he had the slightest five o'clock shadow, which shaded the curve of his jaw and accentuated his full, kissable lips.

        And better yet, he was shirtless.

        My mouth dried and watered simultaneously when I caught a glimpse of Jace's bare chest. He had a defined six-pack, broad shoulders, and perfectly sculpted pecs. For a second, my mind drifted, and I imagined what it would feel like to roam my hands all over his naked torso. To be pressed against him and to feel him tightening in all the right places.

        Inwardly, I grimaced. I shouldn't be standing here, making doe eyes at my best friend's brother like no time has passed at all. What was I doing? I really needed to get a grip.

        "Shit, I'm so sorry, Hayley," he said, his voice all sleep-clogged and sexy.  _Argh_. He pulled on the shirt he was holding, causing the sinewy muscles in his lower abdomen to flex. I flushed to my hairline and forced myself to drag my gaze up from his chest. "I must've forgotten to set an alarm last night."

        In other words, he was too busy with the busty blonde to remember about little old me. Just perfect.

"It's fine," I insisted, but in no alternate universe was it ever going to be fine for me to visit his apartment for the first time and be greeted by a half-naked girl. "I thought maybe you'd forgotten I was coming."

        "No, how could I forget?" He grinned, revealing those gorgeous dimples.

        Damn it. He was making it entirely too easy for me to forgive him.

        He stood back and gestured for me to come inside. I trailed after him, our footsteps resonating on the smooth, timber floorboards.

        "I'll just grab my shoes and a protein bar, then we'll get going." His dark lashes lowered as he sent me a sideways look. "That okay with you?"

        "Sure," I donned a casual tone. I was a sophisticated college freshman now, not the uncool chick who'd tried, and failed, to make him notice me all throughout high school. Well, in the way that counted. "I like your new place."

        We'd entered his open-plan kitchen and dining room, and after a short survey, I decided that it was just as bare as his living room. Aside from the mahogany dining table—which didn't even have a fruit bowl—and matching chairs in the middle of the room, the space mostly unfilled. I doubted that his new girlfriend lived here. Hell, you could hardly even tell that he did.

        "It's all right. I feel like I could do more with it." Jace frowned, as if he could read my thoughts. He leaned his hip against the kitchen countertop, crossing his arms. 

        "You know, I might be able to help you with that," I said, unable to hide the amusement in my voice. "If you're ever interested."

        "You can?" His brows creased for a short instant, then smoothed as his eyes acquired a knowing gleam. "God, I'm such a dumbass. You're going to be studying Interior Design, aren't you?"

        I nodded, pulling out one his dining chairs and plunking myself down on it. "Don't worry, it's been forever since we've seen each other. I didn't expect you to remember." 

        This was the point in the morning I'd dreaded the most. Acknowledging the fact that we'd played the role of perfect strangers for the better part of a year.

        His eyes pinned me, his gaze searching mine. "Yeah, you're all grown up now. Off to college. I can hardly wrap my head around it."

        "All grown up?" I teased him. "You're only three years older than me, Jace. Not thirty."

        He kept staring at me, long and hard, and I watched as his expression shuttered, that familiar armor drawn up once again. A small smile curved his lips, and he looked like he was about to say something, but he never got the chance.

        The blonde appeared next to us, this time fully-clothed. Relief was surely evident on my face. As she stood quietly at the entrance of the kitchen, she glanced back and forth between Jace and me, as if she couldn't believe I was still here.

        Neither could I, to be honest.

        "This is Hayley," Jace supplied, saving me from having to introduce myself. "She's my little sister's best friend."

        _My little sister's best friend._

I quelled the impulse to pucker my face like I'd just tasted something sour. "That's me. It's nice to meet you."

        "You, too," she said, and it actually sounded semi-sincere. Probably because my threat factor was virtually non-existent now.

        Things got awkward as hell when Jace located his sneakers, shoved beside the fridge, and he bent down to grab them. Not missing a beat, the still-nameless blonde came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist possessively. 

        My insides twisted, and I fought the urge to lower my gaze.

        "So, what's for breakfast, babe?" she murmured.

        Seriously?

        I clenched my teeth until my jaw ached, reminding myself for the second time this morning that I didn't really care.

        Steeling myself to glance over at Jace, I was surprised to see that he'd stopped dead in his tracks, his shoes going limp in his hands.

        "Look, Jennifer," he said gently, easing out of her embrace. "Last night was fun, but I already made it clear that it was only going to be a one-time thing."

        The envy I'd felt vanished in an instant as it occurred to me that this girl was nothing more than a one-night stand. She sucked in a quick rush of air and blinked dumbly back at him. Apparently this was news to her, too.

        An extended silence settled between them, and my skin prickled.

        "I think I should go and—" I shot up from the dining chair, and it grated its protest noisily on the tiles. 

        "There's no need for that. I'm just about to grab my things," the blonde interrupted, cutting her eyes in my direction.

        I offered her a faint, sympathetic smile, hoping to convey that I'd also had my heart unknowingly stomped all over by Jace. I'd sampled just how badly the rejection stung.

        When she finally turned her attention back to him, her nose wrinkled up in obvious disgust. "And for the record jackass, my name is Jen _na_."

        Oh my God.

        Jace's lips flattened into a grim line, and I winced as she pushed past him.

        As much as I would have gladly welcomed the ground opening up and swallowing me whole—anything to remove me from the current situation—I had to settle for feigning interest in my phone while I waited for Jenna to collect her belongings. 

        I could feel Jace's eyes drilling into me after he'd stooped to tug on his sneakers, but I refused to look at him. Instead, I scrolled aimlessly down my Instagram feed.

        The second I spotted movement out of my peripheral vision, my head snapped up. Jenna clomped past us in a pair of heels that were dangerously high. She made a direct route to the front door, clutching her bag tightly to her chest, and I became aware of how vulnerable that position made her seem. I glared at Jace, as if to say,  _you're going to go after her, aren't you?_

He muttered something inaudible and followed after Jenna.

        The tread of their footsteps faded, and for a tense moment, there was nothing but silence. 

        "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression," Jace spoke finally, talking low. "I'm just not looking for anything serious right now. I thought you knew that."

         I hadn't intended to eavesdrop on their conversation, but their voices floated down the hallway, making it impossible not to overhear.

        "No, I did," she said matter-of-factly. "Practically every girl at UGA knows you have commitment issues, I just fooled myself into thinking maybe I'd be different."

        Whoa. At least she had the guts, I'd give her that.

        "Well, then, I don't know what else to tell you, Jenna."

        There was another long pause, and I cringed. All of this drama was going to give me a stomach ulcer.

        "Just a little friendly advice," she called from the foyer, and I knew straight away that she was referring to me. "If you're planning on screwing him, at least make sure he remembers your name first."

        And then the door slammed.


	2. Chapter 2

        JACE'S VOICE CAME from somewhere behind me. "Fuck, I'm so sorry you had to be here for that."

        I twisted round in the dining chair to look at him, but I didn't argue. Talking about any of his conquests was a big, fat no-no. I knew this from past experience. It would only encourage the bitter bite of jealousy to grow in my chest, so I said nothing.

        Jace raked his hands down his face, exhaling harshly. "They always seem cool with just hanging out, and then suddenly you're having  _that_ conversation," he considered aloud. "Funny how you think you have an idea of what someone's like."

        "Well,  _I_  thought she was nice."

        His tone became thoughtful. "She was an entirely different person last night."

        "Probably because you were saying all of the right things then," I pointed out. "Man, I  _almost_  forgot how much of an asshole you could be."

        His eyes slid away, as if he was momentarily embarrassed, and my suspicion was confirmed when a soft pink crept into the hollows of his cheeks. Was he actually blushing? "I never advocated that I make good decisions when I'm drunk. I tend to make a mess of things, kind of like that night with you last year."

        Wait—Jace had been drunk that night, too?

        Then, once becoming utterly aware that  _we_  were about to have  _that_ conversation, my stomach swirled sickeningly.

        "Nope," I deadpanned. "That's my cue to meet you in the car."

        I made it all of five steps when I felt his hand fall on my shoulder.

        As much as his touch sent a jolt of sizzling awareness through me, I was still determined to bury it as far down as I physically could. That was the only way I was going to survive this year at UGA with him. 

        I knew what I'd seen this morning was only the beginning. I was even willing to bet that by lunchtime I'd spot another scantily dressed girl draped all over him in the campus cafeteria, vying for his attention. Because that was how it had always been with Jace, and I was just as deluded as Jenna if I honestly thought that might change.

        "Hayley," he said gruffly. "I really am sorry about this morning. I know the last time we saw each other, you told me that you—"

        "Let's not take a trip down memory lane," I interrupted, my voice sharper than I'd intended. "I know what I said last year, and it was stupid, so can we please just keep pretending like it never happened?"

        Jace frowned at me. "Is that what you want?" A heartbeat passed, and he leaned in closer, his breath warm on my skin. "I personally think we should talk about it."

        It'd been almost a year since I'd been this close to him, and God, he smelled amazing. That faint scent of cologne and shampoo that was uniquely his surrounded me, and I was excruciatingly aware of the heat from his hand, still resting on my shoulder. His proximity threatened to weaken my steely resolve, but I forged on.

        "Definitely." I licked my dry lips. "I don't even know what I was thinking that night."

        Except, I did.

        I  _hadn't_ been thinking.

        I'd been so drunk I'd managed to convince myself that spilling my guts to Jace was a brilliant idea—the perfect chance for him to finally see me as someone other than just his sister's best friend. It clearly hadn't been the success story I was holding out for.

        That was the whole reason I'd ended up in this mess. And dodging him for the past year hadn't been easy, not when my body betrayed me every time he was near. It was like there was this powerful gravitational pull between us, and it was becoming harder and harder for me to resist.

        Jace dropped his hand from my shoulder, but he didn't stop looking at me like he knew I was lying to myself, and my body flushed hot and prickly with embarrassment.

        I slowly inched away, desperate to escape the gravity of his gaze. Hell, I was even contemplating avoiding him all over again, especially if that meant it would prevent him from staring down at me the way he was now. The achiest look had crawled into his eyes, pinning me in place.

        Before I could blink, his expression changed. His eyebrows came together, and a shadow fell over his features. "I'm going to make you late if we don't leave now. C'mon."

        Jace towed me out the door with him, lightning quick, and I dreaded having to venture back out into the humid heat wave that was Georgia.

        Once we'd made it back to my Volkswagen, I cranked the air conditioning to full, relishing being back inside my four-wheeled igloo.

        Jace shifted in the passenger seat until he got comfortable. "You're still not a fan of summer," he noted. There was a pause. "See what I did there? Fan? Summer?"

        I rolled my eyes. "Funny."

        His smile was the epitome of smug.

        Throwing the gearshift in reverse, I backed out of the parking lot, wincing when I realized I'd narrowly missed colliding with the fence that bordered the apartment complex.

        Jace pursed his lips to keep from laughing. "And you still can't drive to save your life."

        "Are you serious?" I risked a glance at him in mock hurt. "Says the guy who  _taught_  me how to drive."

        "Whatever," he conceded as a text chimed on his phone. He shook his head while he read the message, grinning. "So, my sister is about as subtle as a hand grenade."

        My insides clenched. "What's Amelia saying now?"

        That was one of the gambles when it came to this whole situation. Amelia was the first and only person I'd confided in about my feelings for Jace, despite the fact that he was her bother. It just never felt like something I could successfully keep secret from her. At the end of the day, we were still best friends.

        And even though I knew she would never say anything, I couldn't help but worry she might slip up one day, because if she ever did... the fallout could be catastrophic.

        "All sorts of shit," he replied. "Something about you needing a bodyguard."

        "Oh God," I groaned, mortified. "I highly doubt that. No guy in Fowler's Hill wanted to come within two feet of me and my enormous emotional baggage."

        There was another pause.

        "Hayley, you know that wasn't because of you." His blue-gray eyes softened. "Tom swore you were off-limits to any guy within a ten-mile radius when he was alive, and after he..." Jace trailed off, glancing out the passenger side window. A muscle flexed in his jaw. "Well, I think they just figured it would be disrespectful to... you know, take advantage."

        "I kind of figured it was because of something like that," I said, my voice sounding far away, even to my own ears. "Guy code, small town and all."

        It had been a couple of years since my brother had died, yet the ache of his loss was still just as raw and consuming. Sometimes I doubted that time would ever remedy the sadness I felt whenever I thought about him—how he'd been snatched up far too soon. 

        Tom had never even graduated high school, and here I was, about to experience my first day of college. That revelation alone made me feel like I'd just been carved out hollow.

        "I'm sorry. I know we never really talk about your brother," Jace said, reaching for my hand, which was a balled fist in my lap. "You all right?"

         How this guy knew everything—as though he could read my thoughts, my reactions, like a map, while I still remained so lost—was beyond me.

        I cleared my clogged throat. Instead of lying and pretending I was fine, I startled myself by saying, "Guess I'm just wondering when it'll finally stop hurting. It's been two years and it still doesn't hurt any less."

        My cheeks heated, and my honesty was shockingly strange. I don't think I'd spoken about Tom since... well, since the summer Jace and I had bonded over our mutual desolation and grief—the summer our friendship had irrevocably changed.

        "I'm no expert, but you need to give yourself credit where it's deserved," he said, finally, his fingers entwining with mine. In any other situation, I probably would have hyperventilated and veered off the road in shock, but right now, I cherished the comforting gesture and vowed not to overthink it. "You're the strongest person I know, Hayles."

        Tears brimmed in my eyes. Without realizing it, Jace had said exactly what I needed to hear. In that way, he was just like Amelia.

        I couldn't say anything, couldn't get a response out without risking falling apart in front of him, so I just nodded.

        He squeezed my hand in unspoken understanding, and it made me feel even more tethered to him. It was like no matter how much distance or time passed between the two of us, Jace was always there, anchoring me to him.

        My heart fluttered, and that feeling I always tried to suppress punctured something in my chest. I knew in that instant just how dangerously close I was to falling in love with him.   

        So much for my stupid, stupid crush.

        This was bad.  _Really_  bad.

        The world stilled, reminding me again of why I'd been steering clear of him since that night. I hadn't been sure how much longer I could outrun the emotions that stirred whenever I was with him, around him.

        The moment of silence stretched into minutes, even though my mind was screaming profanities at me on a loop.

        When we reached campus, I turned the car into the parking lot and tried to keep my nervousness at bay.

        I focused on the feeling of Jace's hand in mine, a steady pressure that grounded me.

        Amelia was right. Having him here—it did make today easier.

        "At the risk of ruining the moment," Jace said, his voice scratchy like he'd just swallowed sandpaper. "I'll need my hand back, so you and your lack of driving skills can grab us a parking spot."

        "Oh." Flushing, I released my vice-like grip. "Of course."

        "You ready?" He watched me in quiet amusement as I jingled my keys apprehensively. I couldn't even remember turning off the ignition. God, talk about needing my morning coffee. 

        I shut my eyes and inhaled a long, deep breath, letting it out in a  _whoosh_. "Yeah, let's go."

        Pure determination drove me out of the car, because I was going to survive my first day of college, sans embarrassing myself or having that clueless freshman look about me.

        After I'd locked up, I almost had to run in order to keep up with Jace. Cursing my shorter legs, I struggled to match his languid strides. They were still able to cover more ground than mine.

        Walking beside him through the quad was a surreal experience, to say the least. It was as though Jace knew everyone. So many people stopped us to ask him questions about senior year, his summer break, or his photography.

        "I see my tour guide's also Mr. Popular." I glanced over at him as he pulled us off onto a cobblestone path, and we started hoofing it toward a tall, brick building in the distance. When our gazes collided, his silvery eyes fastening onto mine,  I self-consciously turned my attention back to what I assumed was the arts department. "Listen, Jace, you can just point me in the direction of where I need to go for Concepts in Design. I don't want to make you late."

        "You won't," he said, his lips forming a crooked half-smile, "because I'm taking that class, too."

        He was?

        This revelation almost bowled me over, and I tried to ignore the way my heart skipped a beat.

        "S-Since when?" I stuttered.

        "I needed more credits to be able to graduate in May, and I haven't done a design unit since sophomore year. This was the only class that wasn't full." He shrugged. Obviously, he hadn't deemed this worth sharing until now. "You okay with me being in one of your classes?"

        Seeing as I barely had a nanosecond to process this, I managed to recover pretty quickly. I wasn't sure what to think about having Jace in one of my classes. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me want to do a happy little jig, but I hadn't anticipated seeing so much of him this semester. He was a senior, and I was a freshman, and I'd thought, without a doubt, that meant we would be running in completely different social circles.

        "Why wouldn't I be?" I bumped his side with my elbow, a habitual gesture. I was getting better at acting casual around him, not letting him see the way he affected me.

        The Arts and Design building wasn't far from the parking lot, so when we arrived and I discovered we weren't as late as I thought we'd be, my anxiety faded ever so slightly. 

        There was nothing worse than trying to sneak into a silent class after it had already begun to only have the whole student body gawk at you. And if there was one thing I couldn't stand after Tom had died, it was having a pair of judgmental eyes dissect me like a science project.

        The art studio was only half filled, and Jace motioned to two empty seats at the bench at the back of the room.

        The corner of my mouth lifted, and I gave him an approving grin. Sitting at the front on my first day of college wasn't the most appealing prospect, that was for sure.

        There was a fair-haired girl sitting at the workbench already, doodling in her sketchbook, and when she glanced up at us, her gaze zeroed in on Jace. A bright-pink blush crept across her face, and that was  _before_ he'd even smiled at her.

        Clearly, I wasn't the only one who could appreciate just how gorgeous this guy was.

        I pulled out my notebook and a couple of pens before jamming my bag underneath the drafting chair.

       Jace attempted to ineptly tuck his six-foot-one frame underneath the small workbench, and I stifled a laugh. He sighed in defeat and sprawled out lazily next to me.

        "Now I remember why I stopped taking design," he grumbled. "The benches in this studio are miniature."  

        "Or you're just huge," I said, a little too quickly.

        Jace's hand gripped onto the back of my chair, and he leaned in closer to me. His husky voice triggered a hot thrill when he said, "Which part of me are you referring to exactly, Hayles?"

        My throat seized up.

        As I digested his response, shock rippled through me, stunning me into silence. He was flirting with me, and I so wasn't used to being on the receiving end. I'd begrudgingly observed him wield that stupid, lopsided grin to damaging effect throughout high school, and now he was releasing it on me. 

        What the hell was going on here?

        Thankfully, it was in that moment that a short, auburn-haired girl decided to stop by our bench. She unhooked her earplugs and rolled her eyes at Jace. "I see you're still up to your usual antics."

        "Piper." He smiled. A genuine one that almost knocked the air from my lungs. "I didn't know you were back yet."

        "I got back last night from my parents' place," she said, sitting down across from us and next to the fair-haired girl who seemed to have no trouble tuning us out. "So, Casanova, who's this? Is she your latest hookup?" Piper cast me a cursory glance. "No offense."

        I shook my head, amused. "None taken."

        "Well, I'm offended. Remind me why I'm friends with you again?" Jace chuckled, but he didn't answer her question. He opened his textbook, thumbing through it to find the set reading for the first week.

        I'd known Piper for five whole seconds, but I could already tell we would get along famously. Poking fun at Jace had always been one of my favorite pastimes.

        "Because I'm immune to your charms," she declared, as if it hadn't been a rhetorical question. Her hazel eyes glistened playfully. "And because being your best friend equates to me meeting more girls. It's simple, really."

        It occurred to me then that Piper must play for the other team, and my suspicions were confirmed when she checked me out blatantly. 

        "That's harsh," Jace said, placing a hand over his heart, as if she'd actually wounded his feelings.

        Growing bored of him, her attention swung back to me, and she frowned again. "God, I'm so sorry. You must think I'm really rude." 

        Jace grunted in agreement as he folded down the corner to bookmark the page he was on.

        "Not at all," I assured her and did my best to ignore him. The grin that rode low on his lips, and the way those vivid eyes flitted over my features made it oh-so-hard, though. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Hayley."

        She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Jace spoke up again, "She's Amelia's best friend."

        I gnashed my teeth together.

        Did he have to introduce me as that to everyone?

        "Oh." Piper's eyes widened, and she bobbed her head slowly, as if she was privy to something I wasn't. Huh.

        I glanced warily at Jace. His face gave nothing away, as per usual. Either that or he was oblivious.

        "He always talks about you and his sister," she said by way of explanation.

        Did he now?

        I narrowed my eyes at Jace, wondering what I was missing. If I really meant that much to him, why hadn't he tried to contact me once in the last year? What was up with the radio silence?

        While we waited for the professor, I averted my gaze to the door of the studio, watching as more students filed in.

        The next person to walk into the art workroom was a guy I vaguely recognized from some of Jace's Facebook photos. He was the complete opposite of Jace, dressed in a polo shirt and khaki shorts with close-cropped blond hair. He was what my best friend would classify as a pretty-boy—entirely her type, too.

        The guy who would have been a serious suitor for Amelia tilted his chin up at Jace in greeting when he noticed him and then proceeded to pick his way through the crowd that had gathered in the doorway.

        "Hey, man," pretty-boy hollered as he approached.

        "Didn't know you were taking this class, Matheson." Jace stood up, clapping him on the shoulder as they both went in for that typical bro hug. 

        Piper glanced up at the mention of his name, waving half-heartedly before continuing to text on her phone.

        "Nice to see you too, Red," he teased, ruffling her hair like she was a child before looking back at Jace. "Yeah, neither did I until just now. Apparently I enrolled too late for the other class I wanted."

        "Looks like the old group's back together again," Jace commented. There was a touch of surprise in his tone, like he couldn't quite believe his luck. "Oh, and Owen, this is my friend from back home, Hayley."

        Warmth stole through my veins. My introduction was finally on the upgrade.

        Owen arched an eyebrow, and I noticed that there was an almost undetectable scar that cut across it.

        "Hi," I said, offering him a cordial smile.

        "Hi," he greeted, studying me. Owen drummed his long fingers on the bench, his gaze staying fixed on mine for a long moment before it returned to Jace. "So, you planning on going to Levi Brooks' tomorrow night?"

        Jace's jaw tightened and his eyes went flinty. I got the impression whoever this Levi was, Jace wasn't his biggest fan. "Undecided," he answered. "Are you?"

        "Yeah, only because of the free booze, though," Owen said, as though that should be the only obvious motive.

        A little laugh escaped me. Guys could be so typical sometimes.

        The professor arrived then, and the students who were late to class fought over the last vacant seats.

        Owen's laid-back smile fell. He must've realized his fate of standing up at the back of the room was sealed.

        "Maybe see you there." He nodded at Jace, pivoting around to leave, but then he stopped, as if forgetting something. Owen craned his neck over his shoulder, shooting me a parting wink.

        Even though he was easy on the eyes in that preppy-looking, clean-cut way, and seemed genuinely nice, I'd fallen into the trap of comparing every single guy to Jace.

        Unfortunately, there was never any competition.

        Jace stiffened beside me, becoming so perfectly still I swore he must have been holding his breath, and I didn't miss the way Owen smirked, amused by his reaction. Something was going on here that I didn't completely understand. Jace had clearly seen his friend make a pass at me, but unsurprisingly, he didn't say anything.

        For the next twenty minutes, I pretended to be absorbed in what our professor was droning on about, even though he was still only covering the syllabus. And I'd practically memorized that before I'd even moved out here.

        Fan-freaking-tastic.

        "Did you want to go tomorrow night?" Jace murmured in my ear a few moments later, startling me.

        Our design professor was speaking now about color and texture, and I looked up from the illegible notes I'd managed to scribble down. For the entire class, I'd barely been able to think straight. I was so hyperaware of Jace sitting next to me. Every time he edged nearer, I'd suck in a slow lungful of air. He was so close now that his tanned arm brushed against mine.

        "Um." I blinked, momentarily caught off guard by his invitation. "I don't think I was invited."

        "It doesn't matter," he insisted quietly.

        Our eyes met and held, sending a shiver down my spine.

        "I don't know anyone. It'll just be awkward."

        "That's the whole point of parties," he said flatly. "Plus, you know me, Piper, and Owen. Just come."

        "I'll think about it," I muttered noncommittally.

        Jace's lips hitched up at the corners. He dropped his voice to a whisper, and it crawled over my skin when he said, "Is there some reason why you still haven't worked out that I want you to come with me?"

        My poor heart stumbled before picking up again somewhere in cardiac territory.

       "He's right, you know," Piper chimed in, looking at me like my brain had checked out of the conversation.

        My stomach coiled tightly.

        I'd only hesitated because I knew if I agreed to go with him, there was a high probability I would regret it. My track record wasn't exactly stellar when it came to parties, especially ones that supplied alcohol and were frequented by Jace. It could be a disaster of epic proportions. Then again, it was hard to form a single coherent thought when his gaze was latched onto mine. Heat suffused across my cheeks, and I let my dark hair fall in front of my face.

        "I'll go with you." I found myself caving. "But I swear to God, you better not ditch me for some chick."

        His lashes lowered. "I didn't peg you for the jealous type."

        "I'm not jealous, Jace," I lied as convincingly as I could. I was terrified of where he might be going with this, afraid to hope.

        The sheer intensity of his stormy eyes stole my breath, like my face was all he could see. I barely heard him when he spoke softly, "That's not what I remember you telling me last year."

        I grimaced, snapping my mouth shut as his words sunk in.

        Now he was just being cruel.

        "Are you always going to hold that over me?" 

        "Until you agree to talk to me about what happened that night." His jaw worked. "You've been giving me the cold shoulder for nearly a year now."

        Jace really wasn't going to let this go.

        And that prospect blazed through me in a rush of fear.


	3. Chapter 3

        BY THE TIME I let myself into my dormitory the next afternoon, totally spent from hours of mind-numbing lectures, all I wanted to do was collapse into a heap on my bed and dive-bomb into the chocolate-chip ice cream tub I'd been saving in the mini-fridge—I swear, it was calling my name.

        Instead, I'd had no choice but to squeeze into all my clothes and wrestle with the dilemma of what to wear to Levi's party tonight. After much deliberation, I settled on a fitted off-the-shoulder top and my favorite denim skirt.

        I was fixin' to re-apply my makeup, mostly to kill time while I waited for a text from Jace, when I heard a soft rap on my door. My heart sped up. I wasn't expecting him to collect me for another fifteen minutes, or for him to come up to my dorm room, which was looking more and more like Monica's secret closet from  _Friends_. Oops.

        The bed was unmade, the comforter still rumpled and strewn on the floor from my mad dash to class this morning. Worst of all, there were clothes scattered everywhere, indicating just how much effort I'd put into selecting this outfit—I think I'd changed at least eight times. The wooden desk underneath the small window was the only organized area of my room, storing all my textbooks and school supplies.

        Dread fell heavy as I opened the door, not wanting Jace to see my dorm room while I was still in the very, very early stages of moving in. I was mildly relieved to find that it was only Piper, grinning back at me.

        "Hey, I didn't mean to intrude but—damn girl, you look hot!" Her eyes raked over me appreciatively.

        I returned a smile in answer. 

        If it were Amelia, I probably would've done a little self-indulging spin, but this was one of Jace's best friends. The last thing I wanted to do was make a fool of myself. 

        My belly twisted nervously. It was ingrained in me to want her approval. "So do you," I enthused. 

        She really did.

        Her auburn-colored hair was half pinned back, and the loose curls framed her heart-shaped face. She was wearing a jersey playsuit, a studded biker jacket, and a pair of heels I could only dream of wearing, let alone making it five meters in.

        "Jace's phone is either having a meltdown or it's dead. It won't switch on, and he's saying he charged it, but that's up for debate." She laughed dryly. "In other words, I'm here to escort you to his truck."

        Jace held the title for being the most forgetful person I'd ever met, so I wasn't all that surprised. I swung the door open further and gestured for her to come inside. "Sure. I'll just be a sec."

        Piper brushed past me, stepping into my cramped, single room. She surveyed her surroundings briefly, and I was thankful her eyes didn't loiter on the mess or the stacks of cardboard boxes. Needless to say, I had no motivation left to unpack the last of my stuff from back home.

 

        "Sorry," I said, embarrassed. "I wasn't expecting company."

        "It's fine." She waved me off. "Believe it or not, I consider this clean. You literally can't even see my roommate and mine's floor." Piper shuddered good-naturedly, like even the mental image was bad enough.

        I smiled. "I won't lie, that makes me feel a tiny bit better."

        Piper sunk down on the edge of my bed, giggling as she watched me struggle to tug on my lace-up Doc Martens. "Is it too early to ask how you're liking UGA?"

        "So far so good." I nodded, then scrunched up my nose. "Actually, wait. Yeah, maybe you should ask me that next week. I might change my mind when I'm drowning up to my eyeballs in assignments."

        "Ugh, don't even go there," she groaned, burying her head in her hands. "My body is  _so_  not ready for this semester."

        I could totally relate. Particularly because the idea of sitting next to Jace in class each week made me dizzy. A small kernel of anticipation bounced around in my chest.

        Pushing thoughts of him from my mind, I cleared my throat. "What are you studying again?" I asked her, realizing that although I knew she was in Concepts in Design with us, I knew little else about her.

        "Art Education," Piper replied, flipping absently through one of the interior design magazines that were on my bedside table. "I'm really passionate about art, and I've always loved children, so I figured it was a no-brainer."

        "That's awesome," I said, glancing back at her as I swiped some strawberry Chapstick over my lips. Teaching was a good, stable career, but I'd never considered anything other than interior design. I was fortunate enough to find my passion early in life.

        Once I'd hooked in some earrings and located my shoulder bag, I grabbed my keys and took a deep breath. Not giving myself a chance to talk myself out of going, I announced, "All right, let's do this."

        For the last hour, I'd been giving myself a much-needed pep talk. Tonight wasn't going to be a repeat of the last party I'd attended with Jace. Tonight was, however, going to be fun and normal. It also happened to be the perfect chance to put the past behind us, once and for all—to convince him that I really was trying to move on.

        But my composure took a nosedive when I spotted Jace behind the wheel of his pickup truck outside McWhorter Hall, parked at the curve. He looked incredible. While I could only see his top half, I knew keeping my hands off him tonight was going to prove to be a challenge, particularly paired with liquid confidence.

        His hair was styled back in an artfully messy look, and he was wearing a faded gray shirt that made his eyes look even smokier. My lips parted on an inhale.

        "You good?" Piper eyed me.

        Oh crap.

        I'd completely forgotten that she was standing there, undoubtedly witnessing me turn to mush.

        "I'm great." I scraped my long hair to the side and smiled at her as convincingly as I could.

        Ignoring the way my heart thumped its way into my esophagus, I strode up to the passenger-side door as Piper climbed into the bench seat.

        "You could've come inside, you know," I heard her mutter to Jace in a lowered voice.

        Following her league, I inelegantly hoisted myself up into the seat, trying to keep my skirt from scaling up any higher. It'd been so long since I'd been inside his two-door truck, and I was sealed against Piper's side, Jace's big body taking up most of the room.

        Buckling myself in, I glanced up in time to catch the pointed look he directed at her.

        "Hey," he said to me, a flicker of heat sparking in his gaze. "You look amazing." He stared for a pause longer than necessary, and those penetrating eyes smoldered, making my stomach pitch.

        I sucked in a breath. "Thank you."

        Then he told Piper to type an address into the navigator on her phone, and I sagged against the seat, relieved. His attention made me squirm, and I prayed that he didn't notice how on edge I was.

        I glanced out the passenger-side window, waiting for the familiar rev of Jace's Chevy when it rumbled to life.

        "Is Owen still coming?" Piper asked him as she fiddled with the radio, flipping the station back to country music. Keith Urban crooned through the stereo, and she turned the volume up, which I appreciated immensely. Music made all social encounters better, easier to navigate.

        "When isn't Owen mooching beer at one of these parties?" Jace chuckled, accelerating the rattling engine. "He's probably already there." Piper leaned forward, digging around for something in her bag, and Jace's eyes sought mine again. A series of chills shot straight through me. It was ridiculous the way he made me feel. "You ready to go, Hayles?"

        Yep. If I wasn't already, now I was officially doomed tonight. 

◇

        I WAS SITTING at the bottom of the stairs in an old farmhouse with Jace, elbows propped up on my knees, when Piper discovered us. A plastic red cup dangled from her fingers, and her brows were knitted together in confusion, as if she couldn't comprehend why we'd convened away from everyone else.

        That was mostly because Levi's party was in full swing now, and I could barely hear myself think. Music vibrated the thin walls, and the stench of alcohol thickly laced the air. Sweaty bodies had congregated in the living room, spectating a nail-biting match of beer pong, if the thunderous roaring and shouts of support were any indication.

        "Y'all look like you could use a drink," Piper suggested in a hurry. "Is the keg empty, Owen?" 

        When he didn't answer, she jerked her head back toward where he was standing. Owen was leaned against the doorway of the living room, eyes glued to the game unfolding in front of him.

        "Owen?" Piper raised her voice to compete with the Florida Georgia Line song that was blaring from the speakers. "Earth to Owen?" Eventually, she stomped over to him, waving her hand in front of his face. It was only then she was able to capture his full attention. 

        The lopsided grin remained. "Yeah. You'll have to grab a beer from the cooler in the kitchen," he told her, jabbing a thumb toward the room at the end of the hallway.

        "Want me to grab you one?" Piper asked, her gaze closing on me.

        "If you don't mind." I smiled. "Thanks."

        Jace touched his car keys in his front pocket, informing us for the tenth time, "I'm not drinking tonight."

        Even though he was the designated driver, Piper nudged him with her elbow and tried to persuade him otherwise. 

        "But we could sleep in the truck bed," she said without acknowledging his unwillingness. Her eyes widened with fervor. "Tell me that wouldn't be awesome. I've always wanted to do that."

        "Could be fun," he deadpanned. "Maybe when I don't have class at eight-thirty the next morning."

        Piper's eyebrows twitched. "You're such a party pooper," she mumbled, glaring at him in disappointment as she moved away from us, heading to scope out the alcohol supply.

 

        I shifted my attention back to Jace, holding an easy-going smile in place, even though, beneath the surface, my pulse was pounding wildly in my ears. 

        He leaned into me, invading my personal space, and something I couldn't identify glinted in the depths of his eyes. He was so close now I could have counted every one of his long, dark lashes.         

        "So... any chance you're willing to talk to me, now?" My expression must have told him I didn't understand, so he clarified with a frustrated sigh, "I want to talk to you about that night, Hayley."

       The moment his words registered, it was like the ground shifted under my feet and nervousness overtook me. Was I ready to have this conversation with him? Unless he returned my feelings—which I highly doubted—this wasn't going to play out in my favor. 

        I opened my mouth, and then closed it, at a complete loss for words. Flustered didn't even begin to explain how I felt.

        In the end, it didn't even matter. As I tried to think of an excuse to leave, to shut down this conversation we were having, Owen called out, "Yo, Hammond! I'm up this round, you better be watching."

        Within seconds, the swell of fear I'd experienced retreated. Reluctantly, I withdrew back, and Jace pulled away. The little bubble we'd built together was broken. 

        Gripping the staircase railing, he hoisted himself up off the rickety bottom step. A thin smile flashed across his handsome face as he glanced down at me. "We're going to continue this conversation later," Jace said, voice rough. 

        Then I watched him as he slowly turned away, following Owen into the living room, leaving me sitting alone. 

        My stomach dipped. I wasn't sure how long my lack of social skills could keep me from floundering at my first college party.

        Luckily, Piper returned not even ten seconds later. She sat down beside me, passing me a bottle of chilled beer. I took a long swig. I didn't really like the taste, but it did a good job at quenching my thirst.

        We sat there, chatting and exchanging funny memories we'd both shared with Jace over the years. She told me about how they'd first met in freshman year—she had tripped over his legs as he'd been sprawled out underneath the tall oak tree on campus. While she'd initially thought he was a pretentious dick, she'd quickly realized the same thing I had when I'd been old enough to recognize it for what it was—Jace was an amazing guy. A really amazing guy, in fact. He could be prickly and standoffish, but once you got close enough, close enough to glimpse past that rough, abrupt exterior, it wasn't hard to see that he had a heart of gold.

        Piper regaled me with stories about Jace I hadn't heard, adventures they'd had since becoming best friends. Her energy and enthusiasm were contagious, and I felt any residual awkwardness between us start to fade. 

        It was also really interesting to hear how Jace acted around her—basically the same as he did with Amelia. The teasing and taunting, check. His honesty and protectiveness, check.

        He was like that with me, too, but there were times I couldn't quite figure out the nature of our relationship. He wasn't my brother and he wasn't my best friend. We had been friends once, but ever since last year, we hadn't kept in touch. I didn't know where that left us now.

        Piper nudged me with her foot after I'd gone silent for a while. "Tell me something. How long have you had feelings for Jace?"

        The question knocked me for a loop, and I nearly dropped my drink. For a few confused, horrible moments, I was rendered speechless.

        "Uh..." I blinked slowly. I wracked my brain for something to say—anything that would erase the suspicions she had. After coming up short, I sighed at the sad reality. "God, is it that obvious?"

        "No, not at all. I promise," she reassured me. "I only picked up on it because, well, Jace told me what happened between the two of you last year."

        Air snagged in my throat. "He did? What did he say?"

        "You know I can't tell you that," she said, tucking an unruly curl behind her ear. "It's not my place. Hey, are you going to finish that?" Piper gestured to my half-empty bottle of beer. After I told her no, she tipped the rest of the liquid into her plastic cup.

        Jace was indifferent to me, I decided. He had to be. There was a year's worth of lost opportunity between us now, and his silence spoke a thousand words. So then why had he felt the need to confide in Piper about it? I'd thought, until moving here, that he'd wanted to forget that night ever happened.

        Twenty minutes later, when I'd finally worked up the nerve to track Jace down again, I was devastated to find that a brunette had swooped in on him like a vulture.

        They were huddled in the corner of the jam-packed living room. She was perched on the arm of a chair, and he was smiling down at her. Although her back was to me, she looked oddly familiar, and something awful squeezed inside my chest. 

        I felt a queasy rush roll over me as I pushed my way through the crowd, narrowly avoiding becoming a punching bag as people knocked into me with pointy elbows and other body parts I didn't even want to envisage.

        As I sidled up to them, I gave myself major props for managing to secure a smile on my face. There was nothing to see here, folks. I was one cool customer.

        Jace cleared his throat. "Hayley, you remember Zoe, don't you?"

        Zoe?

        As in his ex-girlfriend of three years?

        My worst fears came true when she turned to face me.

        The beer in my belly heaved and threatened to come back up. Zoe was here. Just like that night last year.

        There was no other reason why she would be at this random college party, aside from wanting to see Jace, was there? I recalled Amelia telling me they'd cut off all contact after the breakup, which hadn't been hard considering she attended a college in Statesboro.

        Confusion ate away at me along with the alcohol.

        Zoe pushed her bangs out of her eyes, grinning up at me. I couldn't resist cataloging everything about her. She'd always been gorgeous. Her long, black hair was gathered in a side braid, her olive skin flawless and smooth with a slight dusting of freckles, and her short black dress was held up by boobs twice the size of mine. She was practically every male's walking fantasy.

        "Of course, it's been a while." My voice sounded so small, and I hated it, but not as much as I hated myself for automatically crawling back into my shell. Old insecurities seeped in, threatening my newfound happiness.

        "I know, I barely even recognized you!" Zoe said, squeezing my arm affectionately. "You look really, really good."

        I groaned internally. Life would be so much easier if Jace's ex-girlfriend was some evil wretch, but Zoe had always been lovely. Amelia and I had joked that she was the type of girl that could kill with kindness.

        Jace and Zoe had been high school sweethearts, and by the time I was seventeen, I'd resigned myself to the inevitable. They would get married, have a couple of kids, and be the perfect white-picket-fence family. I'd thought for sure that the idea of being with Jace one day was nothing more than a mere pipe dream.

        So, when I'd discovered they'd actually broken up last year, it had rocked me to the core and provided me with the smallest glimmer of hope.

        And now that said hope was being snubbed out again.

        Zoe showing up here had to be an omen. A reason not to ask Jace, point-blank, how he felt about me. I had my answer now. He definitely wasn't interested. Never had been. Never would be. Everything unraveling exactly the same way it had a year ago.

        Oh God. I felt itchy all over. Coming over here probably hadn't been the best idea.

        I shifted from one foot to another, glancing over my shoulder. As I looked around the room, I was busily planning my exit. 

        "Hayley? You okay?" It was Jace. Softness crept into his voice and his stare.

        "What?" I rasped. I looked back in his direction, but it was hard to focus on anything. "Oh yeah, fine. I'm just going to... uh, it was nice catching up, Zoe." The words came out in a choked whisper, the pain in my chest making it hard to breathe.

        With that, I disappeared back into the throng of dancers and made my way toward the kitchen, acting like the iron-fist that crushed my heart wasn't tightening with every step.

        Suddenly overcome with the urge to get stupidly drunk, I plucked out another bottle of beer from the slush of melting ice in the cooler.

        I was rummaging through the countertop drawers, trying to locate a bottle opener, when I sensed someone's presence looming behind me.

        Spinning around, I saw that an incredibly attractive guy had closed in on me, and I tried not to gape at him. Choppy black hair tumbled over half of his face, concealing his eyes, and tattoos laced up his tanned, wiry arms. They flexed as he folded them across his broad chest.

        "What are you looking for?" He arched a dark, pierced eyebrow. "This is my place."

        I flushed, feeling like I'd encroached on his territory, but also because, when he'd angled his head up and his hair had fallen aside, eyes that were snake green had slid up and down my body.

        "A bottle opener," I said, finding my voice and gesturing to the sealed beer in my hand. His intense stare elicited a flurry of jitters.

        "Here." He grabbed the drink from me before I could protest, taking the top of the bottle into his mouth. Intrigued, I watched him, and then I heard a distinct  _pop!_ He spat the lid out into the nearby trashcan.

        "Impressive," I commented as he handed me my drink back.

        "I know," he said, like a cocky asshole. His eyes continued to simmer from under his thick lashes, deadly and hypnotic. "I'm Levi."

        "Hayley," I offered and took a swig of beer, savoring the crispness that coated my tongue before I swallowed. 

        "So, you go to UGA?"

        "Uh-huh," I told him. "I actually just moved here the other day."

        "No wonder I've never seen you at one of these parties before." He was inching closer to me, and I instinctively stepped back, the corner of the countertop jutting into my spine. 

        There was no denying that Levi was hot, and while I'd been talking to him, I hadn't been thinking about Jace, which was a small victory in itself, but there was something about him—something about the way he almost leered at me—that stirred a horrible, twisty feeling in my stomach.

        "Where's your bathroom?" I blurted out. I didn't really need it, not as much as I needed a reason to get away, but he didn't know that.

        Levi tilted his chin toward the door, but his eyes never left mine. There was a strange coldness behind them, and I fought off a shiver. "Just down the end of the hall."

        "Right," I said, unnerved as he continued to look at me. "Thanks."

        "You can leave your beer here." His lips curled into a barely-there smirk. "I mean, only if you want."

        "Uh." I blinked back at him. Was this guy for real?"I think I'll take my beer with me."

        Trying to keep up appearances, I started in the direction he'd told me to go, as though I'd actually needed the bathroom. I shook my head incredulously, replaying Levi's strange proposition over and over—everyone knew you should never leave your drink unattended to.

        Just recalling the dangerous curve to his smile caused the hairs on the nape of my neck to stand up, but then Jace was sauntering up to me, slinging one arm around my shoulder, and my encounter with the green-eyed boy was immediately forgotten. 

        "You having fun?" His warm breath tickled my collarbone. When he drew back, he flashed a grin that made his dimples pop out and my heart race way more than it should. God, I was so screwed.

        "It's great," I insisted, even though I'd safely pick a night in with Netflix over a rager any day. "Fun times."

        Silence. 

        Jace eyed me, brows pinched with concern.

        And to be honest, I felt wobbly and off-balance, like a fog had invaded my brain. It didn't help that the party atmosphere was verging on smothering. 

        He grumbled something under his breath that I didn't catch as he reached for me, and I let him. He grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me into his chest. That was all it took. My whole body tingled, even though I was fully aware that Zoe was probably waiting for him in the other room. But then his hand slipped around my waist, steadying me, and I couldn't think much about anything else.

        "Why are you down here all by yourself, then?" he tested, disbelief engraved all over his face.

        "Well, the bathroom was actually my avenue of escape," I admitted with a shrug. "A guy was kind of hassling me, and I needed an excuse to get away from him."

        Jace went rigid. "Do I know him?" His features darkened as he stared down at me.

        Even through the haze of alcohol, I remembered how he'd reacted yesterday morning when he'd heard Levi's name in class. His eyes had flashed and he'd ground his teeth so hard I'd been surprised he hadn't cracked his molars.

        Figuring if I said anything it would only add fuel to the flames, I settled for a lie. "No, I don't think so."

        At that point, we'd reached the end of the hallway, and I ducked into the bathroom, grateful to evade any other questions Jace may have wanted to ask.

        I rested my bottle on the corner of the sink and took several breaths in order to calm down. I glanced at my reflection in the small, dusty mirror. My dark hair spilled past my shoulders in long, silky waves, and I blinked back the tears that threatened to fill my blue eyes.

        I was tipsy and sad, which had the potential to be an unholy mess. I didn't know what Zoe being back here meant. Was it just a coincidence? Or were they, like, actually getting back together this time?

        Either way, her timing was terrible. She was always popping up at the worst possible time, and I didn't even want to consider what would happen if they did start dating again. All I knew was that masking my misery would be a lot harder than before. I was at UGA now, and there was no way I could dodge Jace... unless I dropped that class, that is.

        Unable to shut myself away with my spiraling thoughts any longer, I ventured back out into the corridor. I saw Jace leaning against the wall, waiting for me. When he looked up and our gazes clashed together, his careful expression didn't go anywhere.

        I rested against the wall beside him, the tension dragging out between us until I couldn't take the silence anymore. "Zoe's back," I stated so evenly, so matter-of-fact. "That was unexpected."

        "For me, too." His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "She told me she's staying in town for a couple of days."

        "Oh?" I raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised. "Is she back to... you know, see you?"

        I'd only had two drinks, and yet the buzz of alcohol was making me ask dumb questions already.

        "Hayley," he said my name like a warning.

        Hell, I realized I didn't even want to know the answer to that. I balked at the thought of Jace trampling all over my heart, but as I went to leave, he clamped a hand down on my wrist. 

        "Don't go." He exhaled. "It's not what you think."


	4. Chapter 4

        "I HONESTLY DON'T know why Zoe's here." Jace's fingers uncurled from my wrist, sensing that I no longer wanted to cut and run. "And I didn't know she was coming tonight, either."

        "You didn't?" I tried my best to sound casual as all get out, to not look too visibly relieved. 

        "Of course not."

        I let that sink in. "I still can't get over the fact that she's here, again," I said with a nervous, whispery laugh. "Like the first time wasn't hard enough."

        "What?" Jace's gaze remained latched onto mine, his brows threading together. "What are you talking about?"

        The next breath hitched in my throat.

        Holy hell. We were  _finally_ doing this.

        "Why do you think I left so quickly that night?" I choked out. Raw emotion ripped through my chest as I recalled the humiliation I'd felt. The hurt. "Zoe showed up at your house. I saw her upstairs, waiting for you. You'd only just broken up, so I figured that you were, I don't know, getting back together. And there I was, totally railroading you in the bathroom, telling you stuff I never..." Exhaling loudly, I hung my head. "Look, I really don't want to hash things out. Not now. I just want you to know that I didn't contact you because I was under the impression you two were an item again, and by the time I found out that you weren't, it would've been too—"

        "Awkward?" Jace interjected, and his eyes blazed. "I would've preferred that if it meant we could have avoided  _this_. I assumed you were dodging me because of something I said—or I guess,  _didn't_  say—before you ran out." There was a pause, a controlled exhale. "Fuck, we haven't spoken for a year, and you're telling me it was because you happened to see Zoe at my house that night? It was a party, Hayley. I didn't invite her. I didn't even know she was there until after you'd left."

        The knots spun tighter in my stomach, and the realization that _I_  had been the one to royally screw this up came crumbling down around me. "You didn't? But I thought—"

        "I know what you must've thought, but after you left, I asked her to leave and then I crashed in my room. I was out cold until the next morning," he said, meeting my stare. "Nothing happened."

        "I'm such an idiot," I murmured. 

        He let out a sigh that was almost a growl. "I just wish you would've talked to me. We used to be friends, Hayley. You shouldn't have felt the need to pull your little disappearing act."

        Jace's accusation stung, but what really bugged me was the double standard. He was a hypocrite of the highest order. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did  _you_  try to contact me once this past year?" I snapped. "I must have been unconscious for that exchange."

        Oh God. My mouth had no filter when I was tipsy enough to feel confident and sure. It gave me the safety net to say things I would never have the courage to voice normally.

        Jace pursed his full lips and said nothing. He knew I'd caught him there. I figured if he couldn't take it, he shouldn't dish it out.

        I went on, "We were never close up until that summer, Jace, and let's face it, you were never a big sharer. I tried to be there for you on multiple occasions, but you were so determined to shut me out. You kept me in the dark about Zoe. I still don't even know why you broke up with—"

        "Are you serious?" Jace had the nerve to shout. "I would've thought it was pretty damn obvious."

        It wasn't even midnight yet and my temples ached. My brain whirred in overdrive, trying hopelessly to untangle what he was saying.

        I could see the vulnerability in Jace's expression, the emotion coming to the surface and then retreating. I suspected that whatever he was feeling, he was trying to contain it behind multiple layers of reinforced steel, and whether that was for my protection or his, I wasn't so sure.

         But if he was hinting at what I thought—to even consider the possibility that he returned my feelings yet behaved in the way that he did—that fed my anger. 

        "Why do you sleep around, then?"

        The words spilled out before I could stop them. Fuck. What had I done?

        At that, Jace's mouth compressed and a muscle twitched in his neck.

Immediately, I wanted to apologize. Even though it was a question I often wondered, I really needed to drop a little of this uncurbed attitude. But it was too late to take it back, and as the reality of what I'd said digested, it lodged like a heavy stone in my stomach.

        "Just because I spend time with other girls doesn't mean that I fuck them," he said in a monotone, "but it's real nice to know that's what you think of me."

        A pang of guilt shot through me. Apparently every single time I had a drink I became an utter blabbermouth. Duly noted. I was going to stay painstakingly sober from now on, particularly where Jace was concerned.

        "You're right, that was a low blow," I agreed, swallowing the lump that had swelled in my throat. "Besides, your life is your business."

        "Damn straight," he bit out, the blue in his eyes turning ice cold. "You've been absent from my life until all of five minutes ago, yet, here you are, making judgments that you're in no position to make."

        For a moment, I couldn't even speak for the shock. "I'm not—"

        That was when Piper stumbled over.

        Startled, my head jolted up, and I noticed that a couple of people had stopped in the hallway to listen in on my heated exchange with Jace. We'd been gaining an audience.

        Piper glanced between both of us, pale. "Y'all are making me nervous. What's going on?" she asked with genuine concern. She was obviously trying to attempt damage control. As much as I appreciated the gesture, I think we were past that.

        Jace's nostrils flared as he inhaled a ragged breath. "Just drop it, Piper," he said through gritted teeth.

        She reeled back, like she'd been slapped.

        Shit. Clearly my conversation with Jace hadn't just hit a nerve, he was now on an all-out warpath.

        "This is a party," she told him coolly. It sounded like she was practiced when it came to handling situations like these. "You need to dial it back."

        I, on the other hand, wanted to be sick. The idea of Jace hating me over something I'd said was even more terrifying than anything I'd felt this past year.

        Piper went to drape her arm around him, but he sidestepped her. "Whatever, I'm done here." Jace leveled me a long look, one that confused the hell out of me and nearly brought me to my knees. 

        And then he was gone.

        "Oh my God," Piper gasped. "Are you okay?"

        "Not really," I said, my voice coming out in a slight croak.

        She nodded, sympathy pouring into her eyes. "We can leave. Do you want me to ask someone for a ride back to campus?"

        "Yes, please." A muffled sob leaked from deep inside me. "Come grab me when it's time to go? I'm just going outside for some air."

        I gestured down the corridor at the fly-screen door at the end of the hall, pleased to see that there was a clear route. Since my argument with Jace had ended, everyone had regrouped back in the living room. I was grateful not to be the center of attention anymore.

        "Sure," Piper answered, her features still etched with worry. On second thought, she looked just as spooked as I felt. Maybe she'd never seen Jace explode like that, either. "I'll meet you out there in a minute."

        Now outside, a cool breeze washed over me. Slowly, I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to calm down a little. 

        In an attempt to ease the anxiety I could feel crawling through my gut, my hand shot up and fastened over the locket that hung around my neck. Tom had given me this necklace for my sixteenth birthday—not long before he'd died—and it was my most prized possession to date. Engraved on the back of the pendant, written in a small, cursive script was, 'there's no better friend than a sister.'  

        The tips of my fingers traced his words—a custom for calming me down.

        Although the uneasy feeling ebbed away, my head still hurt from thinking so hard. I was busy trying to process what had just happened. One minute, Jace and I had been talking, and the next, he had detonated. 

        Yes, I might have implied that he was a man-whore. Yes, I had stirred things up. Yes, his reaction had been perfectly reasonable. But, in my defense, yesterday morning—the first time I'd seen him all year—there  _had_ been a half-naked girl in his bed. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't forget that.

        The fly-screen door creaked open a few minutes later, and I heard the long grass swaying, the soft footsteps behind me.

        My eyes were still cast up at the cloudless night sky, captivated by the blanket of scintillating stars. How could something so beautiful be suspended above such a horrendous house party? 

        Coming here hadn't been a complete waste of time, though. I'd learned two things tonight: college parties were majorly overrated, and I really should trust my instincts more often.

        "You want the rest?" I held out my beer, under the impression that it was Piper, that she'd found someone we could hitch a ride with. Fleetingly, I hoped that maybe it was Jace. Maybe he had come back to bury the hatchet. Damn foolish on my part. I highly doubted I'd be hearing from him anytime soon. The odds of me dropping the class we shared looked more and more likely every passing second.

        The next thing I knew, I felt a muscular arm snake around my waist, pressing me against a hard, lean body. The stench of beer lingered on his breath, his clothes, and I instantly knew it wasn't Jace—he hadn't been drinking tonight.

        "No," a familiar voice grunted in my ear. "But I wouldn't mind it if you didn't run away from me this time. Didn't your parents teach you a little southern etiquette?"

        Spurred by utter shock, the bottle I was holding fell to the ground, landing with a quiet thud among the grass. My throat constricted, and my insides churned. I tried to shrug myself out of the firm embrace, but he only pulled me tighter against him, as if to demonstrate his dominance.

        Ugh. He reeked, like really, really badly, of alcohol and cigarettes. The only reason I didn't peg a finger over my nose was because he'd already managed to pin my arms to my sides.

        "Let me go," I spat, trying to free myself from his tight grip, "or I'll scream so fucking loudly."

        He dug his fingernails into my flesh, squeezing hard enough that blood bloomed, and then he yanked me around to face him. The dark hoodie hung down over his eyes, but I didn't need to see them in order to recognize who he was.

        It was Levi.

        His mouth twisted into the same threatening sneer it had earlier.

        I knew I'd only just managed to narrowly dodge him before, and we'd been in a house full of people. Out here, we were alone, and I was totally defenseless.

        Levi was in his element, and he knew it.

        "I'd like to see you try." He chuckled menacingly. "No one will hear you."

        A nauseating feeling coiled in my belly, and I knew he was right. My cries of help would be swallowed up by the blaring music, by the howls of drunken people. I'd walked too far away from the house. Fuck. I should've just stayed put.

        "This doesn't sound like your first rodeo," I returned. My false bravado was wearing thin, but I was determined to at least act like he wasn't scaring the crap out of me. I refused to give him the satisfaction.

        But, more than anything, I was stalling him. Because even though I still retained my quick-wit, it was like my body had frozen under the pressure.

        "I've been waiting to get you alone all night," Levi snarled, the grin slipping from his face. "I didn't think that guy was ever going to let you out of his sights."

        At the mention of Jace, adrenaline pulsed through my veins.

        I remembered that his truck was parked nearby—that was, if he hadn't bailed on Piper and me already. It was a chance I was willing to take. Hell, my only chance. There was no way I could go back inside. It'd be the most obvious option, and grabbing me again would merely be a reflex for Levi if I tried to get past him.

        If I could just get my body to goddamn move, I might be able to make a run for it. Even though heading in the opposite direction wasn't ideal, I realized it might be my only shot at not leaving in a body bag tonight.

        My brain must have finally registered that thought, because the next thing I knew, I'd propelled my head back into Levi's chin with a surprising force. It collided with a sickening crunch, and I hoped I'd at least knocked out a few of his teeth. He deserved far worse.

        Levi hadn't anticipated that I'd be the type of girl to put up a fight—boy, was he wrong—so, upon impact, he released me in open surprise. He doubled over, clutching the side of his face.

        "You fucking bitch." He hissed a sharp breath. "You're going to pay for that."

        The second it dawned on me that I was free from his grasp, I spun on my heel and sprinted across the front lawn.

        Despite the fact that my legs felt like they'd turned to jelly, I somehow managed to reach Jace's truck. Joy exploded in my chest, because even though I'd said some horrible things, even though he'd stormed off, he _still_ hadn't left me here. 

        Hastily, I fumbled around in the dark for the door handle on the passenger side, half anticipating that Levi would sneak up and grab me again. With trembling hands, I located the lever, and I had to tug it a few times before it finally opened.

        Thank God Jace always forgot to lock his older-model Chevy.

        Climbing into the truck, I slammed the door shut behind me, promptly locking it and stretching over to lock the driver's side, too, for safe measure. 

        When I caught sight of my panic-stricken face in the rear-view mirror, it sliced through my resolve like a shard of glass. Reality and sadness came crashing back in. Not only was I miles away from home, there was also a good chance Jace may never speak to me again. Oh, and a psycho had tried to attack me. Talk about a rough night.

        There was no stopping the tears as they eked out, coming from a place inside me that I hadn't known existed until now. I'd never cried like this, not even when Tom had died. It sounded like I was being strangled.

        I didn't know how long I just lay there, curled up on the worn bench seat as hot tears blurred my vision, but I imagined it had only been an interminable amount of minutes as the party had moved outside and the music hadn't let up.

        My whole body went stock-still when I heard the unexpected, loud knock at the opposite window. Terror pounded a wild rhythm through me, and I held my breath, hoping I was obscured by the shadows in Jace's truck.

        The prospect that Levi was peering inside at me, wanting to finish what he started, extracted a low whimper from my mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

        I NEARLY DIED with relief when I saw Jace's face pressed up against the glass. He squinted inside, his eyes trying to locate me in the dimly lit truck.

        "Hayley, are you in there?" he urged as I lay soundlessly. His voice was mangled by fear, and I couldn't justify letting him worry anymore, even though all I wanted was to be alone right now.

        I quickly wiped at my cheeks and then reached out to unlock the driver's side door. Jace spilled into the seat right beside me like a tidal wave, his arms encircling me. He crushed me against him until I could feel every inch of his warm body—a solid wall of comfort I found myself sinking into.

        "Fuck, I've been looking for you everywhere," he murmured softly into my hair.

        If it was under different circumstances, I was sure butterflies would have been tumbling around inside my stomach, but right now, I'd never felt so numb, so cold.

        His breath feathered over my collarbone, and he rasped, "Someone just told me they last saw you alone outside with Levi. Please tell me that's not true? Everyone knows that guy has a few loose screws."

        When I didn't say anything, Jace drew back to look into my eyes, cupped my cheek in his hand. "What did he do, Hayley?" His throat bobbed with a gulp. "And don't you dare handle me with kid gloves right now."

        I opened my mouth and then immediately shut it. I knew Jace was a ticking time bomb. The minute the words escaped me, there would be no taking them back. No way to know how they would even affect him.

        His arms loosened a fraction, and I burrowed into his neck, needing him to keep holding me. I imagined myself curled up in my bed back home in Fowler's Hill—my safe haven—and I imagined being with my parents. I didn't care if that made me weak. Despite running from my past, it was times like now when I realized just how much I still needed them, how much I already missed them. The idea of moving away suddenly seemed really dumb. 

        I'd sworn up and down that Jace had absolutely nothing to do with my decision to move to Athens, but at this moment, I was overly aware of how much he  _had_. And was he really enough of a reason to stay? 

        A gradual doubt crept into my mind, and I contemplated if moving out here had been a mistake, after all.

        "I swear," his gruff voice coaxed me from my thoughts, which had begun to snowball irrationally, "if he even laid a finger on you, so help me God."

        Mustering what little scraps of composure I had left, I managed to reply in the form of a broken whisper, "H-He grabbed me."

        Jace tightened his arms around me, holding me against his well-defined chest.

        "Did he—?" He fumbled, and I put my hand on his shoulder.

        "No," I croaked out. I pulled back slightly so that I could glance up at him. His eyes were haunted. Desperate to reassure him that it could have been a lot worse, that I had actually been lucky, I added, "He didn't touch me. I—I don't know, it was like it wasn't even about that, but I fought back. I was able to get away."

        His jaw clenched, and he abruptly smacked his fist against the steering wheel. "I'm still going to fucking kill him!" Jace seethed. 

        An anger I had never seen before contorted his expression, and I knew I had about five seconds before he would fly off the handle. Jace had always been ridiculously protective of Amelia and me... but this was something else entirely.

        My fingers locked around his forearm in a death-grip—a valiant effort to keep him safely inside the truck for as long as I physically could. "I'm okay. Shaken, but  _okay_. You can't go after him, Jace. Do you understand me?"

        Silence greeted my question, which forced me to hurl a stern, don't-you-dare look at him.

        He barked out a laugh, but there was no trace of humor. "Damn it, Hayley. You can't just expect me to sit here and do nothing when I hear that piece of shit tried to attack you."

        "I never said that," I objected. "But if you truly want to help me right now, you'll drive me to the nearest police station so I can report it. Putting the guy in hospital is not going to achieve anything."

        Jace exhaled slowly, air seeping from his mouth like my words had punctured him and his inability to act rationally. "You're right," he muttered. "I'm sorry, the last thing you need is me making this worse. I just hate that he hurt you. I don't know what I would do if he'd..." he trailed off, realizing what he'd been about to say. "If anything had happened to you."

        "Well, it didn't. Nothing else happened, and I'll be fine," I assured him. "As much as I appreciate it, you don't need to protect me."

        Instead of lightening the mood, like I'd tried to, it seemed to rattle him even more. Jace stared down at me like he was trying to read me inside out, and the air between us instantly shifted, crackling and charging on a molecular level. For the first time in my life, he was looking at me in the way I'd fantasized about.

        I was suddenly hyperaware of how close we were. Close enough that if I tilted my chin up, our mouths would easily collide. His arm was still around my waist, and his fingers were lightly cradling the small of my back, as if he wasn't ready to let me go yet. It was like the thought of something happening to me had finally cracked him open, a sudden vulnerability seeping out. 

        As his hand grazed the side of my face, he tucked a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. Time stopped, and I committed every detail to memory, ensuring I wasn't going to forget this moment any time soon. Then he brushed his thumb reverently under my eyes, tracing the crystal tracks of my dried tears. My breath got trapped in my lungs.

        Jace had never touched me like this before. Not once in the entire time I'd known him. 

        A surge of heat trilled through me, and it was like fire in my bloodstream, incinerating me.

        I watched his eyes drop to my mouth, and any doubt I had until now regarding how Jace felt about me was overshadowed. I let myself hope. 

        He tentatively inched closer, and his lips were only a whisper away when two bright headlights shone in our faces. Jace instantly jerked back, shielding his eyes.

        The sheer disappointment slashed at my chest as he quickly disentangled himself from me. I missed his warmth immediately.

        He shifted further away from me on the bench seat, clearing his throat, and it took several seconds before I'd mentally caught up to what had almost happened. Oh God. I'd envisioned that moment over and over in my head for years, and never once had it ended  _that_  way. 

        The car pulled up beside us, its engine shuddering out, and then Jace and I were drowned in familiar darkness once more. His thick lashes lifted, pale eyes sharpening on me. I felt dizzy, winded.

        He frowned. "Shit, I don't know what I..."

        My spine stiffened, and I braced myself for the speech I was sure I was about to receive. But it never came. Jace stopped short, noticing that it was Piper who had stepped out of the car that had just parked next to us. 

        Sliding my gaze in her direction, I squinted out the windshield as she said something to the driver of the other car before slamming the passenger door shut. As she approached the truck, Jace elbowed his door open. The overhead light flicked on, and the instant Piper spotted me, her shoulders went slack with relief.

        "Oh, thank God. I've been freaking out because I couldn't find you," she said hurriedly. "I got my roommate's friend to drive me around the property. No one had seen you since you went outside earlier, and I heard something about Levi, that he—"

        "I'm okay," I interrupted, but it couldn't have been further from the truth.

        I wanted to take a scalding hot shower, crawl under the covers of my bed in my dorm room, and never surface again. Not only had Levi just tried to attack me, I knew what had almost happened with Jace and I was going to cause some serious fallout. Particularly because of what  _hadn't_  happened. He hadn't kissed me... but he almost had, and that was so much worse, because now I had absolutely no idea where we stood.

        Jace stared at me in disbelief, making me feel even more self-conscious. 

        I ducked my chin down and began picking at my chipped nail polish, anything to avoid having to look him in the eye. The thought of having to see him rebuild his walls would be the last straw. I was already expecting the tall, impassable ones that would continue to keep me out, just like they had last year.

        "I think Hayley and I are going to push off," he said, breaking the silence. "I know Beth didn't drink tonight. Is she giving you a ride?"

        Piper nodded and leaned into the truck. She stretched over Jace until her hand reached my leg, which I'd been jiggling up and down anxiously. When she squeezed it, something indecipherable flashed in her hazel eyes. "If something did happen, I hope you're planning to report it, but there's no pressure. I'm here for you, and so is Jace," she said softly, easing out of the truck. Piper glanced between the two of us and a thin-lipped smile ghosted across her pretty face. "But I'm sure you already knew that."

        "Thank you," I said, meaning it. My gaze swung to Jace, finally. He looked determined. "And I think we're going to go and do that now. Right?"

        "Right," he replied throatily. His eyebrows slowly came together as he looked at his best friend. "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of her."

        "I know you will." She dipped her head in an astute manner. "See you both tomorrow."

        Piper must have picked up on the tension radiating from us because she barely stayed for a minute. She mouthed something to Jace, and then she headed back over to the silver sedan, which I assumed belonged to her roommate's friend, Beth. I watched in silence as they drove past us, a cloud of dust kicking up as the car sped off down the gravel road that led from the farmhouse to the main road.

        There was a beat of awkwardness, and I didn't know what to say. Naturally, I was unbelievably nervous, and when I was, I tended to babble. A lot.

        Jace knew that, too.

        "So, do you think we should still go to the police station now? Or do you think we should just go in the morning?" I asked, my voice rough with restrained panic. "Maybe I should sleep on it... then again, it's probably better I just get it over with, right? I mean, what would you do?"

        "I would definitely report it tonight if it were me." He glanced sideways at me as a shadow slid across his features. Then a lopsided grin appeared, catching me off guard. "As adorable as you are when you're nervous, you don't have to be. I know what you're doing, and you don't have to fill the silence. It's just me, Hayles, and as much as I want to talk about what almost happened back there, tonight isn't the right time."

        My cheeks flushed under the makeup I wore. I'd been awaiting the dreaded 'what almost happened between us was a mistake' talk _,_ but I did appreciate that Jace knew it wasn't fair on me to have it now, considering all that had just happened. And then, of course, there was a small part of me that still wished he would tell me that he didn't regret almost kissing me.

        Apparently I never learned.

        "But what about before that? The fight we had. I feel awful. What I said to you, you know that I didn't—"

        "I know. I feel like shit, too." He sighed, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, they were swirling with turmoil. "But let's just focus on you right now."

        I ignored the way my heart stuttered a little at his words. "Okay. Deal." I nodded as he turned the engine over, buckling myself in. I didn't move over to the passenger side of the bench seat, not wanting to waste the opportunity to stay close to him. Jace's denim-clad leg was touching mine.

        I took his advice and enjoyed not having to speak just for the sake of it. We lapsed into a comfortable silence as we followed the same dirt road out of the farmhouse.

        As glad as I was to be leaving the party behind, the realization of what I was about to do weighed heavily on me. I fidgeted restlessly in my seat and kept checking the clock on my phone, wishing I could freeze time and stay inside Jace's Chevy forever.

        "You good?" he asked, hooking a right as we neared the police station. He'd clearly picked up on the fact that I was losing my cool.

        A chill snaked down my spine in anticipation.

        "Yeah," I lied, and then I reminded myself that this was Jace—the boy I'd harbored major feelings for since I was thirteen. And technically, he was that one person that I should at least try to be honest with. "Actually, no. Not at all."

        I looked away, blinking back fresh tears. I was impressed that I wasn't totally breaking down in front of him. Usually, all it took was for someone to ask me how I was doing and it completely ruptured my resolve.

       "I know I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling," he ground out. "But remember what I said yesterday? You really are the strongest person I've ever met, Hayles. I've always admired the way you hold your own when life deals you a bad hand."

        "Um, I don't know about that," I scoffed, switching my gaze away from him again. He was becoming increasingly difficult to look at. Aside from Jace's ridiculously good-looks, the expression on his face was so sincere it made my insides hum.

        "I do," he said in a no-nonsense tone, turning off the ignition. His faith in me caused my body to melt into a pool of liquid heat. "I know you'll get through this."

        The parking lot of the local police station was practically empty this late at night, but the fluorescent lights inside the building and the dark figure behind the desk indicated that they were always open. 

        For a brief moment, I wasn't sure I was ready to report this. A sudden nervousness rose, my stomach cinching with unease. I needed to focus all cylinders of my brain on what was about to happen, on everything I was going to have to tell them.

        Levi would probably get away with it, anyway. So what happened if he tried to hurt me again when he found out I'd gone to the cops? Worse yet, what if he succeeded?

        Every fiber of my being wanted to run, to avoid reliving the fear, to avoid having to verbalize everything. The moment I did that... was the moment it would be real. There would be no takes backsies, either. 

        I told myself that while there was no guarantee Levi would be charged—technically, not much had even happened—the thought of him doing this to someone else terrified me more, especially if they weren't able to fight him off.

        My mind made up, I went to open the passenger side door by its handle when Jace's hand found mine in the darkness of his truck. Our fingers intertwined, and his thumb smoothed over my skin in a rhythmic circle. Nothing had ever felt so right. 

        My system went haywire with giddiness, and I had to take several deep breaths in order to calm down. 

        His eyes, a hazy swirl of gray, narrowed slightly as he studied me. "I'm here, Hayles, and I'll stay as long as you need me to," he said, voice hoarse.

        Understanding burgeoned in that instant. I realized that it wasn't about being ready to report it. Truthfully, I may have never been ready to do that. What mattered was that Jace was here, that he wasn't going to leave me. It made me question why I'd crossed the thin line of our friendship in the first place. It really hadn't been worth it.

        But for now, all I could think about was getting through the next hour.


	6. Chapter 6

"HOW ARE YOU feeling?" Jace asked me softly. His fingers skimmed the nape of my neck as he kept his arm around me, and I felt myself marginally relax into his touch. Tension had been twisting in my stomach since we'd arrived at the local police department.

        "I just want to go home," I muttered, studying the untouched Styrofoam cup of coffee that had been placed in front of me earlier.

        Throughout the whole procedure of making a formal statement, my gaze had been alternating between the flimsy white cup and the overhead ceiling fan inside the interview room that whirred noisily.

        When the officer asked for my consent to take photographs of the black and purple bruises that had bloomed on my arms, Jace had squeezed my hand in reassurance. He also bristled when I described in more detail what Levi had done—what he'd tried to do. Despite the fact that it had only happened a couple of hours ago, my brain had already begun to swallow the traumatic memory. Only the fragments lingered, and those unforgettable, harrowing green eyes.

        Now, as I waited for her to return, I twisted my fingers together until they were pale and numb. There was a god-awful dread that snaked around my torso, tightening and suffocating me, almost like I couldn't suck in a breath deep enough. I hadn't felt like this since my brother had died, and that thought threatened to break through my walls.

        When the door finally opened, I straightened in my seat, ignoring the sting of pain in the base of my skull—where I had cracked it on Levi's jawbone.

        "Sorry for the holdup." She sank back down in front of me, and I registered the polished name tag on her uniform, how engraved in block letters was R. BEDFORD. She was a tallish woman, willowy, with short black hair that was pinned off her face. The shadows beneath her eyes suggested that she frequently worked the night shift. "So, given that we already know who the assailant is from the name and description you've given us, identity procedures shouldn't need to be carried out, which is good."

        I tensed, and so did Jace, who was still sitting beside me, his forearms resting on the table. Sensing that whatever she said next would determine how they were going to handle this, I steeled myself, air catching in my throat.

        "But it's too early to tell in the investigation if the defendant will be charged. You fought him off before he was able to carry out whatever he'd been planning, possibly injuring him in the process. He may only receive a warning, but if there's enough evidence to prosecute, if he has a criminal history or an arrest warrant, there might be a court hearing and..." It was then my brain decided to totally shut down. I just nodded and forced myself to at least appear like I was listening, but I wasn't.

        Only two thoughts drummed into me repeatedly.  I'll have to tell my parents, to deal with their overprotectiveness.  And:  What am I going to do if Levi confronts me about this?

Nervously, I tugged at a loose thread on the sleeve of the pullover Jace had given me to wear after he'd ransacked his truck.

        Officer Bedford must have detected my unease because her gaze flickered expectantly to Jace. "Is there someone that Miss Donovan can stay with tonight?"

        Although the question wasn't directed at me, it was about me, and I felt the need to respond. "Um, well—"

        "—she's going to spend the night with me, ma'am," Jace told her and sent me a look that shut me up.

        Holy hell.

It was incredibly inappropriate that my heart did a little cartwheel inside my chest, especially considering the reason that I needed to stay with him in the first place.

        In an attempt to downplay his offer, I told myself that spending the night at Jace's apartment meant absolutely nothing. It would be just like it had been all those times I'd slept over at his house when I was younger. This was no different. 

        Who was I trying to fool? Of course it was.

        Amelia wouldn't be there. I was going to be completely alone with her brother at his place tonight, which made it next to impossible for me to remain calm.

        Everything in me constricted, my body totally affected by the idea. Drawing in an uneven breath, I wished that I could hide the blush that prickled over my face. I was sure I was flushing to the roots of my hair.

        Jace wasn't interested in milling around now that the interview was over. He thanked the officer, and I gave her a small wave, which just ended up as me waving my hand as awkwardly as humanly possible.

        Stepping out into the parking lot, the temperature had dropped since earlier, and a shiver rolled off my shoulders. I climbed into the passenger side of Jace's truck and buckled up, my head sagging back against the seat. My eyes fell shut in exhaustion. 

        When Jace didn't start the engine, nervousness hit me like an iron fist. I angled my head to look over at him. He was staring out the windshield, his features guarded.

        "Listen, uh, I really don't have to stay over tonight," I breathed the words before I could think better of them. "You can just drop me back at the dorms."

        His gaze swung to me sharply. "Don't be stupid." He didn't even pause to think about it. "You're coming home with me, end of discussion."

        Realizing I was fighting a losing battle, I huffed in defeat. My willpower when it came to Jace was embarrassingly non-existent.

        He cranked the engine, and it hummed loudly, overriding the sound of my heartbeat thumping in my ears.

        "You hungry, or are you keen to just head back to mine?" Jace asked as his fingers spun the dial to turn the heater on low.

        "I don't have much of an appetite," I admitted, which was true. The events of tonight had blended my insides to a consistency that felt a lot like watered-down soup.

        "Yeah." He shook his head, his eyes softening. "Of course."

        Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I let my curiosity get the best of me. "Do you even have a spare bedroom?"

        "No, I don't." Jace's forehead crinkled, as though that had only just occurred to him. "But I've got a decent couch that I can crash on, so it's all good."

"Great," I agreed lamely, and relief trickled in when he finally switched gears into drive.

        God forbid if we had to sit here any longer, exchanging small talk.

        I eyed Jace closely while he navigated the empty parking lot. Despite insisting I stay the night, he really didn't seem very happy about it. Either that or I was seriously missing something. I figured he only felt obligated because he knew there was no one else, but the last thing I wanted to be was a charity case.

        Incapable of enduring any more uncomfortable silences tonight, I grew a pair of lady balls.

        "Did I miss something?" I asked with a little more kick in my voice. "I mean, you were the one preaching that we needed to communicate more, so why are you giving me the silent treatment all of a sudden?"

        "I'm not." His lips twitched at the corners. "I just don't have anything to say."

        "Bullshit," I challenged. "I'm not just some girl, Jace. I know you, and I know when something isn't right."

        "Exactly." He didn't elaborate. "I already told you, I don't want to get into this. Not tonight."

        Jace swiveled in his seat, looking both ways despite the fact that traffic was few and far between at this hour. He pulled out onto the road, and we were soon flying along, heading toward his apartment complex.

        "Well, that's too bad, because I do. I'm tired of not talking to you. I miss you, and I miss hanging out. Not because I'm Amelia's best friend, or because you're her brother. Not because it was convenient. We used to be friends, Jace. I miss that."

        Resignation flickered across his striking face, and he sighed. "I know. I miss that, too. The times I heard you in the background when I'd call Amelia and we weren't talking... yeah, that was hard to take. Because I do like you, Hayley, and I've always been attracted to you. I think that much is obvious."

        The thirteen-year-old version of me felt like bursting out into a victory dance, up until I detected that there was an unspoken "but," which made my heart plummet. 

        "I just... don't want you thinking this is something it isn't. What I said yesterday morning to Jenna still stands. I'm not up for a relationship, I don't do complicated, and I respect you way too much to ever cross that line."

 Which is precisely why you almost kissed me earlier.

 Unfortunately, there was nobody to appreciate my silent, smart-ass retort.

        "I shouldn't have tried to kiss you," he added, rotating the knife deeper into my chest, and I lost the ability to breathe. "Especially after what you'd just been through. I'm so fucking sorry." Jace was staring at me with a look of self-disgust on his face, and his apology only validated what I'd suspected all year: my heartbreak really had been looming on the not-so-distant horizon.

        Well, shit.

        It took a second for my brain to register what had happened, but eventually, Jace's words sunk in, and I wanted to crawl inside myself.

        Even though he'd admitted that we shared a mutual attraction, apparently that was as far as it went. In case I hadn't truly believed it before, I'd just been force-fed a bite of a reality sandwich.

        Tears sprang to my eyes, and I squeezed them shut. When I opened my mouth, nothing came out. There was nothing left to say. And with that, the awkwardness of the decade settled in.

◇

        TONIGHT DEFINITELY WASN'T working out like I'd hoped it would, and regret curled through me, because that was mostly my fault. 

        Jace had asked me not to bring it up, and I hadn't listened. Feeling like a moron, I'd tried to minimize the damage by switching the radio on and pretending that nothing had happened between him and I. We were good at that. But this time, he refused to play along.

        There was no mistaking the tension that had seeped into his body, the way his fingers drummed on the steering wheel whenever we'd stop at an intersection. He seemed restless, on edge.

        At first, I'd assumed that when we got to his apartment, it would be easier to digest his rejection. I could lock myself in his room, pray it didn't do irreparable damage, and then drift off to sleep, or, you know, cry. But now... now I wasn't so sure.

        As we rode the elevator up to his level, emotion clogged my throat, and I tried to piece together how this night had even happened.

        Stupid party.

        Stupid tears.

        Stupid boys.

        When my phone chimed in my pocket, I was happy for the distraction. There was a burning behind my eyes I still needed to get under control.

        I read the message that had just come through from Amelia:  WTF ARE YOU OKAY? I only just got Jace's text. I know it's late, but if you want to call me, I'm still awake!

 My vision tunneled, the walls of the elevator seeming to close in on me. "You told Amelia," I said, but my voice came out as a whisper.

        Jace looked at me, a frown shrouding his face. "Was I not supposed to?"

        I hadn't even had the chance to think about whether or not I was going to tell my parents tonight, let alone Amelia. "You could've at least asked me," I answered, holding his gaze. "Maybe I didn't want to tell anyone."

        At the sharpness of my tone, he flinched and almost dropped the set of keys he'd pulled out of the front pocket in his jeans. "Shit, I'm sorry. I just thought..." Jace averted his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what I was thinking. I get that it wasn't my place to tell her, I just didn't know what to do. I don't know how to be here for you."

        Most of my frustration seeped out of me, replaced by guilt. "It's all right. You were just trying to help."

        He unlocked his door, and I stepped past him, entering his dark and quiet apartment. Wordlessly, Jace shut the door behind him and flicked on the entrance light. My gaze jumped around the sparsely decorated foyer and lounge room before landing again on him.

        The minute I went to speak, he folded his arms across his chest, his biceps stretching the cotton sleeves of his T-shirt.

        "Let's hear it," he said, sounding the tiniest bit insecure if I was reading him correctly. "You're looking at me like there's a long list of things you still want to say. What else have I done wrong?" 

        His eyes were a sad, stormy gray. Cracks were beginning to appear in his mask of indifference, and any anger I'd just felt was immediately snubbed out.

        Without warning, something inside me snapped clean in two, like splitting tinder. I couldn't do this anymore—couldn't contain the heartache that was threatening to pour out of me.

"What happened to us, Jace? How did we get here?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I was so scared... scared of Levi, scared of the coldness in his eyes. Scared that the argument we had would be the last time I spoke to you. Scared for my brother, wondering if he felt as frightened as I did w-when..." A heaviness knotted my insides, and I sniffled. I couldn't even finish that sentence. The way my heart scrunched, it actually hurt. And the worst part was, I knew I'd only glimpsed a fraction of what my brother must have felt when he'd seen those headlights.

        "This is my fault," Jace said simply, resignedly. "I invited you to the party. You wouldn't have been there if it weren't for me. Fuck, I don't even know what else to say. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Seeing you like this is tearing me apart, Hayles." He reached out his hand to me, but I dodged him, needing to leave three feet of distance between us. Having Jace within close proximity never ended well for me.

        I noticed that his fingers were trembling, and another sliver of guilt slid through me. As much as he'd tried to stonewall me during this last year, I knew you could only outrun something for so long. I was trying to escape something, too—my past—and these days, I could feel it catching up to me.

        "Please, don't call me that anymore. Don't confuse me," I said, swallowing hard. "And don't try to kiss me again, not unless it's going to mean something... like it would for me."

        Holy shit-storm.

        I clamped my mouth shut and mentally kicked myself for saying something so mortifying out loud. I may as well have just told him I loved him. And I was beginning to think maybe... maybe I did. Nothing else explained the deep-seated ache that had nestled in my chest.

        Heat crawled up my neck as I watched Jace's eyes widen. He blinked slowly as surprise washed over him, like he, too, was taken aback by my directness. 

        My stomach pitched, a foul acidity clawing at the back of my throat. Now that I wasn't so numbed by the emotional trauma, I think the reality of what had almost happened to me tonight was starting to sink in.

        "Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick," I announced and took off down the hallway before he could even respond.

        Jace wore a stunned expression, and then he started after me. "The bathroom is the first door on your left," he said helpfully.

        Shoving the door open, I darted to the toilet and collapsed in front of it, my bare knees scraping against the tiles. Luckily, the lid wasn't down. I grasped either side of the toilet bowl as the remnants of tonight came back up. My eyes watered from the putrid stench, and I swore that I would never drink beer again.

        A moment later and Jace was crouched down beside me, his hands gathering back my hair. The guy obviously knew a train wreck when he saw one. Ugh.

        The sick feeling traveled up my chest again, and an arctic chill tickled at my neck. I could feel the entire contents of my stomach churning. Gross. Jace's hand rubbed small circles on my back as he reassured me, his voice barely a whisper, breaking the quiet. "I've got you. You're okay."

        I groaned, my head throbbing. "And here I thought tonight couldn't get any worse."

        "You've been through a lot, Hayley." There was a pause, then I heard the toilet flush. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

        Glancing up at him, we shared a look I would never forget, like it was more powerful than any words we could've exchanged at that moment. How was I supposed to suck it up and move on when the reasons to love him were staring me in the face?

Eventually, my stomach settled, the nausea dissipating, and I slumped back. When I went to slowly push off my feet, Jace grasped my arm.

        "You okay to stand?"

        "Mmm. I think so."

        His hand lingered for a beat and then he let go. He stepped back as I climbed to my feet.

        Intimacy fled and awkwardness trickled in. "Do you have a spare toothbrush that I can use? I need to get the taste out of my mouth."

        "Yeah, I do," he responded, gesturing to the sink. He was keeping his distance, eyes wary. "There's an unopened one in the first drawer."

        Taking several deep breaths, my vision swum with black dots again. I'd spoken too soon. The nausea was back with a vengeance.

        Jace spanned the bathroom in two effortless strides, his hands enclosing my shoulders, branding my skin. "Sit down," he ordered gently and steered me back toward the toilet. Stretching behind me, he placed the lid down so I could have a seat, and then he grabbed a clean washcloth from the cupboard.

        "Is this really necessary?" I mumbled, self-consciously burying my head in my hands.

        Jace chuckled, a deep, rich sound that never failed to elicit a thrill.

        "Uh, let's just say that you're kind of a hot mess," he drawled.

        My insides practically melted when I peeked up at Jace again to find him running the cloth under the steady stream of water. I couldn't help but wonder how many other girls he'd taken care of like this. How many other girls had seen this side of him? The Jace who cried watching the movie  Marley & Me , the Jace who could be really affectionate if he let himself, the Jace who was now making a habit out of wiping down my face after I'd hurled.

        I didn't fully understand his objections to a relationship, unless his breakup with Zoe had left him with more emotional baggage than he let on. He hadn't always been so noncommittal, and I knew he could be an amazing boyfriend. Hell, I'd seen the way he used to interact with Zoe. I could still feel the jealousy, how it had soured in my tummy. Jace could be ridiculously sweet, and he'd always been loyal.

        But, obviously, there were aspects of his personality that annoyed me to no end. He wasn't perfect. He could be aloof, stubborn to a fault, and a little overprotective at times, but I liked that he never pretended to be someone he wasn't. Even if that meant accepting and respecting his decision to stay single; not pushing him to be in a relationship with me.

        Tuning out my protests, Jace scrubbed the hot washcloth over my face, his powerful body caging me in. The nest of butterflies were back in my stomach, trying to make their way out.

        "You really didn't have to do that." I felt the need to point out once he'd stood back up and opened the drawer to grab me a fresh toothbrush.

        "It's nothing." He shrugged, his voice dropping a level. "Not when you make it so easy to remember why I always wanted to be there for you." The hollows of his cheeks blushed, like he just realized what he'd said had the potential to be misinterpreted. But I knew what he'd meant.

        Even so, when Jace said things like that, it was way too easy to imagine what it would be like to spend the night with him under completely different circumstances. My cheeks flamed at the mere thought, and warmth surged through me, dipping low in my belly. 

        Jace cleared his throat. "Here you go," he said gruffly, handing me a loaded-up toothbrush. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

        "No, I'm fine. Thanks."

        Silence fell between us for a while as I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed, but he never left. He hovered in the doorway, our gazes meeting ever so briefly in the mirror. It was almost like he didn't want to leave me alone, and a giddy rush of gratitude swirled through me.

        Once I was done, I crossed the space between us without my brain explicitly telling me to. My heart was the one to blame.

        Jace's laid-back grin faded when I stretched up onto my toes and wrapped my arms around him, drawing him into me. Oh good Lord, that was one hard chest. 

        I could tell that the hug I'd initiated had caught him off guard. Believe it or not, Jace was actually the touchy-feely one in our friendship—a term I used loosely, because I was officially clueless about what we were anymore, but right now, I didn't particularly care.

        Slowly, Jace leaned into me, dropping his chin into the crook of my neck. His fingers trailed up my spine in a smooth, comforting gesture. A smile tugged at the edges of my mouth.

        "Thank you," I said, finally, gripping the back of his shirt. "Thank you for being there for me, for letting me stay."

        "I'd do anything for you, Hayley." He exhaled, his warm breath raising the tiny hairs on my body. "You know that. And that when I say I just can't be what you want, I'm not telling you that to hurt you or as a cop-out."

        I swallowed away my sadness. "I know."

        The hug only lasted thirty seconds or so before I pulled back, my sense of self-preservation kicking in, but I was left grinning like a total idiot. The man just had that effect on me.

        In amongst everything else that had happened tonight, a different kind of feeling had been brewing in my chest. And I hadn't been able to shake it—the slow burn that was threatening to consume me. It was spreading like wildfire now, because I'd just realized that I wasn't at the risk of falling in love with Jace anymore.

        No.

        I  was  in love with him. 

        Nothing else explained the swell in my chest, the dizzying warmth that diffused through me. Neither were the result of lust.

        When in the world had this happened? The start of my senior year? 

        I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment, but the knowledge that I was in love with Jace sang at me, over and over again.

        It wasn't smart. It certainly wasn't going to be easy. But the way he was always there for me, dropping everything whenever I needed him... I knew my heart had never had a hope in hell.


	7. Chapter 7

PLANTING MY ELBOW on my desk, I propped my chin on my fist and blew out an exasperated sigh. I'd been trying futilely to study all night and I was fairly certain I'd just re-read the same paragraph for the fifth time.

        In the hallway outside my dorm room, I could hear the high-pitched voices of two girls talking to a guy who lived a couple doors down, punctuated by the sounds of their shrill laughter. I was surprised anyone else was even here. It was a Saturday night, and I'd locked myself away like some sort of recluse, but that was mainly because I didn't have anywhere better to be. Besides, college was already kicking my butt, even after I'd taken one of my professor's advice to map out a study timetable.

        Tapping my pen against my textbook, I willed my brain to concentrate, but it was like the words were blurring together. My mind was elsewhere, stuck on why I still hadn't heard from Jace. It had been almost a week since the night I'd stayed over, and there'd been nothing but radio silence.

        I'd texted him once, asking if Piper, Owen, and he were interested in getting together to go through some of the academic journals, but he'd never responded. And when he was a no-show to our Concepts in Design class yesterday, I'd felt a prickle of worry. I'd automatically assumed the worst—he was dropping the class, and for some unknown reason, never wanted to speak to me again. Clearly, jumping to conclusions was my specialty. 

        It wasn't until Piper had come over to my workbench and fixed her concerned gaze on me that I'd realized maybe I was being a little irrational. 

        I'd been stooped over, packing my laptop back into its carry case, when she'd asked me if I'd heard from Jace at all. He'd missed their plans to meet up at the cafeteria for lunch.

        My natural reaction was to spend most of the day agonizing over it—his absence. Not because it was unusual for Jace to keep his distance and ignore me, but because it was obvious he didn't do that to Piper. I doubted that he'd ever shut her out. Something I was also kind of jealous about.

        Sure enough, when I'd messaged her on Facebook last night, asking if she'd managed to track him down, she'd told me that she had. He'd called her off the landline at his parents' house.

        Jace had gone back to our hometown, Fowler's Hill. There'd been a family emergency or something, which was odd. I was sure if things weren't okay, Amelia would have mentioned otherwise. That was the only perk when it came to Jace being her brother: stalking all his social media wasn't necessary when she could dish the dirt. Aside from that, it fucking sucked.

        I hated being bitter and twisted, but while Jace was busy making plans with Piper and replying to her, he was clearly avoiding me. God only knows why. I actually thought I'd handled the whole 'I can't be what you want' speech with impressive maturity. Some girls might have tried to manipulate him with the lure of their body. Or worse yet, they might have had the childlike naïvety to think they could change him one day. 

But there was no dust in my eyes when it came to Jace Hammond. Because of that, I knew not to push him. The future of our friendship was on shaky ground enough as it was.

        It wasn't easy to just be friends with someone you couldn't help but want more with, especially considering we'd already laid it all out there on the line. I wanted to be with him. He didn't want to be with me. End of story.

        Yes, he'd admitted he was attracted to me, but whatever he felt didn't run deeper than that. His feelings couldn't... otherwise they would have been enough to overshadow whatever objections he had to being in a relationship, right?

        It didn't matter how many times I told myself that I needed to forget about Jace, that I was better off without him. As much as I wanted to move on, it wasn't that simple. It just... wasn't. Love was such a strong emotion, never easy to overcome.

        Lost in my surging thoughts, I jumped a little when my phone began buzzing on my desk. Amelia's name flashed on the caller ID, and my lips twitched at the image saved to her contact. It was a photo of her and I pulling goofy faces at a beach bonfire down at Port Worth last summer. 

        I slid my finger across the screen, accepting her call. "What's up?" I said, opting for casualness.

        After I'd found out that Jace was back home, I'd figured, one way or another, Amelia would know why. I just hadn't mustered up the nerve to ask her yet. I tended not to bring up her brother. The last thing I wanted was for him to start coming in between our friendship. 

        "Just thought I'd check in. What about you, have you just been for a jog or something?" she asked, her question coming out of left field. 

        "No," I replied, confusion pouring in. "Why would you think that?"

        "You sound way breathless, like maybe you were hoping a certain someone was borrowing my phone," Amelia teased. 

        Grateful she couldn't see the blush that crawled across my cheeks, I dropped my head into my hand. "You're hilarious." I barked out a humorless laugh. "So, was there a point to this conversation?"

        "Ooh, feisty," she lobbed back.

        I was going for blandly neutral when I rolled my eyes and said, "More like I'm just over it."

        "Why?" Amelia attempted to speak calmly, but I could sense her unease. I was always mindful that this was an awkward situation for her—being caught in the middle and having to discuss Jace in a context that surely wigged her out. "What's happened?"

        I wanted to lie to her, assure her it was nothing. Not because I didn't want her to know, but because I knew how complicated this whole situation was. Instead, I found myself telling her the truth. It was going to drive me crazy if I didn't get it off my chest. "He hasn't spoken to me all week, Millie. Not once since that night. He hasn't responded to my text, and he didn't show up to class. I'm totally at a loss here. Do you know why he's home?"

        My hand tightened around my cell, anticipation coiling in my stomach while I waited for her to reply. 

        "Your guess is as good as mine," she spoke low, just above a whisper, and the sound of her window creaking open caused nostalgia to unfurl inside me. Growing up, whenever we'd needed to have a D&M conversation, Amelia had always climbed out onto her rooftop. The walls of her house were paper-thin, and I appreciated her still taking precautions. "When I asked him, he said something about him needing some time out. Who knows what that even means. Classes have only just started, like maybe if it was mid-year, you know? Also, I wasn't kidding before, Jace borrowing my phone and ringing you is a possibility. His phone's broken."

"His phone's broken," I parroted dumbly. "Right. Makes perfect sense."

        "Come on, Hayles, you didn't really think he would just ignore you?"

        "Are you seriously asking me that?" I muttered. "Remember when he didn't talk to me for a whole year?" 

        "That was different. Plus, you didn't exactly try to fix that, either," she said quickly. Her instinct to defend Jace was both admirable and infuriating. "You know my brother wouldn't recognize a good thing, even if it punched him in the face. He's always been slow on the uptake."

        "Well, there goes that plan," I joked. "Although, punching him in the face would really help me work through some of my anger right now." 

        Amelia laughed, and then there was a pause. I heard Jace's deep voice in the background. My heart flipped over. Uh-oh. If that wasn't my cue to get off the phone, I don't know what was.

        Then there was nothing but silence, and I suspected that Amelia had put me on mute. Okay, weird.

        When she finally came back on, she sounded uncharacteristically wary. "Hey, um, look," she said slowly, and anxiety pummeled me. "Jace wants to talk to you. Is that okay?"

        Whoa. I had not been expecting that.

        My stomach tumbled over itself.

        "Sure," I croaked out, unable to mask my surprise. 

        Silence ensued, and my knee started to bounce impatiently. Tying myself into knots was stupid, I know, but I couldn't help it.

        A moment later, Jace's voice rumbled down the line. "Hayley, hey," he said. Damn it. Even hearing him say my name made my heart speed up. "I'm sorry for not telling you I was leaving, my phone's busted."

        I stayed quiet, waiting to see what he'd say next.

        "I've had to come back home. Something came up," he went on, his voice dropping by at least an octave. "I should be back by Monday morning for our class, but if I'm not, can you cover for me?"

        Disappointment sunk its claws into me. Jace only wanted to talk about school. I shouldn't have been surprised.

        "Of course." I bit my lip. "Is everything all right? Is it serious?" I asked quietly, assuming he would understand that I was referring to the reason why he'd just up and left. 

        "Something like that," he responded vaguely. "I'll talk to you about it when I see you, okay?"

        Curiosity pulled at me like a loose thread. "Yeah," I said, fighting the urge to pry. "Okay."

        Our conversation felt so awkward, stilted.

        "So, uh, I'll see you," he breathed.

        "Yeah. Bye, Jace," I kind of mumbled, but he'd disconnected the call already.  

◇

        I COULDN'T EVEN remember falling asleep last night, but I must have, because the sound of someone banging heavily on my door woke me up. 

        As I slowly sat up, orienting myself, I noticed my course handouts sprawled out over my comforter, and I pushed a textbook with surprisingly sharp corners out from beneath me. My laptop had slid off of me, wedging itself between the wall and my bed. Luckily, the lid was closed and it was still intact.

Talk about giving a whole new meaning to study animal. 

        My eyes peeled open, all grogginess dissipating when another pounding knock made my door rattle.

        "I'm coming," I muttered, kicking the throw blanket aside. "There's no need to wake up the whole freakin' floor." 

        I swung my legs off the bed and winced, a sharp, stabbing pain lurching in my shoulder. I really needed to speak to the resident advisor about replacing my sorry ass excuse of a mattress. It felt like I'd been sleeping in a shitty motel bed, and that was okay for a night or two, but I doubted I could stick it out for the entire semester.

        Dawn streamed in through the gap between my curtains, and I hadn't the faintest idea who would be here this early on a Sunday morning. A small part of me wondered if Jace had driven home late last night, or if someone had broken the news to my parents about last week. 

        I still hadn't told them about Levi—about what he'd tried to do—and that was because I didn't want them to march me back home. I figured that would be their knee-jerk reaction, particularly after what had happened to Tom. 

        As I enclosed my fingers around the door handle, an ugly, sickening feeling curled low in my belly. I couldn't explain it, but I bristled instinctively, a series of chills shooting down my spine.

        "Who's there?" I called out as a precaution.

        When I heard Levi's distinct laughter—the same hair-raising sound from his party—it wound around me like a python, squeezing the air from my lungs. 

        If I hadn't already been, now I was terrified, shaking in my boots.

        I didn't even want to consider what would've happened had I not already been paranoid enough to start locking my door. The reality of the situation slammed into me with the force of a freight train. Although it was a lot sooner than I'd anticipated, Levi must have found out I'd reported him to the police. 

        "What do you want?" I dared to ask, my voice remaining tight and controlled. 

        "Why don't you open the door and say that to my face?" Levi taunted.

        His words pierced my gut, and I almost stumbled back. Closing my eyes, I blinked back a hot surge of tears, a strange burning sensation growing in my chest. My whole life was back home. Even Jace was over a hundred miles away. I was so alone in this.

        My delayed fight-or-flight response kicked in then. Refusing to cower down, my brain rallied and drove my feet forward. Snatching my phone from where it had been charging on my bedside table, I dialed the only other person that I could think of.

        "Hello?" Piper answered almost instantly, and I was thankful for small mercies. The fear I felt retreated ever so slightly.

        "Piper—" My voice broke on a shuddering gasp. I struggled to speak quietly when I said, "Levi's here... outside my dorm. I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to call. Jace isn't—" 

        "Sweet baby Jesus," she whispered. Guilt slithered over me as I acknowledged that I was literally dumping all of my problems on her. Maybe I should've called campus police, but I wasn't exactly capable of rational thought right now. "I'll bring Owen, in case he's..." Piper trailed off nervously. "We'll be ten minutes tops." 

        "Thank you," I said in an agonized rush before she quickly hung up. 

        I crawled onto my bed, crossing my legs. Grabbing my pillow, I hugged it close to me in an attempt to assuage the numbness that was trickling in. Angry tears threatened to spill out of my eyes, and I clutched the pillow tighter. As much as I hated Levi, I hated what he was trying to do to me more. He was trying to frighten me, and it was working. 

When the door groaned against the weight of someone pounding it again a few minutes later, I held my breath.

        "It's just us." Piper's voice shook me from the anxiety that had clouded my brain.

        With newfound enthusiasm, I sprang from the bed and threw the door open.

        She took one look at me and paled, fear carving her features. Whereas Owen straightened, eying me like he was afraid I might fall apart at the seams. 

        "Was he still outside my dorm?" I craned my neck down the empty hallway, tension clinging to my bones.

        I couldn't believe the commotion hadn't set off alarm bells for any of the other first-year students in earshot of my room. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one on the floor who  wasn't  nursing a hangover this morning. 

        "The fucker took off when he saw us," Owen ground out through clenched teeth.

        Relief pressed a sigh out of me, weakening my hold on the door, which was the only thing keeping me upright now that the adrenaline had stopped circulating through me.

        Piper opened her mouth to say something, but Owen stepped out from behind her. His large fingers ensnared my wrist, tugging me forward. 

        "Let's go," he said without preamble. His expression was serious and strange, nothing like the guy I'd met last week. 

        "I'm still in my pajamas!" I pointed out incredulously. 

        He immediately released his hold on me, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Sorry."

        Piper tossed him a dry look, and then her gaze swung back to me. "I think what Owen means to say is, once you've gotten dressed and have packed an overnight bag, then we'll go." 

        At the prospect of having to rely on these people—people I barely knew—I hesitated in the doorway. Trusting them was a non-issue; they were Jace's closest friends. I was only wary of dragging them into my mess. It didn't feel fair to them, seeing as they didn't owe me anything.

        "As much as I really appreciate you guys coming over here, I don't want to involve you more than I already have," I explained, brushing a dark strand of hair out of my face. 

        "You're a smart girl, Hayley, which makes what you're saying even more stupid." Piper frowned. "I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I already consider you a friend, and friends don't leave each other high and dry." 

        I flushed an unattractive shade of red, which only deepened when Owen grumbled in agreement.

        Clasping my palms together and entwining my fingers, I exhaled. "I know, I just didn't want to—"

        "Let's cut the crap," Owen said gruffly, startling me. "I'm just going to say what everyone's been thinking. God, he'll probably kill me for this, but"—he swiped a hand through his short, blond hair—"look, we're already involved, like it or not, because it's pretty damn obvious to everyone—well, everyone except Jace—that you're his girl. And regardless of whether he chooses to keep denying it, running from it, whatever the hell he's doing, we all know it."

        Holy crapola.

        I blinked, hardly breathing. 

        The conversation I'd had with Jace last week sprang to mind, and I was suddenly too scared to even acknowledge what Owen was saying. Because if Jace truly did have feelings for me, that meant that there was something else holding him back from being with me. And while a relationship with anyone was hard, being with a guy who wasn't willing to be honest with me... well, that was next to impossible.

        My gaze shifted to Piper, silently searched for confirmation, and she nodded weakly. 

        Owen's dark blue eyes narrowed as he continued, "But more than anything, I'm just looking out for number one, because as much as Jace will be fucking pissed when he hears about what's gone down this morning, it'll be nothing compared to what he'll do to me if I bail on you. Understand?"

        Unease twisted my insides, because I knew he was right. I couldn't have argued with Owen, even if my life had depended on it.

        And looking back, I guess it kind of did.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"SO WHAT ARE you going to do?" Piper's eyes appraised me thoughtfully as she shoved another cherry Twizzler into her mouth. 

        For the duration of the drive back to Owen's studio apartment, I'd asked myself the same question. Every time I completely drew a blank. 

        My mind wasn't made up yet when it came to the whole I-more than-likely-had-a-stalker thing, but I was acting strangely calm, all things considered. Then again, maybe it hadn't sunk in yet. It was all so surreal—Levi's unwelcome visit, the fact that I was now seeking refuge at Jace's friend's house.

        I scanned Owen's small but charming apartment, trying to distract myself from answering Piper's question. After a few seconds and a deep inhale, I dragged my attention back to her. "I honestly have no clue," I admitted, fiddling with the edge of the placemat on his oak wood table. 

        Panic flared at that statement, and I gritted my teeth. 

        I'd been debating whether to go back to Fowler's Hill, chalk the entire experience up to bad timing. I could tell my parents it just so happened I wasn't cut out for college, after all. If I wasn't in Athens anymore, Levi wouldn't be able to bother me. But my insides twisted up at the thought of him running me out of town when I'd only just got here. I hated the sense of cowardice it dredged to the surface. 

        "All I know is, I can't go back to my dorm. It's not safe for me there anymore," I continued, feeling an odd lump swell in the back of my throat. "But I can't just crash here on Owen's couch. I don't want to be a burden. I barely even know him."

        Piper chewed the sugary goodness pensively, dropping her gaze low. "You two have more in common than you think," she said after a moment. "That's why he's been behaving so weird today. His sister—"

        We both tensed at the sound of the sliding glass door opening. Owen stepped inside from the patio, lowering his phone and slipping it into the pocket of his khaki shorts. Something was off about his expression, and I immediately went on high alert. 

        "That was Jace." His eyes nervously darted between Piper and me.

        A twinge of confusion formed as I met and held his stare. He'd called Jace?

        "Hate me as much as you want, but I had to tell him," Owen said. "I couldn't sit on my hands, not when it came to something like this." 

        Frustration swirled in me until it turned into a sharp-edged anger. The one condition I'd had when I'd reluctantly agreed to leave my dorm room and come back here with them was that they wouldn't tell Jace what had happened. They'd both assured me they weren't going to breathe a word to him about it.

So much for that.

        I really hadn't wanted Jace to know.

        My averseness went further than not wanting him to make a mad dash back to campus, to swoop in and rescue me like I was some damsel in distress. It had more to do with the fact that I was still hurting over the complicated history we shared, and I didn't particularly feel like including him in everything that went on in my life when he was unwilling to do the same. 

        I didn't care if that made me petty.

        "You told Jace?" I recited, my voice barely above a whisper when I spoke. 

        "Heck yeah," he barked out. "I'm not messing around. This shit is serious. The last time anyone entrusted me with something like this, I stayed quiet. I walked away from it. I won't make that mistake again. Jace needs to know, and you need to call the police. They should be updated."

        Sympathy gathered in Piper's eyes, although I wasn't exactly sure whom it was directed at anymore. Owen was obviously speaking from personal experience, and given what she had hinted at earlier, it had something to do with his sister.

        Piper's voice pulled me out of my deep, contemplative moment when she said, "In the end, Jace probably would've found out, anyway. Isn't that right, Hayley?"

        A headache clamped around my temples, a mixture of lack of caffeine and mental exhaustion. "Mmm," I conceded.

        She had a point.

        If you overlooked the fact that Owen had broken my trust, he'd probably just done me a massive favor. Eventually, one way or another, Jace would have found out. Bad news traveled fast. I knew that better than anyone.

        With a nod, Piper smiled but continued with a serious tone. "How'd he take it?" she asked Owen.

        I crisscrossed my legs, needing an excuse to prevent them from bouncing up and down restlessly. I was both curious and scared of the answer.

        Owen grabbed a beer from the fridge. He cracked the lid off the edge of the counter, wisps of cold air floating up the neck of the bottle. He took a long, slow swig, like the conversation we were about to have demanded something to take the edge off. 

        "As I expected, he nearly blew his top." His gaze went flat when it flitted to me. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay with me tonight, either. That, uh, didn't go over too well."

What the fuck.

This caveman routine was getting old. 

        Before I could reply, Piper let out a breath. "See. This is why I happily date girls," she said, to no one in particular. "Jace is turnin' mixed signals into an art form. How do you even deal with this?"

        Ah. That was the million-dollar question.    

        Jace wasn't an older brother figure, and he claimed to have no interest in being my boyfriend. Nothing justified his overprotective behavior. If I wanted that, I would have just called my father.

"Beats me," I said, giving a lopsided shrug.   

        I couldn't exactly tell them the truth. That when you were in love with someone, everything else was background noise. And that at some point over the past year, I'd learned the hard way that not having Jace in my life was so much worse than not having him in the way I wanted.

        At that admission, I had to squelch down the sadness that rose at a frightening speed.

        Satisfied, Piper twirled a lock of auburn hair around her finger, and those hazel-colored eyes trailed back to Owen. "Did you explain to him why she couldn't stay at my dorm tonight?"

        According to Piper, her roommate was unstable at the best of times, but she hadn't been in a hurry to give me any more details.

        "Jace knows," said Owen, amusement flickering in his eyes. "Which is why he's driving back now."

        Holy smokes. 

        My brain emptied, unsure what to make of that.

        Piper choked on a laugh. 

        Inhaling through my nose, I leaned my head back on the top of the chair, focusing on the exposed beams in the ceiling. My thought process was twofold. Firstly, why was Jace rushing back here, like my knight in shining armor? Things were already complicated between us. And secondly, I decided that someone up there was hell-bent on making my life difficult lately. 

        Le sigh.

        "Jesus," she muttered, shaking her head. "All so she doesn't have to stay here with you?"

        Owen scratched the back of his neck and nodded. 

        I glanced at them, wondering what I was supposed to do with that information. Part of me couldn't have been more delighted. The other part of me wanted to bang my head against the tabletop. 

        "Okay, well, that's just..." Hesitating, I wetted my lips, but the words were impossible to form.

        Owen frowned at me. I knew I wasn't exactly making sense, but then again, none of this was. 

        Taking advantage of my speechlessness, he grunted out, "All I'll say is, you're fucking with his head, Donovan. I've never seen Jace act like this in all the time I've known him."

        My stomach dipped down to my toes.

        "I second that," Piper agreed, her smile falling away. "Not only are you here on campus, you're our friend now, too. I think it's driving him a little crazy."

        I wasn't sure what to say to that, momentarily stunned. I hadn't been expecting their bold honesty. 

        "I don't get it," she went on with a heavy sigh. "I don't get why you're not together."

        You and me both, I wanted to say. Jace's reluctance to be in a relationship was a total mystery to me, too. My instincts were telling me to keep my mouth closed and my confusion to myself, though.

Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed Owen watching me, and I got this feeling he knew more than he was willing to let on. That he understood Jace in a way that Piper and I didn't. 

        The urge to shut this conversation down rushed through me all of a sudden. I really didn't want to talk about this—about him—anymore. Baring my soul to his best friends wasn't exactly my idea of a good time, either. Especially when I knew that Owen couldn't keep a secret. Anything I said would probably get back to Jace.

        "You know what Jace is like," I said, finally. My voice was surprisingly level considering my heart was pounding off-kilter. "He doesn't want anything serious."

        Owen gave me this weird look, like I was seriously failing to see something. Then he quirked a brow and mumbled, almost inaudibly, "I wouldn't be so sure about that." 

◇

        I WAS CURLED up on Owen's sofa under a ridiculously soft comforter by the time the sun had slipped from the sky. Nursing a mug of hot chocolate, I'd been watching an old episode of  The Vampire Diaries.  Thinking back on everything that had happened today made my stomach hollow, and a degree of numbness had settled over me. It was barely seven o'clock, but sleep still beckoned, and I was longing to stretch out in my bed back in the dorm—something I thought I'd never say.

        Piper had left a little over an hour ago, and shortly after, Owen had headed out to the library on campus, claiming he had an analytical paper he had to turn in mid-week. 

        I had the distinct feeling that their impromptu departures were the result of a hidden agenda. Owen didn't exactly strike me as the kind of guy who had close relations with the student library. Not that I wasn't grateful they'd made themselves scarce—with them gone, Jace and I wouldn't have a prospective audience when he arrived—but that also meant until he did, I was alone with no distractions. 

        I couldn't help where my mind went, and apprehension rippled through me. 

        It had been almost a week since I'd last seen Jace, and I wasn't sure what to expect when he got here. Was he going to pin me with that unsettled gaze and lecture me? Or was I in for the silent treatment? 

        I made an educated guess that it was probably going to be both. 

        I really needed to start exploring the option of dating other guys. I had to move on from him for good. God knows it was long overdue. 

        Pressure clamped down on my chest when it occurred to me that maybe I wouldn't be in this position still if I hadn't dragged my feet so much all those times Amelia had tried to play matchmaker. Coming from such a small town, single guys were slim pickings, but now that I was at college, there was no excuse anymore. 

        But, disregarding the possibility of a potential boyfriend coming into my life, I couldn't keep depending on Jace, not when he was so intent on distancing himself from me. 

        I cut those troubling thoughts off and tried to sidetrack myself by focusing on Ian Somerhalder's totally yummy six-pack. 

        Good God, I was lame.

        My thumb paused over the remote when I thought I heard movement outside Owen's front door, but after I flicked the TV on to mute, all that greeted me was silence.

        Explaining it away as hearing things, I pulled my gaze from the entrance. Remembering my phone was on silent on the armrest beside me, I picked it up and stared down at it absently. I hadn't been obsessively checking it. In fact, up until now, the dread that knotted my insides outweighed the need to see if Jace had been trying to contact me. He didn't have a working phone, so I'd deemed it unlikely. 

When I hit the screen, revealing three text messages from a new number, a wave of surprise rocked me.

        My fingers shook as I read them in the order they'd been sent.

Why can I only rely on my friends to tell me what's going on with you these days?

In case you couldn't guess, it's Jace. I got a new phone.

I'm downstairs. Be up soon.

Nervousness quickened my pulse. The knowledge that he was here did stupid things to my composure. The last text had come through over five minutes ago—ample time for him to park his truck, climb the stairs to the second floor, and knock at Owen's door. 

        I began to stress out, wondering if Jace had been standing outside all along. Now that I thought about it, I was certain I'd heard the sound of footsteps approaching. 

        The unmistakable rattle of keys in the lock resonated in the quiet apartment. For a split second, I'd felt relief—it was only Owen—but then I saw the familiar outline of Jace.

        Damn it. Of course he happened to have a spare key.

Feeling totally ambushed, I slowly sat up straighter, bracing myself for the unknown.

        Jace froze, noticing me shift beneath the blanket on the corner of the couch. Then he tipped his chin up, his intense stare latching onto my face. A fine sheen of cold sweat edged its way down my back as he lingered in the doorway. The duffel bag that was slung over his shoulder dropped to the floor with a soft thud.

        The faint glow of the muted TV illuminated Owen's entire apartment, and there was no avoiding the look of utter devastation Jace wore. It was a look I wouldn't forget for a long time, like someone had kicked a puppy in front of him or taken a flamethrower to all of his framed photographs.

        Had  I  put that look there?

Something in me coiled tight, and I pushed the comforter aside, suddenly feeling hot all over. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I waited for him to say something. A moment passed. He didn't say anything. The anticipating was slowly killing me.

        "Can you say something," I managed. "Please."

        "I left the minute Owen called." His voice was deeper, rougher than I'd ever heard it, and I shivered involuntarily. "I had to see for myself that you were okay."

        The air between us crackled with curbed tension. Although he was still standing in the entrance, the space between us felt crowded, like he was everywhere. Like he'd stretched forward, reaching into my body and seizing a grip on my heart.

        Jace went on, "What I've been trying to work out the whole drive home is why he felt the need to tell me about Levi and you didn't."

        "That's not fair." I looked away, annoyed. "I didn't know how to reach you."

        "Owen was able to get a hold of me when he wanted to."

        Although there was an awful, aching feeling that burrowed low in my stomach, I was determined to overlook the way Jace said 'when he wanted to'—undoubtedly another dig at me. I opened my mouth, although I really had no idea how to respond to that. An apology formed on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it out. He didn't deserve it.

        "Or maybe you just found someone else to lean on while I was gone?" A muscle clenched along the strong curve of his jaw.

        My eyes widened, and I snapped out of my inability to speak. "If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think you were jealous."

Jace's lashes lifted. He stared back at me, snaring me on the spot. "Well, it's a good thing you know better," he said, and an unrepentant look crept into his features. "I just don't like the thought of you spending the night at Owen's, all right? Don't get me wrong, he's one of my best friends and—"

        "Are you even hearing yourself right now?" I got up and stalked toward him before I thought about what I was doing. "Do you think I  want  to be here? That I want to feel this way? Do you know how embarrassing it is to be stuck on someone else's couch because you have  nowhere  else to go?" My voice unexpectedly cracked, and I forced myself to inhale a steady, calming breath. "I couldn't go back to my dorm because Levi's probably still there, lurking, waiting for me. So, tell me, Jace, what  other  option did I have?"

        Without saying a word, Jace closed the distance between us in one stride of his long legs. Drawing me against him, he hugged me and let out a shaky exhale. "Fuck, I don't have the emotional reserves for this." 

        I think I went into shock and just froze.

        "I don't want to fight. I don't mean to act like an ass. I was just so worried about you." His large hands skimmed down my sides before settling on my hips. Desire pooled in my belly at his touch, and the feel of his fingers pressing into my flesh made me forget what we were even talking about. 

        Oh dear.

        His warm breath fanned my temple. "Hayley—"

        "Don't," I murmured, pushing my hand against the hard ridges of his chest. I was stunned I even had the willpower. I hadn't been this up close and personal to Jace since last week, and until now, it was all I'd wanted. "You were gone. I didn't hear from you all week. You can't just come back like you never left, like everything's just dandy between us. Things haven't been the way they used to be for a long time now."

        My expression must have been pretty damn fierce, because Jace frowned, and I mean really frowned. His arms dropped from around me and everything about his posture changed. His whole body went rigid, his shoulders hunching defensively. 

        "I know. I wasn't here, and fuck, if I don't feel like shit about it." His voice deepened to a husky whisper. "I came back so I could be here. I should never have left you, baby. You shouldn't have been alone dealing with this. I know it's no excuse, but I had to go home. It couldn't wait. There's... stuff going down that you don't know about."

        The word 'baby' permeated my senses. It was so painstakingly obvious that he wasn't aware of what he'd just said—that it had slipped out unnoticed—and I wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. As the rest of his sentence digested, I tensed. Although I'd expected as much with him leaving so suddenly, Jace confirming it himself made my concern catapult. 

        "What?" My brows drew together. "What's wrong?"

        He looked up contemplatively, as if he was trying to figure out how to answer a question I shouldn't have asked. "I can't tell you," he said, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed.

        "You're such a hypocrite." I scowled. 

        "This is different, trust me. You'll find out eventually, and then you'll understand why I couldn't." His lips curved into a tight half-smile. "These past couple days have been really hard for me, okay? Please, don't shut me out. Don't give up on me. Keep talking to me. I just... I need you, Hayley. You're like my true north or whatever it's called, that fixed point that never changes. It's been there...  you've  been there, since I was just a kid."

        My muddled head tried to make sense of what that meant, and as my thoughts whirled, they automatically drifted back to the night Jace had told me he wasn't up for a relationship, that he didn't do complicated. However, here he was, blurring the lines between friendship and something more. 

        "What am I supposed to say to that?" I asked, anger still gripping me. But I was mostly confused. A little sad. "You're giving me whiplash, Jace. One minute you're saying you don't want to complicate things, and the next, you're doing that all on your own." I waved my hands at us, signaling that him even being here right now was evidence enough. A warning siren went off in my head, but I didn't listen. "And there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't have crashed at Owen's tonight, aside from your misplaced jealousy, that is."

        There was a pause. Thrusting his fingers into his hair, Jace exhaled. His steel blue eyes were storming with something I couldn't even identify. 

        I did my best to ignore the internal battle I gauged going on inside him. 

        "You're right," he said quietly, heatedly, and my stomach did multiple backflips. "I could barely think straight when Owen told me you planned to stay the night. Felt like I lost something I never really had. How fucked up is that?" He scrubbed the heels of his palms down his face. "Even though I don't quite understand it, that doesn't change the fact that I'm selfish and all kinds of jealous when it comes to you."

        Holy, holy hell. 

        Whatever I'd expected his response to be, it definitely hadn't been one fueled by such brutal honesty, setting fire to my nerves. There was something in that tone, a combination of fear, but also a degree of powerful intensity, that erased any shadow of a doubt. 

        Jace felt this, too. It wasn't just me. 


	9. Chapter 9

IT WAS NEXT to impossible to gather any semblance of calm when Jace was looking at me like that, like he was debating whether to hightail it out the door or to take a step closer toward me. The gravity in his stare was unnerving, like I had been stripped bare and he was seeing everything there was to me, extracting all my secrets.

        Ever since I could remember, Jace had always had that effect on me, as though all it took was one discerning glance and he knew every little thing I was feeling.

        The tension in the room thickened as we lapsed into silence.

        The hue of his eyes darkened, and the intensity that sharpened his features made my heartbeat speed up, almost veering into cardiac territory.

        God, I wished I could read him. Understand what he was thinking, even just a glimpse, my curiosity all but consuming me. But Jace's impassive expression was untiring, and there was no telling what thoughts were waging a war inside his head.

        Instead, I had to settle for asking him outright. A nervous prickle swept over me. "What... what exactly are you saying?"

        Jace didn't reply. Not verbally, anyway.

        Without warning, he hooked his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans and pulled me back against him. His hands traveled to my hips, and then crept up, dipping underneath my singlet top. He tantalizingly grazed the skin beneath my ribs, and a tremor shot down my spine.

        Blinking repeatedly, I watched as his gaze jumped from my mouth to my eyes.

        I was too caught up in the feel of Jace's hands, moving to my waist, and the intensity of his stare, that I barely noticed he had backed himself up against the nearest wall in Owen's living room. And the "missed you" he murmured low in my ear caught me totally off guard.

        I faltered, his words permeating my lust-addled brain. He'd missed me?

        "What are we doing?" I gulped, the lump in my throat choking me.

        This was Jace's chance to change his mind, to release his grip and greet the reality that would rush him. He'd be thankful I was stopping this from going any further.

        I attempted to step back, believing that by untangling myself from his arms, it would help relieve the pressure that had clamped down on my chest. But Jace's hold on me was too firm, and those heavy-lidded, pale eyes seared into mine.

        When he spoke, his voice was gravelly. "What we shouldn't be doing."

        White-hot lust distorted some of my thoughts, but my mind still spun high with confusion.

Staring at my mouth again, Jace leaned in closer, and then his lips brushed the hollow of my cheek. 

        It was in that instant I knew Jace was going to kiss me. And I was going to let him. I knew exactly where this would lead, yet I still chased after it, hoping maybe I was wrong.

        His head bowed a little, the stubble along his jaw rubbing deliciously against my chin. About a thousand different emotions swamped me as Jace's lips brushed mine for the first time, feather-soft. Infused with mostly shock, I barely registered the feel before he was drawing back. I missed his touch immediately.

        Flutters quivered in my tummy when I noticed he was still staring down at me with a hunger that I had never, ever expected to see in his eyes. Not at least while he was looking at me.

        Desire crashed through me, my body moving without any brain involvement whatsoever. I went up on my toes, holding onto his broad shoulders for leverage, and then, much to my relief, my mouth was back on his. 

        This time, there was nothing tentative or questioning about the kiss. It was desperate and shattering—a release of years' worth of pent-up sexual tension and longing.

        A low moan escaped the back of his throat, and the sound reverberated against my lips, making me shiver. Jace deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into my mouth, tasting me. Devouring me.

        It was easily the hottest moment of my entire life.

        The push of his solid chest against my breasts, and the feel of him nudging open my legs with his knee, had lightning zipping through my veins. I felt like I was sparking alive beneath his touch, seconds away from combusting.

        Even though I'd fooled around with a couple of guys before, it had never felt anything like this. Never.

        Note to self, this was what kissing someone you  loved  felt like. There was a new, unfamiliar lightness in my chest, a distinctive heat that hummed through me.

        Our bodies were fused together, and his mouth was molded to mine perfectly, like he'd been born to do this—to hold me and kiss me so thoroughly, to make me feel sexy and  wanted . 

        My arms skated up his biceps, up over his hard shoulders, and slipped around the back of his neck. Instinctively, I pressed against the entire length of him, leaving little to the imagination.

        Despite lying awake at night, despite fantasizing about this moment for an embarrassingly long time, it occurred to me then how badly I'd wronged Jace. I hadn't done him justice. At all.

        Every square inch of him was corded and strong—the result of tireless hours spent hiking trails for landscape photography gigs—and I couldn't resist running my palms up the taut muscles of his torso.

        My God, he was beautiful.

        Jace's tongue danced along mine, a lick of heat, and I was catching on fire. Melting away. I gasped when he pulled my bottom lip between his teeth. The man's kissing skills were off the freaking chart. 

        His hands roamed from my waist, sliding down to palm my ass, and tendrils of pleasure coiled in my stomach. With slight pressure, he ground me against him. The friction was intense, almost taking me over the edge.

"Damn it, Hayley," he growled against my mouth. "You feel so good."

        As if to prove his point, his hard-on pressed against me, and my breathing constricted.

        Holy shit.

        In the corner of my mind, I knew we should slow down. Things were escalating faster than a speeding bullet, but what my body needed and wanted was something entirely different. 

        When his lips moved over my neck, placing an open-mouthed kiss where my pulse was hammering crazily, I managed to find my voice again. "Jace," I rasped out, tangling my fingers in his soft hair—something I'd had the urge to do every day for the last five years.  So  worth the wait. "We should—"

        The apartment door swung open suddenly, and my eyes widened. We jumped apart, as if we'd been caught doing something wrong, and I welcomed the cool air that flooded all the places my skin had been scorched, branded by him. Both of us were breathing heavily.

        "Oh shit, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything," Owen said. "Should I...? I can come back later."

        I didn't need a mirror to know that my face was turning an unattractive shade of red.

        Straightening up, Jace slipped out from between the wall and me. 

        Another twist of embarrassment stirred as I watched his reaction, the tension that poured into his body language. Surprise and confusion marked his expression, but that was quickly replaced by something much, much worse. Something I didn't even want to comprehend flickered across his face. 

        "Nah, man," Jace said in a deceptively casual voice, like dry-humping each other against Owen's wall was the new normal. No big deal. "It's fine, you don't have to do that. We're gonna get going."

        I nodded and swallowed a stream of curses. Springing into action, I wordlessly gathered my phone and my bag, trying to keep my cool. Their voices faded out, overridden by the one thought that continued to beat at me like a drum:  How could I spend the night at Jace's now?

◇

        THE ENTIRE DRIVE back to Jace's apartment was about as fun as I imagined eating glass would be. At one stage, I'd even considered jumping out of the moving vehicle, as long as it meant I didn't have to endure the awkward silence anymore.

        My knuckles ached from clenching my fists so tightly, from withholding everything I wanted to unleash on him. The last thing I wanted was to get into a heated argument while Jace was situated behind the wheel. I was certain we would've wrecked if his thunderous expression and defensive posture were any indication.

        The silence only thickened as we rode the elevator up to his floor. Mustering up the nerve to give him another side-glance, Jace's profile was stoic, still. No surprise there. A muscle had feathered in his cheek and determination had set his jaw. The thin line of his lips was a stark contrast to earlier and yet I could still feel how they'd adeptly moved over mine. That kiss... that kiss had changed everything. He'd taken a piece of me—a piece of my heart—and I'd handed it over, so willingly. But now, the memory of that kiss, everything about it, felt tarnished, and I was teetering on the verge of numbness.

        It was only when we reached the door to his apartment that something in Jace seemed to shift. He hesitated. His gaze finally met mine, and although all emotion was void from his face, his eyes... they betrayed him. Digging into the pocket of his jeans, he withdrew his set of keys.

He extended them to me and said, "Here."

        That one word dropped weightily between us, like a gigantic pebble that rippled the quiet. Apprehension submerged the pit of my stomach, and I had this sinking feeling I'd take an awkward car drive over the conversation we were about to have now.

        "You're not coming in?" I blinked.

        "No chance," he said, voice hard. "I know exactly what happens behind that door, and I won't do that to you, or to me."

        When I stubbornly refused to take the keys from him, Jace exhaled and brushed past me. He unlocked his door and used his boot to wedge it open. Then he stepped back, like he couldn't get away from me quickly enough.

        "You're just going to leave?" I asked, disbelievingly. "Don't you think we should at least acknowledge what happened?"

        I was well and truly aware that I was only adding yet another layer to my desperation, but my mind was reeling, trying to understand what on earth was going on.

        Until less than an hour ago, I'd put my heart and hopes on the ice. Now I wasn't so sure. Not after Jace had just kissed me like he was staking his claim.

        "I don't see why," he murmured. "Not when we'd already decided that this can't go any further, and it still can't."

        The awful sting of rejection lashed my chest.

        It felt like I'd been dangled over the edge earlier, and now I was free-falling, only to discover that he'd never had any intentions of being there to catch me in the first place.

        I tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear, and acceptance rose out of nowhere. I was starting to realize that maybe we didn't always get the perfect ending, and that it didn't always make sense, even when it was the right thing to do.

        Nonetheless, I refused to be continually let down with zero explanation, so my feet were rooted to the spot. Each time Jace was evasive, it hollowed my stomach, and I felt the absence of closure that was necessary to move on.

        "Oh, you mean when  you  decided?" I said, my words dripping with derision. "It's okay, I get it. You're jealous and you want me, just not nearly enough."

        Jace's jaw twitched.

        Ding ding ding, we had a winner.

        "It's not like that, Hayley." He let out a long-suffering sigh. "I just can't do this."

        "I don't think your dick got the memo," I muttered, irritation spiking through me.

        He choked on a cough. "Well..." Jace's lips turned down at the edges. "What do you expect? You already know I'm attracted to you. Shit, anyone with eyes can see that you're fucking gorgeous. But that doesn't mean I want... that this can lead anywhere. We've always been better off as friends."

        I quelled the overwhelming impulse to punch him in the throat.

Always been better off as friends?

        Was that all we'd really  ever  be?

        I tried to swallow the prospect, but it tasted like acid, burning the whole way down. I averted my gaze, pride spurring me to hide the tears that itched behind my eyes.

        "Then don't kiss me," I said matter-of-factly. "Was I not clear enough when I specifically told you  not  to kiss me unless it meant more? Or are you in the habit of kissing your friends now and telling them which guy they can spend the night with?"

Jace's brows furrowed. "I don't remember saying I was happy for you to stay the night with any guy."

        Un-flipping-believable. Of course that was the only thing that registered out of everything I'd just said. Anger rolled in like a thunderous storm cloud.

        "Oh my God, really? I was just rephrasing it differently," I all but groaned. "Anyway, you're only proving the point I'm trying to make. I mean, can we just take a moment to appreciate this messed-up double standard? The first time I see you all year, there's a girl you've fucked the night before greeting me at your door. But no, I can't sleep on Owen's  couch , because you can't even deal with that."

        Jace recoiled, his eyes flaring darkly. "I didn't—" He stopped short, inhaling through his nose. "You're right."

        I expected to be satisfied with that answer, but I wasn't. I just felt empty as his admission hung there, suspended between us. Emotion clotted my throat like a plug and I couldn't speak.

        "Hayley," he whispered, sympathy coloring his tone. "I'm sorry that—"

        "I don't want you to apologize. I want you to..." I trailed off, frustration punctuating each of my words. It was then I finally understood. Nothing he said—no apology in the world—could fix this. We'd become unhinged last year—after I'd drunkenly blabbed about my feelings—and we'd been hurtling off course, skirting disaster, ever since. Whatever the reasons were behind Jace's logic, it didn't change the heart-wrenching fact that he didn't want to be with me. And I couldn't fault him for that. "Forget it."

        "You don't want me as your boyfriend, Hayley," he said. "I'm fucked up, all right? I'm a total fucking mess, and I just want the best for you, because that's what you deserve. A better guy than me."

        His words washed over me, and I didn't know what to say, what to think.

        There was one thing I did know: we were all kind of fucked up, myself included. Everyone dealt with life—with their grief and loss—differently. But that didn't put me at ease. It didn't make up for how he was treating me.

        Jace eyed me. Detecting that the fight had drained out of me, that I wasn't sure how to respond to that, he rocked back on his heels. "I should go."

        I was definitely not going to dispute that.

        He backed away slowly, and I nodded. My arms were hugging my chest, holding myself together tightly.

        On the cusp of raw, utter heartbreak with nothing left to lose, it made what I was about to do so much easier.

        "Jace?" I called after his retreating frame.

        At this, he stopped and turned.

        My lungs suddenly felt deprived of air, but I forged onward. I knew the only way I was going to make it out of Jace's clutches, marginally unscathed, was for me to let go of this baggage of hurt. This was only something I could do. Something I had to do.

        "Even though I'm going to stay here tonight, don't think for a second that means we're okay, or that what we have even slightly resembles a friendship," I said hoarsely. "You know I've always liked you. Hell, I  told  you how I felt last year. Everything you've ever said to me has been honest... or so I thought, up until you kissed me. You don't kiss someone like that and then claim we're better suited as friends. You just don't, no matter what your reasons are. You're making me out to be... I feel like you're treating me as one of those airheads you meet at a college bar, but I'm not, and it's fucking insulting."

        That hit him speechless. He looked floored, and the façade of indifference he usually wore crumpled. For a split second, I saw a staggering openness and vulnerability, which tore at my heart.

        It was ironic really, like the moment I was willing to finally let him go, Jace might be contemplating fastening his grip. But, ultimately, it was a case of too little, too late.

        Ignoring that familiar pull—the crushing weight of heartache—I forced myself to add, "So as grateful as I am that you're letting me spend the night here again, it doesn't change anything. We can't be friends, not anymore. In the morning, I'll be gone, and you won't be hearing from me for a while."

        "Hayley, goddamnit," he cursed, and his voice cracked with what sounded like fear. "We can't just—"

        "It's a good thing we're not out of practice then," I cut him off. I didn't need to hear that he didn't want to stop talking, that he didn't want to stop being friends. I had to put some distance between us and try to keep a lid on the collateral damage.

        Jace expelled a ragged breath. He stared at me through thick lashes, and his chiseled features pinched in anguish. I waited for him to respond, half expecting him to continue arguing with me, but he never did.

        Unable to take the excruciating silence any longer, I wheeled around and forced myself to elbow the door open wider, wide enough for me to slip inside. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time, drilling into the back of my head.

        The door closed with a soft  click , and I slumped back against it, grateful for the barrier that it served. My eyes fell shut. Even though there had been no other choice, it didn't prevent the sadness from impaling me like a jagged knife.

        Although it had appeared insurmountable at first, I'd managed to walk away from Jace Hammond, and up until now, no other girl had ever left him behind.


	10. Chapter 10

        BY THE TIME dawn rolled around, I was already wide awake.

        Sunshine crowned the skyline, filtering through the window of Jace's bedroom, and I crouched down, cramming my toiletries back into my overnight bag.

        The determination to have cleared out before there was a chance of him returning was what had forced me to haul ass out of his bed this morning. Otherwise, I was certain I could've stayed there all day, making quick work of consuming my weight in ice cream and feeling sorry for myself.

        It hadn't helped that Jace's heady scent clung to his sheets, making it dangerously easy to pretend we'd spent the night wrapped up in each other. But we hadn't, and a fist tightened around my heart at the memory of last night.

        A single tear slid down my cheek, and I roughly brushed it away.

        Everything I'd told Jace had to be said, and judging by the strange silence that had hung between us, I think he'd needed to hear it, too.

        Even though his feelings for me had to run deeper—he'd always struggled to let me in—and even though I wanted to hold onto the friendship we'd formed over the last nine years, it didn't offset the knowledge that we'd been on the threshold of saying goodbye since last year.

        Knowing all the reasons why there'd been nothing left for me to do but walk away didn't change the fact that I was wading through a well of grief.

        I'd bawled like a baby last night. Having never nursed a broken heart before, I'd tried to piece it back together, but the splintered fragments were rutted and stuck too deep in my chest. Instead, I'd had to put on my Big Girl Panties and accept that it wasn't going to stop hurting anytime soon.

        Tossing my bag over one shoulder, I walked down the narrow hallway of Jace's apartment and checked that I'd turned off all the overhead lights.

        As I was leaving, it occurred to me that this was probably the last time I'd ever be here, and my insides coiled into a complicated little knot. The elevator pinged, and the doors slowly slid open. Thankfully, it was empty, but as I stepped inside, I halted in my tracks, drawn by my reflection in the mirrors.

        I winced. I looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backward. My dark hair had spilled out of the bun I'd secured it up into last night, and unforgiving shadows had already developed underneath my eyes. Swinging my gaze away with a soft curse, I absentmindedly retied my hair off my face.

        Once the elevator had begun its descent, I inhaled several steady breaths. It was barely eight in the morning, yet my head hurt like someone had drilled a nail through my temple.

        The lobby was quiet with the exception of the low hum of the air-conditioning, and I kept my head down as I ducked out of the building.

        I rooted around for my phone in my bag. There'd been no messages from Jace since he'd left yesterday. Disappointment surged. Then I sternly told myself that ship had sailed. I was better off investing my concerns on the real issue at hand: I was stranded here without my car.

        Oh goody.

        I considered calling a cab to take me back to campus, but it seemed stupid as hell to stand around waiting for one when I could speed-walk it in ten minutes. Fifteen tops.

        With that thought circling around, I coasted onto the sidewalk, my tennis shoes scuffing on the pavement.

        A second later, my phone vibrated in my palm.

        Maybe it was Amelia finally returning my missed call. I glanced down hopefully, but my grip loosening when I spotted the caller ID.

         _Mom_  blinked on the screen.

        I almost dropped my phone like it was a hot stone.

        I hadn't spoken to my parents since I'd moved out here, but even when I was still living at home, our conversations usually consisted of small talk at best. I was honest enough with myself enough to admit I was mostly to blame for that.

        After Tom had died, my relationship with them changed. At first, it had brought us closer together, but eventually, I'd cracked under the strain. The fun-loving, laid-back parents I'd grown up with were now people who erred on the side of caution and sought to wrap me in cotton wool.

        I'd already lost my brother, and all of a sudden, I was losing them, too. So, at sixteen, I'd pushed them away, hoping the distance would diminish that feeling, the dull ache behind my ribcage.

        "Honey, I'm surprised you answered," my mom said once I'd shakily hit the accept button. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

        The sound of her warm voice cut through the sadness that had invaded my core. I was silent for a moment, swallowing back a rush of unexpected emotion.

        "No, I've been up for a while." That was the understatement of the century. I'd hardly slept last night. "Is everything okay?"

        There was a pause. "Your father and I were talking... and we think it would be best if you came home."

        Shock rippled through me, and I pressed my phone closer to my ear. Maybe I hadn't heard her correctly. There was no explanation or rationale behind why she would've said something like that.

        "What?" A frown pulled my brows together. "Why?"

        Despite the fact that my parents had been less than thrilled when I'd announced I was relocating to Athens, they still paid for my tuition and wired me my regular allowance. They'd never once discouraged me from studying, particularly when they knew Jace attended UGA, too.

        Oh my God.

         _Jace._

        An awful panic slammed into me.

        "I got a call from Jace late last night. He's worried about you, honey. Something about the two of you getting into a fight," she told me, and I inadvertently stiffened. It felt like liquid metal had been tipped down my spine. "He was barely on for five minutes, but he mentioned why you can't stay in your dorm right now. Why didn't you just tell us it was being fumigated for termites this week?"

        Relief caused my shoulders to sag, but the prospect of Jace and Mom having a conversation about yours truly—potentially conspiring against me—still caused a tiny amount of suspicion to bloom. 

 

        I fought the urge to ask what else he'd told her. Even after this little gesture, I was adamant that the best thing I could do right now was to avoid talking about Jace—to avoid thinking about him at all, for that matter. It was time to tie it all up in a neat little box and forget about what had happened between us. More importantly, forget about  _him._

        A sigh shuttled through me, and I said, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you and Dad to worry about me."

        "Come home, honey. Just for a couple days, until your dorm room's ready. This has been going on for too long. You need to stop pushing us away. We both miss you... and we love you, so much." The vulnerability in her voice startled me, and it tapered off at the end, like she could hardly get the words out.

        For the first time in the last two years, I wasn't filled with hesitation when I thought about her offer: to let them be there for me again.

        And it wasn't because I didn't have anywhere else to go.

        It was because I knew I was lucky to have parents that cared too much, as opposed to not nearly enough. Perhaps they were unduly protective, but I was the last person in a position to judge how they'd coped with Tom's death, how they'd chosen to rebuild themselves after our family had been torn apart. I certainly wasn't the same person anymore, either.   

        With my free hand lifting to knead the tension out of my neck, I whispered, "Okay, Mom. I'll come home." 

◇

        CONSIDERING THE HELL I'd been through lately, I figured I deserved a couple of days off school. The thought of going to my Concepts in Design class this morning and having to pretend I wasn't totally broken hearted didn't exactly rank high on my list of priorities. I still wasn't ready to see Jace. Worse yet, there was the risk that I might run into Levi on campus, and I'd rather be paranoid than have to deal with that.

        While being back home in Fowler's Hill was a relief, it also meant confronting all the feelings I'd tried to flee. It was all too easy to remember when you were surrounded by the remnants of everything you'd tried to forget. 

        The dusty piano, tucked away, not played for over two years now, in the corner of the living room. 

        The empty seat at the table. 

        How visibly my parents had aged since my brother's death.

        But there was no denying that I wanted them to hug and hold me until I felt better. I'd missed them more in the last few weeks than I ever anticipated I would.

        The smell of my mom's world-class baking—the delicious aroma of chocolate-chip cookie dough—followed me now as I left the kitchen and scaled the steps two at a time. After bounding upstairs with my bags in tow, I stopped at the door of Tom's old bedroom, unable to recall the last time I'd actually been in there.

        It was always closed, and I'd never been able to summon enough courage to set foot inside. 

        I wasn't sure how long I just stood there, but it felt like someone was tugging at an unfastened, invisible thread, and all of a sudden, I was unraveling. My hand grasped the brass door handle on its own accord, and then, somehow, I was walking forwards, stepping inside.

        I moved slowly, my heart breaking all over again as I scanned his room. The bag slipped from my arm, disregarded.

        It was like a time capsule, preserving all of my brother's memories. His room looked the exact same, and it set my teeth on edge.

        His wall shelves were filled with awards, ribbons, and trophies, and a copy of  _The Catcher in the Rye_  was still on his nightstand. He'd been reading it for school, and I noticed the bookmark sticking out, only halfway through.

        Tom had never got to finish it.

        Just like he had never finished his senior year.

        I stopped in front of his desk, spotting an old, framed photo perched in the corner. On closer inspection, I saw it was a picture of the four of us from one of our family vacations to Florida. We were standing at the end of a pier, all laughing. I knew if happiness could ever be accurately captured, it was in that image.

        It had been so long since I'd heard my parents laugh.

        The childhood memory wiggled free as I recalled that day, how sore the muscles in my cheeks had felt from smiling non-stop.

        Pain sliced my chest, and I quickly put the photograph back down on his desk. Whirling around, I dug my palms into my eyes as they stung with unshed tears.

        Feeling pathetic and shaky, I sat down on Tom's narrow bed, the mattress dipping under my weight. I was hardly breathing, too consumed by the anger that welled up, surging hotly in my veins.

        God, I wished my brother had never climbed into that car.

        Then my family wouldn't be so haunted by the past, or as fractured by our reality.

        Then I wouldn't feel so completely alone.

_Then he'd still be here._

I could practically imagine Tom scooting next to me on the bed, spouting big brotherly advice. I would have told him about Levi, that I was in danger, and he would have done everything in his power to protect me, to make me feel safe. He would have threatened to take Jace's ass down, too, for giving me mixed signals.

        All the emotion I'd tried to subdue bubbled up to the surface, spilling over, and I made a loud, strangled noise. I clamped my mouth shut, struggling to stay quiet as my self-control smashed into tiny little pieces.

        When I heard a steady pair of footsteps on the approach, I felt suffocated by a ball of dread, but I didn't try to run or hide from this.

        As my parents lingered in the doorway, my gaze lifted, traveled across their faces, and it was like looking in the mirror. Both of their expressions contorted with grief and something close to hope.

        "Are you okay, Hayley Bayley?"

        It was my father who spoke first, his deep voice and that cringe-worthy childhood nickname, reaching out to me.

        I rested my forearms on my knees and clasped my hands together so tightly I was sure I was restricting the blood flow.

        With effort, I quashed the reflex to keep my parents at an arm's length. I could do this. I could shed the mask I always donned around them. I could be totally honest. No peace of mind if I didn't at least try. I swallowed the barbed wire that had lodged in my throat, and for once, I didn't think about my response. 

        "I don't know what I am anymore," I croaked out. "But I'm as far from okay as you can possibly get."

        Steeling myself, I looked up, knowing their gazes would still be fixed on me. What I wasn't prepared for were their watery smiles, lighting their eyes up like a blazing torch and creasing them at the corners. My parents didn't say anything for a beat as they watched me intently, warily.

        A couple more moments passed, and then Mom sighed. Her hands went to her chest. "Oh, honey. We weren't sure if you'd ever find your way back to us."

        The bed sunk as my dad sat beside me, and the next thing I knew, he had me in a one-armed embrace.

        "I know," he murmured, chin resting on my head, "I know how hard it is being here, but this is a  _good_  thing. Tom wouldn't want you cutting yourself off from our family any longer."

        I bit my lip to keep from crying all over again.

        Hope trilled through me, brighter than ever, and although I'd lost my brother, and now Jace—which was like a punch to an open wound—I knew I shouldn't have doubted that I'd always have my parents to lean on. They were all I had left in the way of family, and we'd always been stronger when we rallied together. Before anything else, I realized I should never have pushed them away. I needed them. I needed their support and love.

        Despite being so overwhelmed, I was still able to nod.

        "I know you're only staying with us until your room's ready, but maybe you'd come back some weekends to visit. We'd love that, wouldn't we, Andrew?"

        Dad grunted his approval as he stood back up, and I swore he sneakily wiped beneath his eyes.

        After two years, all it had taken was one honest conversation to effectively bridge the gap between us. I couldn't help but wonder why I'd been so hesitant and afraid of reconnecting with my parents, how I'd ever let things get so cold and impersonal.

        I leaned back against the pillow on Tom's bed and stilled, my pulse and thoughts racing. My brows descended.

        "Is there something else upsetting you... something other than Tom?" Mom asked, smoothing her hands over her trousers.

        At that, my stomach pitched, uneasiness washing over me.

        Every fiber of my being wanted to lie to them, to continue with this ruse that everything in my life was absolutely perfect, but I couldn't. I  _wouldn't_. And even though I predicted the consequences of what I was about to tell them, a worse fate would greet me if I proceeded to be stupid and ignore the signs that I wasn't safe at UGA anymore.

        "Yes," I admitted, squaring my shoulders. All in all, this would easily be the most mentally draining twenty-four hours of my life, but there was no room to back out now. "There's something you both should know. Something I've been meaning to tell you."

        A thoughtful look flashed across Dad's face. His jaw shifted angrily and he blurted out, "You're not going to tell me you're pregnant, are you? Not after we've finally—"

        What the what?

        "I'm not pregnant! Jesus, Dad," I cut him off, quickly offering reassurance. There was a flutter of hysteria inside me, which felt dangerously like laughter. "I can understand why you'd think that, but no." I paused. "Okay, so here's the thing, my room's not really being fumigated. It's true that I can't stay there, but that isn't why."

        Confusion flitted across their features simultaneously. My dad seemed like he was about to say something, but Mom silenced him by placing her hand on his back.

        I dragged in a shallow breath and then rushed on before I stopped, "I think... I think someone might be after me."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'M SURPRISED YOUR parents haven't placed you under house arrest yet," Amelia joked. She was applying a thin layer of lip-gloss in front of my bedroom mirror while I recounted the conversation I'd had with them to her. "Although I have to admit, I think it would be perfectly understandable."

        Confiding in my parents about everything that happened with Levi—the attack, reporting it to the police, and then him showing up at my dorm a week later—had been almost therapeutic.

        Despite their anticipated reactions—a lot of wild, frantic hand gestures from my mom, Dad loudly threatening to "hunt that son of a bitch down"—relief had still swamped me. I knew that being honest with them had been the right thing to do. The only way I could face it was head-on, and I wanted them to support my decision.

        It wasn't until they'd insisted I defer from UGA and move back to Fowler's Hill that I'd nearly regretted trying to mend bridges with them. 

        My parents had been hoping I'd change for years, trusting that I'd come around eventually and stop shutting them out. Yet, only hours after I'd shown up yesterday, they'd showcased the reason I'd had to. 

        I understood that any loving parents first instinct was to protect their child. But preventing them from going to school and ruining their social life? That seemed a bit excessive. Then again, I would've been worried if their reactions had been anything short of protective. My parents were good people. Better yet, they were good parents. 

        "I think I spent over an hour just convincing them to let me stay at UGA . " I laughed in spite of everything. "The only way I got them to agree was if I moved back here again. I'm going to take my classes online next semester."

        Amelia wheeled around, done pouting in the mirror, and slanted me a sympathetic look. "That's not much of a choice, is it?"

        Shifting on my double bed, I crossed my legs at the ankles. "Nope," I deadpanned. "But there's no way I'm postponing my studies, it's my only ticket out of this one-horse town."

        "Not true. You always have two options," she said, giving me a wink in the reflection of the mirror. She pulled her blonde hair into a loose ponytail before pinning her bangs off her face. "I mean, I'm still patiently waiting for some hot, rich bachelor to whisk me away on his boat."

        Even though I'd been in love with Jace for years—crushing on him for as long as I could remember—Amelia had always been the boy crazy one out of the two of us. That worked in our favor, though, because I barely got a second glance when she was standing next to me. Like her brother, Amelia was beautiful, and in that unfair, 'why weren't my genes more blessed?' kind of way.

        "Good luck with that." I snorted. "Maybe you can ask him if he happens to have a well-to-do twin brother."

        She plonked down on the bed beside me and nudged me with her elbow. "See, that's the spirit! You've gotta keep looking at the glass as half-full, not half-empty. This whole situation isn't so bad. It could be worse."

"How? Besides having to commute to Athens most days, I've gone from tasting pure-sweet freedom to haggling for my curfew to be pushed back an extra hour," I groaned, lying back to stare up at the ceiling. Sadness seized my heart when I detected the faint outlines of the glow-in-the-dark star stickers Tom and I had been a little heavy-handed with in the fifth grade. My voice was barely a whisper when I said, "This is exactly why I wanted to leave in the first place."

        "Would you rather I say that you're right? How much this  does  suck donkey balls?" Amelia demanded. When I gave her my best withering look, a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "That's what I thought. Look, Hayles, just remember, this is only temporary. I'm sure there'll be an update on the investigation soon. Better yet, that little freak will be questioned and held accountable."

        "I'm not holding my breath." I glanced down at my hands, unable to meet her gaze. "Yes, he grabbed me. Yes, he probably would've hurt me, had he had the chance. But he didn't. Get the chance, I mean. I was lucky enough to get away... and I don't know, I just have this feeling they won't have enough on Levi to charge him."

        Her response was immediate. "Have you told the police he paid you a visit the other morning?"

        That was the question I didn't much want to think about. A heavy feeling settled in my chest, and I buried my face in my pillow. I knew I was acting squirrely, but right now, I couldn't have cared less. The whole point of coming home was to escape what had happened, not to be constantly reminded of it.

        "No," I mumbled, peeking up at Amelia through the tangled strands of my dark hair. "As much as I love you for what you're trying to do, I want to forget about it... about all of this, at least for a little while. Can we change the subject, please? Talk about something else?"

        I tried to dispel the horrible dread that swirled inside me, particularly when I thought about how I was going to be driving to Athens at the crack of dawn, starting tomorrow, for all four of my classes.

        Ideally, I'd wanted to stay home for the rest of the week, but when my professors had attached a crazy amount of coursework in an email, explaining that I'd have to make it all up in my absence, I'd had to reassess the idea. There was no way I could afford to miss any more days of school.

        Amelia frowned. She had that troubled look in her gunmetal gray eyes that I knew so well. "Fine, I'll drop it. But I swear to God, you better not retreat into your shell or something. I'd never know what to do if you did that to me. Just promise me, whatever happens, you won't freeze me out," she went on, lips thinning with concern.

        "I promise. You should know by now that'll never happen," I assured her. "Normally, I'd be falling apart right now with everything that's been going on, but I'm not. I'm managing somehow to hold it together, and I'm okay." When Amelia shot me a distrusting glare, I was quick to add, "Really. I  am ."

        A shadow of worry passed across her features, but it was so fleeting I wondered if I was seeing things. "All right." She jumped up, heading straight for my wardrobe. "So does this mean we can go back to planning my party now?"

        "Only if you stop squirming like you're in pain whenever we do." I let out a short, dry laugh. "Just ask me whatever it is you want to ask me."

        "Geez. I almost forgot how blunt you could be," she commented and stopped flicking through what little items of clothing I'd left behind when I'd moved into my dorm room. "Well, as you know, it's my birthday this weekend, and Jace is my brother, who will also be there. And I can't imagine how awkward it might be"—she winced—"but you're still going to come, aren't you?"

Tiny hairs on the back of my neck prickled at the mention of Jace.

        After coming home yesterday, one of the first things I'd done was fill Amelia in on what had happened between her older brother and I. She couldn't believe we weren't on speaking terms again. Thankfully, she piped down about it after she'd received a broody text from him. I hadn't gone to our Concepts in Design class today, and he'd wanted to know if I was okay, if I'd made it home safely.

        I'd asked her not to tell me if he messaged her about me again. And I'd had no choice but to disclose the kiss. It was the catalyst that had forced us to air out our problems, after all. 

        Amelia gave me the scrunched-up face of disgust and another emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on as I'd been bringing her up to speed on everything. I'd spared her the intimate details of our hot, and insanely stupid, kiss the other night, but I'd told her what she needed to know: Jace and I were over before we'd even begun.

        And even though it felt like someone had dropped my heart into a food processor, I knew the solution was never going to be to avoid him—whether that was at school, or at Amelia's birthday party. It would only make this process harder, more dragged out.

        "Millie, you're my best friend. Nothing could stop me, not even having to see your brother," I said, honestly. "Plus, my life feels like it's about to get really complicated. I could use some fun."

        Twisting toward me, Amelia grinned. She paused in my doorway, yawning melodramatically. "I know. I haven't wanted to say anything, but you've kind of been killing my vibe lately." 

        "Oh hardy har har." I stuck my tongue out and threw the pillow at her retreating form.

◇

        THAT NIGHT, AS I was trekking toward the small confectionery section at Fowler's Hill's local convenience store—a poor man's Trader Joe's—I practically skidded to a stop when I spotted Zoe crouched down at the end of the aisle.

        My defenses had been down, because, up until now, the thought of running into her here had never occurred to me. Zoe lived in Statesboro, busily finishing her senior year of college, and from what I'd heard, she only came home to visit during the break.

        Numbly, I noticed her carry-basket on the floor beside her, that she was deliberating over what candy to buy.

        Nervousness charged me, and my palms started to sweat. I hated running into people from my past, especially the raven-haired girl who'd been able to burrow her way into Jace's heart. As much as I envied her, I was also slightly impressed. Trying to get close to him was proving to be an impossible feat.

        Zoe had always been sweet-tempered, so when she'd been with Jace for those three years, it had made hating her physically exhausting. She was the kind of girl who volunteered at animal shelters, all the while looking like she'd just stepped off the runway. She was also voted  Most Likely to Be Sorted into Gryffindor  in her yearbook. I mean, how could I compete with that? Eventually, I'd had to bury the hatchet and be happy for Jace.

        Just when I thought it wasn't too late to turn around and slip away unnoticed, Zoe's head snapped up, and I was trapped by her stare. It bordered on scary how fast her brown eyes had fastened on mine.

        Self-consciously, I smoothed a hand over my hair. It was up in a bun, but I was sure it more accurately resembled a bird's nest rather than any distinguishable hairdo.

        With a friendly wave, Zoe pushed to her feet, and before I could psych myself out of what I was about to do, I was walking toward her.

        "Hey there, Hayley," she said with an embarrassed smile, picking up her carry-basket. There were at least four different chocolate bars stashed inside. "You've caught me red-handed."

"You can never have a short supply," I replied as I got closer. Thankfully, it didn't betray how awkward I felt. Bumping into Zoe at a college party was one thing, but the prospect of bonding over a shared love of chocolate in an empty grocery aisle was a new kind of torture. Suddenly I couldn't wait for Amelia to stop flipping through those dumb gossip magazines at the front of the store and come save me.

        "Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a sweet tooth." Zoe huffed a laugh. Her grip on the carry-basket tightened, and she mashed her lips together. "It was a nice surprise seeing you at that house party the other week. I'm sorry we didn't get to catch up more, I... I had to leave early."

        Aside from the fact that Jace's ex-girlfriend was someone I was in no hurry to befriend, the image of us squished on that lumpy couch, attempting to converse with each other over the deafening music, made me cringe. 

        I couldn't say I was all that sorry she hadn't stuck around.

        "Yeah," I said noncommittally, hardly interested in reminiscing about that awful night. "So how are things in Statesboro?"

        "Great, thanks." She nodded, and I realized it had been a pointless question to ask. I was sure even if things weren't good in her world, I'd be the last person she'd ever tell. "Everything's really, really great."

        "Glad to hear," I said and instantly wanted to kick myself. This was hands down the most uncomfortable, stilted conversation of my life. 

        There was a tense, drawn-out pause, and I took that as my opening to step forward and begin scanning the shelf for my favorite chocolate bar.

        I tried to ignore her probing eyes, the way I could feel her watching me with visible interest. 

        It felt like someone had wound their fingers around my neck when Zoe's voice drifted after me. "How is Jace? Like, how is he really? I couldn't get much out of him that night." 

        Her question cut the air between us, and my breath went shallow. 

        Why the hell was she broaching this subject with me, of all people?

        The fluorescent lighting in the store was harsh, intensifying the blush that crept across her cheeks, and I felt a jab of pity. If my falling out with Jace had taught me anything, it was that us girls had to stick together. 

        I cursed the small part of me that still felt loyal to him—God knows why—as I made the split-second decision to omit what had happened between us in the last forty-eight hours. Besides, it was none of her business anymore.

        "Um, he's okay," I said, swallowing hard. The worst part was, he probably  was  totally okay, unlike me. Little did Zoe know, before this spontaneous outing to stock up on comfort food, I'd been living in my dinosaur onesie for the last two days. "Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. He doesn't really talk to me a whole lot, either." 

        That much was true. Despite my efforts, Jace remained guarded, notably when it came to discussing his ex.

       "Do you think he's moved on?" She tilted her head to the side, studying me.

        Shit. Shit. Shit.

        I almost choked on my tongue. This definitely wasn't something I wanted to contemplate... because, well, maybe he truly hadn't. Maybe that was why his protective armor was so damn indestructible, or why he couldn't stomach the idea of being in another relationship.

Jealousy reared its ugly head, and I had to squash it back down. I refused to let myself backslide. In the last two days I'd spent away from UGA—away from him—I'd gotten some perspective and made serious progress.

        Even though I  had  been moping, I certainly hadn't thought about how it felt to have his eyes peruse every inch of my body. Or how soft his lips were, despite the severity of his kisses. Or how, when you walked away from a guy like Jace Hammond, particularly after a kiss like that, it was hard  not  to feel branded by him.

        Damn, so maybe he wasn't completely out of my system yet. Whatever. These things took time.

        "Jace is your ex-boyfriend. You should be asking him about this, not me."

        "Are you sure about that?" Zoe arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

        What the actual fuck was going on? 

        The entire conversation was starting to extend beyond my scope of understanding.

        Frustration etched into her sharp features, and she sighed. "I showed up at that party thinking maybe enough time had passed for Jace to be ready to give me a second chance, and I got my answer when I saw him looking at you in a way I'd never once caught him looking at me."

        I was astonished into silence for a moment, knocked flat on my ass by her admission. I still couldn't work out if this was an interrogation, or if Zoe was roping me into providing her with some semblance of closure.

        I drew in a deep breath, trying to stay calm, but I was grappling at straws. "I don't know what you think you saw, but I can assure you that there's nothing going on between us."

        After five years of hopeless wishing, I'd finally resigned myself to the fact that my relationship with Jace was going to remain strictly platonic.

        "That's probably my fault," she said, glancing away. "I know he keeps saying he's forgiven me, but I wouldn't blame him if he still hadn't."

        I frowned. "I'm sorry, what are you—"

        Almost right on cue, Amelia came barreling around the corner. Her arms were balancing several packets of chips, a bottle of coke, and this month's issue of her favorite magazine.

        "Oh my God, you won't believe this! Guess who Brad Pitt's been..." She trailed off. Noticing Zoe's presence behind me, she became eerily standoffish. "Zoe," Amelia greeted, practically shooting laser beams in her direction. What the hell? "I didn't know you were back in town."

        "I'm not, just passing through. I'm actually heading further south to a friend's cabin for the night."

        "Wow. That's cool," Amelia answered, although her tone suggested it was the lamest thing she'd ever heard.

        "Well, I should probably get going. It was really nice to see you, Hayley," Zoe said after a moment. Her eyes narrowed as they flickered to Amelia, and a smirk curved her pouty mouth. "Maybe I'll drop by your house when I'm back this weekend for Labor Day, say hi to your parents and your brother."

        Aside from Amelia's uncharacteristically rude behavior, which had me reeling, I felt anxiety prickle in my gut at the knowledge that Zoe would be back in town again so soon. 

        Because Jace would be coming home then, too. 

        My train of thought abruptly screeched to a halt when Zoe tried to sidestep around us and my best friend strode directly into her path. 

Amelia's fingers shot out, encircling her wrist to yank her closer. "Was that a threat? Because you know you're not welcome at my house anymore, especially when it's my birthday. Or did you forget all about that too once you moved away?" she bit out. There was something wrong with this picture. Once upon a time, she and Zoe had been friends. "You're lucky I'm even wasting my breath talking to you right now. Don't you dare speak to Hayley again, and you better stay the fuck away from me and my brother."

        Tension poured into what little space was left between them, and I secured my mask of composure in place while I watched in shock-horror.

        Comprehension dawned gradually when Zoe's expression hardened, anger radiating off her. It was like I was suddenly seeing an entirely different person.

        " Don't  touch me," she sneered, snatching her arm back. The hostility in her voice made me rethink ever referring to her as sweet. Somehow, I managed not to let my jaw fall open. 

        "Buh-bye now," Amelia said with a flinty, intense stare. Hot damn. Remind me to never to get on her bad side.

        It was probably only ten seconds, but it felt like an eternity before Zoe pivoted on her heel and stormed past us, the black tendrils of her hair swishing. My skin crawled with a chilling awareness as I stood, stunned, and continued to gape at Amelia. Her neck was flushed from their confrontation, and she looked like she wanted to start throwing angry punches.

        "Whoa. D-Did you just... what was all that about?" I sputtered.

        "Let's just say she had it coming," she grated out. "That's the first time I've actually spoken to her since they broke up. If you weren't here, I probably would have been dragged away in cuffs."

        Squeezing the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming on, I mumbled, "Okay, I am so confused right now. I thought Zoe was nice. I mean, yes, I disliked her by default, but did I actually believe she had an insincere bone in her body? No."

         Amelia expelled a humorless laugh. "Sooner or later, you see people for who they are, not for who they pretend to be."

        I agreed one hundred percent, but that didn't explain away the train wreck I'd just witnessed.

        "In all seriousness, Millie, what was that? And don't say "nothing." I know when you start being all philosophical, you're either drunk, or you're withholding something big," I pointed out as I swiped the candy bar from the shelf that I'd been side-eyeing. "What aren't you telling me?"

        "Don't you get it? I  can't. " She scowled, her gaze fixed ahead as we made tracks to the checkout. "Forget I said anything."

        Oh hell to the no.

        There was no way I could ignore that my best friend had just had a bizarre confrontation with Zoe—the bane of my childhood existence—for unknown reasons, especially when I had the sinking suspicion those reasons had everything to with Jace.

        Hesitatingly, I asked, "Does this have anything to do with her wanting another chance with Jace?"

        Amelia froze in the middle of dumping her countless chip packets, Dr. Pepper, and gossip magazine onto the conveyor belt at the register.

        "Nope," she said, recovering quickly. Then she turned her attention to the cashier. "Just these, thanks."

        I barely resisted the urge to stomp my foot in frustration, sensing that she was lying to me. Exhaling, I placed my chocolate bar on the top of her pile and attempted to muster some sense of normalcy. I tried to pretend that my stomach wasn't filled with knots, or that I wasn't overanalyzing every word Zoe had said to me in order to try and make sense of tonight.

        Amelia and I were quiet for a couple of minutes as we approached my Volkswagen, parked in the lot outside. The sun had slipped from the sky since we'd arrived, and there was a surprising chill in the air considering it was only the beginning of fall.

        I was able to keep my curiosity in check until she spoke up, "Please don't be pissed at me." There was fear in her voice.

        "I'm not," I told her. "I'm just trying to get a grip on this." Digging around for my keys in my purse, I sighed wearily. "Before you interrupted us, the whole time Zoe was talking to me... I can't explain it, but it was so weird. It was like she was fishing to see if I knew something I clearly didn't. Then she mentioned something about Jace forgiving her? I thought he'd broken up with Zoe because he wanted to be single," I continued on. "I'm so sick of feeling like things are constantly being kept from me, and now my best friend won't even be honest with me."

        Amelia fiddled with the plastic shopping bag, muttering something inaudible under her breath. Her chin lifted, and even with the lack of light, I could detect the shadows settling into the furrow of her brow. "He did," she whispered. 

        Alarm bells wailed in my head, but I couldn't bring myself to shut up. "What?" 

        "He did break up with her because he didn't want to be in a serious relationship anymore," Amelia admitted, "but that was only partly why."

        "Okay. Did something happen?" 

        Maybe my conversation with Zoe had confirmed a suspicion that was already there, because I was willing to bet money I didn't have that she'd broken his heart. That it hadn't been the amicable break up he'd led me to believe it was.

        She started to speak, and then she stopped, her gaze wandering around the parking lot for a long moment, not meeting mine. Her uneasiness made my chest spasm.

        "You've probably guessed, anyway, so there's really no point in me keeping it a secret anymore," Amelia said, her voice thready. The breeze tangled in her short, blonde hair, and then she turned back to me, finally. "Zoe cheated on him."


	12. Chapter 12

EVEN THOUGH IT didn't take a genius to put two and two together, when I heard the words spoken, it was still a total shock to me. 

        I couldn't believe that the real reason Jace had called it quits with his ex-girlfriend had more to do with the fact that she'd been two-timing him than it did with my long standing theory that he'd wanted a taste of the single life before he graduated from college. The more I thought about it, the more conflicted I became about the whole thing.

        Keeping my voice level, I said, "Did you just say what I think—"

        "She cheated on him," Amelia repeated, her features tight with unspoken emotion. "And it wasn't just the one time. She cheated on him for months."

        It was stupid, really, that even in that moment, after everything, I still felt the sting of betrayal, clawing its way up my throat, at the realization that Jace hadn't trusted me enough to tell me himself. Especially because, now that the words were out there, I knew I shouldn't have been all that surprised. If he talked to me about things more, maybe I wouldn't have been forced to walk away. 

        It was hard, because aside from those familiar, impenetrable walls that shielded him, there had been a handful of times over the years where he'd let his guard down around me. 

        When Tom died, Jace had been the only person who hadn't sounded generic and painfully rehearsed, like a sympathy card. Instead, he'd hooked an arm around my waist and held me against him at my brother's funeral, knowing that was the type of support I needed. And how, holed up in his room together—right after he'd made the decision to end his relationship with Zoe—Jace had actually cried in front of me, his shoulders shaking softly. Despite the fact that he'd withheld the reason why he'd called it off with her, it was the first, and only time, I'd seen him so vulnerable.

       Those were the reasons why I'd sat tight, hoping maybe  that  guy would make a more permanent appearance. Or that the appeal to be a party playboy would gradually fade, that his defensive nature wasn't due to trust issues.

       Until now, I'd been under the impression their split was mutual—that they'd both been unhappy—because Jace had never corrected me otherwise.

       No matter how frantically my mind raced to come to terms with the piece of information that had fallen into my lap, disbelief still trickled in. There was a ghost of a chance Zoe had been unfaithful—I mean, what girl would cheat when she had Jace?—and worse yet, that my best friend had known about it for over a year.

        Confusion and anger swirled inside me, every muscle locking up as I stared at Amelia, as I processed everything. She lowered the shopping bag to the ground, her wide, puppy-dog eyes pleading with me to understand.

"You knew the entire time why he ended it with her?" I asked, and a strange pressure clamped down on my chest.

        There had never been secrets between Amelia and me before, and the knowledge that she'd been dishonest suspended uncomfortably between us. The memory of all those times I'd asked her if she knew why he'd broken up with Zoe was like an icepick chipping away at my frozen heart, because she'd lied to me every single time.

        Amelia stepped in front of me, raising her palms. "I couldn't tell you! Come on, Hayles. It wasn't my place. He's my brother, and I... I just couldn't. I'm sorry."

I'm your best friend!  I wanted to say. A nd you knew how I felt about him, how long I'd agonized over their relationship.  I stayed silent, though, because it was a moot point. I knew, deep down, that she was right,  so  right. There were things Tom and I had shared when he was alive that I would never tell another soul. I would always keep his secrets, especially now that he was gone, and I knew more than anyone that the invisible ties that connected siblings were unbreakable. That admission caused a sharp, tingling pain to spread behind my ribs.

        A couple of seconds passed, and then Amelia buried her face in her hands. "Either way, I was bound to screw up."

        "It's okay," I murmured, my voice sounding hollow. Holding onto this would only create bitterness, and I wasn't willing to lose anyone else I loved. "Don't get me wrong. It's upsetting that you didn't say anything until now, but I understand why you couldn't, and I'll get over it. I guess I'm just upset that Jace doesn't share anything with me, like ever. Even during that summer last year, when you and your parents went to stay with your grandmother, when I was there for him, he still didn't open up. We hung out every day, just listening to music in his room. Sometimes we'd talk and other times there was no need to. God, he was an absolute wreck, and I was still so lost without Tom, but we got through it together and..." I hesitated, blinking back the tears that had welled in my eyes. Damn it, I'd promised myself I wasn't going to cry over him anymore. Wasting time sulking about the one-sided friendship we'd had was the epitome of stupid. "I just thought he would've told me," I finished lamely.

        The wind picked up again, stirring my hair and the drying, fallen leaves at our feet. I wrapped my arms around my waist.

        "Uh, yeah, well..." Amelia shifted her weight from one foot to the other, and those silvery eyes avoided my concerned gaze. "I may have forgotten to mention one last thing."

        Aaand whatever composure I'd managed to assemble, evaporated into thin air.

        "So, um, Jace didn't tell me," she admitted quietly. "He doesn't even know that I know."

        That threw me for a loop. I blinked once and then twice, debating whether Amelia had developed a newfound, twisted sense of humor.

        "What?" A laugh bubbled up, escaping croakily.

Of course he didn't know.

A wave of tiredness hit me, working its knuckles into my shoulders. This whole night called for comfort food. As I fished out my measly chocolate bar from the shopping bag, I instantly regretted leaving behind the carton of ice cream I'd spent a solid minute talking myself out of buying. Who was I kidding, the antidote to heartbreak was always going to be induced sugar comas.

        "Now do you get why I couldn't say anything?" It was a statement, not a question. "He didn't tell me. I wasn't even supposed to know." She kind of laughed. "It's a total clusterfuck."

        Muttering in an undertone, I said, "Mm. Like things aren't complicated enough." 

        "Right."

My brain was lagging behind. It sounded crazy, but I felt like there was more to it, like Amelia was still holding out on me. I leaned back against the driver's side door of my Volkswagen, the cool metal doing wonders for my feverish skin, which was burning up underneath my V-neck. 

        Curiosity superseded my common sense in roughly a nanosecond. "So, considering Jace didn't tell you, how exactly did you find out, then?"

        Her expression changed. "I overheard him on the phone to Zoe the morning after he'd gone to visit her in Statesboro." She paused. "I don't think he knew I was home. I mean, the things he was saying... and well, it didn't take me long to work out what had happened. Jace had gone to surprise her before finals, and he'd walked in on her having sex with another guy in her apartment. It turned out it wasn't just any guy, either. It was Dallas McCormack. You remember him, right? I think he was on every girl's radar at our high school."

        Oh. My. God.

        Not Dallas.

        I had an immediate recollection of him, and more specifically, how I'd thought he should have been up for asshole of the year award. No joke. There had always been bad blood between him and Jace.

        "The fact that Zoe was wearing Dallas's baseball jersey, that she was branded with his surname when Jace caught them together, came up multiple times throughout their conversation," she went on, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

        Disgust curled its way into my belly, dipping and twisting as I digested what Amelia had said.

        "Holy shit," I whispered.

        But seriously, holy shit. Whatever I'd anticipated, it hadn't been that.

        And I swear, it felt like my heart had just been drop-kicked across the parking lot, splitting in two. Breaking all over again, but this time  for  Jace. 

        He'd had to suffer through it alone. 

        All of this... it seemed surreal.

        At first, I'd assumed that maybe he'd stumbled upon some incriminating text messages on Zoe's phone, but that was nothing compared to finding your two-faced, long-term girlfriend getting jiggy with someone else.

        As I stood there, shell-shocked, I looked up at the dark clouds rolling in, blocking the stars in the night sky. My lingering thoughts continued to rattle around in my head until I realized, no matter what happened between Jace and me, I would always care for him. He'd been part of my life as long as Amelia had, and quite frankly, I doubted the urge to throw down with any girl who hurt him would ever subside.

        Ergo, Zoe.

        She'd dated the sweetest and most drop-dead gorgeous guy for three years, and yet, she'd thrown it all away just to be a notch in Dallas's ever-growing belt.

        "He's practically a walking STD! How could you..." Instead of finishing that sentence, I exhaled and angrily bit into my caramel chocolate bar.

        Dallas McCormack was not only the infamous manwhore who was rumored to have slept his way through half of the female population in Georgia, he also happened to be the captain of the baseball team at Georgia College. He was likely to be drafted by the Atlanta MLB team when he graduated in the winter, going on to play professionally. My brother had idolized Dallas after he'd been scouted from a high school in a neighboring small town. He'd only been a year older than Tom at the time. I'd personally never understood why people seemed to worship the ground he walked upon.

I knew he hadn't always been like that, though—an asshole. He'd been a good guy once, had his shit together more than most. But that all changed when he met Kasey Casiano, the girl my brother had loved, too. 

        "Haven't you heard? Fuckboys are always hot." Amelia's voice pulled me from my thoughts, and she was flushed, the crisp wind reddening her cheeks. "That's why you often don't think with your brain when you get involved with one."

        I raised a brow. "I don't care if they're hot or not, guys like that should come with a warning label."

        When Amelia didn't respond and more silence drifted out, I pursed my lips. "Why didn't Jace just tell me what was going on?" I wondered out loud. "I would've understood. I mean, it all makes perfect sense now. Why he maintains a safe distance, why he can't commit to anyone... and, honestly, I can't say I blame him."

        If I'd found my boyfriend in bed with another girl, I probably would've given up on love altogether. I'd have grown into an old spinster, knitting shabby sweaters and rambling to my legion of cats. 

        I was being dramatic, but still. I didn't know if I'd have handled it any better, myself. 

        Even though I was willing to cut Jace some slack, it didn't change the facts. It didn't erase all the things he'd said, and it definitely didn't excuse his actions—everything that had spurred me to end our friendship in the first place. 

        "Amen to that." She let out a breath. "At least you understand now."

        "Understand what?"

        "Why I wanted to strangle Zoe back there with my bare hands."

        We both laughed, her joke diffusing some of the tension.

       "Now can you please open up your goddamn car?" Amelia asked, shivering in her T-shirt, sweats, and sheepskin boots. "I'm freezing my ass off out here."

        My smile widened as I tapped the button on my keys, unlocking my Volkswagen.

        Despite everything, I knew I still had, and always would have, my best friend in the entire world. And that was worth more.

◇

        EVERY MUSCLE IN my body constricted when I entered the art studio the next morning. My gaze immediately aligned with Jace's, and I was disappointed to find a schooled lack of expression on his striking face. 

        Pulse pounding, I sucked in a soft breath and tried to calm down.  

        He was slouched casually behind the closest workbench to the door, sitting opposite Piper and Owen, and even though he only had on a navy sweater over jeans, he still managed to look like he was modeling for an ad in GQ.

        I knew that the next time I saw him was going to be hard, but this hitting me way more than I'd expected. Seeing him now, it was so much easier to remember the way it had felt to be in his arms, the soft texture of his hair beneath my fingers. My lips tingled as I thought about that life-changing kiss for the umpteenth time. And when I noticed Jace was clean-shaven, I couldn't help but mourn the loss of his stubble, recalling how good it had felt grazing my—

        I winced internally.

        Nope .  Not going to go there.

        Jace's gaze strayed over to me, and his smoky, blue-gray eyes drilled into mine. There was an unmistakable flicker of hope in them when he saw me take note of the empty seat beside him.

Despite the fact that I felt paralyzed under his intense stare, I forced myself to walk past his bench, offering him a small nod of acknowledgment because I wasn't a total bitch.

        Realizing that all the other chairs were taken, aside from one at the very front of the room next to a girl with short, black hair, left me on edge.

        Wishing I'd stayed home again today, or that I could all of a sudden develop the superpower to turn invisible, I stopped at the front workbench and wedged my tote bag in between the table leg and the drafting chair.

        "Hi, I'm Hayley." I smiled down at the dark-haired girl who was busily flicking through the textbook. "I hope you don't mind if I sit here."

        "Oh, hey." She tipped her head back to look up at me, and her almond-shaped eyes were the most interesting color I'd ever seen. They were amber with darker flecks of gold near her pupils. "Of course not! I enrolled late in this course, so you're actually saving me from looking pathetic and alone right now."    

        I laughed as I slipped into the spot beside her, tugging out my books and a pen. I was so ready for this class to be over, but the professor was still setting up, his briefcase and lecture notes sprawled out in a disorganized heap.

        "My name's Eden, by the way," she told me, booting up her computer. Then she spun on me suddenly. "Okay, I'm going to do something totally embarrassing now, so promise me you won't judge. I've read that sharing things about yourself is a good way to break the ice. I mean, that sounds legit, right? I thought maybe you'd like to know three very intriguing facts about Eden."

        Okay, I officially liked this girl.

        Anyone that spoke about themselves in the third person was automatically considered a friend. Besides, her straightforwardness was refreshing, and I felt oddly comfortable in her presence already.    

        Without hesitation, I smirked and said, "Where were you when we had our orientation session? You would've loved all the awkward 'turn to your partner and get to know them' activities."

        "Oooh." Eden's eyebrows shot up. "That's like dirty talk to me."

        Grinning involuntarily, I prompted her, "So, tell me, what are these very intriguing facts about Eden? I'm dying to know."

        "Well, obviously, I'm also a freshman," she started rambling. "I have an unhealthy addiction to painting my nails, like each day you'll notice they're a different color. Don't ask me why. Oh, and definitely don't be startled by the life-size pillow of Ryan Gosling in my dorm room if you ever come hang out. You can't say I haven't warned you."

        "Oh my God, you can get one of those?" I gasped, my eyes widening. "Why am I only hearing about this now?"

        While Eden and I sat together throughout the lecture—snickering when the professor couldn't find certain handout sheets and exchanging sidelong glances when he droned on about the principles of design—it dawned on me that it was the longest period of time I had gone without thinking about Jace.

        I'd even managed to quell the urge to turn around in my chair to see if the pair of eyes I felt searing into the back of my head belonged to him.

        Suffice to say, Eden was heaven-sent.

        Jace and I weren't friends anymore, which meant I'd also lost my connection to Piper and Owen—the only other people I'd spent time with at UGA. I'd reverted back to being friendless again. So knowing that she was going to be in this class from now on left me with a feeling of immense relief, especially when we compared schedules and discovered we also had another class, Concepts Studio, together.

The minute class ended, I waved goodbye to Eden and raced from the art studio like I was trying to outrun a fire.

        I tightened my grip on the strap of my bag and threaded my way through the plethora of students that had gathered outside the building, waiting for their next class.

        Cutting across the quad, I headed back to central campus, walking so fast I was practically running.

        As I neared the cobblestone path that led to the library, Jace fell into step beside me with effortless, long-legged strides.   

        So much for my clean escape.

        My stomach sank and fear scaled up my spine, imagining all the possible reasons for why he'd come after me.

        Stifling a sigh, I asked, "What part of staying away from each other did you not understand?"

        The fight we had moved to the forefront of my mind, and discomfort spread through me. Being face to face and alone with Jace was awkward as hell, and something I'd hoped to avoid until Amelia's birthday party.

        Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed his mouth was set in a determined line. "We need to talk," he said, conviction ringing clear in his voice.

        Reluctantly, I slowed my pace, knowing this conversation was inevitable. I'd just hoped I'd had longer to try and get over him before we'd needed to have it.

        "Okay." I dragged my eyes up to his and nodded. "I'm listening."

        He stared down at me through his thick lashes, and heat flooded my insides. Biting down on my lip, I steeled myself and waited for him to speak.

        "Let's just take a minute to cool off," he announced. He took a step forward, expression serious. "I've been thinking a lot about everything you said that night, and I don't think one slip-up should damage our friendship. We can get past this."   

        A slip-up? Was that what we were calling it now?

        It made it sound like he'd tripped and fallen onto my lips, accidentally kissing me senseless.

        I don't think so.

        It took a bit for my tongue to form the words. "I can't, and more importantly, I don't want to. Being friends with you is too hard."  Being friends with you isn't enough.

Readjusting the messenger-style bag that was slung over his shoulder, he looked away, jaw tight. When his gaze finally crawled back to mine, he said, "So that's it, then? There's nothing I can say that will change your mind?"

        I thought to myself, um, how about, "I'm such an idiot, Hayley. I can't believe I haven't been able to see what was standing right in front of me all along." But I kept that crap to myself.

        A girl could dream.

        "No," I answered, sticking to my guns. Going back on everything I'd said now wouldn't just be humiliating, it would be a huge mistake. "See you later."

        Ignoring the guilt that scraped at me, I pushed past him. I made it all of two steps before he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

        "C'mon, Hayles," he pleaded. Jace still hadn't dropped his hand, and his touch was searing through the thin material of my cardigan, sending warmth right into my veins. "Don't do this. I never wanted—"

        "That's the point, though," I interrupted him. "You and I, we don't want the same things. At first, I thought maybe you might change your mind. I mean, you'd been a relationship kind of guy before, but then I found out that Zoe—" I stopped dead. The air froze in my lungs as it dawned on me that I'd just run my mouth. "Shit."

        The blood drained from his face, and I actually considered digging myself a hole, right there on campus. In front of everybody.

        "Shit," I whispered again.

        Jace's teeth clenched so hard I almost heard the creak of bone. "What did you say?"

        "Nothing. I didn't say anything," I lied as the panic I felt proceeded to swell higher.

        Silence.

        I watched tensely as the anger left him, as a look of resignation seeped into his features. "Zoe told you, didn't she?"

        "It doesn't matter who told me," I decided. "What matters is that you never did. We were so close that summer, Jace. Hell, I confided in you more than anyone, and you had so many chances to do the same... to let me into your world. But you didn't. Not once."

        Not even the night I told you how I felt about you, I thought.

        His fingers curled around my own, and while I knew he was only playing peacekeeper, my heart still went haywire. "I get why you're pissed. You were there for me when my relationship with her was fucked up. But to be fair, I wasn't exactly going to put all that shit on you when you were barely keeping your own head above water. Tom was gone, and you weren't coping."

        "Stop—stop right there," I said, renewing my efforts to hold my ground. I gave myself a mental high-five for passing the true test of self-control: I hadn't caved into him, and I hadn't let his touch scatter any rational thought. "I can't hear this. Not today."

        His chest rose with a heavy breath. "You know, I never told anyone why I ended it with Zoe... because then I'd have to admit that my relationship with her didn't just fail because we were unhappy, it failed because I gave my heart to the wrong girl."

        Jace's gaze dipped, roving over me steadily, and I felt consumed by his stare, just like I'd felt when he'd kissed me. The butterflies in my belly were now fluttering around in full force.

        After a drawn-out pause, he exhaled deeply, and those blue-gray eyes pierced me. "And now that you know, you're already looking at me differently."

        "I'm not, I promise. And if I were, it wouldn't be because I felt sorry for you. It would be because I just realized you really can't offer me anything more." I swallowed the spiky lump in my throat, and for a brief moment, I felt like crying. "Jesus, she did a serious number on you, didn't she? I knew you were miserable back then—we both were—but Jace, I had no idea. If I had known... well, I  would've been more understanding about why a relationship is too much of a commitment for you."

        On a roll now with absolutely no intention of shutting up, I continued, "And as much as I appreciate you fighting for our friendship, I'm still hurt you didn't tell me. That you were so adamant about shutting me out. I'm not Zoe, and I don't know how else I can prove it to you if you're constantly pushing me away. But more than anything, I just wish you'd been honest with me from the beginning. Maybe then things would've turned out differently for us."

        Jace exhaled in a slow rush. "Fuck. You're amazing," he said, his voice deeper than normal, and his gaze dropped to our entwined hands. Then he surprised me by letting go. "But  this  is why I can't be with you, Hayles. Aside from the fact that I don't deserve you, our friendship is way too important to me to risk losing. Most chicks would've ripped me a new one, but you're not like any of them. You get it. You get  me ."

        "I do." I blinked in quick succession, trying to withhold my unshed tears. "And that's why, when you talk about wanting to salvage our friendship, I can't help but wonder if we were ever friends in the first place, because if we truly were... none of this would have ever happened."   


	13. Chapter 13

"SHE'S HERE! MY best friend's finally here!" Amelia shouted, her voice carrying over the party, and before I knew what was happening, she was wrapping me in a body-crushing hug.

        It was the following weekend, and her house was packed, like she'd posted the invite to all her friends on Facebook. People were everywhere, gyrating on the makeshift dance floor, making-out on the couches, and gathering around a pool table stowed away in the corner. Club music blared from the in-wall speakers, causing the floorboards to reverberate beneath my heeled boots.

        Despite the fact that Amelia's tight embrace was cutting off my air supply, she continued to cling to me, as if I hadn't just been over earlier this afternoon, helping her set up.

        "Struggling to breathe over here," I wheezed.

        She mumbled something incoherent and giggled.

        Pulling back to get a good look at her, I noticed the silver tiara, sitting slightly lopsided on top of her head, and the empty champagne flute, glued to her hand. Her simple black dress was riding dangerously high—so high I was surprised she wasn't flashing her underwear—and those gray eyes were hazy and unfocused when they met my own.

        It took me all of five seconds to reach the conclusion that Amelia was already drunk, and my smile inched wider.

        Her forehead crinkled. "You're late," she whined, and her words were slurred. "You were supposed to be here over an hour ago. I had to start without you."

        "I can see that." I snickered, motioning to the variety of liquor bottles that were opened on the kitchen counter. There also happened to be discarded plastic cups littering the floor throughout the adjoining rooms.

        "Jace was looking for you earlier," Amelia told me, and I stifled a groan. "But don't worry, I told him to leave you alone."

        As I processed what she had just said, my heart tugged in two different directions. I'd spent the whole day caught between being thrilled and horrified at the thought of seeing him again tonight.

        A wave of sadness washed over me, and I could feel my resolution rapidly abating. Attending my best friend's nineteenth birthday party had been a no-brainer, but that didn't necessarily mean I was jumping for joy about being here, either.

        Bumping into Jace around campus and sneaking glances at him in class over the past few days had caused me enough physical pain. I didn't even want to consider how I'd react if I spotted him flirting up a storm with some random girl. Worse yet, if I was to walk in on him hooking up with someone else. I mean, this was technically his house, too, and I knew that his parents had kept his room for whenever he came home to stay.

Snap out of it, Hayley.

        I was determined to get through the night without causing a scene or turning into a pathetic depressed-mess.

        Trying to be a picture of perfect calm, I straightened. I made sure my tone was devoid of any emotion when I declared, "I need a drink." Remembering that I'd sworn off alcohol, I quickly added, "A non-alcoholic drink. Sorry, Millie."

        "Don't apologize, I get it." She winked, linking arms with me. "You're not here to get drunk with me, you're here to celebrate. There's a big difference."

        I didn't object when she began steering me toward the kitchen. As we navigated our way through the throng of sweaty bodies, I noticed several guys checking me out with forthright interest. I hated the disappointment that coiled when I recognized none of them were Jace, and then I wanted to kick myself for still drawing comparisons between him and other guys. That needed to stop. The last thing I wanted to be was like the parade of girls at UGA who obsessed over him like lovesick puppies. That wasn't me. Not anymore.

        Squeezing past a group who were in the middle of an intense round of Never Have I Ever, we sidled up to the island bench.

        Amelia stabilized her weight by leaning against the granite countertop, grinning. "Take your pick. In the way of non-alcoholic drinks, we have coke, sweet tea, or my personal favorite"—she wiggled her eyebrows—"root beer."

        Not only was she not pressuring me to drink, she was willing to make light of the fact that I wasn't going to be catching up to her drunk ass tonight. Her birthday, of all nights. Another reminder that she was the best friend I'd ever have. 

        "Root beer it is," I replied without a beat of hesitation, reaching for an unopened can.

        "Smart choice."

        Feigning party spirit, I popped the tab and took a long swig, the sweet and carbonated liquid burning my throat. It beat the hell out of regular beer, that was for sure, and I felt totally proud of myself. It was a win-win, in my books.

        Amelia's light-colored hair brushed her shoulders as she leaned closer and said, "We're going to go dance in a sec. But before we do, I want you to come with me, 'kay?"

        "Okaaay," I drawled. "Now I'm really curious."

        She tugged me back into the living room, and I was immediately hit with the smell of sweat, alcohol, and cologne.

        There was loud chatter competing with the volume of the thumping music and raucous calls of encouragement from the spectators swarming around the current game of pool.

        My eyes skimmed the crowd, wanting to know where Jace was. I still hadn't seen him yet, and despite reminding myself that I wasn't here for him, I wondered if he really had listened to his sister. Maybe he was going to spend the entire night dodging me.

        Amelia's voice filtered through my thoughts when she hissed in my ear, "Also, why didn't you tell me you'd met Owen? That guy is so  fiiiine ."

         I swallowed a laugh or a choking sound. It was hard to tell the difference as the music had scaled to lethal decibels.

Then, before comprehension could completely set in, we were approaching Piper and Owen, who were standing near the doorway that led out to the wraparound porch.

        A niggle of guilt ensnared me. I hadn't noticed they were here.

        When Piper looked up and spotted us, she smiled broadly, showing off her cute dimples. "Hayley! Oh my God, it's so good to see you," she greeted, offering me a quick hug. 

        Owen slid his baseball cap around backward, and his gaze smoldered as he stared down at my best friend. "Amelia. Hey." 

        Yep, I'd totally called it. 

        Either that or I was imagining the way they were practically undressing each other with their eyes. I bit down on my lip, unable to hide my amusement as I watched Amelia's entire body flush.

        She hastily returned her attention to Piper. "Um, so I think you wanted to..."

        "Right, of course. I was hoping to speak to you about something, Hayley," she said, before flicking an unsure glance up at Owen. "Actually, we bothwere."

        He nodded, non-verbalizing his agreement. 

        My stomach dipped. Although I was only wearing a lace slip dress, a fine sheen of sweat still prickled across my skin. 

        "Is this about Jace?" I asked, apprehension gnawing at me. "Because if it is... I don't want to know."

        Amelia let out a big sigh. "I told you. She won't want to hear it."

        Scratch that. The apprehension I'd felt was nothing compared to the huge, icy ball of fear that was now forming in my tummy.

        I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remain level-headed. "Okay, fine. What is it? I'm really not coping well, so after this, can we please not talk about—"

        "That's just the thing, neither is Jace," Owen gritted out. "He turned up to class drunk yesterday. He was supposed to present his portfolio, and when the professor threatened to fail him, he just walked out."

        My mouth fell open, but I couldn't make a sound.

        "Now, I know Jace. He hasn't worked this hard just for his GPA to take a hit now. Not only that, I don't think he's sleeping. He won't return either of our calls. Hell, I didn't think he would even show tonight," Owen continued, undeterred by my stunned silence. "Whatever happened between you two is taking a serious toll on him. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's your fault, or that it's your responsibility, but maybe you could try talking to him? I'm worried he's gonna go off the rails." 

        My poor, addled brain didn't know how the heck to interpret any of that.     

        I looked away, incapable of meeting Owen's eyes again, worry creeping in.

        And then I saw him.

        I knew what I was seeing, but somehow, it still didn't seem real. 

        My vision tunneled like I had blinkers on, and my heart dropped into my gut.

        Jace was dancing with a leggy red-head, if dancing meant her twirling around and rubbing up against him like he was a stripper pole. It only got worse. His hands were fastened around her slender hips. Watching him touch her in the same way he'd touched me was a side of torture.

She was hot, wearing a pink bralette and a skimpy pair of shorts. I wouldn't have even gone to bed wearing so little clothing, let alone venturing out in public. But she was able to rock that outfit in a way I never could.

        As if feeling my gaze, Jace's eyes collided with mine beneath the dimmed lights, and my insides hollowed sickeningly.

        So, this was what he'd been doing the whole time I'd been trying to forget about him?

        Jealousy or something equally stupid flared in my chest. Apparently he didn't blow hot and cold when it came to other girls and getting laid.

        He stared back at me, utterly expressionless, almost like his features were carved out of stone, but his hands dropped from around her waist.

        For a brief moment, the noises of the party were drowned out, and I couldn't move at all.

        The chick proceeded to grind on him, practically dry humping his leg. It was too much.

        I quickly averted my gaze, not needing to see this. The sight of them together was enough to shatter my resolve and halt the air in my lungs.

        Someone knocked into me, elbowing me in the side, and it sent the liquid in my can spilling all down my dress. I gasped as cold root beer soaked me, but I barely caught the muttered apology. Besides, I was too focused on trying not to have a meltdown.

        Cradling my spilled drink, I turned to Owen, and he grimaced. His face was a myriad of pained emotions, as if he could sense the error of his ways.

        "You're right, Jace seems super cut up about us," I said tonelessly.

        I didn't stick around to listen to his response. 

        Stumbling into the hallway, I shoved my way through the crowd, walking toward the front entrance. The thick air and the faint smell of smoke inside Amelia's house was making my head spin. I needed to get out of here. Right now. Before I did something embarrassing, like crying all over myself.

        Reaching for the front door, I shot outside, a chill rolling over me. The temperature felt like it had dropped by about ten degrees, and I shivered in my damp dress, but I didn't turn back. Probably because I knew the minute I stopped running, I'd break.

◇

        IT WAS A quarter past two in the morning when my phone chimed on my nightstand, but I wasn't asleep. Slowly blinking my eyes clear, I peeked at the lit up screen. 

        It was another text from Amelia: I'm so sorry, Hayles.  

She'd left my house not that long ago, and yet, she'd already texted me twice, apologizing. I'd lost count of how many times she'd told me she was sorry in such a short time span. 

        I shook my head, smiling faintly.  Don't be. I'm the one who's sorry. I hope I didn't ruin your birthday , I typed back.

        A few seconds later, her reply popped up.  No way. Spending quality time with my best friend? Best birthday ever.

Relief poured through me.

        Shortly after I'd gotten home, Piper had driven Amelia over to check on me under the guise that her party had turned into an out-of-control rager. When it became clear that Amelia wasn't planning on leaving, the three of us had settled on watching a movie together. It was so nice to just hang out with them and share a tub of ice cream, to be reminded for the second time tonight that I had such incredible friends. 

        It had been so kind of Piper to bring my best friend over, too. She clearly knew that Amelia was closer to me than anyone else in my life, even if her brother was the biggest jerk.

        Speaking of, I hope Jace vomited and fell in it tonight. He deserved it.

        Rolling over, I buried my face back in the pillow and expelled a quiet groan. I needed a distraction, something to pull me from my bleak thoughts. 

        For the last hour, my brain had been whirring relentlessly and replaying the same image of Jace and the red-head. How his strong arms had secured her against him as they'd danced, and how those blue-gray eyes had turned fierce when they'd connected with mine, as if he'd been daring me to look away.

Okay. I needed to stop obsessing over everything. It was only adding to the hurt that was already balled up inside me. 

        Fumbling around in the darkness, I flicked on my lamp. Brightness flooded my room, and my eyes took a minute to adjust to the change. 

        Needing to focus on something else, I crawled off the bed and over to my desk, reaching for my laptop. I still had the newest episode of  Black Sails  to—

Creeeak.

        Shit. It was like the typical, creepy opening door sound, and I stiffened.

        Except, in this case, that was impossible, because my bedroom door was unmistakably shut.

Creeeak.

        The noise came again, and I jumped about five feet high. Obviously, my house was haunted, or I was hearing things. Either way, both outlooks were equally concerning.

        Then, out of my periphery, I noticed my window scraping open further in the wind, which was currently rattling the house. Frowning, I stepped forward.

        "I swore I closed you before I left," I whispered.  

        Cautiously, I placed my palms down on the windowsill and peered out into the night. The seasonably cool breeze knotted my hair as I scanned my front yard. The dense foliage surrounding my house stirred, the tall oak tree swaying, but other than that, there were no other signs of movement. 

        It wasn't until I'd been about to draw back from the window that I heard the crunch of dry leaves beneath feet. 

        My pulse jack-knifed.

        There was definitely someone lurking outside my bedroom.     

        Scared stiff, I wondered how the hell was I going to be able to sleep now. 

        My phone vibrated on my quilt cover again, but this time, it droned on for longer. When I realized it was a call and not another text from Amelia, I slammed the window down and dove for it before it went to voice mail. At that moment, I didn't care who it was, just as long as there was someone else on the other line to prevent me from completely freaking out.

"Hello?" I inhaled sharply, not even thinking to check the caller ID beforehand. 

        Oh my God. 

        What if this was going to veer into  When a Stranger Calls  land? What if the person outside my window happened to know my phone number as well?

        "I didn't think you'd answer." Jace's deep voice rumbled through me, and as annoyed as I was with him, I couldn't deny the relief I felt, or the way that my heart squeezed. "It was a long shot. Listen, Hayley, before you hang up on me, I'm, like, one minute from your place. So, either way, we're going to have this conversation. I can't leave it like this." 

        My breathing faltered. "You mean you're on my street? Are you walking over? Have you seen anyone around?"

        "Whoa, hey. What's with all the questions? Are you okay?" His tone was low, strained. "And yeah, I'm walking over. There's no way I'm driving anywhere tonight."

        "No, I'm not okay," I told him. "My bedroom window blew open, even though I remember shutting it, and I heard someone outside my bedroom. I think—" 

        Jace cut me off by saying, "Hey, slow down. It's okay. I'm almost here, can you let me in?"  

        "Uh-huh," I spoke low as I tiptoed out of my bedroom. Even though my parents were out of town for the long weekend, like Amelia's, I needed to keep a low profile, particularly if someone thought my garden made for the perfect hiding place.  

        As I crept downstairs, the moonlight filtered through the skylight above, illuminating the walls and providing just enough visibility for me to reach the foyer without tripping over or bumping into anything.  

        Steeling myself, I quietly unlocked the front door for him.

        Jace was standing on my porch. I studied his profile, the flutter in my stomach amplifying. One side of his lips curled up when he turned to face me.

        "Hi." He exhaled softly. 

        Remembering him and that girl dancing earlier was enough to squash that stupid little thing called hope that I could feel blossoming inside me. I pulled my phone away from my ear, disconnecting the call. 

        "Hi," I murmured, keeping my voice neutral.

        He uncrossed his arms. "I couldn't see anyone outside, Hayles. If there was someone else here, they're long gone now." 

        Upon hearing those words, another wave of relief rippled through me. "Okay, thanks for your help," I clipped out.

        We stared at each other, the air between us growing thick.

        Jace's eyes darkened as they raked over my face, my chest, my bare legs, and then back up to linger on the lettering of my sleep shirt, which said, ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 HOW OBSESSED AM I WITH HARRY POTTER? 9 ¾.

        The grin was spreading.

        It wasn't until I followed his gaze down that I realized he probably wasn't even reading the printed text. At all.

        My nipples had pebbled in the cold, pressing against the thin material, which pretty much hid nothing. And aside from that old T-shirt, all I had on was a pair of cotton boy shorts.    

        A shiver ran up my spine, my body reacting to the heated way he was looking at me. 

        Folding my arms across my chest, I glared at him. "What? You like what you see?" I muttered. "It's no wonder, although I'm fairly sure that redhead  still  managed less clothing than what I'm wearing." 

Jace grimaced. "I know. I'm an asshole." He leaned in as he said it, and the smell of alcohol faintly clung to him. His pupils were dilated, and despite his coherence, I could tell he was still drunk. 

        "Why are you here, Jace?" I shot him a narrowed look.

        "Because apparently I can't stay away from you."

        Holy crap.

        Just hearing that set butterflies off, and they swarmed my stomach. 

        Wordlessly, I stepped aside and opened the door wider for him, praying this wasn't going to be added to the growing pile of Hayley's Dumb Decisions.

        He followed me inside, stumbling as he struggled to remove his worn sneakers. He tucked them aside at the entrance, and I locked the door behind us. I led him upstairs, our footsteps silent as we padded into my carpeted bedroom.

        I was busy trying not to listen to the voice that was screaming at me,  Jace freaking Hammond is in your bedroom!  Because if I gave into that—the fact that the unattainable guy I'd fantasized about for the last five years was here this late at night because he just "couldn't stay away from me"—it would've been all too easy to overlook these past few weeks. 

        Walking across the short span of my room, I opted to stand over by my bookshelves, aiming to put as much distance between us as possible. I knew proximity with Jace would only make my senses spiral, and it would force my brain to switch off. And that was undoubtedly the worst thing that could happen right now.

        "Do you have to be all the way over there?" He sighed, his fingers tugging his hair in frustration.

        "Yep," I deadpanned. "Here is good."

        There was a beat of silence as Jace sat down on the edge of my bed, his weight sinking the mattress, and he bowed his head as if bone-weary. When he glanced up at me again through thick lashes, my knees felt weak. 

        It was as if the mask he wore was finally slipping from his face, unveiling everything I'd ached to see there. His openness was staggering, and I knew in that very moment, Jace had disarmed those walls that had always kept me out. 

        Remorse etched his features, and I wanted nothing more than to go to him, but I wrestled the impulse. 

        "I'm sorry," he said eventually. "For so many things, but especially for letting that chick dance with me tonight. I didn't want her, Hayley."

       "It didn't look that way to me."

        He stared at me, through me, his eyes drilling into mine. "Well, I don't. I don't want her. In fact, I don't want anyone else." 

        "What does that even mean?"

        "It means this whole time, it's only been you," he said gruffly. "Because even when it hasn't, it's still been me trying not to want you."

        The breath I'd been holding leaked out of my lungs at Jace's admission, but I still wasn't ready to fully let go of the anger, which was simmering beneath the surface.

        I opened my mouth, but he went on, "And when I saw your face drop tonight, it killed me, baby. I knew just how badly I'd fucked everything up."

        My toes curled involuntarily.

Baby.

There it was again.

It was the second time I'd heard that term of endearment. The first time he'd called me that, I'd assumed it was a mistake, but now... now I didn't know what to think. 

        "I'd been drinking, and yeah, we were dancing, but I swear to you, that was it." Jace didn't even hesitate. "Come on, do you really think I would mess around with some girl knowing you were at my sister's party? Do you think that little of me?"

        I shrugged. Because dammit, he had a point. That would have been an entirely new level of douchebaggery. And it wasn't like we were together, anyway. What right did I have to be jealous?

        "What you saw tonight? I'm not proud of that," he admitted after a few more moments, his lips flattening into a hard line. "But it really wasn't what you thought. Nothing was going to happen, believe me. You want nothing to do with me, Hayles. I was just trying to forget about it—about you—but I can't. Nothing's working."

        When I still didn't respond, Jace swallowed hard. "I've been going out of my mind since Thursday, because you were right. Right about everything. I should've told you what was going on. I should've been honest with you from the very beginning."

        "How much did you have to drink tonight?" I shook my head in disbelief, adjusting to the fact that he still hadn't closed down on me yet.

        "Ah, I might have lost count," he said. A ghost of a smile appeared, causing the adorable dimples in his cheeks to sink in. "But I'm not just saying all this because I'm buzzed. It's because I'm staring down the barrel of a gun here. I'm not an idiot. I know I'm gonna lose you for good if I don't man up and tell you how I feel."    

        "Jace..." I choked back the emotion lining my throat.

        "No, it's okay. I need to get this out. Tried to drown it out by drinking again tonight, but ever since that kiss, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, about how you felt against me... how easy it was to get lost in you."

        Despite my valiant efforts, my body overran my brain, and all of a sudden, my feet were moving toward him. 

        "I thought maybe after that night, after that sexy as fuck kiss, I'd be able to get you out of my system," Jace ground out. His eyes were like two shards of glass, transparent and unshielded, piercing straight to my very core. "That maybe it could be enough, but it's not. I've always wanted you, Hayles, and I'm done fighting it. I'm done trying to ignore the way I feel about you."

        I sucked in a shaky breath when his warm hands made contact with the bare skin on the back of my legs. His touch was like an electric current, sending a jolt of lust and sizzling awareness through me.

        "Say something," he urged. His voice was gravelly and thick. "Even if it is just to tell me to leave. We both know there isn't one goddamn reason why I deserve to stay."

        Jace's fingers dug into the soft flesh beneath the curve of my backside, and he drew me in even closer so that I was now standing directly in between his knees. His gaze swept up over my body, totally owning me.

        By some miracle, I managed to get out, "That's not true. I can think of at least one." 

Because I'm in love with you,  I was scarily close to saying, but there was no way I could ever confess something like that to him. I'd be playing with fire.

        "Oh yeah?" He arched a dark brow.

        "Yeah." I nodded jerkily. "And also because of this."

        Interlacing my fingers in Jace's hair, I gently tilted his head back, and the vulnerable expression I was rewarded with almost knocked me off my guard. Our gazes locked, a tangle of emotion and longing, as I placed my other hand on his hard shoulder.

        And then I bent down to kiss him.


	14. Chapter 14

THE NEXT MORNING, I woke up before my alarm, as if some internal clock was anticipating that I would roll over and find Jace gone. I'd half expected him to have snuck out by now, chalking this whole thing up to a lapse in judgment.

        It was early, the sun only just climbing the hills in the horizon. The silence was a heavy echo, reminding me of all the reasons why it could hurt to feel the sparks of hope.

        So, when I suddenly felt him shift behind me, the front of his body sealing against the back of mine, my stomach pitched. This definitely had to be a dream. Because after five years of discouraged wishing, dreams were all I'd ever known when it came to moments like these.

        Jace's warmth melted my insides, and I let myself sink into his embrace, reveling in the feel of him. His breath fanned my neck, softly stirring the tendrils of my hair, and a shiver skated down my spine. His arm lifted, encircling my waist as he tugged me closer, and I inhaled sharply as it dawned on me that this was oh-so-real.

        With my body sealed to his, I could feel him hardening against me, even through the denim of his jeans, and my eyes snapped open in a rush.

        "Jace?" I gasped out.

        "Mmm-hmm?" he mumbled sleepily.

        "Are you awake?"

        His leg slipped in between mine, and everything in me tightened when his palm dragged down my belly. 

        "Maybe," he answered, kissing the sensitive spot behind my ear.

My brain short-circuited as his fingers toyed with the elastic band of my cotton boy shorts. I bit down on my lip, a surge of delicious heat spiking through me. Barely able to form a coherent thought, I blurted, "Thank you for still being here this morning."

Jace stilled behind me, a new kind of tension burgeoning. "Why wouldn't I be?"

        The silence gaped between us, and I could practically hear the cogs turning in his head.

        Oh God.

        Fear slammed into me as I registered that it had definitely been the wrong thing to say. "I... Uh, I just—"

        "You thought I'd have left by now?" Jace guessed, and even though I wasn't able to see him, I sensed the defensive set of his jaw.

        My throat closed up as I nodded.

        There was a long pause, and then he exhaled slowly, dejectedly. "Damn. We've gotta change that."

        Beyond surprised by his statement, I asked dumbly, "We do?"

He dipped his chin, and his husky voice drifted over my skin like a caress. "Yep. I can't have you thinking I'd just up and leave. Not after last night. Not with you."

        We hadn't done anything last night, aside from kiss and talk before we'd eventually fallen asleep. But I was glad sex wasn't a requirement for us to feel closer.

        Jace rolled abruptly, hauling me with him, and before I could blink, I was lying flat on my back. The corded muscles in his arms rippled, his biceps flexing as he hovered above me. 

        He aligned our lower bodies, and the lust was overwhelming. 

        "You have no idea how long I've wanted this," he ground out, "wanted  us . There's no way I'd go ruining any of that now."

        The pressure of him straining behind his zipper left little room for doubt about just how much he wanted this, and my mind ran a million miles an hour, attempting to sort through my jumbled thoughts.

        His smoky eyes were fervent, ablaze with an emotion I couldn't identify. He cradled my face in his hands, his thumb smoothing over my cheek. Then Jace inched closer, his lips seeking out mine.

        At first, it was soft, unhurried, and then the tenor of the kiss altered. It reminded me of the night at Owen's apartment, going from sweet to feral in an instant. It became a clash of teeth and tongue as impatience and wild desire swirled around us like a brewing storm. 

        Tangled in the intensity of Jace's kisses, my fingers curled in his hair, dragging him closer, but it still wasn't enough.

        Propelled by frustration, I pressed against him, trying to assuage the need that pulsed between my thighs. My shorts were a thin layer against the rough scrape of denim, and an incredible thrill of pleasure shuddered through me at the direct contact.

        Jace seemed to like that, too, because there was a rich, deep growl that shook him.

        "Fuck," he whispered, wrenching his mouth from mine. His eyebrows knitted together, almost like he was in pain.

        Levering up enough to tug at the hem of his T-shirt, he pulled it over his head in one fluid motion.

        Enthralled at the sight of Jace shirtless, I drank him in.

        The urge to touch him was overwhelming, and I stretched forward, the heels of my palms sliding down the hard ridges of his abs. My tummy clenched as I unashamedly explored his warm, tanned skin.

        The guy was freaking gorgeous, and I still couldn't believe he wanted  me .

        I must have been wearing a look of awe, because Jace chuckled quietly, suspended above me in all his bare-chested glory.

        "Don't worry, you make me feel the same way," he admitted on a groan, grinding down on me. "I can barely concentrate on anything when I'm around you nowadays. I'm dying to be inside you."

        Holy Mother of God.

        I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ward off the nervousness that assailed me.

        "I don't—I've never..." I faltered for a beat, and it was impossible to stop the flush that spread down my neck.

        Jace immediately drew back, and I didn't anticipate the flare of panic in his eyes. "Whoa, Hayley, no. I don't expect that. I can wait. And aside from the fact that I don't think we should rush things, you need to know that I would never pressure you into anything that you didn't want to do. You're different. This feels different."

It took a moment for my brain to absorb what he was saying, and then my blush deepened. "I'm sorry, you just threw me off. You're so much more experienced than me, and I—"

        Jace cut me off, his mouth descending on mine again, kissing me until I was dizzy. "Don't you dare apologize. If it makes you feel better, like I tried telling you last month, I honestly don't sleep around. And even if I did, I promise you, this is so much more than that. I've never felt anything like this before with anyone"—he tucked a strand of my dark hair behind my ear—"and that's what has me so scared."

        He was implying that he hadn't even felt this way about Zoe... and well, that made me feel downright giddy.

        "I'm scared, too," I said quietly.

        "Don't be," Jace told me in a whisper. His lashes dropped, his eyes becoming hooded. "I realize you probably don't have a lot of faith in me right now, and that's my fault. I have a lot to make up for, because my actions have hurt you, and I hate myself for that. But you can trust me, Hayles, just like you can trust that things are going to be different now on."

        My heart rate kicked up when he kissed me for the third time this morning. Yes, I was literally counting. But unlike the others, this one was achingly tender, filled with everything unspoken. Hope and happiness lit up my veins as Jace held me like I was something to cherish. I knew some people waited for an entire lifetime for that feeling.

        A tremor of excitement hummed through me when his large hands gripped my hips, rocking against me again. My legs were splayed on either side of his, and I whimpered at the friction.

        Heat exploded in the tips of my breasts as my chest pressed against his, liquefying my insides. My body was on fire, smoldering beneath him like an ignited ember, and I was helpless to resist him.

        Shifting back to sit on his haunches, his gaze worked its way down the length of my body, and when his eyes slowly crawled back up to meet mine, a low, husky sound slipped out of him. His hands smoothed over my thighs, his strong fingers digging in as they traveled dangerously close to my center. 

        "Just touch me already," I pleaded, too turned on to be embarrassed.

        Just because we'd agreed to keep sex out of this, for now, didn't mean that we couldn't fool around a little bit. Jace touching me had been my primary fantasy since I was sixteen.

        He gave a choked laugh before he reached down, finally cupping me with his hand. "Is this what you want?"

        There was a good chance I wasn't even breathing anymore.

        An ache unfurled deep in my core, and I let out a low hiss as the air leaked out of my lungs. Clutching the comforter, I writhed as his knuckles brushed over my most sensitive area. 

        Holy shit.

        "Jace." His name escaped from my lips, a breathy whisper.

        Oh God. This was  really  happening. 

        And this was happening with  Jace.

        All traces of doubt dissipated when his fingers moved over me again, his touch determined, sending a bolt of pleasure straight through me.

        After years of imagining what it would feel like to be with Jace—to be kissed and touched by him— I didn't have to anymore. His weight, pressing into me, was another welcome sign, proof that this wasn't just a lucid dream. 

I slid my hands over his muscled shoulders and into his hair.

        "Christ, Hayley," Jace grunted, placing a hot, wet kiss against my pulse point.

        He deftly pushed my panties aside, his thumb grazing my bundle of nerves, and I was fairly certain I was going to spontaneously combust any minute now. When he eased a finger inside me, I couldn't think at all.

        Jace rested on his elbow as he continued to kiss me, his skilled fingers bringing me to the brink of ecstasy. Tension coiled tightly in my stomach, a pressure that had me chasing relief. My hips rocked against his hand, craving more, and I swallowed back a moan.

        "That's it, baby," he urged, voice guttural in my ear. "Let go for me."

        My breathing quickened when I glanced up at him, our gazes locking. His eyes glimmered with hunger, fueling the fire that licked over my skin. 

        He slid another finger in to join the first, pushing in and out of me until I was gasping in my darkened bedroom. When the palm of his hand found just the right spot, my head kicked back against the pillow, and I could feel myself being pulled under the wave of an upcoming orgasm.

        "You feel so good, Hayles. You're beautiful."

        Hearing Jace talk to me—the knowledge that he was watching—spurred me ahead, and I couldn't hold on anymore. It was too much. The knot that had formed in my belly unraveled rapidly, and I arched off the bed, astonished by the release that roared through me. I shattered around him, breaking into tiny pieces, and my whole body trilled with a tingly, sated warmth.

        When I peeked up at Jace, he was grinning a distinctly smug grin and looking at me in a way that did insane things to my heart. Insane, stupid things. Everything about him swamped my senses, making my head spin.

        "Fuck, I think I'm gonna have to go home now. I need the longest, coldest shower in history after that," he told me raggedly.

        A lust-induced haze shrouded my brain, and any plans of going slow had just taken a perfect swan dive out the window. I went to flick the button open on his low-hanging jeans, wanting to return the favor, but his hand covered mine, preventing me from undoing them.

        "Babe..." The half-smile disappeared but his eyes softened. "Don't."

        I blinked several times, my face flaming. "Why not?"

        "Because I always told myself the first time this happened, the first time I got to touch you like this," he said, expression suddenly serious, "it needed to be about you. Not me."

        Disbelief seeped in. "Are you sure?" I asked, my voice wobbling on the question. "I want you to feel how I felt."

        Honestly, thinking about what we'd just done made me want to fan myself, or join him for that ice-cold shower, so it didn't help when he leaned into me again, sealing me against his side.

        "Trust me, Hayles, I already do," he assured me, and his lips brushed mine in a slow, tantalizing sweep. "You'll never know what it felt like waking up next to you this morning. It's taken me a long, long time to get here, but I know I'm finally where I should be."

◇

I COULDN'T CONTAIN the smile on my face as I walked into Amelia's house later that morning. Even when I practically tripped over all the discarded beer bottles and plastic cups that obscured the tiles in her kitchen, I was still smiling—the afterglow of a good orgasm, I guess.

Jace caught me before I lost my balance, his hands slipping around my waist to steady me.

        "Shit," he said with a soft chuckle. The heat of his palms felt sublime on my skin, and my brain instantly started playing in the gutter. All I could think about was how talented those fingers were, and how I needed nothing more than for him to touch me again. "You good?"

        His voice snapped me out of my stupor, and I managed to nod. "Uh-huh."   

        Amusement flashed in the depth of his eyes, like he knew what kind of effect his proximity had on me. Despite trying to stay calm, my pulse betrayed me, pounding erratically.

        When someone cleared their throat, alerting us to the fact that we weren't alone, Jace's arms dropped from around me.

        I fixed my gaze on my best friend, noticing her perched on the island bench, head lowered over a bowl of untouched cereal. She was the epitome of hung-over.   

        Amelia took one look at us, her eyes narrowing. "It's about freakin' time," she griped. "And no, don't mistake that as an invitation for you to gross me out with the details. I'm already feeling plenty sick this morning."

        Her good-natured teasing brought a blush to my cheeks.

        "Shut up." Jace smirked, ruffling her blonde hair. "Oh, and you're officially nineteen today. That's cool."

        "Happy birthday, Millie," I piped up, pulling her in for a quick hug.

        Surreptitiously, I wrinkled my nose. The odor of booze and smoke still clung to her, and she'd clearly slept in her dress last night—it was askew, twisted around her small frame. Scanning her face, I saw that her gray eyes were puffy, and her mascara had smudged, staining her cheeks.

        "I know, I know." She exhaled slowly. "I look like a piece of dried vomit. But you want to know what I just realized? This is my last year as a teenager. Like, how the hell did that happen? My life's over." Amelia groaned miserably. There was a soft thud as her forehead connected to the granite countertop.

        "You can't be serious," Jace chastised. When she raised her head and shot him a death glare devoid of any levity, he mumbled, "Fuck, okay, way to make me feel old."

        "Newsflash, you  are  old." She scowled at her brother.

        A sigh shuttled out of him.

        I rolled my eyes, more than accustomed to their constant bickering. Their relationship was nothing like mine and Tom's had been. Even though it was obvious they cared for one another, deep down—way deep down—they were always fighting, and over the most stupid things. Occasionally, whenever it got really bad, I was tempted to tell them to stop taking each other for granted. I mean, some of us didn't have any siblings at all. But, for the most part, I knew it was in my best interest to keep out of it.   

        "So are you going to finish that?" Jace said after a few moments, pointing to the uneaten bowl of Lucky Charms in front of her.

        "Nope. Go for it." Amelia shook her head and slid it toward him.

        "Great. I'm starving," he announced before proceeding to wolf down the cereal. He grinned around a mouthful of Lucky Charms, and I laughed under my breath.

        "You want some?" Jace asked me.

        Pressing my lips together, I tried to hide my smile. "No, thanks." And then I focused my attention on the kitchen, belatedly noticing the state it was in. It was a mess. The floor wasn't even visible anymore, what with all the empty red cups littered everywhere. Last night must have been wild. "When are your folks due back? Shouldn't we start trying to clean this place up a little?"

Amelia squinted at the clock above the stove, and then she hollered, "Oh, fuck. They're due back any minute now."

        Springing into action, she knocked over a few bottles in the process, and they all clattered on the tiles. "Jace, can you do a quick sweep of upstairs? It shouldn't take you long. I mean, I don't think anyone really went up there last night." She paused, as if trying to sift through her memories, and a flush of red crossed her smooth cheeks. "Yep. Should be fine. Hayley, you're with me."

        I half-laughed, half-choked at the drastic change in her demeanor. It almost felt like she was a sergeant conducting drills or something, and her no-nonsense attitude was slightly terrifying.

        She began scooping the rubbish into a huge plastic bag, and I don't think I'd ever seen anyone so frantic.    

        I frowned. "They knew you were throwing this party, though. So I don't get why—"

        "I sort of... didn't tell them," she interrupted. 

        A confused sound huffed out of me. "Come again?"

        "Don't play dumb, Hayley. You know my parents aren't that awesome," she said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

        My palms went clammy, infused with second-hand nervous energy, and I wiped them on my leggings.

        "For once, we actually agree on something," Jace muttered, dropping his dirty dishes in the sink.

        I glowered at him because he was so not helping.

        If their parents really didn't know about the party, they were going to be in for one hell of a shock. The entire first floor was trashed—God only knew what upstairs looked like—and there was no way we'd be able to clean everything up before they got home.

        "Do you remember when I asked them if I could have a big graduation party at the end of senior year?" Amelia asked, sending her brother another meaningful look as she tidied. "Daddy turned it into an hour-long lecture about how we need to stop using alcohol as a crutch to improve our social skills. So yeah, I rest my case."

        Admittedly, their parents were quite old-school, but they were the kind of people who wouldn't hesitate to give the clothes off their backs to a complete stranger.

        The Hammonds were family to me. After Tom had died, I'd found myself drifting away from my own parents and inadvertently growing closer to them, a result of spending most of that summer hiding out at their house. 

        With a squeak of horror, Amelia's voice scattered my thoughts. "Did you hear that?"

        "That's probably them," Jace commented dryly, folding his arms across his chest. An amused smirk tugged on his lips.

        I helplessly watched the slideshow of emotions that passed across Amelia's face. I was even more glad I hadn't been drinking last night, that I'd left early. I didn't want to be included in this.

        And when the  click  of the latch from the front door opening came only moments later, I couldn't say I was all that surprised.

        "I'm so dead," she whispered, her grip on the plastic bag tightening until her knuckles paled. "It was nice knowing y'all."    

        We ended up wading our way through the kitchen, heading back out into the foyer to greet her parents. Amelia wanted to prepare them for what they were about to walk in on, if that was even possible.

"Did you lock the car, Geoff? I've got the..." her mother's voice trailed off as she stepped inside, noticing the three of us standing there, looking as guilty as sin.

        Judy Hammond was tall, lithe, and strikingly beautiful. Every time I saw her, I was reminded of where Jace and Amelia got their looks. Her golden hair was pulled back in a low bun, and those dark blue eyes widened to the size of saucers as she took in the unsightly mess.

        "Is that one of my antique vases underneath the pool table?" she asked, her voice faint. My stomach bottomed out, because when I craned my neck, I could see that said vase was indeed on the ground, smashed beyond repair.

        "Yes," Amelia confirmed weakly, all color draining from her face.  

        Instead of telling my best friend off—there weren't a lot of parents who would be willing to overlook this, mine included—Judy did something totally unexpected. She threw her head back and laughed. And then laughed some more. Bending over, she clutched her belly like it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

        I was officially mind-blown, and my jaw threatened to pop open.

        Then she was rushing across the room toward her daughter, hugging her firmly. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

        "Thanks, Mama," Amelia said, dazed. "Is everything all right? You're acting... weird."

        I didn't miss the way Judy's eyes flitted questioningly to Jace. I frowned, my curiosity scaling higher.

        Still laughing softly, she pulled back. "Of course it is." Judy spun around, beaming when she spotted me. "It's good to see you, Hayley. We've missed you around here." She enveloped me in a warm hug—a real one that always caused emotion to rise in my throat.

        "You, too." I squeezed her affectionately. "It's good to be back."

        She peered over her shoulder at her husband, who was only just coming through the doorway. "Mind your step, honey."

        Geoff's eyebrows flew up in a fashion that was so like Jace, visibly startled. "Geez," he muttered eventually. "You weren't kidding. Just make sure you kids clean up now."

        He was like the much older version of Jace, traditionally handsome, with salt and pepper gray hair, and a thick pair of glasses that were always slipping down the bridge of his hooked nose. Lugging a large suitcase in behind him, he huffed as it snagged on the carpet rug in the entrance.

        "Hey, Geoff." I smiled politely. "How are you?"

        His walnut brown eyes swung in my direction, and he nodded, smiling stiffly as he ambled past.

        A nod? A smile?

        Okay. Something was definitely up. Normally, I couldn't get Amelia's father to  stop  talking.

        Now that I thought about it, Geoff had seemed disoriented even before he'd discovered the current condition of their house.

        "Oh, Hayley, there's something I've been wanting to ask you," Judy spoke up, and my stomach dropped slightly. "We're all going out for dinner tomorrow night for Labor Day, and well, there's some news Geoff and I wanted to share. We'd love it if you joined us."

        For the first time, I wasn't sure if she was asking me because I was best friends with Amelia, or because she could already detect that something had changed between her son and I. Call it a mother's intuition.

        Instinctively, I glanced up at Jace, in search of reassurance. A strange tension had snuck into his features, but he winked at me, dispelling my concern somewhat.

        Without waiting for a response, Judy brushed by, trailing after her husband.

        "Damn." Amelia let out a low whistle. "What's up with our parents? That was strange, right?"

        Jace shrugged. "Why are you complaining? Your sorry ass gets to live another day."

        "Whatever," she grumbled, flicking him upside the head as she set off into the kitchen again with the plastic bag in tow.

        "She's right." I turned to Jace, hoping my voice sounded steadier than it felt. "I've known your parents for nearly ten years, and they were acting so out of character. Your mom loves those crystal vases. I remember once when Amelia offered to dust them, she basically had a damn heart attack. Now one breaks, and what, she's just going to laugh it off?"

        His throat worked. "Looks that way," he said, his tone clipped.

        I flinched, hit with the feeling that he wasn't telling me everything. It wouldn't be the first time, and that thought alone caused irritation and embarrassment to surge through me.

        Jace exhaled, scrubbing his fists over his eyes. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

        My surprised gaze climbed up to meet his and those blue-gray eyes were all I could concentrate on.

        "Believe me, I'm just as worried about them, too," he admitted. Edging closer, he drew me back into his solid chest, and my uneasiness melted away. "Does that mean you'll go with us tomorrow night?"

        "It depends," I considered out loud. "Isn't it a bit weird? I mean, yes, we've all gone out for dinner before..." But this felt like something different.

        "Exactly. You're overthinking things," he said, his thumb distracting me as it traced idle circles on my hip. "Just go with it."

        I found myself leaning into him, the smell of his heady cologne invading my senses. Emboldened by his statement, I relented, "Yeah, okay. I might."

        A shiver unleashed between my shoulder blades when Jace pressed his hot mouth to my ear and rasped, "That's not gonna cut it, babe. I want you there. Just like I want you naked in my bed afterward."

        Oh dear.

        It was like a switch had been flicked somewhere, and the idea of doing all sorts of fun things with Jace again made my breathing escalate.

        My heart was a drumbeat, thundering out of tempo as his words took root deep inside. And then resignation flickered through me, because I knew there were no two ways about it. I was going tomorrow night.


	15. Chapter 15

"IS EVERYTHING OKAY?" I asked, concern trickling in. "You seem kind of jumpy."

        A dark look hardened Jace's features as he draped his arm across the back of the bench seat and reversed out of my driveway. Tension had crawled into his Chevy, nestling uncomfortably in the space between us.

        We were headed to Pavilions, a fancy restaurant twenty miles out of Fowler's Hill, to meet up with his parents and Amelia. Ironically, my appetite was rapidly abating.

        "Yeah, I'm fine," he told me, but his lips slipped down at the corners.

        A kernel of unease burst in the pit of my belly, and I narrowed my eyes at him. Watching Jace's profile in the darkness of his car, I noticed the muscle that was thrumming in his jaw.

        I blinked slowly. "Are you sure?"

        As we rounded the curve, his truck bounced roughly over the potholes in the uneven dirt road. My stomach lurched.

        "Nothing's wrong, babe." There was a brief glimpse of his easy, laid-back grin, and then it disappeared. "We're good." 

        Despite Jace's efforts to reassure me, I wasn't entirely convinced. There was something off about his shuttered expression, the way his brows furrowed together.

        Fiddling with the locket around my neck, I tried not to concentrate on the fact that he hadn't greeted me with a kiss earlier when he'd knocked on my door. The ringer on his cell phone had gone off—his mom letting him know that they were about to leave, too—and he'd suddenly become distracted. His shoulders were rigid as we'd walked to his car in silence, his hand lingering by the small of my back like he was making a concerted effort  not  to touch me.

        A horrible thought occurred to me, and I tried not to let the panic eat at me. "You're not regretting what happened yesterday, are you?"

        Jace's steely gaze swung to me, surprised. "No. Not for a second."

        Relief hummed through my system, the newfound fear that I'd felt dissipating. 

        Averting his attention back to the road, he carved a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm just keyed up about this dinner," he murmured. "I don't know, my head's kind of all over the place, but not when it comes to us, you hear me?"

        "I hear you," I echoed, warmth blooming in my chest. 

        "I know I've acted like an asshole in the past"—he cast me a sidelong look, his blue-gray eyes sharpening when they latched onto mine again—"but like I said, I want you, Hayles, and that's not going to change." 

His straightforwardness startled me, and then he was reaching for my hand in the darkness, threading our fingers together.

        My eyebrows soared.

        I still wasn't used to being around  this  Jace—the guy who didn't feel like he had to constantly hide behind a mask, the guy who didn't attempt to disguise the emotion that fueled his words. For years, I'd been stonewalled and shut out, but now he was finally letting me in, showing me all the parts of him that were vulnerable.

        "I want you, too," I whispered, becoming Captain Obvious' trusty sidekick. Because let's face it, I'd been about as transparent as glass when it came to my feelings for him. Jace responded by sweeping his lips across my knuckles lightly, butterfly-soft. It was such a simple gesture, but it was sweet enough to make me feel like I was moments away from melting into a pile of gooey nothingness. The lump that had formed in the back of my throat was hard to speak around when I added, "Which is why you better hold up your end of the deal tonight."

        "Oh yeah?" He smirked, interest piqued. His eyes ensnared me, darkening as they roamed over me with unadulterated desire. The thick, gloomy cloud that had been hovering around him seemed to evaporate a little. Mission accomplished. "Remind me, what's that again?"

        I bit my lip, heat creeping across my cheeks under the gravity of his stare. As shyness streaked through me, I told myself that just over twenty-four hours ago, Jace had given me an orgasm, and not only that, he'd made it pretty clear he planned on doing it again. So, bearing that in mind, I inhaled a shaky breath and summoned some crazy braveness. "Hmm. Well, if I'm remembering correctly, I believe it had something to do with me being naked in your bed, and you having me all to yourself."

        Jace groaned, his one-handed grip on the steering wheel tightening. "Damn it. If you start talking like that, I'm going to have to pull over."

        Although we were speeding down a dark stretch of road, the idea of driving him wild, of having such a powerful effect on him, sent a surge of anticipation rippling through me.

        Before my brain could process what I was about to do, I had already released his hand, my palm sliding over his corded thigh, dipping down between his legs.

        His whole body jerked forward when I cupped him there, amazed to find that he was already hard as hell against his jeans.

        "Jesus." An exhale hissed through his parted lips.

        When he didn't still my movements, I took that as a sign of encouragement. I stretched over to his side, placing a kiss on the side of his mouth. Jace's fingers tangled in my hair, tugging me closer, although his eyes never strayed from the road.

        "Are you trying to kill me?" He barked out a laugh as I unbuckled his jeans. I pulled at the band of his boxer-briefs, and there was a strangled grunt. "Yep. You're definitely trying to kill me."

        "I think you should pull over," I suggested. Until now, I'd never had the nerve to be so forthright with a guy, but this was Jace, and if there was one thing I'd learned, it was that there was no use in being afraid of what you wanted.

        His eyes lit up, watching me as my hand drifted beneath his pair of boxer shorts, gliding over his hardness. My fingers trembled as they fastened around his erection, which was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. 

        My stomach hollowed, and Jace inhaled sharply. His jaw clenched, a tendon ticking in his neck. 

        "We shouldn't," he ground out, but the conviction in his voice was waning. 

I pretended to consider this, smiling impishly as I pulled back. "I just thought you'd be up for getting me naked now, but hey, I guess not. We can wait until later."

        There was a pause, and then Jace shook his head. "Fuck that."

        The sexual tension that laced the air was verging on suffocating, and the raw need to have him kissing and touching me again had long since seeped into my bloodstream. He was like a drug, and I was slowly becoming addicted.

        Without another word, Jace veered over onto the shoulder of the road and slammed the gearshift into park. The muscles in my lower belly twisted deliciously when he lifted his smoldering gaze to me. "Get over here," he ordered.

        Not needing to be told twice, I unfastened my seatbelt and slid toward him, pushing my arms around his broad shoulders. There was no center console separating us, no barrier between us. Pickup trucks with bench seats were officially my favorite.

        Jace grabbed the nape of my neck, drawing me even closer, and his mouth claimed mine without delay.

        My murmur of victory was muffled when he deepened the kiss. His tongue skillfully slipped past my lips, unlocking all the pent-up emotion and lust I'd been struggling to withhold since yesterday.

        Sweet Lord, Jace knew how to freaking kiss. Every time it felt like he was giving me life all the while stealing my breath away.

        The kiss went on and on, filled with a fervor and heat that ignited my insides. It left me weak at the knees, too, inducing a frenzied haze as I clawed at the back of his shirt, demanding more, wanting to feel the warmth of him pressed fully against me.

        Jace's jeans were hanging dangerously low on his hips, unzipped. His taut, golden abdomen was on display—those tightly packed abs—and I don't think I'd ever seen anything sexier.

        I reached for him, finding where he was swollen and hard, but he caught my wrist readily. "I don't think so," he whispered against my throat, his lips a delicate caress. "I'm not done with you yet."

        Sensing my impatience, his touch dropped from my wrist, and then his hands were blazing a trail up my body. My heart pounded an unsteady rhythm as I trembled in his arms.

        In the several seconds that followed, Jace had tugged my sweater off, then my shirt, and his fingers were splayed across the underside of my breasts now, raising tiny bumps across my skin. When his hands skated up higher, palming me through the white lace of my bra, a whimper rolled out of me.

        His hands on my skin felt fucking amazing.

        Jace sent me a look that scorched as he kissed the valley between my breasts and each swell. I tipped my head back, swallowing another moan that would have embarrassed me. Then he expertly unhooked the clasp of my bra, the cool air rushing against my flesh.

        He devoured the sight of me topless in front of him, and I shivered at the first sound of his voice. "You're so goddamn beautiful."

        Self-consciousness slithered over me like a shadow, and I wrangled the impulse to fold my arms across my chest, to cover myself from his view.

        If someone had told me at the start of the semester that I would be half-naked in Jace's truck down a dark, deserted road, I probably would've said that they were insane. But here I was, and I still couldn't believe it.

        Although it was dark and obscure, moonlight filtered through the windows, and his eyes were on fire, burning into me. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to see you." He exhaled through his nose. "All of you."

Settling back in the booth seat, I tracked the trajectory of Jace's hands as they smoothed over me. His mouth lowered to the tip of my left breast, his breath warming me. I cried out when his lips closed over my nipple—a hot, wet kiss as his tongue languidly flicked over me. A shockwave pulsed through me when he added a hint of teeth, and I arched my spine forward. A volcanic heat was inside me, burning through me.

        Jace greedily moved his mouth from one breast to the other, savoring me. I made a happy humming sound, a rush of pleasure zinging through my veins. He crowded my senses, and I was lost in the way he made me feel. I ached, desperate for him to touch me where I most craved it.

        Gradually, he began his descent, peppering open-mouthed kisses over my ribcage, then past my navel, and lastly, over the flare of my hips. Tingles surfaced as his brown hair—the perfect length between short and shaggy—brushed gently across my skin like a whisper.

        When Jace's hands curled around the backs of my thighs, fingers digging in just a little, I was dizzy. 

        Disappointment surged when he hesitated, his movements halting. He dropped his forehead to mine, swearing quietly under his breath.

        "God, I love the way you feel, Hayles. You feel like mine," he told me raggedly, and his arms tightened around me, as if he was worried I might disappear. "You'll never know how much I want you right now."

        I captured his chin in my hand and pressed my mouth up to his again, urging him on non-verbally.

        His lips were momentarily firm and unresponsive under mine, but I soon felt his hesitation untie and float away. I slanted my head, spurring the kiss deeper, and it quickly turned fierce and earth-shattering, the kind of kiss that you recalled when you were in your darkest hour. It kindled hope and happiness. Even my nerve-endings went up in flames.

        His palm scraped over my breasts, my belly, and a jolt of arousal spiked through my core. His touch leisurely drifted south. A strong pressure built, clamping down deep inside of me. 

        With a groan of reluctance, Jace broke the kiss, his chest rising and falling heavily as he looked down at me with wonder. "What are you doing to me?" 

        My heart tumbled over, and I went to say something, but his large hands disappeared under my skirt, easing it up higher and higher. Any coherent though vanished when he yanked the waistband of my tights down.

        "Do you know how long I've tried to fight this?" 

        Well yeah, I had a pretty good idea.

        His fingers brushed over the front of my panties, and my head fell back against the threadbare seat. 

       "Oh my God." It was a miracle I could even remember how to talk. 

        "I want to make you come again," he rasped. "I have to see you, feel you, taste you. Are you gonna let me?"

        Swallowing hard, I managed a jerky nod. Because seriously, what girl said no when they were at the mercy of Jace Hammond and those wicked fingers?

        "Thank fuck," he growled. "I'm dying here."

        In a stuttered heartbeat, he'd stripped me bare, all patience and finesse forgotten. 

        Jace's hand returned between my legs, and a spiral of heat twisted low as he grazed my slick wetness. Sensation careened through me as the pad of his thumb found and teased a spot that had me seeing stars. 

Slowly, he pushed a finger inside me, and then two, and my hips moved restlessly in small circles, needing more. With Jace, it was never enough. I always needed more.

        Air got trapped in my throat as a familiar intensity coiled like a live wire, consuming me.

        When Jace's head dipped between my legs, the scrape of his stubble against my inner thigh was taunting in the best way. 

        He glanced up at me, his eyes heavy-lidded. "Trust me?"

        "Always," I whispered. My chest seized, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation.

        A second later and his breath heated me where I was most sensitive. 

        If I wasn't lying down, my knees probably would've buckled.

        There was a prickle of insecurity—being naked while he was still fully-clothed—but simply knowing that it was Jace was enough to scatter any fear. In fact, it almost sent me hurtling over the edge. So, when he replaced his fingers with his tongue, searing my skin and wringing a gasp from my mouth, the whole world went to white. I was unhinged by the intimate kiss, and release charged through me at a blinding speed, blurring my vision. It was the most intense orgasm of my life. Jace whispered something in my ear, staying with me until the shivers abated.

        Then he crawled over me, pressing our bodies closer, increasing the sweet friction. He stared down at me, and his eyes blazed bright, glinting in the darkness.

        I knew that Jace was out of my league sometimes, but the intense way he was looking at me now, it was overwhelming. Like he wasn't quite sure this was real, either. The warmth and closeness of him washed over me as something dislodged inside me, a myriad of emotions flooding in.

        I was in so deep with him already—hanging onto every word he said, sparking alive beneath his touch—and we hadn't even talked about what it was we were doing.

        Could I keep pretending that this was enough? Was I happy for it to be all about the physical? I couldn't deny that my heart wanted more. I wanted assurance that there was a future for us, that there was a chance he loved me back. I wanted to know if we still wanted different things, or if he was finally ready to put a label on us.

        The thought alone of Jace telling me he  still  wasn't interested in a relationship, especially now, after everything that had happened between us, made the prickle of dread I felt blossom into full-blown anxiety.

        He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, frowning. "Hey, where'dya go?"

        "I was just thinking," I murmured, rising up on my elbows.

        Judging by the expression I was rewarded with, I shouldn't have bothered underplaying what I was feeling.

        "You can talk to me," he said, gazing down at me through those long, lowered lashes. "Did I do something wrong? I already said I was happy to take it slow, do this the right way."

        "Yes.  No. " I winced, fumbling awkwardly. I pulled my sweater closer to my chest, tugging it back on, but I still felt completely exposed. "I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what it is, exactly, we're doing here?"

        "I thought it was pretty obvious." He grinned, the dimples appearing in his cheeks. "I'm fulfilling my longtime fantasy of getting you naked in my truck."

        "That's not what I meant and you know it," I said, twisting my mouth to combat the stupid smile that was threatening to expose itself. "What are we doing, Jace? I'm no expert when it comes to relationships, so you're going to have to spell it out for me, particularly after the other night, and yesterday morning, in my bedroom. And right now." I felt the blush creep up my neck. No wonder I hadn't wanted to have this conversation. "I need to know if we're together, or if this is just—"

        He threaded a hand through my hair and pressed another kiss to my mouth, silencing me.

        "All right, so apparently I still haven't made myself clear enough." Jace sighed heavily. "You shouldn't even have to ask me that, Hayley. Like I said yesterday, this isn't just a hookup for me. Never has been. Never will be."

        I stilled, my pulse trebling.

        I could see in his eyes that he was telling me the truth, and I wanted to trust him, but my confidence had taken a hit. After being led to believe my feelings for Jace had been unrequited—that all we would ever have between us was friendship—it was hard for me to give my heart to him fully. What if... what if he changed his mind once things cooled down between us? My heart would be broken.

        "I thought it was about being ready for another relationship, but it's not. It's about being ready for the right person," he went on. "As much as what happened with Zoe messed me up, she wasn't the right person for me. I'm not saying it won't be hard... being with me... and I'll probably still be distant sometimes, but you're it for me, baby.  You're  the right person. Probably have been ever since I watched you push Payton Reynolds over on the playground."

        A surprised laugh escaped me. "Oh my God, I can't believe you saw that. You've never told me that before."

        He shrugged a shoulder. "Of course I saw. You stood up for my sister. Payton was a bitch, and she'd been bullying Amelia since the second grade. No one was brave enough to go bat for her, except you. Even when I was twelve, I knew you were a total badass and unlike any girl I'd ever met before. I've always cared about you, but something... changed over the years. I don't know exactly when it happened, but it did." 

        The flutter returned in my chest. 

        He cupped my cheek in his hand and angled my face up, our gazes locking head-on. Jace's voice was gravelly and deep when he spoke. "What I'm trying to say is, I wish I could go back and tell myself not to run scared from what I felt for you. I had a chance at being with you last year, and I didn't take it. I've been regretting it ever since. So yeah, I want this with you, Hayles. I want it all."

        My heart tripped and I swear I fell in love with Jace all over again.


	16. Chapter 16

THE LOOK ON my best friend's face when Jace and I strolled into Pavilions fifteen minutes later was priceless. 

        Amelia scowled at me in annoyance, sparing her brother a cursory glance. I bit my lip, knowing the ride over had taken twice as long as it should have. We'd done a lot of talking... and there had also been a great deal of time where we hadn't been talking, like at all.

        But now Jace was oddly wired, like one wrong move and he might go off. His teeth were visibly clenched, and he was staring straight ahead with a concentrated power that almost knocked me off my guard. 

        I had to lengthen my strides in order to keep up with him as we maneuvered a path through the bustling restaurant, making our way over to where his family had been waiting for us.

        He stooped to tuck his six-foot-one frame beneath the table, dropping his wallet and set of keys on the seat next to him. "Sorry we're late," he said. "Car trouble."

        At that bald-faced lie, I kept my expression neutral and slid into the booth beside Jace, sitting directly across from his parents. "Hi, everyone." I raised a hand in greeting, a sudden nervousness bubbling up out of nowhere. 

        Judy beamed at me. She then glanced over at Jace. "It's fine, honey. We haven't even had the chance to order yet." Her voice was light and airy. Dismissive.

        Granted, the restaurant was packed, and when I scanned around, it seemed like they were understaffed. There was an ample amount of noise, laughter, and chatter ringing out from other neighboring tables, and crowds of people continued to stream in through the sliding glass doors. If I was being honest with myself, I was partly grateful to have the distraction; we weren't going to be surrounded by uncomfortable silence.

        At that admission, my stomach pitched. I had no idea why, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was fifth-wheeling their family dinner.

        Amelia kicked me beneath the table, drawing my gaze to her, and those gunmetal eyes widened knowingly. She leaned over, whisper-hissing low enough that only I could hear, "Your sweaters, uh, inside out."

        Yep, I don't think anyone bought it. 

        The tips of my ears burned, but I tried to stamp out the embarrassment as I reached for my glass and swallowed a gulp of cold water.

        "I don't know what you're talking about," I told her. Because seriously, when all else failed, go with denial.

        Amelia just shook her head, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth as she plucked the menu out of its holder to study.

I slumped in the booth, feeling tired and awkward all at once.

        From my peripheral vision, I saw how Jace rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward to say something inaudible to his mom. A second later, and my eyes zeroed in on how Judy's right hand shook. I knew for certain that Jace noticed it was trembling, too, because he wrapped his fingers around her wrist to steady it.

        A niggle of unease burrowed deep, but I ignored it, hoping I was just imaging things. Everything was fine. Tonight was just a regular, run-of-the-mill dinner out. 

        At least, that's what I kept telling myself.

        Not wanting to interrupt their flow of conversation, I toyed with the hem of my sweater, winding a loose thread around my finger. Averting my gaze to Geoff, I offered him a small, uncertain smile.

        "So, how's school going, Hayley?" he asked, surprising me. The furrowed lines of tension on his brow were still there, but he didn't seem as withdrawn as yesterday. "Keeping you busy?"

        "You could say that. I've got a couple of assignments due soon, then midterms next month." I exhaled wearily, feeling my stress levels climb at the mere mention of everything that was on my plate right now. "It's hard work, but I'm really enjoying it."

        "I'm glad." There was a pause. Geoff nodded slowly. "Life's too short not to do what you love." His hazel eyes misted, taking on a faraway look, and I didn't miss the heavy meaning in his words.

        Before I could reply, the waitress appeared, and we were all ordering food and drinks.

        Halfway through dinner, Jace had still barely said anything to his parents. Or to Amelia. Or to me. 

        Crap. The silent routine was never a good sign, and I could tell that he was doing some kind of internal warfare with himself. 

        I snuck a peek in his direction, finding his expression carefully blank, like it had been since we arrived. Sure, he was always pretty impassive, but I had the sinking suspicion that whatever thoughts plagued him were truckloads of bad. He never acted like this without a reason.

        Concern overrode any other thought. I shifted even closer to him so that our heads were bent near each other, murmuring softly, "Hey, whatever's going on, I'm here."

        His heated gaze swung to me, startled, and it was like a physical touch, thawing my insides.

        Some of the anxiety dissolved from his eyes. "Yeah, I know, baby," he drawled, his voice deeper than normal. "Thank you."

        I tried to nod and smile as Geoff insisted on staying for dessert, but it felt more like a grimace. The prospect of having to sit here any longer, conversing in ceremonious table talk, had dread snaking through me.

        I blinked back into awareness when Judy straightened in her chair and finally declared, "All right, so there's no easy way to say this, and there's no point putting it off any longer." At first, she focused all her attention on her husband, and he put his arm around her reassuringly, patting her back.

        Uh-oh.   

        Amelia and I froze, exchanging a brief glance of mirrored turmoil, and I felt Jace bristle beside me.

        Judy paused long enough for our sweet course to be delivered, and then her golden curls tumbled over her petite shoulders as she inclined forward, twisting at the waist, facing us once more. Her gaze softened. "As you know, I've been having trouble sleeping, but I wasn't worried until I noticed that I was starting to lose my sense of smell." 

One of Jace's hands lowered under the table, entwining our fingers together, and I relaxed a little at the contact. He shifted closer, his jean-clad leg pressing against mine. I could tell by his vice-like grip that he was just as riled up as I was. 

        Despair and hope warred inside me as I met and held Judy's stare.

        It was like I could see the actual seconds that ticked by, and it felt like an eternity before she said, "I went in to see a neurologist in Atlanta to have a specialized brain scan done in August." She went quiet for a moment, and every muscle in my body locked up. "That's where your father and I were again this weekend, discussing the limited treatment options, because... well, I'm sick."

        My heartbeat grew erratic, thrumming off-kilter in my ears. An unrelenting drumbeat that drowned out everything else. 

        I was immediately transported back to the conversation I'd had two years ago with my parents. They'd sat me down, much like now, when they'd told me that the car my brother's best friend, Derek, had been driving, had spun out of control, colliding with another vehicle. We'd been called down to the scene, not knowing if Tom had died on impact, or if he was still alive.

        I remembered the empty highway, the crumpled Honda, trying to talk and being unable to speak, because, without warning, my voice had been snatched from me, just like my brother had been. Everything had felt wrong and unfair, almost like I'd fallen into a nightmare, and for the first time, I wasn't waking up.

        It was the worst night of my fucking life.

        And it only took one sidelong look at Amelia to know she was exactly where I'd been—your very own personal hell. 

She blanched. "Treatment options?" she parroted. "No. No. That's not possible. You can't be sick, Mama."

        The familiar pressure was increasing something fierce, tightening around my chest.

        "And why does it seem like you're only having this conversation with me"—Amelia's eyes, cold and accusing, glanced between her brother and me—"unless you both already knew about this? Was I the only one who didn't?"

        Jace tensed again, and the fine sheen of sweat that dotted across Geoff's forehead didn't escape my notice.

        "No! I had no idea that..." Unable to form the words, my voice tapered off.

        "Hayley didn't know." Jace leveled his sister a pointed look. "But yeah, I did," he added, his voice losing some of its hard edge.

        He released my hand, and I almost choked on my own oxygen. 

        A pang of sympathy echoed through me, and my breath came out wobbly. "W-What?"

        He stared out the window of the restaurant, his face contorting in sorrow. He was watching the clusters of people that trudged along the sidewalk, illuminated beneath the soft glow of the streetlights. 

        I knew Jace wasn't the crying type, but the man looked seriously sad, lost. And I couldn't blame him. I was pretty sure my expression said the same. 

        No wonder he'd been so determined to push me away, to hold me at arm's length. His ex-girlfriend had cheated on him, abused his trust, and he'd just found out his mom was sick, leaving him heartbroken all over again. He was probably scared of losing me, too, of feeling that kind of pain. Unfortunately, I understood where he was coming from.

        When he eventually spoke, the line of his jaw hardened. "I found out last month. Dad accidentally forwarded me a website link for a Parkinson's support group instead of sending it to Mom." Those slate blue eyes locked back on mine, containing a thundercloud of emotions. "That's why I dropped everything and rushed home. You get it now, don't you? Why I couldn't tell you what was going on?"

I nodded, tears blurring my vision. 

He'd kept it from me because he didn't want it to come between Amelia and I. He didn't want me to be in on the secret, to have to lie to her, too.

Grief formed like a brick in my throat as I opened my mouth, trying to drag in air. 

        And then delayed recognition crept in, my entire body going cold. But it was Amelia's voice that cut through the heavy silence that had crashed-landed on the table. "Parkinson's? You have  Parkinson's? "

        I fought the tears that tried to sneak out of the corners of my eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look up, not even when Judy finally answered, "Yes, honey. I have Parkinson's disease."

        Oh God. 

        I tried to concentrate on the uneaten slice of chocolate ripple cake in front of me and not on the knowledge that my best friend's mom had an incurable neurodegenerative disorder—another person I considered family. It was too hard to digest, like a bitter acid that was burning a hole in my gut. I didn't want to see her suffer, to watch the disease progress. 

        There was a strained pause, and Geoff chimed in, "We planned to tell you all at the same time, but I guess things just don't work out how we want them to sometimes."

        That was the understatement of the century. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. 

        Judy continued, "But that's only part of the reason why we're here tonight." I winced as if I'd been struck, afraid of what else she might say. "You see, when life shakes you by the shoulders, it forces you to wake you up to what you've been taking for granted. You stop living in fear, and you start to realize what's actually important. I want to start living, honey, especially while I still can, before I lose my independence."

        Hollowness carved deeper at my insides, but I stayed quiet.

        Amelia hesitated, blinking several times. "What? I'm so confused, Mama. What exactly are you saying?"

        "That tonight should be a celebration."

        "We've decided that it's time we grab life by the horns, do the things we've always wanted to do," Geoff went on quickly, his eyes shimmering behind his wire-rimmed glasses.

        A smile crept over Judy's features. "It's always been our dream to travel around Europe in one of those motorhomes... and well, we're going to make that happen. No more excuses," she rushed on with newfound thrill. "We've decided to retire and sell the house."   

◇

        JACE DIDN'T TALK for the twenty minutes or so that the car ride took to get back to my house. When I'd dared to ask how he was doing, he'd wordlessly reached over to rest his hand on my knee, squeezing gently. But the look he'd slid me as we'd pulled up at a stoplight spoke volumes, and my heart ached with the anguish I'd seen on his face. 

        So when he finally idled up to the curb outside my house and more silence drifted out between us, I scrubbed my palms down my tights, suddenly nervous. My stomach dipped as any residual adrenaline from dinner faded and the gravity of the situation hit me full-force.

        I cleared my throat. "We should talk about this."

        Jace inhaled slowly. "Yeah, we should." He sounded so calm, but I could see that he was white-knuckling the steering wheel.

        "I'm not going to say sorry, because that was, without a doubt, the most unhelpful thing anyone said to me when my brother..." I trailed off, shaking my head, but what was left unsaid was obvious. It wasn't all that inspiring, either, seeing as two years after losing Tom, I still struggled with his death. I still couldn't bring myself to voice it aloud sometimes. And that was the last thing Jace needed to hear.

        But, on the other hand, grief didn't come with a manual, and often navigating the loss was like driving without a destination. There were plenty of blind spots and pit stops, and the darkness was always there in the rear-view mirror, following just behind you like an ominous storm cloud. Even now, I wondered how long it would take to feel like Tom's death wouldn't threaten to break me anymore, especially in my most fragile moments. 

        A near-suffocating numbness skated over my skin. I quickly pushed those troubling thoughts away.

        "Hayley?"

        I reluctantly glanced over at him, and although his features were shadowed in the dim light, I could still make out the ghost of a small, sad smile. 

        "You don't have to say anything. You don't have to fill the silence with words. I know you understand what I'm going through right now... that, and you just being here, is enough for me, okay?"

        There was a flutter in my chest, a tiny flicker of relief. "Okay."

        Jace's arms enfolded me in a powerful embrace, and I buried my head into the crook of his neck, breathing in the faint scent of his cologne. The tension bled out of him, and he held onto me like he never planned to let go as he gave me... oh wow, the best hug ever. The warmth from his body, the general proximity of him, rekindled the burning sensation that had long since nestled in my core. The love I felt for him was both fiery and tender, simmering low in my belly.

        He murmured my name again softly, pressing his mouth against my temple. "I honestly don't know what I would've done if you weren't there tonight."

        Gripping the back of his T-shirt, I tugged him closer and said croakily, "You know Judy's like a second mother to me. I love her, too."    

        Jace drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "I know, babe." One hand skimmed up my spine, tangling in my hair. His stubbled jaw grazed against my cheek as he pulled back to look down at me. 

        His eyes closed briefly, but when they opened, when he did eventually pin me with that intense stare, the air leaked out of my lungs. Jace's next words were thick and laced with sadness. "Thank you, and not just for tonight... for everything. I don't think I've ever needed you as much as I do now, but I still remember that summer we holed up in my room, just hanging out, listening to music and watching old movies. Thank you for always being there." 

        "That goes both ways, Jace." I rested my forehead against his, swallowing back tears. "Losing my brother was the worst experience of my life, and after he was gone... I don't know, just being around you made it hurt less somehow." 

        He started to say something when the ringer on my phone went off. Pulling back, I scooted over to the passenger side of Jace's bench seat. I dug around inside my purse, guilt slamming into me from all directions when I saw my best friend's name blinking on the screen. I'd been so caught up in Jace, in being there for him, that my brain had momentarily shorted out. 

        I didn't even want to imagine what Amelia must be going through, how she must feel. Maybe like the whole world was crumbling around her, and I wasn't there to hold down the fort. 

        I immediately answered her call.

        "Can you come out of the t-truck?" Amelia's voice hitched on a sob. "I'm here, on your porch. I didn't know where else—I just... I can't go back there, not tonight." 

        My head snapped up toward my house in shock, and I squinted out the passenger side window. There was the outline of a shadowy figure, sitting hunched over on the steps, and when they stood up, I saw the unmistakable blonde hair, silver and iridescent in the moonlight. 

        "I'll be out in just a minute," I told her without further hesitation. 

        My gaze veered back to Jace after I hung up. His eyes were so pale, a striking contrast against the darkness of his pupils. He was looking past me, his eyebrows drawn together. "I should go." 

        Heart dropping, I slid toward him again and caught the side of his face in my hand. God, the guy was as gorgeous as he was thoughtful. "I wish I could be there for both of you."    

        Jace's lips brushed the shell of my ear, and a shiver coiled through me. "You don't have to explain. I get it," he whispered. "You've been her world just as long as you've been mine."

        He'd made me swoon a lot over the years, but this was different to anything I'd felt with him before. His unexpected sweetness spiked me right between my ribs. 

        I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my mouth, and I didn't even try to hide it. "You can be a real charmer when you want to be, you know."

        Jace's lashes lowered, and he smiled faintly. That lasted a beat, and then he sobered. The sadness seeped back into his expression, the boyish grin slipping off his face. "Call me or text me later. Let me know that she's okay."

        My fingers traced along the edge of his jawline, and the grief that flared in his eyes sliced me open like a buzzsaw. "You could stay, too. We'll marathon the  Taken  series and consume our weight in gummy bears, like old times. You don't have to—"

        "Yes. Yes, I do," he cut in, and I frowned. "I've at least had a little while to try and wrap my mind around all this. Besides, she's mad at me for keeping it from her. She won't want me there. My sister needs you..." His voice cracked like broken glass. "She needs you more than me."

        I wanted to believe that, but I couldn't. Especially when he shot me one last sideways glance as I climbed out, as if he was trying to communicate something on some unspoken level. But before I could say a word, Jace shifted the Chevy into drive, those large tires crackling over the gravel road, and then he was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

THE SOUND OF Amelia's strangled sobs had been loud last night, an anchor that hadn't let me drift to sleep until a quarter after three.

        I'd become a human tissue as my best friend had curled up at my side, her face buried in my shoulder and her hot tears soaking through my sleep shirt.

        The longer time had rolled on, the deeper grief had dug its talons into me, and the harder it was to put on a brave face for Amelia. Judy's Parkinson's had come out of left-field, knocking both of us for a loop, and I was still trying to process everything the next morning. The last twelve hours seemed like a bad dream.

        My thoughts were circling as I walked to my first class, and Judy's affirmation— I want to start living, honey —repeated in my mind like a depressing mantra. Worse yet, she and Geoff were planning to pack up and leave next month, as if the diagnosis of her chronic illness hadn't been enough to deal with. Once they left and the Northern Atlantic Ocean separated us, would they even come back? And, more importantly, were they just totally forgetting about Amelia?

        As I started for the underground tunnel that connected the two sides of campus—the pathway outlined by small lights like an airplane strip—I heard my name.

        Pivoting on my heel, I turned around to see that Eden was fast-approaching, the hollows of her cheeks flushed by the cold wind.

        "Hey," she said, falling into step beside me, and I hunkered down deeper into my hoodie. "How was your long weekend?"

        Pulling my gaze from her, I grimaced. "Uh, yeah, it was pretty good, thanks." The lie came out easier than the truth. "What did you get up to?"

        "Oh, you know, the usual." She waved me off. "Studied until my brain hurt, pigged out on a whole packet of peanut butter M&M's, and watched Crazy, Stupid, Love  again just so I could appreciate all that is Ryan Gosling."

        Shaking my head, I laughed. Funny thing was, it already sounded way better than my weekend. "Is it bad that I still haven't seen that movie?"

        Eden stared at me, brows raised. "Yeah, I don't know if I can be friends with you anymore."

        I sighed loudly, adjusting the strap of my book bag. "I guess you don't want the copious notes I took for you when you missed the last lecture."

        "Forget what I just said. You're the best." 

        I grinned, and she grinned right back. 

        "Did you hear about the frat party that's happening this Thursday night on Greek row?" Eden asked after a few seconds, tucking a strand of jet-black hair behind her ear. "Oh, my God, the guys. Talk about eye candy."

        The abrupt change in subject caused me to laugh. "No, I haven't." I supposed that was what happened when you didn't live on campus anymore because some psycho-stalker had ruined your social life. I swallowed back the bitterness that was clawing its way up my throat.

Looping her arm through mine, Eden said in a sing-song voice, "Well, rest assured, because guess who managed to score us an invite?"

        Fighting back a smile, I feigned ignorance. "Oh, I don't know... definitely someone awesome."

        "I am pretty awesome," she agreed. "Does that mean you'll go with me? Because I think you should. It'll be good for us, Hayley. We're college students now. We need to balance out studying for midterms with some well-earned fun."

        "Maybe. I might be headed back to my parents' that night." I kept my response vague. I was kind of unsure about whether or not parties and I really meshed that well. Besides, was I even in the mood for standing around awkwardly all night, pretending to have a good time?

        Probably not.

        We started up the wide steps to the building, and I couldn't resist pulling out my phone to check the time. It was nearly eight-thirty and class would be underway soon. I still hadn't heard from Jace since last night, and I hadn't seen his truck in the parking lot this morning. Normally, I would have crossed paths with him by now, and that thought slipped into the crevices of my mind, only adding to my anxiety.

        "You okay?" Eden pinned me a concerned look.

        I'd been lagging behind. "Yeah," I lied, snapping out of my stupor as I followed after her.

        The art studio was nearly full, everyone filing in with newfound enthusiasm and interest. One of our practical assignments was due today, and midterms were only a few weeks out. I swear there were so many new faces, people I'd never seen before. So typical. 

        We managed to sit at one of the bigger workbenches, squeezing through the small gap between the tables as we edged our way into the middle of the room.

        "Do you think Professor Zimmerman would notice if I took a quick nap?" Eden planted her forearms on the bench top, dropping her head as if she was worn-out already. "I really can't bring myself to care about this class." 

        I scrunched up my nose. "Honestly, I doubt he would. He can barely keep track of the time, let alone all his students."

        Sure enough, we were already running ten minutes late, and Professor Zimmerman was still setting up at the front. He tried again to hook his laptop up to the projector and seemed genuinely surprised when it didn't work. It had only taken two classes with him before I'd realized he was technologically challenged.

        I watched in amusement as one of the students at a closer workbench grew impatient and stood up, offering to help him. 

        Dipping down to rummage through my bag, I pulled out the heavy textbook for this class and started thumbing through the pages. I skimmed through the sections I'd highlighted last week, reminding me that I really needed to pay attention to this tutorial, before we moved onto finishing our final assignment. I still had no idea what stylistic elements distinguished furniture from the Italian Renaissance to pieces from the French Regence, and I seriously hoped it wouldn't come up in the exam.

        "Morning, babe," came a deep voice that rumbled through me, and I felt it all the way down to the tips of my toes.

        I hadn't realized that the drafting chair to my right had been unoccupied until I caught Jace sliding into it out of my periphery, and I was struck speechless, which was a new thing for me. And it wasn't because he was here, sitting next to me, it was because he'd called me  babe  so casually in front of Eden.

        "Hi," I said, the word coming out in a breathless tumble. 

        His lips tipped up, like he knew the effect he had on me, and then his eyes finally shifted to acknowledge Eden. "Hey, I don't believe we've officially met before."

His gaze caught mine again and held. "Hayles?"

        "Yeah?"

        "We're okay, aren't we?" There was a hint of worry in his tone, and his fingers felt like iron, clamping down on my upper leg.

        I knew that wasn't what Jace was really asking me, but, for once in my life, I didn't hesitate. "I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him.

◇

        "Y'ALL SEEM COZY." Piper's lips curled into a delighted smirk. She looked in Jace's direction, who happened to be closing in on us, carrying two cups of coffee from the campus cafeteria. "Anything I should know?"

        I almost sprayed water all over her, and I smacked my hand over my mouth. 

        "Oh my God. There is," she practically squealed, interest flaring in her eyes. "Spill it! You have about twenty seconds before he gets back here to tell me  everything ."    

        I swallowed, flushing, and then I screwed the lid of my water bottle back on. The last thing I wanted to resemble was a human geyser.

        Based on Jace's dating history—or should I say, lack thereof, seeing as Zoe had been his only serious girlfriend—I wasn't exactly inclined to broadcast our relationship. 

        And even though we'd had 'the talk' last night, I still didn't know if Jace was ready for other people to know that we were together. Considering everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, I hadn't really had the chance to digest the fact that he wanted to be with me, too. 

        I'd been waiting for this day for what felt like forever—to finally be able to call myself Jace's girlfriend—but right now, I don't know, it just didn't feel like the right time. Not with everything else that was going on. But I couldn't exactly lie to Piper, either. I was an open book.

        Besides, it would be too hard to deny it—to claim that nothing had changed between us—when Jace had been showering me with affection all day. In class, his hand had never left my thigh, and when we'd been walking through campus, he'd draped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. And just a few minutes ago, before he'd left to fetch us both coffee, his lips had brushed the shell of my ear, and he'd whispered, "Have I mentioned how beautiful I think you are? I'm so fucking lucky."

        My stomach and heart had tried to out flutter each other.

        This had earned a curious glance from Piper, which was totally understandable, but Owen had continued to sleep obliviously on the lawn, his baseball cap twisted forward to shield his face.

        The temperature had increased by at least ten degrees since this morning, the sun filtering through the trees, beating down on us as we'd eaten lunch near the quad. The sticky humidity was making me sweat everywhere. 

        I peeked surreptitiously over at Owen now, praying he wasn't actually awake. This wasn't the kind of personal information I wanted anyone to overhear. "Um, okay. Well, we've kissed a couple of times and—"

        "I  knew  it," she said, clapping her hands in glee. "Yeah, the way he looks at you? Like wow. You don't see that every day."

        Pushing my sunglasses further up the bridge of my nose, I asked, "See what?" 

       "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," Piper deadpanned. "That boy is crazy about you, I swear. I've never seen him—hey, Jace! How's it going?"   

I winced.

        Hell, I hoped he hadn't heard much of that.

        "Huh? You saw me like five minutes ago." He shook his head, amused. Then he passed over the steaming cup of coffee to me. "Be careful, it's hot."

        "Thanks." I grinned, taking a tentative sip. Caffeine was the only thing that was getting me through this semester and all of the driving back and forth from Fowler's Hill to Athens.

        Jace sat down beside me again, and then he leaned back, stretching out his long legs. He balanced his coffee on the grass, somehow managing not to spill any. 

        A breeze picked up, scattering the fallen foliage and stirring my hair around me. 

        There was a comfortable silence that descended between the four of us, and it was like I was only just starting to pay attention to my surroundings because, all of a sudden, I was overcome with the prickly feeling that someone was watching me.

        When my gaze zipped over toward the student services building, I caught a glimpse of someone standing half-hidden behind the bulletin board. Dark jeans and grass-stained sneakers captured my attention first, and then they moved slightly, the person coming directly into my line of vision.

        Fear rocketed through me at breakneck speed. 

        Levi stood there, those vacant eyes locking on mine like a missile. Terror exploded inside me, seeping into my veins, and even though it was September, I felt like I'd been sealed in a freezer, going cold and numb all over immediately. 

        Oh my God. 

        I couldn't breathe. Not when he was staring at me like that. And when he had the nerve to smile sadistically at me, it ripped the remaining air from my lungs. 

        My hands shook, sending the scalding coffee I was holding sloshing into my lap. "Shit!" I yelped, shooting forward.

        My reaction must have freaked Jace out, because the next thing I knew, he was tugging on my elbow, forcing me to glance up at him. "What the hell just happened? Are you all right?"

        I heard Piper's voice in the background, too, sounding equally confused, but I couldn't tear my gaze from Jace. His stunning blue-gray eyes were intense and full of concern, grounding me. 

        I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip, trying to prevent it from trembling. "Don't look, but... I think Levi's been watching me."

        Flat-out ignoring my request, Jace wheeled around to scan the quad, and then he straightened, spotting him. "What the fuck?" he growled, a tendon in his throat ticking. 

        It was only then that Owen sat up, blinking through his sleep-induced disorientation. He flipped his cap around backward and climbed to his feet. "What's going on?"

        "Levi," was all I said, but it seemed sufficient by way of explanation. 

        Owen's features turned to stone. "Where?" He exhaled in a rush.

        "Over by student services," Jace told him. "He's still just standing there. He knows I can see him, it's like he's baiting me or something." He opened and closed his fists.

        Apprehension flooded my system. "Don't, Jace. I don't want you to say anything to him," I insisted. "I don't want you going anywhere near him, for that matter."

        "Not when he's batshit crazy," Piper commented unhelpfully. "Have you heard from the police yet about how the case is going?"

       "No," I croaked out. "None of this should even be happening. I don't understand. Why won't he just leave me alone?" I voiced my questions, even though I knew that none of them had the answers. There was probably no logical explanation. Levi was crazed, clearly.

        "Hell if I know," Jace breathed, giving my arm a squeeze.

        I cuddled into him, taking comfort.

        This whole thing with Levi was venturing into territory I hadn't been prepared for. A shiver skated down my spine, and my eyes inadvertently wandered back to him as I thought this. 

        Levi's head was tilted to the side, as if he could sense my fear, even across the distance that spanned between us. That sickening smirk inched wider, like he was totally getting off on this. Reveling in it, even. And now there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this guy was more cuckoo than a clock factory.

        I felt Jace stiffen, and he dropped his arms from around me. "Okay, that's it," he declared, annoyed. "I'm gonna go over and—"

        "—and what? Have it out with him in plain sight? I wouldn't do that. Walk away, brother," Owen interjected wisely. "He'll get what's coming to him." There was an unfamiliar hostility in his voice, a razor-edged hardness that made me flinch.

        With visible effort, Jace nodded slowly, and his brows lowered, knitting together. "Yeah. I think you might be right about that."    


	18. Chapter 18

I HAD NO idea how I let Eden talk me into going to that party, but Thursday night, when I really should have been halfway home to Fowler's Hill, I found myself ascending the stairwell to the Alpha Gamma Rho frat house.    

        "You ready for this?" Eden touched my arm, her red-lipsticked mouth stretching into a grin.

        It was supposed to get rid of my doubts, but instead, reluctance jammed in my throat, and I almost told her I'd changed my mind.

        Honestly, a part of me had wondered if coming to this party was a dumb move. Here I was, crawling out of the woodwork. Levi probably expected that I would come tonight, ready to do battle again.

        There was a small voice in my head shouting,  Abort!  But I'd never had a lot of friends, and I didn't go to parties back home, opting to stay in after Tom died, to hide away. I wanted college to be different from high school. I didn't want to be socially absent. 

        "Yeah, I think so." I gave her a barely-there nod. "But if one of us wants to leave, can we have, like, a code word or something? I just—"

        "Say no more." She stopped to think. "Okay, I've got it. If either one of us wants to make a mad dash out of there, let's just say the word smorgasbord." 

        "Um, okay," I drawled, arching an eyebrow. "Dare I ask how you came up with that?"

        "We're going to be at a frat house with a smorgasbord of hot guys, duh," she explained with a wink, and I giggled at the mental image. 

        Approaching the giant glass doors and the loud music that pulsated behind it, I squared my shoulders and mentally gave myself a quick pep-talk.

        I could totally do this.

        But if I was going to chill out and have a remotely good time tonight, I was going to need to remind myself that the only thing worse than coming across Levi again was letting him prevent me from doing the things I wanted to do. He didn't deserve to have that kind of power, that kind of control, over me. I should be able to go to a frat party with my friend without having to worry about the consequences.

        A moment later and we were entering the lion's den, the pungent smell of sweat and booze hitting me immediately. My insides clenched, and I already felt woozy from the party atmosphere.

        Drunk college students were everywhere, swarming the hallways and crowding the rooms, making it much like a maze as we tried to maneuver throughout the house. 

        Eden led me deeper into the mob of rowdy frat boys, and her hand squeezed mine as we tried not to get separated amongst the chaos. 

        "Tell me if you see Reese anywhere," she said, referring to the guy who'd invited us to come tonight—he was a member of this frat—as she stood on her tiptoes. 

"You're forgetting that I've never met him before," I replied dryly.

        Everywhere I looked, I saw people dancing or kicking it, and there was a group of jocks playing beer pong over by the built-in bar. Like a deer caught in the headlights, I took in the party, the sea of faces surrounding me. I didn't recognize anyone.

        Scooting back a little bit, I managed to narrowly avoid being bulldozed over by two girls who were screaming insults and drunken accusations at each other. 

        Completely normal.

        "God, I hope we don't have to stand around for much longer," Eden murmured, inching closer to me. "This is so awkward."

        I nodded in agreement. 

        We'd drawn several curious stares, but no one was approaching us. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

        A nanosecond later, a familiar voice rose over the loud music, calling my name, and I saw a flash of red. My surprised gaze landed on Piper. She found us in the crowd and gestured for us to follow her. Thank God. The only person I knew here, up until five seconds ago, was Eden—with the exception of Reese, who I'd still never laid eyes on before.

        I discovered that frat houses were seriously huge as Piper led us further down a long hallway with wooden arches and paisley carpeting. Venturing into a slightly smaller living room, we weaved our way through the throng and settled by the green-felt table. The music wasn't as deafening in here, which meant that having a conversation was possible. 

        "I didn't know you'd be here tonight." My auburn-haired friend drew me into a hug, and I returned it in kind.

        "Neither did I. Thanks for rescuing us back there," I said before nodding at Eden. "Have you met Eden before, Piper?"

        "No, I haven't. Nice to meet you." Her smile widened.

        Eden lifted her hand and waved back.

        "You girls want something to drink?" Piper asked us politely.

        Just the idea of alcohol made my stomach churn. I was quick to shake my head, but Eden said yes.

        Piper picked two Jell-O shots up off the tray on the coffee table and handed one to Eden, keeping the other for herself. I stared down at the sweetened drink like a moron, wondering how the hell she was going to get it out of the tiny glass. Eden had a similar expression on her face.

        "Ever had one of these before?" Piper asked her, her lips twitching in amusement. "They're my preferred poison."

        "I haven't," Eden admitted, shaking her head.

        "All you have to do is run your tongue around the rim so that you can loosen the Jell-O from the plastic," she instructed. 

        In one fluid motion, Eden tipped back the shot, following my friend's instructions. "Mmm, you're right. These are  so  good," she gasped, instantly reaching for another one. 

        "You might want to slow down." Piper snickered. "Don't get me wrong. It's fun corrupting you, but these things will knock you on your ass if you're not careful." 

        Yeah. I'd learned that lesson. Twice.

        There was definitely an appeal to staying sober at parties, I decided. Those Jell-O shooters looked dangerous, and avoiding them meant that I wouldn't be subjecting someone to mop up my vomit later, most likely Eden, or to listen to my drunken confessions.

"Point taken. I don't want to—"

        "Eden!" a distinctly male voice called out. "When did you get here?" 

        I turned my head as a cute guy with wavy auburn hair sauntered up to us. He was wearing a football jacket and cradling a red plastic cup in his hand. The shortness of Eden's skirt only briefly caught his attention, and even then, I glimpsed nothing but healthy desire, unlike half of the other sleazy guys that had been shamelessly checking her out since we'd arrived. 

        He was already making a good impression, and I had the sneaking suspicion that this was the hot ginger she hadn't shut up about all week.

        Eden fidgeted next to me, clearly intimidated by his presence. "Just now."

        "'Sup, Piper," he said, acknowledging her.

        So, as it turned out, Eden and I had mutual friends. Cool.

        Before Piper could reply, a girl wearing spiked heels interrupted us, tears glittering in her dark eyes. There was no time for any official introductions, but I guessed that this was Piper's infamous roommate. And she was leaving, apparently.

        "I'm out," she announced, shooting Piper a look that spelled trouble. "I didn't sign up for this shit." 

        The perma-smile melted off Piper's face. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I have to go," she apologized to us before hurrying after her roommate.

        "Frat parties." Eden gave a quiet, humorless laugh. "Never a dull moment, right?"

        An awkward silence thumped by, and then Hot Ginger's eyes fell to me. "Who's your friend, Eden?" 

        "Reese, meet Hayley," she introduced us, grinning outright in no time. "Hayley, this is Reese." 

        When she leaned into him, brushing her arm against his, he didn't back away, and I felt a sense of victory on her behalf. Reese was definitely into her, and something told me he was interested in more than just a meaningless hookup that these parties typically boasted.

        "It's nice to finally meet you. Eden's been chewing my ear off about this guy in her other cla—" I ground to a halt mid-sentence as she elbowed me in the ribs. Hard. "So, Reese, what's your major?"

        He chuckled and slid his free hand into the pocket of his jacket. "I'm majoring in Art History." 

        "Oh, that's great." I offered a genuine smile. 

        As much as I tried to appear fascinated by what his plans were after he graduated—he was a senior, like Jace—I found myself peering past Reese's shoulder, overtly scanning the crowd.

        It didn't take me long to find who I was searching for, considering he was a good head taller than most of the other guys here.

        My heart inflated as I spotted Jace. He'd said he might be here tonight, but I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up, to have that be my only reason for tagging along with Eden.

        It was almost criminal how attractive he was, wearing a pair of faded jeans and a blue plaid shirt. His hair was messy and tousled, toppling across his strong forehead, and the stubble shadowing his jaw made him look older, kind of rugged.

        Giddy with both surprise and elation, I decided that this party wasn't going to suck as much as I'd previously estimated.

        Beside him was Owen, slightly taller in height, but no less good-looking. He was the same kind of good-looking as Jace, but he didn't capture the same intensity, or the same unnerving eyes, almost like he could see right through you. 

"I'm gonna go say hi to Jace." I lowered my gaze to Eden. "You don't mind, do you?"

        Eden had caught me drooling over him on more than one occasion now, and she firmly shook her head, humor swirling in her eyes. "No, not at all. Go for it." 

        I turned back to where Jace was, about to walk over, when I saw a stunning brunette sashay up to him and glue herself to his side.  

        Fear pierced my belly, and I skidded to a halt. I had an overwhelming sense of deja vu. 

        In Jace's defense, he wasn't even paying her a lick of attention as she got her flirt on, but the irritation was still there, slicing through my bones, building inside me.

        Jace was  my  boyfriend, and yet for a reason I failed to remember now, nobody else knew that. Of course girls were still going to fawn all over him if they hadn't been clued in to the fact that he was dating someone—that he was dating  me .    

        I pretended to be cool and composed as I watched him talk to her, as he didn't hesitate to shrug out of her manicured embrace. Her scowl revealed her displeasure, and a rush of relief swept through me, but I still hung back. 

        I was nervous to go over to him. Ugh.

        "What are you waiting for?" Eden urged softly.

        "I don't know," I answered. 

        As stupid as it sounded, I guess I was waiting to see if he'd notice me. Plus, I didn't know if he still wanted to keep our relationship low-key.

        Owen nudged Jace, leaning over to say something to him. Several seconds later, Jace's eyes darted in our general direction. His smile was all for me. He deposited his beer on the bookshelf and approached me with purposeful strides. Practically every girl in the room turned to admire him as he made his way over to me, huge grin in place.

        "My night just got a hell of a lot better." His husky voice lit up every nerve, and then his hands were cupping either side of my face. "Hey, gorgeous."

        I figured I must have been imagining the way he was staring down at me, those lead-colored eyes molten, but then Jace did something totally unprecedented. 

        He leaned in and kissed me, in front of everyone.

        My body melted into his when his mouth descended, capturing mine. There was  nothing  low-key about this kiss. This was not a hey-how-are-ya kind of kiss, it was the type of slow, drugging kiss that left you intoxicated and barely able to think straight. 

        His fingers threaded through my hair, tugging me flush against him, and I could feel the wild hammering of his heart beneath my palm. With a groan, he angled his head to deepen the kiss, and his tongue tangled with mine. I did my best not to concentrate on the overpowering lust that sizzled through me, the heat that raced up my neck, and then, before I knew it, he was pulling away.

        Holy hotness. A ridiculous blush warmed my cheeks.

        I self-consciously adjusted my halter top and braced myself for the aftermath, but Jace was unfazed. He casually slung an arm around me and jutted his chin at Reese. "Crawford, how's it going?" 

        I doubted that there was anyone on campus Jace didn't know. Not to say I wasn't grateful that we could surpass the formal introductions and the small talk. 

        Eden stopped shifting nervously when it occurred to her that her new beau and Jace knew each other, too.

        "Pretty good thanks, man." Reese smiled broadly, clapping him on the back.  

"Whoa, that was some hello," Eden whispered in my ear.

        A silent laugh brewed in my chest, but I couldn't bring myself to look at her, knowing what little semblance of composure I had would take a nosedive the minute I met her wide-eyed gaze.

        I was trying to remain level-headed about all of this, but when he kissed me like that, like he was declaring to the whole student body that his former playboy ways were, indeed, past tense... well, it was hard not to break out into a fit of hysterical giggles like I was thirteen again.

        Before I could even react, or respond, Jace murmured low, "Remember what I told you the other night?"

        My brain officially needed to be jump started. I couldn't comprehend the first thing he'd said. All I could think about was that kiss, and the fact that quite a few people were still blatantly staring at us.

        "About just going with it," he prompted, and those adorable dimples appeared.

        A flood of warmth engulfed me, and the conversation we'd had when his parents had invited me for dinner last weekend flashed through my mind. 

        Somehow, I was able to keep my voice sounding impressively unaffected when I said, "So, I didn't know you were going to be here." 

        "It was a spur-of-the-moment decision." He smirked. "And that's funny, seeing as you never mentioned you were coming tonight, either, when I brought it up." 

        "It took a while to persuade her, Jace," Eden contributed, shooting me a dark glower. "Maybe she wouldn't have dragged her heels as much if she'd known you were going to be here."

        I pursed my lips. 

        Jace's hand traveled down my spine, sliding dangerously low, and a jolt of heat seared me. My eyes involuntarily widened, and I placed my fingers over his, deterring his palm from sliding anywhere below the top of my ass. 

        When my fingertips grazed his knuckles, I almost didn't feel it at first. And then I skimmed over them again, slower this time, and Jace's hand immediately dropped from my lower back.

        I didn't need to see his knuckles to know that they were raw and split open.

        Even though the three of them were still chatting, their voices loud as they competed with the music, I couldn't focus on a word they were saying anymore. 

        Cobwebs of dread spun inside me, catching me in its inescapable grip.

        "Jace, can you come with me for a sec?" 

        He blinked at my sharp tone. "'Scuse us," he said.

        Eden and Reese exchanged a look. A very long look, as if they were astonished by how we'd gone from sucking face to having a spat in record speed.

        Without delay, I pulled Jace away from them, and we slipped out the back door and into the cool night.

        The air was easier to breathe out here, the music quieter still. Even though there were a couple of people already out on the deck, smoking, I knew it was the best place we were going to have this conversation.

        Jace edged closer, and the scent of him enveloped me like a thick haze. "If you wanted to take me someplace quiet to have your way with me, sweetheart, all you had to do was ask."

        He was being cocky and flirtatious as all out, and ordinarily, I would be going a little weak at the knees, but damn it, I was stronger than that. And I wasn't just going to ignore the fact that my gut was almost a hundred percent certain Jace had gone and roughed up Levi, after I'd specifically told him not to. 

"I'm being serious," I said firmly, and he halted mid-step. "We need to talk."

        His expression went blank. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

        I drew in a calming breath. 

        The night sky above Alpha Gamma Rho house was a deep purple, and dark odd-shaped clouds blanketed the stars. Casting my gaze to the hedges and rocks surrounding the in-ground pool, I forced myself to ask him, "What happened to your hand?"

        His brows furrowed as he glanced down at his right hand, a dark look momentarily shrouding his face. A second later and it was gone, his trademark, easygoing grin spreading like honey. "Oh, that. It's nothing. I have this photography project due soon, and man, it was so stupid, I was trying to—"

        "No way," I cut in. "I'm not going to listen to some bullshit excuse. Do you honestly think I don't know when you're lying to me?" 

        Jace seemed ready to argue but then something changed. Defeat carved his features. "I went after Levi, all right?" he admitted, sighing.

        Muscles in my stomach cinched at his admission. "Why would you do that, Jace? I told you I didn't want you getting involved, and I meant it." 

        "Do you seriously expect that I'll just be a bystander in all this?" he demanded. "I  know  how scared you are, no matter how many times you try to convince me that you're not. And I'm not about to let something happen to you, so yeah, fuck it, I told him to leave you alone. That if he ever so much as looked at you the wrong way again, I'd be using more than just my fist." 

        Frustration whirled, eclipsing the sliver of patience I'd been holding onto. "You can't just get angry and start throwing punches. You do realize that not only have you endangered yourself, now, you've potentially sabotaged the entire case." 

        His throat dipped in a visible gulp. "Damn. I hadn't thought of it like that."

        There was nothing for me to say, so I just stood there, trying not to think about Jace possibly having a target on his back now, because that led to another major stressor: what if Levi did go after him? Worse yet, what if he started zeroing in on the other people I loved?

        Fear formed a tight, crushing knot in my windpipe. 

        Jace was silent for a moment, and then he cursed again. "I'm sorry. I was focused on trying to keep you safe, not on what the fallout might be."

        I studied him warily, sensing that there was an unspoken "but," and then his eyes flared, burning with a powerful intensity. "But If I'm being honest, I'd still do it again. I shouldn't have to apologize for doing everything I can to protect you."

        By this point, I was half-staring, half-gaping at him. Truthfully, underneath the initial anger, there was gratitude and another emotion I'd been trying to stall for a while now.

        "Anyway, maybe I should just go back inside, give you some space."

        "No. Don't do that," I said. "Don't go." Placing my purse down on the folding deck table, I leaned back against the railing and released a tired-sounding breath. "I know I should be thanking you, it's just... now you're not safe, either. And I can't stand the thought that if anything happens to you, it'll be because of me." 

        "But it won't be. You didn't make any of this happen," he said instantly. My gaze flew up to his and held. "I'm a big boy, I make my own decisions. You didn't ask for me to fight for you. I  chose  to fight for you." There was a pause, and then he amended, "Actually, that's not true. It's not even a choice for me anymore, it's just instinct. I fight for the people I care about, you know that. And yeah, there are risks, but I really don't give a shit. You're worth it to me."

My breath hitched, and then he was stepping forward, putting his arms around me. 

        "Hayles." He sighed heavily, resting his chin on the top of my head. "You've gotta cut me some slack. I'm your boyfriend, but even if I wasn't, I'm always going to want to protect you at all costs. That's just how it is between us, and it's not a switch I can flick on and off."

        "I get that. I really do," I mumbled into his chest. "I love that you've always looked out for me, even when we were younger. I just worry about you. I don't want you getting caught up in all this."

        "Anything that involves you, involves me. I won't just look the other way," Jace said gruffly. "Besides, Levi isn't going to be back. Owen and I made sure of that." He didn't sound worried, just insistent. His words elicited another lurch of fear, but I didn't press the matter further. 

        "If Tom was here, he'd have done the same, anyway," I heard myself say. The sadness that came whenever I mentioned him was always the same, like someone had wielded a sucker punch to my stomach. My voice was thick as I continued, "So don't beat yourself up about it, no pun intended. It's done now, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit glad to hear that someone's handed Levi his ass."

        Jace exhaled in a rush, almost as if that had allayed some of his underlying doubts. "Yeah, he would've. Trust me, I'm somebody's big brother, and the tendency to shoot first and ask questions later is ingrained in us." His hand smoothed over my back. "Tom always did go to the ends of the earth for you."

        Oh how accurate he was, and he didn't even know the half of it. Tears filled my eyes, the knowledge somehow both comforting and painful. 

        "I know I brought it up, but let's just have one night where we don't think about Levi, my brother, or your mom... any of it," I sniffed, tilting back to look at him. To my amazement, he was already gazing down at me with infinite tenderness, and something in me threatened to crack open. I managed to somehow get a handle on the outflow of emotion. "We're at a party. We should at least try to enjoy ourselves, right?" 

        His eyes flickered over me, narrowing, and then he nodded. "I'm down for that," he agreed. "As long as you remember that you asked for it."

        I stared back at him. "Asked for what?"

        There was a beat of silence, and then Jace was hooking an arm around my waist. He bent down, tossing me over his shoulder as if I weighed nothing more than a gym bag.

        "Oh my God!" I squealed, gripping the back of his shirt. "What are you doing? Put me down."

        I could barely see through my veil of dark hair, but it was obvious that we had a captive audience. There were a couple of rambunctious shouts of encouragement from inside the frat house, and one of the guys on the deck hooted, "Way to go, Jace. If that's the secret to getting girls, I've been doing it all wrong."

        I rolled my eyes. 

        I was genuinely concerned if he actually thought this kind of man-handling was the key to a girl's heart.        

        "No can do, babe." Jace chuckled, and his forearm braced the back of my thighs.

        "You're such a caveman," I muttered as he walked us over toward the edge of the pool.     

        Awareness trundled through me, and I smacked his ass twice, just to make sure I got my point across... not because it was the perfect excuse for me to cop a feel. Definitely not. "Don't you dare. If you drop me, I won't talk to you for the rest of—"

        Apparently, Jace wasn't cowed by my threat, because the next thing I knew, my voice was trailing off and I was in mid-air. The water seemed to rise up around me, pulling me under. 

        It couldn't have been more than sixty degrees tonight, and the pool certainly didn't have a thermostat, or at least one that was in good working order. It felt like plummeting into an ice bath, and my lungs twisted inside of my chest. Pushing off the bottom of the pool, I resurfaced, gasping and spluttering.

       "I can't believe you just did that! What part of trying to make the best of tonight means 'hmm, maybe I should throw my girlfriend in the pool?'" I spat out, lowering my voice to mimic him.

        Tipping his head back, Jace laughed, and I hated that even at that moment, I couldn't deny that he had the best laugh. It was a deep, rich sound that had more goosebumps dotting on my skin. "Wow. Was that supposed to be an impression of me?"

        I fixed him a death glare. Wringing out my hair only seemed to make that infuriatingly sexy smile grow wider.

        Jace pressed his lips together like he was desperately trying not to laugh again. "Aw. Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Contrary to his words, he didn't seem the least bit apologetic. "If it's any consolation, you're cute when you're mad."

        I shot daggers at him again, hoping to convey that he was going to need to butter me up a lot more than that for me to even consider forgiving him. 

        My fingers combed through my long hair and then they habitually shifted to my neck. "Where's my necklace?" I asked, my eyes widening. "I was wearing it earlier. I can't lose it, Jace. It's the one Tom got me for my birthday."

        "I know," he said, his features softening. "Don't worry, it's probably just in the pool." He crouched down on his haunches, peering into the dark water. "Stay still, I can't see when you're moving around like that."

       As I slowly inched closer to him, a mischievous grin tugged at my mouth, and I didn't hesitate to grab the sleeve of his flannel shirt, hauling him into the pool with me. He came hurtling forward, landing with such a splash that it sent water spraying into the air and cascading over the ledge.

        A second later, I heard him inhale sharply as his head broke the surface. "Really, Hayley?" 

        Satisfaction rang through me. "What can I say? Payback's a bitch." 

        "You had me going there," he admitted. He pushed a hand through his wet hair, and his bicep flexed beneath his shirt, which was clinging to him in all the right places. My mouth went as dry as a desert. "You didn't really lose your necklace, did you?"

        "No," I said, digging it out of my jeans pocket to show him. "I took it off earlier."

        Amusement flitted over his handsome face, and then he frowned, suddenly serious. "Here, give it to me." Jace extended his hand, uncurling his palm, and I passed it over. "I'll put it in your purse, just to be safe."

        The moonlight hit off the silver chain and gleamed as I watched him turn to swim the short distance back to the edge. He dragged himself out, clothes soaked and dripping wet. Crossing the pool deck, he picked up my purse and tucked the locket inside. He carried it over to the ledge of the pool, moving it closer to us, which I was grateful for. The last thing I needed, or wanted, was someone stealing it.

        Then Jace dived back into the pool, clothes and all. He resurfaced beside me and shook out his hair, splashing me.

        I laughed, shielding my eyes. "You're not planning for us to stay in the pool, are you?"

        His gaze slid to mine, and he surprised me when he answered with a shrug. "Why not? Once you get used to it, it's not so bad. Plus, it's colder out of the pool now."

        My heart skipped as Jace closed in on me again. It was almost like our bodies were magnets—there had always been this gravitational pull between us—and so, without even realizing it, I had swam closer to him.

        His hand landed on the side of my hip underwater. My pulse went frantic. The water flowed and rippled around us as Jace drew me against him, and my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. He crouched down, lowering me with him. 

        The icy water lapped against my chest, and I was definitely starting to go numb from the torso down, but my brain overran my body, appreciating the extra privacy we had now. The music, and everyone else, sounded miles away.

        "Can I tell you something?" Jace murmured.

        "Mmm?" 

        "Do you know how nice it is"—he sighed, considering—"to just be here with you now, to be away from everyone else? I remember all the nights that I'd be drunk at these stupid ragers, looking for a good time, but that was me just trying to distract myself from what I was feeling. I never have to be that guy with you. When you're around it's like... I don't know, like maybe I don't have to pretend anymore. I can just  be ."

        The heat of his proximity, the warmth of his breath on my shoulder when he spoke, made me forget all about the fact that I should be well on my way to freezing my ass off. 

        His eyes bore into mine, and I saw the desperation in them, as if he was begging me to understand. As if he thought I didn't already. As if maybe he still didn't know, after all this time, exactly how I felt, or that the need to be with him felt bigger than my body.

        I love you.

        It was right there, on the tip of my tongue.

        God, I was so tempted to say it, to scream it at the top of my lungs. I don't think I'd ever wanted to get those three words out so badly in my life, but I was afraid. Afraid he'd change his mind and run off on me again. Afraid I wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces. 

        My voice crept up the column of my throat, and it took all of my might to abstain my lips from trembling. "Do you know how much I like you, Jace?" I said, trying not to shiver. "As in, really,  really  like you." 

        A twinge of disappointment seeped in as I wished I had the courage to just tell him how I felt, but I hid it with a smile. My fingers slid back around his neck, and his arms squeezed me tighter.

        His chin dipped down and his lips pressed against the fragile line of my collarbone. "I know," he whispered roughly in my ear. "I really fucking like you, too."


	19. Chapter 19

"WHAT THE HELL?" Jace said, throat working. "I swear to God, Hayley, you saw me put the necklace in your purse."

        Panic fired inside me like buckshot, and I was getting all up and personal with what happened to the girl who cried wolf.

        My necklace was actually gone, for real this time, and my brain emptied of anything to say.

        How could it have just disappeared in the ten minutes or less that Jace and I had our backs turned? And, more importantly, why would anyone at this party steal  that  out of a purse, and not the cash or my phone? I might've understood if they'd emptied it of all my possessions, not just the necklace.

        "Shit, I'm so sorry, babe," Jace murmured. "I know how much that necklace means to you. I never would've put it in there if I thought that—"

        Blinking back the sudden rush of tears, I told him. "No, it's okay. It's not your fault." I felt ten kinds of stupid for crying over a necklace, but it was the last connection I had to my brother.

        Jace leaned in, his arm around my waist, and I could feel the heat emanating from him. Waves of shivers raced through me. "Come on, you should go dry off in one of the bathrooms," he suggested, nodding toward the frat house.

        Wheeling around, I made it halfway up the stairs and onto the deck before I sensed that Jace was no longer behind me. "Aren't you coming with me?" I asked, frowning when I noticed he was still standing beside the pool, hands on his hips.

        "Nah." He shook his head just barely. "I'll ask around, see if anyone saw anything."

        That was so sweet and typical of Jace, and my heart seized with emotion.

        "You don't have to do that."

        "But I want to." His tone dropped a level, becoming even more serious. "If you go up to the second floor, there's a bathroom on the right. I'll meet you inside."

        Conceding, I grabbed my purse and ventured back into the frat house—AKA party central—and did my best to ignore the bounty of curious glances I earned. I knew I must have been resembling a drowned rat when one girl covered her mouth with her hand, sniggering inconspicuously as I brushed past her.

        The downstairs bathroom had a long line, which prompted me to follow Jace's instructions. I quickly dashed upstairs, keen to towel dry my hair and wipe down my mascara-streaked face.

        Sidestepping the random hamper of laundry abandoned in the middle of the hallway, I approached the first door on the right and tapped my fist against it softly. When there was no answer, I reached down and twisted the handle. Swinging the door open, I was relieved to find that it was indeed a bathroom and not an occupied bedroom. 

Heading over to the towel rack in the corner, I almost didn't hear the sound of someone letting out a slow, weary breath.

        Fear coated my insides in ice.

        I caught sight of blonde curls out of my periphery, and then the shower curtain was flung aside, all the tiny hooks clinking against the rail.

       There was a girl laying in the shower bath.

       "Oh my God!" I jumped like a high-flying cat. "You scared the absolute shit out of me."

        Seemingly unfazed by my presence, her eyes flickered shut again. "Sorry about that," she murmured. She was combating a small smile, proof that she'd found my reaction amusing. "I just needed somewhere quiet. My head feels like it's about to roll off my neck, and the guy I've liked for years is downstairs with another girl."

        Hesitating, I said, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, the guy I like didn't give me a second glance for years. Then, one day, something changed. Maybe it'll happen like that for you, too."

        I knew that Jace and I were probably the exception, but I didn't want her to lose hope.

        "Maybe," she whispered dully. "Either way, as much as I'd like to, I can't hide out in here forever."

        I was still battling the initial fright as I watched her inelegantly climb out of the tub, but my unease only spiked when she pushed her hair out of her face.

        I recognized her immediately.

        She was easy to remember. That disconsolate expression was exactly the same as the morning I'd first met her at Jace's apartment. 

        It was Jenna. 

        My stomach tumbled over, and the surge of dread I felt was paralyzing.

        Her eyes aligned with mine and they widened a fraction of an inch, recognition dawning for her, too. "Well, this is fucking awkward," she declared.

        We both laughed humorlessly, and I forced myself not to avert my gaze as she studied me closely, almost disdainfully. 

        "You look like you want to say something," I announced. And seriously, it was scarily impressive how quickly her demeanor switched from girl-next-door to ice queen. "If you're worried I'm going to blab to Jace, assuming that he's the guy you were referring to, I won't."

        "Do you honestly think I care?" Jenna's perma-scowl was back, contorting her face. 

        I sighed by way of response. My feet hurt, Jace was most likely waiting for me, and all I wanted to do was leave this bathroom. Wet hair and catching pneumonia weren't such a bad tradeoff anymore. But instead, I had to deal with Jenna.

        After what felt like forever with some tense, mutual inspection, she said, "He never stays with a girl for longer than one night. Trust me on that."

        Shock hit me first, and then an incredulous laugh wheezed out. "Whoa. Okay, let me just stop you right there. I'm sorry, but who the hell are you to tell me about my boyfriend? Yeah, you had  one  night with him, and what, now you think you have the right to poke your nose into our relationship?"      

        Twirling the end of her blonde ponytail, she slanted her head. "I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just trying to help... to save you the heartache. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it won't last. I mean, once you've spread your legs for him, he'll be kicking you out of his apartment, just you wait."

Anger flashed through me. Not only was she implying that she knew Jace enough to spout unsolicited advice, she had a totally warped understanding of the sisterhood that us women share. What she was doing was not helpful. Not even in the slightest.

        "You want to know what I think, Jenna? I think you're jealous. I think you're still bitter over the fact that Jace took one look past your nice-girl front and didn't like what he saw. And I think you know that I have enough self-respect not to settle for less than I deserve," I finally spoke up, any trace of cowardice gone. "More importantly, you're undermining your own worth, and that really annoys me."

        She blanched, stumbling back a step as if I'd just delivered a physical blow.

        Immediately, a sliver of regret brewed. I truly felt bad for her... and for what I'd said. Maybe my words had been a bit too harsh. My throat swelled shut, an uncomfortable silence falling between us. 

        "Why did you have to ruin everything?" The grief-stricken tone of her voice caught me off guard.

        I blinked once and then twice. "What?"

        Jenna sighed like that had been a dumb answer. "Freshman year," she muttered and looked at me with crestfallen eyes. "I've liked Jace ever since freshman year"—she twisted to look at herself in the mirror, and I didn't miss the way she winced at her reflection—"but he never noticed me. Truthfully, as much as I've seen girls throw themselves at him over the years, as much as people have deemed him as this player who's only ever interested in a no-strings hookup, he's never been that receptive, even after he broke up with his girlfriend."

        "Okay..." I trailed off, wild scenarios flashing through my brain as I tried to work out why she was even telling me any of this. 

        She dipped her gaze, shifting her weight from one high-heeled foot to the other. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said... and you're right, I am jealous, but I really have no right to be. I'm not this girl. I don't want to be the girl who is petty and interfering." There was a long, worrisome pause before she continued, "That morning when you came over to his apartment... you should know that Jace and I never slept together. It didn't get that far, and now I understand why he wouldn't. He was interested in someone else... in  you ."

        With that, and a universally defeated half-smile, she was gone.

        Confused as hell, I just stood there as the seconds turned into minutes. Jenna's words had managed to ease the tightness in my chest, but then I felt dizzy, realization sinking in.

        Jace hadn't slept with her, and he probably hadn't slept with most of the other girls he'd been rumored to, either. He'd tried to explain it at Levi's party, that he really wasn't that kind of guy—it was all hearsay—but I hadn't wholeheartedly believed him. 

        The memory of accusing him of sleeping around played on a horrifying loop in my head, and also the time I'd chewed him out for treating me like the airheads he met at bars. Something prickly and awful stirred in my gut. 

        Propping my hip against the sink, I inhaled a wobbly breath and tried to push the confronting exchange out of my mind. 

        A knock sounded on the bathroom door before it opened, and Jace walked in. Speak of the devil. Worry had etched into the striking lines of his face. "Hey," he said. "I wasn't able to find the necklace, but we can come back tomorrow. I know it looks back, but it'll show up, I'm sure of—" He halted abruptly, noticing my expression. "What's going on?"

        "It's nothing." 

        A shadow of doubt darted through his eyes. "Bullshit. You look upset. Did something happen?"

More guilt burned. The knowledge that I'd been unfair to him, quick to make judgments and assumptions, sickened me. I should never have trusted that the stories I'd heard about him since he'd been single and away at college were true. 

        "Jenna was just in here," I croaked out, wrapping my arms around myself. 

        His dark brows knitted together. "Jenna?"

        I swallowed a sigh. "The girl who was at your apartment the morning I showed up again." 

        The relaxed grin faded and understanding dawned. Jace wordlessly closed the door behind him, the music growing dimmer again, and then he turned around. I could feel him staring at me, but I couldn't bring myself to glance up from his scuffed brown boots.  

        His voice was thick and husky when he finally asked, "What are you wanting me to say here, Hayley? Yes, I have a past. Yes, as much as I wish there wasn't, there were other girls before you. But that's just it, they were before we got together... before you came here."

        "I know." I bit down on my bottom lip. This was the kind of embarrassing conversation I'd been hoping to avoid. And it didn't help that we both knew I was literally a blushing virgin with no romantic history to even out the playing field. One meaningless almost-hookup with a guy in high school didn't count. "It's not about that."

        Scratching his jaw, he said, "All right. So what is this about, then?"

        Until now, we'd successfully managed to skirt around the intimate details of his past. Bringing up something like this was nerve-wracking in a way that I'd never experienced before. 

        Maybe this was exactly what being in love with someone you couldn't read felt like: spending half of the time terrified of what you might find out, wondering if it had the capacity to tear down everything you'd built, or if it had the potential to lay an even stronger groundwork. 

        After a beat of hesitation, I answered, "She told me you never slept together." 

        A strangely vulnerable look softened his features. "That's because we didn't."

        "You didn't?" I echoed. 

        "No. Why do you think I blew my top that night when you practically accused me of sleeping with a whole slew of chicks?" He smiled, but there was a profound sadness that crept into his eyes. "Broke my fucking heart, Hayley." 

        "I'm so sorry," I said, bridging the small space between us. "That morning, she was just  there , and it seemed like—"

        "I know." He winced. "I'm not going to lie, other stuff went down between her and me, but I didn't let it go any further. I couldn't go through with it... and not just with Jenna, either." Jace's gaze slid away and embarrassment reddened his cheeks.

        I wasn't prepared for the rush of relief that thundered through me, picking up on what he was implying—that he hadn't been with anyone since Zoe, which was over a year ago—and I fought to keep my happiness in check.

        When those intense, magnetic eyes eventually crawled back to mine, they stole my breath and my heart. "Are you starting to get it now?"

        "I think so." I nodded shakily.

        He lifted his hand to my face, and his rough fingertips slowly grazed my cheek. "I've been trying to forget about you, long before you even came back."

◇

        TO MY FRUSTRATION, Jace was the perfect gentleman when we got back to his apartment just shy of midnight.

All the heady sexual energy between us had only kicked up a notch when he'd suggested that I take a shower. Worse yet, that he didn't plan to sleep on the couch tonight. My brain had instantly played in the gutter, and I was flooded with incoherent images of Jace and me together, naked, having all kinds of fun.

        Nerves fluttered in my belly as he walked over to his dresser and asked, "Do you want some clothes to sleep in? A T-shirt or something?"

        "Uh, yeah. A T-shirt would be good," I said, donning a casual voice. On the inside, I was dying. The nervous-excited feeling swelled in my system.

        "Your toothbrush is in the toothbrush holder from last time, and I'll get you a clean towel." Jace handed me one of his old T-shirts and brushed past me to open up the linen closet in the hall. The innocent contact jarred my entire body, and little zings of heat eddied through me.

        After rummaging around for a moment, he withdrew a towel and added it to the growing pile I was carrying.

        When Jace lifted his chin up, his dark gaze locking on mine, my stomach ignited like someone had set a match to an ember. His eyes burned with equal longing as they skated over me, lingering on my mouth.

        His voice came out hoarse when he spoke. "Is there anything else you need?"

You , I was tempted to say.

        Instead, I just shook my head and practically fled to the bathroom, crazily aware of how loud my heart was thundering in my ears.

        Adjusting the water temperature so that it was hot enough, I stayed under the spray for a lot longer than I needed to, reveling in the way it soothed my stiff, cold muscles. 

        Squeezing my eyes shut, I barely resisted the urge to bang my head against the tiles, feeling like death from sexual frustration might be in the stars for me tonight.

        I knew Jace wanted to wait—we'd talked about it once before—and that he didn't want to rush me, but as much as I admired him for that, the anticipation was starting to become a side of torture.

        When I was finished, I exited the steamed-up bathroom and saw that Jace was sprawled out on the bed, engrossed in his phone. He only had on low-hanging sweats, and I could detect the cut V just below his abs. 

        A little shiver coursed through me.

        I had to remind myself for the umpteenth time that the horizontal tango was not on tonight's agenda, and that, considering everything that had happened lately, it was probably for the best.

        I forced myself to drag my eyes away. "Can you scoot over?"

        He glanced up, his silvery gaze pinning me as it traveled from the top of my head down to my curled toes. 

        "Damn. You look ridiculously good in my T-shirt, baby," he croaked out, and my pulse accelerated.

        When he reached out to toy with the hem of the faded shirt, I inhaled. He slipped one hand beneath the thin material, his fingers tickling my thigh as they slowly skimmed higher. 

        I placed my hand on his shoulder to steady myself as I lifted my knee. He took hold of my thigh, guiding my legs until they straddled either side of him. 

        Jace's heavy-lidded gaze fastened on mine. "God, I can never get enough of you." His raspy comment was almost my undoing.

        Tugging me forward in his lap, I was shocked by how much I could still feel through the thin material of our clothes. He was hard everywhere that I was soft. And while I couldn't concentrate on anything aside from the feel of him, Jace leaned forward to kiss me, capturing my mouth with his. 

Need spiraled through me, pooling low in my belly.

        His tongue gently parted my lips, and the kiss turned deep and scorching. My palms slid down his taut sides, loving the indents of his chest, memorizing the many dips and planes.

        He tasted like peppermint toothpaste, and his rich, layered scent engulfed me until I was dizzy. Dizzy with just how much I wanted him. 

        Tunneling my fingers through his hair, I let out an audible moan that spurred Jace into action. His hands skated over my hips, cupping my ass and settling me firmly against him. The hard ridge of his erection rocked into me, and a shockwave of pleasure swirled.

        His hot lips left mine, trailing a blazing path down my jawline and my neck as he planted open-mouthed kisses, setting off another round of tingles. 

        I was desperate to touch him—to get my fill—and I yanked at the waistband of his sweats as if possessed, slipping my hand into his boxers.

        "Hayley," he ground out, his voice coming out low, strained.

        Even though I knew my inexperience was about to take center stage, I mustered up the courage to wrap my fingers around the smooth, hard skin. I was about to ease him out when Jace caught my wrists, restraining them. 

        "No," he started roughly. "This isn't what I wanted." He drew in a ragged breath as if his self-control was a taut band that was about to break.

        "It's not?" I bit down gently on his earlobe with my teeth.

        He faltered, letting out a strangled groan. "Fuck, you have no idea how badly I want this. But if we start, I won't be able to stop. We should wait, take this slow and—"

        "But I don't want to go slow," I protested. 

        I'd been fantasizing about losing my V card to Jace ever since the party last year when he'd been newly single, and that seemed like a lifetime ago now. 

        "Well, I do," he said with more conviction, his grip on my wrists tightening. "We've been through a lot lately, and I don't want our first time to be overshadowed by all the other stuff going down. Believe me, wanting you is definitely  not  the problem." He bucked his hips up off the bed, his hard length pressing between my legs again as if to enunciate his point. 

        My eyes drifted closed, lips parting. I made a valiant effort to remember why I'd once thought patience was a virtue. 

        Reluctantly, I dropped my forehead against his, working to snuff out the sparks of lust that were still firing through my veins. "Okay. Sure. We can keep waiting."

        Jace tucked a strand of my damp hair back behind my ear. "Do you need me to put a shirt on, or do you think you can manage to keep your hands to yourself for one night?" he teased.

        My blood pounded in embarrassment, but I knew even a nun would struggle to uphold self-restraint while sleeping next to Jace. He was devastatingly gorgeous, to begin with, but when he was turned on and half-naked? He was a drool-worthy package I was itching to unwrap. 

        Giggling, I collapsed back against the pillow. "Man, you are such a jerk," I huffed.

        His full lips twitched into a cocky grin and the bed shook with his quiet laughter. "Whatever, you still love me."

        Something snagged my insides, like a perpetual knot was beginning to unravel.

        Air expelled out of my lungs at an agonizingly slow speed, and it was like my mouth was no longer taking orders from my brain. "Yeah, I do," I told him, the impromptu answer escaping before I could corral it. "I love you, Jace."

        Holy shit. 

        I'd actually said it.

        A frisson of fear surfaced as those three powerful words hung between us, and Jace and I froze at the same time. I could feel his eyes on me, even before I turned to face him, and both of us were silently assessing, knowing that we were on the cusp of changing everything.

        "C'mere," came his quiet response, and his hand curled around the base of my neck. A second later and his lips enveloped mine again, feather-soft. His hands cradled my face, his touch reverent. There was unspoken emotion in the gesture that almost made me lose my ability to breathe.

        With a low, approving noise, Jace deepened the kiss and my bones melted, unable to withstand the intensity. I clung to his broad shoulders as he drew me against him, as if he couldn't bear to stop touching and kissing me. 

        But this kiss felt different, filled with something far greater than desire and something fiercer than adoration. 

        "You mean everything to me, too," he said throatily. 

        It sounded like he wanted to say something more, but the deafening silence that dragged on and on threatened to wreck my heart.

        To mask my dashed hopes, I conceded a wobbly smile and burrowed deeper into his bed again, pretending that the seconds that continued to tick by didn't hollow me out like a Russian doll.

        "Night, babe." He dropped another sweet kiss to my temple and eased back onto his side, shutting the light off.

        My disappointment thawed somewhat when he curled his lean body around mine, and I couldn't deny that while spooning was a completely foreign concept for me, being held in his arms like this had never felt more right, almost as if we'd been doing it for years.

        Jace's warmth seeped into me from behind, and his breathing grew steadier, fanning the base of my neck. A bittersweet feeling coiled my insides. 

        Snuggling in closer, I told myself that even though he hadn't said it back to me, he hadn't exactly hauled ass from the bed, either. He'd tugged me closer and kissed me. That was kind of a good sign, right?

        Maybe he just needed a little more time.

        But no matter how many times I explained it away or tried to rationalize it, the heavy ache in my chest kept me awake until well after the stars had faded from the sky.     


	20. Chapter 20

WHEN I WOKE up the next morning, Jace was gone.

        The side of the bed he'd slept in was empty, and the apartment was filled with a heavy, stretching silence, almost like last night had already started to fade into a distant memory.

        My mind zoomed back to the moment I told Jace I loved him, recalling the catch in his breath, the way his eyes had left mine for a second. But before I'd been able to latch onto the nagging fear I'd felt, he'd wrapped his arms around me, held me like he didn't want to let go. We'd fallen asleep with our bodies curled together, our limbs tangled, like two climbing vines that were growing together. Like two people who were well within reach of second chances and something better.

        And actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? I needed to focus on that—on all the times he'd shown me that he wasn't going anywhere. I needed to not make a big deal out of this. 

        But still, my body betrayed me, a sickening feeling filling my belly.

        Damn it. It was so much easier said than done. It was hard to make those insecurities disappear when they were never far beneath the surface.

        I wandered into the kitchen, the frazzled wires in my brain desperately trying to come up with some explanation. Maybe Jace had gone back to the frat house to try and find my necklace? Maybe he'd gone to get us breakfast? Maybe he had an early class this morning?

        Old fears skittered down my spine. As much as I wished I could convince myself otherwise, I knew Jace's schedule by now, and like me, his first class wasn't until noon today. 

        I brewed myself a quick cup of coffee, needing my caffeine fix, and drank it while it was still scalding, hoping that maybe it would cauterize my gut.

        Rinsing the cup under the faucet, I dropped it into the sink and told myself to just accept the facts.

        Jace wasn't here.

        And there was a good chance I'd scared him off, given our track record.

        I think, deep down, I'd always had this feeling that I was on borrowed time with him, so in some twisted way, it made sense. My emotions drained away, leaving only logic behind, and I knew, again, I'd ignored the warning signs—all the alarm bells that had wailed in my head. I hadn't believed that the history between us was something I should've learned from.

        As much as I might have been drawing conclusions and being totally irrational, the dread still formed, snaking through me. The thought of losing Jace, the idea that I'd pushed him away by telling him how I felt... it made me panic. 

I'd never let someone in as far as I'd let him. He'd broken through my emotional walls when my brother had died. He'd rescued me from the darkness when I'd been expecting to stay there forever. 

        I loved Jace with everything I had, and maybe that should've terrified me, but there was no bargaining with my heart. I'd loved him for my entire life, and I knew I'd love him for the remainder of it, but he'd actually left. And not only that, he hadn't even sent me a text or left me a note. It was like last night had never happened.

        When I heard the faraway sound of my phone ringing, I blinked in an effort to snap to. Trekking back into Jace's bedroom, I picked it up off the nightstand to find that it was an unregistered number calling.

        I shouldn't have been nervous or sick with concern, but I was. For some reason, my stomach dropped, tensing, and I forced myself to answer the call before it jumped over to voicemail. 

        "Hello?" I said, choking back the lump in my throat.

        "Hi, is this Miss Donovan?" An oddly familiar voice replied, and I was surprised I could even hear it over the roaring in my ears. "It's Officer Bedford down at the County Police Department. I'm calling in regards to your complaint about Mr. Brooks."

        I automatically clutched my phone tighter, holding onto it with a vice-like grip. "Yes, this is she. Is everything okay?"

        "I'm afraid I have some bad news," she told me after a couple of beats, and I inhaled, sitting down on the corner of Jace's bed before my knees could give out. 

        It was like I knew exactly what she was going to say before she'd even said it, and I steeled myself to get this over with. 

        "Unfortunately, after reviewing your case, we're unable to pursue it any further due to insufficient evidence. We've issued Levi a warning and made it very clear to him that he is not to approach you again. If he does try to come in contact with you, be sure to let us know."

        Her words hollowed my chest, carving out any hope I'd had that maybe this semester wasn't going to be a constant uphill battle. As if having to juggle all of my homework, a new relationship, Jace's mom's recent diagnosis, and the lingering grief of Tom's death, wasn't enough. There just had to be a psycho stalker thrown into the mix, too.

        I mentally strung together a line of expletives, wondering what I'd done in another life to deserve this level of suckery.

        "If you feel threatened in any way, you do have the option of taking out a restraining order," she advised gently.

        Lying back on the bed, I concentrated on not openly crying. I hated that Jace wasn't here while I was having this conversation, but most of all, I hated how easy it was to pretend that he was. His scent still clung to the sheets as I sunk into them, and my anger leaked out of my eyes in the form of tears.

        "Okay," I finally said when I could talk, not caring if Officer Bedford had overheard me sniffling. "I understand. I just... is there really nothing else you can do at this point?" 

        There was a pause, and then she sighed. "I'm sorry, Miss Donovan, but until there's concrete evidence, my hands are tied here."     

AFTER I WAS partially convinced that dragging myself out of Jace's apartment before he came home was the right thing to do, I'd remembered that I'd organized to meet up with Eden before class to study for midterms. 

Although I was hardly in the right mindset, I was grateful for the distraction, and I must have been giving off some majorly heartbroken vibes because she hadn't brought Jace up once, despite the fact that she knew we'd left the frat party together last night.

        It was my only joy.

        "My brain has officially turned to mush," Eden declared, lowering her forehead to the thick textbook she'd been poured over for the last hour. 

        "Tell me about it," I almost groaned, leaning back in my seat to stretch out my stiff legs. I had two textbooks flipped open and a sea of handouts spread across the table in front of me that I hadn't even got to yet.

        We were at the library on campus, and it was fairly quiet, aside from the soft whirring of the heater nearby, the ruffling of papers, and the occasional blast of music whenever anyone with headphones set on the highest volume walked by.

        "I mean, how are we supposed to remember all this?" Eden murmured, looking as frightened as I felt.

        I slapped my book shut and leafed through one of the revision sheets that Professor Zimmerman had prepared. Gasp! Shock! Horror! Maybe he was actually somewhat organized. 

        "I don't know," I replied unhelpfully. "I guess we just keep going over everything and hope that at least half of it sinks in?" 

        Eden bit her lip, uncertain. "We're so screwed." 

        I couldn't argue with that, so I didn't. 

        And even if I felt remotely prepared for my exams, it probably wouldn't have made a difference seeing as the doubts about my relationship with Jace hadn't let up, making it hard to concentrate. They rattled around in the back of my mind, lingering ominously. 

"Uh, hey. It's Hayley, isn't it?" an unfamiliar voice spoke up out of nowhere, derailing my bleak train of thought. "What's up?" 

        I pulled my gaze from the handout I was holding, surprised to discover a complete stranger towering above our table. He looked a lot older than us—he had more stubble on his cheeks than most college guys I knew.

        My eyes flickered to Eden, catching her impudent grin that basically screamed 'hottie alert.' 

        He looked down at me expectantly, and I just stared back. What? Wasn't it obvious that we were cramming for our midterms next week? Practically every freshman in my cohort was here, armed with caffeine and dollar noodles to try and make it through the hardest week of our education so far. 

        I smiled at him, trying to be polite. "Just studying," I said, gesturing to my sprawled-out flashcards, notes, and textbooks. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" 

        Eden let out a puff of amused laughter before schooling her face into a blank mask. Apparently she had no idea who this guy was, either.

        He scrubbed a hand through his shaggy hair, and it dawned on me that he was nervous. "No, we've never met. I'm Trevor." There was a pause. "Anyway, I actually have something to"—he dug his fingers into the back of his denim jeans, tugging out a creased-up piece of paper that he promptly dropped in front of me—"give you."

"Um, okay. Random much," Eden drawled, wearing an equally bewildered expression.

So it wasn't just me. 

        This  was  weird.

        Trevor shifted awkwardly, rapping the end of his pen against his jean-clad thigh.

        Knitting my eyebrows together, I warily opened the pre-folded note:

At least you know now that it's better to keep your mouth shut. Maybe it'll stay that way.

        Icy tendrils of terror spiked through me, and I could feel all the color draining from my face.

        Sucking in a deep lungful of air, the words on the paper blurred together. Dizziness rushed me at a startling speed. Letting go of the note like it was a hot coal, it fluttered back down to the desk, and I gaped at it unblinkingly.

        How I wished it would just burst into flames like a Howler from  Harry Potter , leaving only ashes behind that I could easily discard. But instead, the note remained intact, taunting me.

        Tearing my gaze up to glare at Trevor, I stammered, "W-Who gave you this?"

        Picking up on the fact that I was more than a little freaked out, he offered, "I don't know his name. I've never seen him before in my life. He was just a guy. He had these intense green eyes and some wicked cool tattoos. He came up to me, pointed you out, and offered me twenty dollars to deliver this to you."

       Green eyes? Tattoos?

  I shook my head slightly, and a shiver slithered over my skin. This was not real.

        Black dots danced in front of my vision, and I was conscious of my oxygen levels sinking while my pulse skyrocketed. I could feel the onset of a panic attack, creeping up on me around the edges.

        Holy crap.

        Was it only this morning Officer Bedford had said Levi was off the hook? 

And he'd already contacted me.

        What was I supposed to do? Take out that restraining order?

        Unless I hauled Trevor down to the station with me, was there even any way of proving it was Levi who'd written this? Could they lift his fingerprints?

        "No shit, Sherlock," Eden chimed in huffily, snagging my attention. "Whatever's on that note has clearly got my friend spooked. Maybe next time you shouldn't be so willing to score some easy cash, there's usually a catch."

        Concern etched into Trevor's features, which was kind of sweet considering he didn't know me from Adam, and he mumbled another unnecessary apology. 

        It wasn't his fault. For all he knew, he could've been bringing me a love note. Instead, it may as well have been a death sentence. 

        I tried to assure him that it was okay—that  I  was okay—but I couldn't speak. I was drowning in the anxiety I felt, suffocating with the brute force of it, and I became aware of my rapid breathing.

        I needed to leave.

        Shooting up out of the chair like someone had lit a fire under my ass, I clawed at my belongings, shoving everything into my bag. 

"I-I have to go," I managed to get out. Reaching for my pencil case, I was trembling so badly that I nearly knocked over Eden's can of coke.

       "Whoa." She rose to her feet. "What's wrong, Hayley? You're scaring me."

        I stumbled back, holding a hand out to ward her off. "It's fine. I'm fine," I lied to her, clinging to my last shred of composure. "I just can't be here anymore. I have to go. I'm sorry, I'll see you on Monday, 'kay?" 

        There was no response, and before I could question what I was doing, I snatched the piece of paper back and pivoted on my heel. I didn't miss the WTF look that Trevor and Eden exchanged, but by that stage, I was beyond caring. 

        As the fog cleared, I jetted into action mode, making a beeline for the automatic sliding doors. 

        This was beyond anything I'd ever imagined. Levi was messing with me like I was a chew toy, and I couldn't keep pretending that I wasn't a sitting duck if I kept coming back to UGA. 

        Stepping outside, I moved almost mechanically as I exited the library, my legs maintaining their fast-paced strides. 

        I'm going to drive to the police station and show officer Bedford the hand-written note, I told myself. It's all going to be okay.

        A cold gust of wind picked up, making me shudder as I made my way across campus toward the parking lot. Inhaling shallowly, the air smelled of damp earth and incoming rain.

        I yanked my hoodie up and tucked some wayward strands of dark hair behind my ear, ignoring the unease that continued to unfurl in my belly. It was the same feeling I'd had the day Levi had been watching me across the quad, and the back of my neck prickled at the prospect that he was watching me again, now. I could practically envision the sick, perverted smile that would be lifting his lips as he stood somewhere in the shadows, knowing he'd scared the crap out of me.

        Correction. I was fucking petrified, but the closer I got to my car, the less it felt like I was being followed.

        And then it occurred to me that maybe it had less to do with an avenue of escape and more to do with the fact that the parking lot wasn't deserted like it generally was at this time of day.

        Up ahead, my gaze zeroed in on Jace, leaning against his Chevy.

        Thank the good Lord. 

        Despite how pissed off I still was, my first instinct was to run over to him, to catch him up on everything that had happened since this morning, to have him hold me. There were no monsters when he was around.

        My heartbeat and breathing were still erratic, but as I neared him, it was as though this eerie, dead calm washed over me. He was still here, and he hadn't left me like Tom had—without warning, and more importantly, without a goodbye.

        But as I crossed the distance, I realized he'd been crying, and Owen was with him. Comforting him.

        The call from Officer Bedford and the note from Levi immediately took a back seat.

        Jace was clearly tackling his own horde of demons.

        Owen's hand was clasped firmly on his shoulder as he spoke low, consolingly. It was like I'd walked into the middle of a conversation I wasn't supposed to know about.

        As if sensing my presence, Jace glanced over in my direction, and he seemed momentarily frozen, like he hadn't expected to see me here, which was stupid considering if I wasn't about to leave, we would've had class together now.

When his unsettled eyes latched onto mine, my heart turned to stone,plummeted, and crumbled at my feet.

        It was the first time I'd seen him since last night, and he already looked different somehow, like he'd fought a storm overnight and instead of finding shelter with me, he'd fled to hold his own. 

        An awkward silence fell, broken by Owen. "All right, man. I'll catch up with you inside," he announced, drawing back slowly and dropping his hand. 

        Normally, I'd be making a wisecrack about their blossoming bromance, but my uncanny ability to make light of situations had up and vanished. Instead, I just felt the crushing weight of Jace's stare, and the ache deep in my bones, like I was barely able to move under it. 

        Probably because I knew something serious had gone down and I was barely approaching the threshold. 

        Owen pushed off the hood of Jace's truck, and when he brushed past me, he hesitated. "Go easy on him. He's had a rough morning." His dark blue eyes met mine briefly, and my mind scrambled to identify what they were brimming with. Guilt? Sympathy? I didn't know. 

        I acquiesced with a jerky nod. Mashing my lips together into a thin line, I attempted to keep my face stoic and from betraying what I was feeling beneath the surface. Like the ocean, a current whirled inside me, stirring my thoughts until they were an incoherent chaos.

        Before it became uncomfortable, I said, "What's wrong, Jace? What's going on? I woke up this morning and you were—"

        "I know," he interrupted, wincing almost imperceptibly.

         When he didn't say anything else and simply watched me like he couldn't decide whether he should get the hell out of here or if he should help me understand, I asked, again, "Are you okay?" 

        Owen was out of earshot now—we were completely alone—and Jace's goddamn guard was back, locking me out like he had for all those years. Disappointment chiseled away at me. I'd thought we were finally past that, but it was like he'd done a total one-eighty, and something had thrown him off course. 

        He cracked his knuckles and looked away. "Yeah. I went for a drive."

        "A drive?" I echoed, frowning. 

We locked gazes for a long moment, and Jace's eyes were swimming in despair and regret and a million other things I couldn't quite put my finger on. "I didn't sleep much last night, and I... I needed to clear my head, you know? I didn't think about where I was going, I just drove," he answered hoarsely, pulling his beanie down further over his ears. 

The wind whistled between our bodies and the gap had never seemed so far to bridge. 

"Has this got something to do with your mom?"

He shook his head, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"Well, that's good to hear. I'm glad she's okay." 

Silence. Horrible, nerve-wracking silence.

"Does it have anything to do with what I said last night?" I whispered, the question bubbling up out of nowhere. Any chance of pretending I was indifferent to his reaction was shattered by both the chill that his words created in me and the way my heart felt like it was screaming in soundless agony.

More awkward silence ticked between us, and when he didn't deny it, I just  knew .

I couldn't explain it, but I think I'd known since the moment I told him I loved him that everything would change, that I'd be forced to see this relationship for what it truly was. Almost like a kaleidoscope had finally stopped disarranging the picture of us together long enough for me to get a glimpse.

The sad truth was, I was only ever going to be the girl who blindly loved a boy. Worse yet, the girl who believed she could love a boy enough for the both of them.

But it was never really going to be enough... not unless he was willing to fall with me. Not unless he was willing to make good on his promises—all the times he'd reassured me that he wanted to be with me, that I meant everything to him. 

Anger smoked its way through me, but I wrangled it back, waiting until I'd at least heard whatever it was Jace looked like he was about to say.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally said, "I can't... I can't do this anymore, Hayley."


	21. Chapter 21

JACE'S WORDS HUNG uneasily between us, and his tone, his words, his presence, everything about him, seemed tormented, almost like he had no will against what he was doing.

        Even though I knew what he meant, what he was saying, I didn't understand his thought process. And I didn't want to make this easy for him.

        "Why?" I blinked, my mind spinning. "Why can't you be with me?"

        "I just can't do this," he repeated, his voice softer. " This  is too much—you and me. I thought maybe I was ready for something serious, but I'm not."

        Something ugly stirred inside me. 

        So, despite all the times he'd assured me that he wanted to be with me, now he thought he wasn't ready? What the fuck had changed since last night? 

        The only thing that was clear to me now was that I was drowning, being pulled under as a storm blew around me, thrashing the waters and wiping out everything I'd held true.

        "I don't get it." My fists clenched and unclenched as I stood there, willing myself to focus on what he was saying. "You told me you were ready for the right person, that  I  was the right person," I said, further lamenting the fact that he'd either lied to me or that he'd had a change of heart—two possibilities I refused to accept. "What's really going on? You can talk to me. We can work this out."

        A breeze blew up and knotted through my hair, momentarily distorting my view of him, but I didn't miss the way he grimaced. Aside from that, Jace was completely devoid of expression. 

        Jamming the heels of his palms against his eyes, he uttered, "That's just it. I... I don't want to work this out, Hayley. I can't go through... I just can't do this anymore."  

        And the kicks just kept on coming. 

        Frustration and fury flooded my system, and I clung to those emotions, latched onto them like they were a life raft.

        "You really are a fucking coward." I drew in a harsh breath, the air burning the back of my throat. "I may have finally said it out loud after all these years, but I think you already knew how I felt about you. I think you've  always known," I went on, accusingly.

        The lack of surprise on his face was confirmation.

        Shaking my head, I laughed bitterly.

        I couldn't even justify why I was sticking around to continue this conversation, knowing anything he said now would only twist the razor-edged blade deeper into my heart, but my feet were rooted to the ground. I couldn't move. Hot tears stung my eyes, and I swallowed hard. 

        "That's what I thought. So, what's really the problem then, Jace? The fact that I'm in love with you? Or the fact that you didn't, and obviously can't, say it back to me?" I whispered brokenly. A stray, traitorous tear rolled down my cheek, and I roughly wiped it away. "The minute shit gets real, you run at the first sign of trouble. Hell, you run even when things are  good ."

It was his defense mechanism, and even though I knew how easy it was to run away from what you were feeling, the echo of Jace leaving this morning—all the times he'd emotionally left me when he should have stayed—was too loud.

        He averted his steely gaze. "I never wanted to hurt you. Believe me, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do," he said woodenly, the generic remark grating on my ears. 

        I wrapped my arms around my waist, as if I could somehow shield myself from him, from the pain in the center of my chest that was threatening to break me in half. 

        "Just to make sure I understand this," I croaked. "You told me you wanted to be with me, we finally got together, we were  happy , and now, for no apparent reason, other than your inability to commit, you just  can't  be with me anymore?"

        There was another stretch of silence, and he nodded slowly. "I'm so goddamn sorry." He glanced down at me, visibly swallowing. 

       He hadn't corrected me, and any hope I'd been holding out eluded me now. 

       And then, to add insult to injury, he rushed on, "Listen, I want you to know that I'll still be here for you, okay? Especially while you have so much shit to deal with. And I mean, maybe one day we can eventually get back to being—" 

        "—back to being what? Friends?" I choked out that last part, disbelief racing down my spine. This was not happening. "Wow. Okay. You went there." 

        He stared at me, eyebrows raised.

        "Firstly, I have zero interest in patching up a makeshift friendship with you, whether that's for the sake of Amelia, or to appease your guilty conscience." I stepped forward, closing in on him. He was the hurricane that was destroying everything we'd built, but I refused to be part of the collateral damage. I was more resilient than that. I would survive this. "And, secondly, as much as I love you"—his lips parted on a shallow inhale—"I can't promise I'll be here when you figure out that you've made a mistake—that what you're doing right now is a mistake. I want the record to state that this was  you  giving up on us, and that even though I'm walking away,  you  were always the one running."

        Jace reared back at the harshness of my words, but I got no satisfaction out of it. 

        I wished it didn't have to end like this, that the pain I felt wasn't flaring like wildfire as I watched us crash and burn. I wished Jace would shed the last wall around his heart. I wished for a million other things.

        A myriad of emotions flickered in his eyes, and like a reflex, he reached out before he could catch himself. He didn't touch me, but he may as well have. The heat from his palm, lingering by my arm, burned through my skin, and I wondered how hard it was going to be for me to pretend that the spark between us no longer existed. 

        In among all the anger and despair warring for my attention, there was a vast emptiness like I'd never felt creeping in. 

        As I tried to gather my thoughts, Jace opened his mouth to say something, but shut it quickly. Resignation settled into the strong line of his jaw.

        I drew away slowly, and before he could tell me he was okay with that, or worse yet, argue that fine point with me, I was wheeling around and heading toward campus again without looking back.

◇

        HAVING BEEN THROUGH grief numerous times before, I could honestly say that, for me, the first stage had never been denial.

Up until now, I'd never had any trouble processing the loss, or riding out the familiar swell of sadness. How it would twist my gut inside out and drag me from the edge into a deep dark abyss.

        But this was different. 

        I'd never fallen in love with someone before and been so prepared to lose everything in pursuit of it. 

        I'd never lost someone who hadn't actually died. More specifically, I'd never had to say goodbye to someone who already knew that it would result in losing  me .

        At least my brother hadn't chosen to leave. He'd been taken from me, and in some fucked up way, I was only just starting to realize how much easier that was to accept.

       After I'd managed to make it back to one of the campus coffee houses, despite having no strength in my legs, I'd parked myself on a bench outside and waited for the moment where my addled brain would finally catch up. But there were too many things to process. It was all just... too much. 

       The empty, gaping cavern in my chest didn't even hurt. There was nothing left but cloying numbness. I'd become achingly hollow inside, not wanting to believe what Jace had done... what he'd made me do.

        He'd broken up with me, and I'd had to walk away from him, for good.

        An acrid taste crawled into my mouth. I knew I hadn't just said goodbye to the boy I'd loved since childhood, but also my dream of leaving my small town behind, of escaping the past and rewriting a better future for myself.

        My parents were right. I couldn't keep commuting here, living in fear of Levi and waiting for my life to begin—suspended in limbo. What kind of college experience was that? 

        I'd take classes online next semester, go underground for a while until Levi had forgotten all about me, and when the coast was clear, I'd come back and live on campus for my sophomore year. 

        Jace wouldn't be around anymore—he would've graduated by then—and the reality of what I faced dawned on me with horrific clarity. I had this odd flash of everything I would miss, of the future we would never get. Just like that, it was gone, evaporating like smoke.

        I made the mistake of imagining what our relationship would be like from now on.

        Jace would probably get a photography gig across the country, and I'd only get to see him twice a year, for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Eventually, he would bring a girl home with him, too, and I'd have to stomach the sight of them together, actively trying not to fall into the trap of wondering if that could have been us. 

        Simply put, it would be torture. 

        I didn't want to let him go. But I didn't want to keep holding on, either. I didn't know what to do, what to think. When did it all go so fucking wrong?

        I couldn't help but wonder, even now, if things had been different—if Jace had been able to see past his wall of fear and doubt—maybe we never would have veered off course. Maybe I wouldn't be traveling down this one-way street of heartbreak and rejection again.

        I don't know how long I just sat there as the chill of the October air danced over my bones, everything else in the world fading, but when I opened my eyes again, Eden was in front of me.

        She plopped down, shrugging her bag aside. For several moments, we sat there in companionable silence, watching as the darkening clouds began to roll in overhead. 

Eden didn't say anything for the longest time.

        "Is this about you and Jace?" she finally asked, worry shadowing her eyes. "You both missed class. Did something happen?"

         My blurry gaze drifted over to her, fresh tears spilling down my cheeks. I guess my face showed it.

         She laid the books down that she'd been carrying and squeezed my hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

         It was such an unexpected gesture from a girl I was still getting to know. A friend who was quickly proving that you didn't always have to fight tooth and nail to get someone to open up to you. 

         Gratitude surged, snapping me out of my haze. "I wouldn't even know where to start," I admitted, my throat bobbing. 

        "It's actually quite easy," Eden said gently, her lips twitching. "You just start from the beginning."

         It was so obvious. 

         I smiled thinly, in spite of myself.

         And so, determined not to make the same mistake Jace had, I let someone else in—someone other than Amelia and her brother—for the first time since Tom had died. 

        I told her everything.     

◇

        "IT'S OFFICIAL," EDEN smirked, shooting me a sideways glance. The credits had only just started to scroll up on her laptop screen, and we both straightened ourselves up on the couch. "Grant Gustin comes in a close second to Ryan Gosling for being totally drool-worthy. I mean, would you look at those dimples when he smiles. Is it weird that I just want to lick them?"

        "Oh my God," I answered with a snort. "Yes. You're such a weirdo."

        She laughed a little, shaking her head. "Don't pretend you don't have a soft spot for Barry Allen, he's like the epitome of a hot nerd."

        "Okay, okay," I conceded, my voice laced with mock defeat. "You've got me there. He is pretty damn cute."

        Her eyes lit up, and I giggled.

        We'd gone back to Eden's dorm room, which turned out to be the floor below mine, and binge-watched five episodes of  The Flash , a relatively new show I'd never seen that Eden was obsessed with. She'd had me at a socially awkward crime scene investigator turned metahuman.     

        "Are you sure you don't mind me staying here tonight?" I said, feeling bad for imposing even more than I already had. Run out of my own dorm, and now Jace's apartment, there was literally nowhere else to go. Unless I took a NoDoz and drove over a hundred miles back to my parents' place, of course. But I hadn't planned on going home until tomorrow. I'd wanted a night to just re-evaluate everything and figure out what my next move should be.

        "For the tenth time, I don't mind," she assured me, shutting her laptop down. She stood, leaving for the community kitchen to place our empty bowls in the sink. When she came back, a stark vulnerability etched into her features. "It's been way too long since I've had a sleepover with a friend. This has been nice."

        Relief shot through me, and I nodded jerkily, knowing that if I started speaking, I'd bawl. With all of this much-appreciated girly bonding, I knew I was nanoseconds away from bursting into tears again. And who wanted an emotional wreck of a chick sleeping on their dorm room floor. 

        Not Eden, I was sure.

        I heard the faucet turn on and off as she got ready for bed. Bunkering down for the night in the cramped space between Eden's single bed and the wall, I was thankful for the futon she'd discovered in the storeroom we ransacked earlier. It was either that, or becoming even closer friends with her couch. The futon smelled musty but otherwise clean. I laid back, trying not to think about the fact that this time last night, I'd been sleeping in the crook of Jace's shoulder.

Tracing a slow pattern on the coverlet, I convinced myself that I was not going to be one of those girls who wallowed and dragged this out into a huge, messy breakup. The last thing I wanted was for it to end in friendship casualties because, generally, people took sides, and I couldn't bear the idea of losing Amelia, or feeling super uncomfortable around Piper and Owen.

        "I think, deep down, I knew it all along," I whispered tonelessly.

         Eden gave me a quizzical look as she returned, her bare feet padding on the hardwood. "What's that?"

        "That we were just a disaster waiting to happen."

        "Oh, honey." She exhaled, and her dark eyebrows knitted together. "Don't say that. As much as guys can be such jerks, I think Jace's feelings for you are genuine. I know I hardly know him, but from what you've told me, from what I've seen, something's got him running scared."

        "You're right." My throat felt dry again. But scared of what, exactly? "He's always been like that." 

        She climbed into her bed, shivering and yanking the sheets up to ears. Apparently the heating system hadn't had any pressure for the last few days and the building was dropping to freezing temperatures overnight. Awesome.

       "I know you probably don't want to think about it, but I care about you and I can't  not  bring it up." I caught her concerned expression before she flicked off the lamp. "If you're still going to go to the police station to take out a restraining order against Levi, I'd come with you. And we can track Trevor down, have him corroborate our story. I just... I just wanted you to know that."

        The change of subject threw me for a loop. The mention of Levi's name had tendrils of disgust swirling in my belly, but they were quickly eclipsed by her kindness. 

        "Eden?" I murmured. 

        "Yeah?"

        "Thank you for... well, thank you for everything," I said hoarsely. Somewhere in between the emotional catharsis outside the coffee house and just hanging out in her dorm, the vacuum of loneliness had been tugging at me a little less. 

        She was quiet for a few seconds. "Of course. You're always welcome to stay... just as long as you don't steal my Ryan Gosling pillow. That's my only condition."

        "Okay, deal." I dissolved into laughter. I'd still thought she was joking about that, but when she'd whipped out a life-sized pillow with a printed Ryan Gosling on it when I'd first arrived, my eyes had practically bugged out of their sockets. I so needed one of those. "Night, Eden."

        "G'night." She yawned, and her voice already sounded conducive to sleep as she rolled over. 

        Tangled in the blankets, I made a valiant effort to let sleep claim me, too, but even though my eyes were closed, my mind just wouldn't switch off. 

        It was dumb that I'd given the bulk of my heart away at eighteen-years-old. It was a keepsake, and I'd handed it away carelessly to a boy who had no intention of being fragile with it. And it was as dumb as it was annoying that I was no less to blame than Jace. He'd always been so cautious and hesitant... and I hadn't. I'd been all in, and when he wasn't, it was always me trying to bridge every gap and make it last.

        That wasn't how a relationship was supposed to be. 

        I must have eventually drifted off, because some time later, I was woken up by the noise of my phone dinging, signaling an incoming message. I fumbled around groggily, trying to locate it in the dark. 

I assumed that it would be from Amelia, finally seeing all of my "call me urgently" and "let's spend the whole weekend in bed watching Netflix" texts. But it wasn't.

        It was from Jace.

        I know it's none of my business anymore, but where are you staying tonight? You can come here if you need to.

        My chest felt heavy, another wave of anger rippling through me.

        Yeah, there was absolutely no way in hell that was happening. 

        I'd sooner crawl through a mile of barbed wire than spend any amount of time co-existing in a confined space with the guy who'd just completely decimated my heart. 

My fingers flexed around my phone. I contemplated ignoring him, but I'd never seen the appeal in playing games. And quite frankly, even if I did, there was no point. I'd already lost.

Don't worry about me. I'm staying at Eden's , I texted him back.

        I decided to leave out the part where I probably would be finishing up at UGA after this semester, that he wouldn't have to waste any more time fussing over me. I'd be gone, and hopefully, whatever responsibility he felt he still owed me, would be, too.

        Jace replied almost immediately, and I hated how I lost my composure.

I'm always going to.

        I frowned, trying to make sense of that. It was the first time he'd even hinted that he still cared... still cared about me, and heat blossomed low in my stomach. Despite its transparency, his response seemed unusually cryptic and vague. I couldn't pin down why, but the more I thought about our conversation this morning, the more something felt off about all of this—his behavior, the weak excuses.

        Ugh. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more confusing.

        I chewed the inside of my cheek as I read and re-read his text. My mindset swung back and forth like a revolving door, caught between wanting to demand more answers from him—to not so readily accept everything he'd told me earlier—and not wanting to push it, especially considering I was fairly certain that anything else he had to say would only leave me worse off. 

        Closure was overrated. 

        Hastily, I typed in and sent:  Goodbye, Jace.

        I let out a long-suffering sigh, my eyes adjusting again to the darkness that blanketed Eden's dorm room. I listened to my breathing, waiting for it to even out. Despite the exhaustion that settled over me, a weird, restless energy continued to pulse through my body, and I was tempted to whisper Eden's name, to find out if she was still awake.  

         Seconds later, my phone chimed again, and against my better judgment, I looked down at the glowing screen, holding my breath.

         I'm sorry, Hayles. 

        Those words felt like a fire bolt to my emotions, jolting logic back into them, and a soft cry ripped out of me.

        Curling onto my side, I grabbed the extra pillow Eden had left out and buried my face in it. I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could, hoping to catch my tears before they were able to absorb into the soft material. 

       The awful note of finality in his text ricocheted around the dark recesses of my mind, and I was forced to see the truth in all of its horrible ugliness: he wasn't sorry enough.


	22. Chapter 22

        "YOU LOOK LIKE shit," Amelia declared, holding out the door a little wider so I could brush past her. I scowled internally, glad I'd avoided mirrors at all costs for the last twenty-four hours. 

        "Says the girl still in her pajama's at noon," I pointed out, my lips quirking, "and is that a Dorito stuck in your hair? What did you do, put your face in the bag?"

        "Whoa," she muttered, lifting her hands in surrender but laughing as she did so. Then she combed a hand through her blonde hair, grinning when she discovered said Dorito. "I never said I wasn't looking gross, either. That's why you're here, isn't it? Strength in numbers and all that. Hey, listen"—her voice lowered to a whisper, and obviously whatever she was about to say was not supposed to be common knowledge to her parents—"I may have found a bottle of tequila left over from my party last month. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

        "When in doubt, drink it out," I answered with maybe a bit too much vehemence. My devil-may-care attitude was a new development; most likely the result of hitting rock bottom. Hence why I'd suddenly decided to throw my no-alcohol rule to the wind.

        Wherever Amelia led, I tended to follow, and vice versa. That was just part of the Best Friend Code—the unwritten rule of our friendship. Besides, I wanted nothing more than to escape everything that was Jace Hammond, and walking past his old bedroom hadn't exactly been the best start.

        "You can forget about my brother," she said, as if reading my mind. Heading further down the hall, we entered her bedroom. "And I'll try not to dwell on my impending homelessness. Sound good?" Kneeling down in front of her bedside table, she pulled out the bottom drawer and jerked the bottle of tequila upright. 

        I gave an enthusiastic nod, watching her as she took a big, long swig straight from the bottle. She winced, emitting a light cough when she came up for air again. I'd never seen Amelia like this—so forlorn and off-kilter, too. Gone was my bubbly best friend who had the uncanny ability to put a positive spin on literally anything.

        Reminded of what she'd been through lately, a sick feeling pitched in my stomach. I'd been preoccupied, studying for midterms, racking up the mileage on my car, and functioning on virtually zero sleep while Amelia had been going through her own version of hell. I felt guilty for being so distracted, especially when her situation was a tad different to mine—the worse kind. 

        "What are you planning to do about that, by the way? I mean, where will you go when the sale goes through?" I asked.

        She glanced away, betraying all her uncertainties. "I'm still trying to work that out," she mumbled soberly, shoving the bottle at me. "Still praying for a miracle. Jace's only got a single apartment, and his lease isn't up for another six months. So, despite his efforts, that's a no-go, and I'm fresh out of options."

        "Maybe you should move in with me. You could stay in Tom's room," I told her, the suggestion flying out of my mouth before I'd had the chance to curb it. "I mean, I'd have to check with my parents first, but if you're desperate, that could be a last resort."

        "I don't know. It wouldn't feel right..." She trailed off, crossing her legs as she got comfortable on the bed. 

        "At least think about it," I insisted, nudging her gently. "To be honest, you'd be doing me a favor. I don't know how much longer I can handle his room being some kind of shrine. It's verging on creepy now. I can't go in there without feeling like I'm hanging out in a mausoleum. If you moved in, we could clean it out, give it a makeover. Something tells me Tom would've wanted that." 

        Amelia stared at me for a moment's pause, scrutinizing my face for any sign of reluctance. "All right, I'll think about it," she conceded, her expression softening slightly. "You know something I just realized? You don't talk about Tom with me. Like ever. Not since his funeral."

        Her words surprised me so much that I almost dropped, and spilled, the tequila all over her comforter. Where was this coming from? 

        "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I just..." 

        "No, it's fine. What you said is true... I don't—didn't—talk about him for a really long time," I confessed. I skulled some tequila to help my jittery nerves. The flames of liquor gave me second-degree burns somewhere between my throat and my sternum, and I scrunched up my nose. After I'd recovered from the attack on my vocal chords, I continued, "I guess, for the most part, I felt like I couldn't, not even to the counselor at school. I knew what everyone was thinking about the accident... that it was Tom and Derek's fault." I was forced to relive those memories, all the tainted shows of sympathy. To remember why I stopped talking about it in the end.

        Amelia's hand covered mine wordlessly, and her gray eyes were boring straight through me, so gentle and understanding, and I wanted nothing more than to keep talking. To voice exactly how I'd felt all these years. No one had ever heard this. Not even Jace in the darkness and safety of his room that summer. 

        "I still think about my brother every day. He was the golden child, but I couldn't even be jealous of it. He was the best person I knew, so selfless and nice to everyone. He was straight-laced and responsible, too... up until that night. I've made peace with the fact that I'll never know exactly what happened, and I trust that Tom wouldn't have let Derek drive if he knew that..." My words gave out, and I cleared my throat, trying again. "If he knew how much he'd had to drink. But I also can't help but think about the other family killed in the wreck, too, about that guy, Aaron, who—"

        "Your brother wasn't behind the wheel," Amelia interrupted, aware of where I was going with this. "Yes, he was drunk, but he didn't lie about it, either. His best friend did. He told people at the party that night that he was okay to drive home. Everyone knows this, and I'm willing to bet that's why Derek's parents left town. They couldn't live here, couldn't deal with it. If Derek hadn't died in the crash too, he would've been going to jail."

        Tears prickled my eyes, but I blinked them away. Unsurprisingly, I felt lighter now. That burdensome weight no longer dragging me under like a tidal wave, suffocating me. Amelia was right. I had to stop overanalyzing a horrible accident I could never change. I had to stop torturing myself with the past.

        I glared down at the bottle of tequila we'd been passing back and forth, and I suddenly hated myself for using alcohol as a crutch, for trying to drown it all out with something that had the potential to ruin lives. I knew that better than anyone. 

        Her gaze followed mine, and she must have connected the dots, because the next thing I registered, she was screwing the lid back on and pushing the bottle underneath one of her throw pillows. 

        "I can't believe he's already been gone for over two years now... and it's like, I know I can't carry the grief alone anymore. I can't pretend that the less I bring him up, the less it will hurt." Sniffing, I turned my attention to my nails, picking at the flaking polish. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes, knowing everything I'd find in them. Empathy. Awe. Pride. I'd never been this honest with anyone, but surely Amelia knew, after nine years of friendship, that I loved her like a sister—that I trusted her more than myself sometimes. "As much as I wish it did, it just doesn't work that way," I added quietly.

        I'd learned that just because you buried something, that didn't mean it ceased to exist. The feelings, the voices, they still whispered to you. And I'd been holding in check the way I felt all this time, afraid of saying something I could never take back. Afraid of saying something that might be misunderstood. Tom was my big brother, and one bad decision didn't mean he still wasn't the best person I'd known. 

        Amelia roped her arm around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder. "I know. I keep hoping I can shut off how I feel about my mother's Parkinson's, that if I focus on how angry I am at my parents for selling our house and going overseas, it'll distract me from thinking about the fact that Mama's going to slowly deteriorate. We're going to have to watch her get sicker and sicker, to the point where she's going to be trapped in her own body, and I'll be feeling completely helpless. I might only get another five good years with her." She paused, her smile brittle. "You know something, Hayles? I'm proud of us. Last year, my emotional range didn't exceed anything beyond boys and online shopping, and let's be real, you were kind of an unfeeling zombie. No offense."

        "None taken. I really was," I concurred, huffing out a laugh. "It's stupid, but as much as I want to punch your brother in his annoyingly beautiful face, I know he's partly to thank for that. Even though I wanted to, I couldn't give him the cold shoulder, not when he always let me lean on him. He listened to me in the rare moments that I wanted someone to."

        "That's not stupid. I mean, it makes sense. For reasons that still escape me, you love him. Duh."

        The serious scale of this conversation was tilting into the red, hazardous zone, and the dread I felt shuddered through me. 

        "Yeah," I groaned in defeat and dropped back against her bed. "Can we go back to the part where you were being a hard-ass about me and my protective shell? That was an easier topic."

        One eyebrow on an upside-down Amelia arched. "Wow. That bad, huh?"

        "Worse."

        The curtains of her window were half-opened, causing dappled sunlight to filter through, and it momentarily cast her face in shadow. She stared at me intently, her eyes narrowing, and then she sighed and relaxed against her pillow. 

        "So, does this mean you don't want to tell me about it?" she asked, finally.

        My tone wavered. "That depends. Am I still talking to my best friend?"

        Amelia frowned, and I could practically see the cogs in her brain ticking over. "As opposed to who?"

        "His sister." I shot her a deadpan look. 

        "Oh, come on, that's not fair," she scoffed. "You know I won't be taking sides. As far as I'm concerned, I'm staying out of it, but that doesn't mean I can't listen and be there for both of you." 

        I turned my head to study her, considering it. Biting my lip, I cast my gaze back to her ceiling as if it contained the answers I so desperately needed. "Have you heard from him?" As the question left my mouth, I felt an immediate sense of regret. "You know what, can you forget I just asked you that? I don't care." _I shouldn't care_ , I silently edited myself.

        "Do you think I'd still be lying here with you now if I had? Nope. I'd have hijacked Daddy's Forester and driven all the way to my brother's apartment just to kick him in the junk."

        I snorted. That mental image was kind of weird but highly amusing. "I thought you said you weren't taking sides?"

        "Semantics." Amelia waved me off dismissively. "Besides, he'd deserve it just for being dumb enough to call me about it in the first place. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that  _he's_  the asshole who broke your heart. Not the other way around." 

        The air whooshed out of me at that statement, and I felt winded. The memory of Jace standing in the parking lot, dishing out that final blow, hit me like an avalanche. I inhaled through my nose, feeling like someone had just ripped the imaginary Band-Aid off my heart—all of the mental reinforcements that were holding the cracked pieces together. And God, it hurt like hell to hear the truth. 

        Not ready to discuss just how badly her brother had crushed my clueless, too-trusting heart, I sat up and started to climb off her bed. I wanted some space to clear my head, to remind myself that I wasn't always going to be this pathetic, hollow version of who I used to be. I hadn't always been the girl who pined after Jace, and it was an identity I needed to separate myself from. 

        "Don't go," Amelia whispered, and there was an underlying desperation in her voice. "We'll change the subject, or we can just not talk for a while. Whatever you want."

        I eyed her suspiciously, attempting to untangle what she was really saying, why she was pleading with me. 

        "Fine. I'll stay," I acquiesced, stretching out beside her. She gave my hand a squeeze, and I smiled, closing my eyes. A comfortable silence rung out, and I listened to the steady, powerful rhythm of my pulse thrumming in my ears. 

        Amelia was right about a lot of things, but she was wrong about my relationship with her brother. Jace couldn't break me. Not really. Not when I was already kind of broken, never truly letting myself heal or move on from losing Tom. And so, we lay there, playing the silent game, both of us lost in thought.

◇

        THE NEXT MORNING, I was pulled from the arms of slumber when I heard non-distinct voices in Amelia's kitchen.

        Feeling craptacular, I tiptoed over to where I'd dumped my backpack beside her desk, rifling through its contents until I located the box of Ibuprofen that I always carried on me.

        Even though Amelia and I had spent most of last night watching Netflix, devouring a whole bag of gummy bears, and devising a plan about how to tackle the fucked-up Levi situation, I still felt wrecked, nursing an emotional hangover. I had a rip-roaring headache, a combination of drinking tequila on an empty stomach and ugly girl crying after my best friend had eventually fallen asleep. 

        At least those tears hadn't been wasted on Jace, though. They had paid tribute to my brother, releasing some of the buried grief I still felt about his death. About having to wake up in a world, day in and day out, where I couldn't talk to him, hug him, when I needed to.

        Hearing Geoff's booming voice again, I bristled, picking up on a couple of fragmented sentences that were out of context. 

_Is this really the best decision for everyone... Don't you think he'd understand... No, you're right._

        Lingering by her ajar bedroom door, my eyebrows immediately snapped together. Were Amelia's parents fighting about their decision to sell up and travel overseas? Suspicion blossomed. And who were they referring to? Jace?

        The shouts became louder, and I suddenly felt wide awake. That was probably my cue to leave.

        Glancing back at the bed, I was grateful to find that Amelia had started to stir. An agonized groan escaped herthroat when she checked her clock and discovered it wasn't even eight in the morning yet. I'd felt the same.

       "What's going on?" she said groggily, kicking the covers aside and swinging her feet to the floor. "Are they arguing again?" 

        "I think so," I said unhelpfully, debating whether I should tell her what I'd overheard or if I should just keep it to myself. Awash with conflicting emotions, I shook out four of the little painkillers and offered two of them to her, knowing she'd need it almost as badly as I did.

        "Thanks. My water bottle's on the dresser." Amelia gave me a brief, tight smile, and motioned to her mahogany dresser and vanity. She crawled over to her nightstand to check her phone. "It saves us from having to venture out into that minefield." She let out a snort of laughter. "Don't worry, I'll sneak you out at intermission."

        Curiosity getting the better of me, I asked, "Do you know why they've been fighting?"

        An uncomfortable silence thumped between us. 

        "Moving stuff, I think," she said vaguely, avoiding my concerned gaze. 

        I narrowed my eyes on her, wondering why she was acting weird. The expression she wore was flighty, and her resemblance to Jace at that moment was eerie. Now that I thought about it, they both shared the same look sometimes—like I was trying to approach a cornered, wild animal that wanted to cut and run. 

        Telling myself it was none of my business, I forced my shoulders to relax. "Thought so. It mustn't be easy for them, leaving you and your brother behind."

        She fidgeted with the blankets. "Yeah." 

        Not wanting to push her for more information—even though I was convinced that something was wrong—I let her weird behavior go. Resigned to deal with the pounding in my head, for now, I downed the painkillers and then went to move away from her dresser. There was a folder sitting on top that I'd never noticed before, drawing my gaze. A couple of loose documents stuck out. I leaned in closer, an icy ball of fear forming.

        "What's this?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. 

        It was an itinerary planner, and there was a purchase invoice for a plane ticket to Bucharest, Romania.

        My gaze locked with hers, and I watched as all the color drained from Amelia's face.

        "Uh, okay. So maybe thereissomething that I've been meaning to tell you," she said, wringing her hands together. "It's why my parents are fighting. I should have told you this yesterday. I was going to, but we were talking about you, about Tom. I didn't want to make it about me. I didn't want to risk anything coming between us." There was a pause and then, "You're my best friend, Hayles. Nothing will ever change that."

        Already afraid of what she might say, I felt myself tensing incrementally. 

        When I didn't respond, she stepped in front of me. Her eyes were like two sharp-edged moonstones, shining in the dim morning light. It was almost like glancing at my reflection in the mirror, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. 

        "I'm not at a college like you are, and my part-time job sucks. My constant whining about it can attest to that." She expelled another quick, humorless laugh. "I didn't say anything because I wasn't seriously considering it at first, but I don't know, I'm starting to think it could be good for me... good for my family." 

        Understanding seeped in. I just stood there, staring at her, bracing my weight on her dresser.

        She was leaving.

        "My parents asked me to come with them, and I'm thinking I might go." 

        In all honesty, I wasn't all that surprised, but the idea was still just as abhorrent and devastating. My knee-jerk thought was:  _Don't go. You can't leave._

        "You're leaving me, too?" I said without thinking, feeling my potent sadness grow. I watched as her face crumpled, upset by my reaction.  _Fuck._ "I'm so sorry, Millie. I didn't mean that. I love you, and I know that this is the right choice for you, but it's too much for me. I—I can't do this right now," I told her, ignoring the guilt that burned like acid in my belly. "I need to go."

        Grabbing my overnight bag from beside her desk, I ran from her room, realizing that Jace had  _nothing_  on his sister. The pain I was experiencing was wreaking havoc. There was no comparison. This loss went further, burrowed deeper, and something was cracking inside me now, tearing me apart. 

        "Hayley—wait! Please!" Amelia yelled, rushing after me, but I was down the stairs like a bottle rocket, adrenaline surging through my veins. "It's not forever! I was only planning to stay with them for six months. I'd be coming back!" 

        It required a shit ton of strength not to turn around when I heard her voice fracturing as she pleaded with me to slow down, and I hated myself, because I  _couldn't_. The pain was too intense, too relentless. I loved fiercely, sometimes blindly, and so it only seemed fitting that it would be my undoing. That was just how it went, right?

        Normally, I would've been reluctant to go home, but this time, I wasn't. Drowning in my inner turmoil, I hopped into my car and managed to drive the short distance back to my house. I woke my mom up early by crawling into my parent's bed. 

        My dad wasn't there. He always took the boat out on a Sunday morning, spending the day fishing and shucking oyster shells down at Port Worth. He said he felt closer to Tom there as he stood out at the end of the dock before dawn. It probably had something to do with the fact that it was also where we'd scattered my brother's ashes last year.

        I could still remember the way I'd looked out at the ocean in sadness, the arresting sight of the dark, cumulus clouds in the sky. The choppy water, swelling up around me. And I could still remember wondering if I'd ever be able to breathe normally again. Right now, I still had to work to draw air in and push it out of my lungs.

        "Hayley?" Mom asked sleepily, her voice tugging me back to the present. "Is everything all right?"

        "Why do the people you love always leave?" I let out a half sob, burying my face in between her shoulder blades. "First Tom, then Jace, and now Amelia's leaving me, too."

        "Oh, honey. Oh no." She rolled over onto her side, pulling me into her arms. Her warmth enveloped me, transcending the cold that had set my teeth on edge, and her lips were soft when she kissed away the crease on my forehead. "I don't know, baby. Sometimes people are only meant to make our lives better for a short while. Sometimes they have to go."

        That still didn't mean I had to be okay with it. Or that it didn't hurt like someone had wielded another punch behind my thick armor.

        "She's going overseas with her parents," I explained, her chest muffling the odd choking noise I made. "I can't lose her, too."

        "You won't," she insisted, her tone ringing with certainty. "You girls have been inseparable since fourth grade. That won't change. Yes, people leave"—she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear—"but not always. Sometimes, after you let them go, they come back to you." 

        "How do you know?"

        "Because I lost you," she answered softly. Her eyes were swimming with tears of their own, but her mouth was set in a determined, stoic line. "I lost your brother and then you pushed me away, too. I thought you were never going to come back to me... but you  _did_."

        A part of my soul splintered and slipped away as I realized, too late, just how condemning and unfair my actions had been. The grief I'd been carrying around for over two years now had nothing on the guilt I was wading through as her gaze searched mine, reaching in deep and scraping out the memories of it until I was raw. 

        "I'm so sorry, Mom," I whispered over and over, chanting it as if it had the power to erase all the times I'd kept her in the dark, or told her to go away when she'd tried to venture into the fortress I'd built in my bedroom and around my heart.

        "It's okay, honey. I had hope that one day you'd come back to me, and that's what you have to do now," she said right away. "Trust that Amelia is making the right decision for her. Trust that she'll come back home when she's ready." 

         _How the hell was I supposed to do that?_

But I stayed silent, digesting her words. Somehow, she'd answered another question I hadn't even verbalized, and that confession alone felt like a bruise that still ached. Did that mean I was supposed to trust that Jace had also made his choice because it was the only way forward that he saw? And, more importantly, was I supposed to trust that maybe one day he would come back to me, too?    


	23. Chapter 23

        FALL BREAK COULDN'T come quickly enough. 

        I'd been a basket case for the rest of the semester, barely keeping it together. My heart felt scorched and raw. Empty. 

        I'd managed to breeze through my midterms, only because I'd spent every waking moment of my miserable existence studying. I'd thrown myself into my last few days of classes at college and buried my nose in thick textbooks. Anything to keep me distracted. I'd been so determined not to fail, even with everything that had happened lately. 

        I'd lost my boyfriend and said goodbye to my best friend in the same week, and it was lonely as hell.

        Whenever I thought about it, it was like reopening a wound, a sucker punch straight to my chest.

        Amelia had implored me to understand; that traveling and finding herself was something she needed to do. She promised that she would be back from Europe in six months and that we'd still talk to each other every day, but that didn't mean letting her go was any easier. 

        When I'd gone with her to the airport, watching as she'd disappeared round the terminal, time had drifted to a standstill. It had dawned on me with a terrifying clarity just how alone I was now—Amelia, Jace, and Tom, my three childhood sidekicks, gone—and I'd had to squelch the very real, plummeting grief. 

        Time was still frozen, no longer flying by at warp speed. It had reverted back to how it was when I was younger, every minute stretching into what felt like an eternity. 

        But mostly, I'd been determined not to fail my midterms because of Jace. 

        I hadn't spoken to him in three excruciatingly long weeks. Staying at home and commuting to school meant that I got to avoid him for the most part, but there were unlucky days. As if seeing him at Concepts in Design wasn't hard enough, he cropped up around campus every now and then. He was always with Piper and Owen. 

        One of the mornings, our gazes had collided for a fraction of a second, and the intensity and despair blazing in his eyes had robbed my breath. I'd seen the way the anguish and exhaustion clung to him. I'd noticed the shadows that bloomed beneath his eyes. He was suffering, too, and it should've made me glad, but it didn't. Despite weeks of trying to forget about him, I still felt consumed by him. And despite all the heartache he'd subjected me to, I still loved him. 

        The only silver lining, to the mess that was now called my life, was Eden. 

        The nights I couldn't drive home, she'd let me stay in her dorm, and whenever I would cry, she'd hug me tightly, staying until the tears dried. She'd witnessed some of my epic meltdowns, but never once did I glimpse pity or discomfort paling her features. Eden didn't judge me or tell me how to grieve, and in the quiet moments that hung between us, I sensed that she'd been through something similar before, that she understood how I felt more than she was willing to let on.

        She reminded me of the good things and helped divert my attention from all the bad, which was ninety-nine percent of the time.

        My world had been torn apart, and I was still trying to piece it back together again, but there was no use in pretending that things would ever be the same. My relationship with Jace was in disrepair. My best friend's mom was sick. Sometimes certain things just didn't get better, no matter how much you wanted them to, and that truth was as bleak and cold as the weather.

        I tightened my coat around me now as the chilly November wind picked up, and made my way across campus for quite possibly the last time.

        This was something I had thought long and hard about. Starting next semester, I was going to take my classes online. I couldn't keep driving here every day. Aside from being impractical, I'd probably burned through enough fuel to fly ten fighter jets. With that being said, I couldn't stay in my dormitory, and I couldn't remember when I'd last felt safe at UGA, even during class.

        I just had to accept that, in this reality, studying on campus just wasn't going to work out. Not right now, anyway. 

        I made tracks for McWhorter Hall, the freshman residence dorm, and wished that I'd organized to meet up with Owen outside one of the coffee houses nearby, not in my dorm room. I hadn't been back there since the morning Levi had ambushed me, and my shoulders climbed up to my neck at that admission. I hated that I was jumpy as fuck all the time, but after receiving the written threat from him last month, I knew I'd rather be on high-alert.

        There were things I needed to get from my dorm—I was still yet to pack up my stuff—and I'd asked Owen to help me carry some of the heavier boxes to my car. Surprisingly, he'd jumped at the chance, and I'd been too desperate to question it. 

        Most students had headed back to their respective homes last Friday, and walking through the grounds now was like journeying through a ghost town. When I swiped my key card and pushed through the wooden doors of the red brick building, I tried to ignore the way my muscles tensed. 

        The main room was eerily silent, and as I scaled the staircase, I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my coat. I glanced down, as if I somehow had X-ray vision and was able to see who was texting me through the thick material. Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I scolded myself for still hoping it might have been a text from Jace.

        Owen's name popped up, and my thumb hesitated, hovering over the screen. When I typed in my passcode, his message automatically opened:  _Sorry, something came up. Gonna be late. See you around 6pm._

Great.

        Sighing, I walked down the hallway, and the sound of my Converses scuffing along the carpeted floors grated on my ears. Quickening my pace, I stopped in front of my dorm and rummaged around for the set of keys in my bag. 

        Once I'd slipped inside, I shut the door behind me and locked it again. Being back here, I was well and truly outside of my safety zone. I wasn't prepared to take any chances. 

        And then I tied my hair into a messy ponytail and got down to business.

        When I'd finished wrangling all my clothes from the closet and had shoved all my belongings into the recycled cardboard boxes, it was nearly nightfall. It had taken me just over an hour to pack everything away—the upside of having only been in the early stages of moving into my dorm when Levi had run me out of it.

        Over the course of minutes, I was hefting the boxes out, balancing them in my arms as I traipsed back and forth between my dorm room and the foyer near the stairwell. It wasn't until the third trip that I noticed some of the boxes had shifted a few feet from where I'd left them; one had even tipped on its side. Magazines, textbooks, and my New York snow globe, were scattered over the carpet.

        So freaking weird.

        Unsettled, I stared down the deserted hallway, my brows knitting together. I had to be imagining things. 

        "Hello?" I called out, injecting as much casualness into my voice to mask my fear. "Is someone here?"

        A beat of silence ticked by.

        Okay. I was definitely going insane.

        Blowing out a breath, I turned away and trekked back down the hall to my dorm. Retrieving my phone from on top of my dresser, I sent Owen a text:  _Are you here? Did you move some of the boxes outside my dorm?_

Placing my phone back down, I bent to pick up the last overpacked moving box. I stepped outside again, using my hip to nudge the door open wider, and my gaze skimmed over the corridor, wondering why I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong with this picture. Then it hit me. 

        The door to the dorm room opposite mine was ajar, the early evening light spilling in from the open window as the wind rattled it. When the door blew open further in the wind, creaking on its hinges, my eyes zeroed in on something shiny sitting on top of the desk in the corner of the cramped room. 

        Disbelief hurtled through me, and I almost stumbled to the side, the cardboard box teetering in my arms.

        Before I could stop myself, I'd lowered the box to the floor and my feet were moving, carrying me inside the small, single dorm that looked almost identical to mine. At that moment, my curiosity was greater than the voice inside my head, telling me to just wait until Owen arrived. Both impulses converged inside me, making it next to impossible to think clearly.

        The room should have been warm, but the heating vent was shuttered, and the air inside felt damp and cold, sticking to my lungs like smoke. The space felt barely lived in. 

        "What the hell," I wondered out loud, and my fingers reached out, curling around the all-too-familiar locket that was coated with a fine layer of dust. Slowly turning it over in my trembling hand, I pressed my lips together as a small whimper escaped me.

        Tom's words, the engraving, the chip in the corner... it was all there. It was my necklace. The one I'd lost almost a month and a half ago.

        An innate fear seeped in as I lifted my gaze up, finally glancing back around the uninhabited room with a frown.

        And then I registered it, almost like my brain had finally gotten on the same wavelength as my body and processed what I was seeing.

        Oh my freaking God.

        My gaze jumped around the sparsely furnished room, dragging over the walls, numbly absorbing.

        There were hundreds of photographs—all pictures of  _me_. Some even featured Jace and Amelia, and they were everywhere, tacked up on all four walls, concealing the chipping paint underneath. 

        I tasted bile, the acid in my stomach tumbling. 

        There were photos of me on campus, me studying in the library, and me eating lunch by the quad. There were photos of Jace and I kissing. There were even more photos of me back home in Fowler's Hill... of me in my bedroom. Photos of me sleeping.

        I'd never felt so creeped out and violated. Just seeing all of them made me want to throw up.

        Horror seized me when I realized that not all of these photos were taken this year. Some were dating back to the summer before junior year, well before I'd even graduated. I couldn't have been more than sixteen.

        A cavern ripped open inside me and unease gnawed behind my ribcage. I swallowed back hot tears. A recent photo drew my attention. A dark and obscured image, obviously taken at night. Upon closer inspection, I suddenly realized, like really understood, what I was looking at. 

        It was a close up of me, peering outside my bedroom window, and I could even make out the lettering of the  _Harry Potter_  shirt I'd worn to bed that night. It had been taken Labor Day weekend, not long after I'd heard the snapping of twigs and footsteps crunching over the front lawn. 

        It  _had_  been Levi outside my room that night.

        A swaying rush of confusion and disgust rose through me. My mind buzzed at a million miles an hour, trying to get a better grasp on why this was happening, but I had nothing. 

        I hadn't even met Levi until I'd moved to Athens, so how did he know where I lived? Why were there photos of me still in high school? 

        I inhaled sharply and then... realization poured over me like a bucket of ice water. A gross and confronting realization that made my legs turn to rubber.

        Levi had been following me for years.

        I jammed the necklace into the front pocket of my jeans, and I knew, I knew, I needed to leave. I needed to call Officer Bedford—I'd finally found my proof—and take out that restraining order.

        As I spun to leave, a shadow crossed my peripheral vision, and I bristled. 

        I wasn't alone. There was someone up here with me. Someone who didn't want their presence to be known.

        A fissure of dread cut through me.

        It was too late.

        Tiny hairs rose all over my body when a sound came from behind me—footsteps puncturing the quiet. I heard the creak of the door closing again, and then the unmistakable soft  _click_  of the latch. 

        Someone exhaled a ragged breath, and when they spoke, their voice was mangled and maddened. Worse yet, it belonged to  _him_. "There's no one else left. It always had to be you."

        Levi's cryptic remark sent a shiver skating down my spine. 

        Was I dreaming? This had become a sick, living nightmare. This was not real. This was not happening. But when I pivoted on my heel and opened my eyes again, oh God, he was  _here_. And he was blocking the doorway.

        "Who  _are_  you?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. 

        "You still don't know?" Levi stared at me a moment, and then he laughed, the sound slithering over my skin like a rattlesnake. "You really don't recognize me?"

        More confusion swirled, and I watched him as he took another measured step closer. I studied his face, those harrowing eyes, tried to place where I might have seen him before coming to UGA... and failed spectacularly. He wasn't familiar, and the knowledge that we obviously knew each other at some point didn't even dislodge an old, repressed memory. 

 

        "No," I croaked out, edging back until the solid wall was behind me. A vortex of fear ruptured in my chest. There was nowhere else to go. I was trapped. "I don't know who the hell you are."    

        "That's really quite a shame," he wheedled, an amused smirk tugging on his lips. "But I guess my plans worked. You always were a dumb bitch."

        My eyes stung, and a prickly feeling crawled around inside me, forcing me to acknowledge what was actually happening right now. I was paralyzed again. My body was rigid, my limbs stiff like they were held together by old, worn-down bones. I hadn't sacrificed so much this semester for it to end this way. Everyone would be so disappointed in me if I didn't try to fight him off again. I needed to survive this. I needed to  _run_.

        My gaze slowly slid away from Levi and I looked around, assessing if I would be able to make a break out of this tiny, confined room. If my dorm wasn't on the fourth floor, I could've climbed out the open window. Ideas racked my brain, filling me with nothing but fraught hope. 

        If I could outmaneuver him and escape him for long enough. 

        If I could get to my dorm across the hall. 

   If I could just get back to my phone. 

        "I thought this room was empty, my bad." I smiled, but it was tight and fake. A fallacy I prayed he wouldn't see straight through. "I'm just going to go now and—"    

        Levi shot forward so fast. When he came into focus again, he was right in front of me.

        In one deft motion, the back of his hand struck down over my face. The impact drove the base of my skull into the wall with a sickening crack. Acrid, metallic copper filled my mouth and thickly coated my tongue, a result of my teeth puncturing my lip and the brute force of his assault.

        Then his fist found the other side of my head and another streak of pain tore through me. The heavy thud of his knuckles smacking into my flesh, and the taste of blood, dripping out of the corner of my mouth, had a wave of nausea sweeping over me. 

        Sent crashing off balance, Levi's fingers knotted in my hair, yanking me upright by my ponytail. My ears rang from the relentless blows, and my scalp tingled, a sharp heat shooting down my neck. 

        "Do you know how long I've been waiting for this day?" he spat out venomously. "I didn't think you'd come here so willingly, but it's better this way. You'll see."

        I managed to lift my gaze up to his, determined to meet and hold his stare. His eyes were hollow and vacant now. Levi was dead inside. I had no doubt. He was merely a shell of a person, deprived of a moral compass or a conscience. 

        "What do you want with me? I've never done anything to you," I whispered helplessly. I had to at least try to understand.

        "What do I want?" He barked out another short, maniacal laugh. "I want you to pay for what happened."

        Impotent terror clawed at my stomach, gutting me inside out. He wanted to kill me, or at least try. It was written all over his face, the haunted look marring and twisting his expression. Something horrible occurred to me at that moment: I was at the mercy of someone who'd become totally unhinged. 

        "I fucking hate you! You did this to me. You took them from me," he roared, a bitter anger permeating his tone. "You took  _everything_  from me."

        Panic fired through me. "What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!" I thrashed around in Levi's arms, trying to wriggle out from beneath his body, but I was immobilized between him and the wall. "I don't know what happened, or who you lost, but I know how it goes. I know better than anyone what it feels like."

        A seam of fading light caught his features, and there was something savage that flickered in his charcoal irises, something that told me this was a dangerous topic.

        "Fucking shut up," he said, through loud gasps. "Don't you dare talk about them. You have no right."    

        Sensing that I was digging at the surface of something deep and ugly that festered inside Levi, I went on, "You don't have to do this. They wouldn't want—"

        If I had any bad feelings about fighting dirty, about targeting someone's weakness and using it against them, they were gone now.

        Levi's bottomless eyes swelled in shock, and he momentarily loosened his stranglehold grip, but it was enough. Drawing my leg up and leveraging my weight, I rammed my knee with as much force as I could muster into his groin. Satisfaction stole through me when he slumped over, emitting a shout of agony. 

        This was it. My one shot at getting away.

        His hunched frame writhed on the floor, and I sprang into action, pushing through the disorientation as I practically tripped toward the door. My heart lurched. Holy crap. I was going to do it. I could get to my dorm and use my phone to call—

        Except, I didn't make it that far. 

        His hand snaked out, his fingers cuffing my ankle, and I went down like a ton of bricks. I smacked my head against something cold and rock-like—the door handle, maybe?—and my palms scraped along the timber boards, taking the brunt of my fall. When I tried to climb to my feet—to push up on my hands and knees—he settled his weight on top of me, restraining my body beneath his. 

        Wet warmth trickled down my face, oozing out from the open cut on my forehead, and more blood pooled onto the wooden floor. My stomach heaved. Squeezing my eyes shut against the rush of tears, whatever blossom of relief I'd felt ceased to exist now. I didn't know if I was ever going to leave this room, if Levi's face was going to be the last face I ever saw.

        He grunted as we scuffled, my hands tearing at tufts of his hair and my fingernails scratching at his cheek, but eventually his strength won out and he flipped me onto my back with a bruising effort. Revulsion rolled over my skin.

        Minutes ago, I thought there'd been a successful bid for freedom, but I was going to have to fight for my next breath now. Instinct kicked in, and I realized that while I wasn't strong enough to fend him off, I still hadn't unleashed the deadliest weapon I had: my voice. 

        I screamed.

        It came from somewhere buried inside, lying torpid, and I wrenched it free from where it had been entrenched in the despair and chaos. 

        I was going to go down swinging.

        He pierced me with a deranged glare, and his hands fastened around my neck, completely undeterred by struggling. "Shut the fuck up," he hissed again, his voice echoing through the room. "It's called fall break for a reason. Everyone's gone home. No one's gonna hear shit."

        Surely someone in the dorm could hear me. I prayed that they would. 

        When I didn't stop screaming, his other hand clamped over my mouth, silencing me.

        Desperation frenzied my movements, and I fumbled around in my pocket, withdrawing my necklace. It was the only thing I could defend myself with and I wasn't sure what use it would be, or how I could even inflict harm on him with it. But before I was able to give it any more thought, he was shifting his weight, pinning my arm down with his knee. 

        My fist tightened around the necklace, the cool metal digging into my palm, and I concentrated on that, not on the way Levi was towering above me, those green eyes lethal and inches from my own. 

       "Please," I cried hoarsely. " _Please_ , don't do this. You won't get away with it. They know you're after me. They'll come for you."

        "I'm counting on it." 

        An icy spill of terror coursed through my veins.

        His grip around my throat constricted, cutting off my oxygen supply. I couldn't breathe.

        I focused on the old memory of Tom, the way his fingers had traced the engraving on my necklace. His eyes had been deep and unguarded as he'd handed me a little piece of his heart.  _I love you, sis,_  he'd said, emotion creeping into his features.  _I'll always protect you._   _Whenever you're scared or unsure, touch this locket, think of me, and I'll just know, somehow, that you need me._  

        Tears spilled down my cheeks, falling onto Levi's fingers as they continued to crush my neck. My head felt too heavy, my muscles slack from the unyielding pressure.

 _I need you, Tom._   _Can you hear me? I need you now._

        I needed my big brother to rescue me, to chase away the stars that were dancing in front of my eyes, but there was only silence, and my lungs imploded as the air left them. The knowledge that I was suffocating, that there was no one here who could save me, had fear tossing my insides back and forth. 

        I could only hear the strangled, guttural noises that leaked out of my lips, and the sound of Levi's erratic breathing, hot and foul on my face. This wasn't how I wanted to go. God, I wasn't ready. There was so much I still wanted to do, so much I still had to say. Was this how my brother had felt, like he was being pressed so hard against the earth's weight? Like he was being surrounded by darkness and unspoken regrets?

        My last thought as everything faded, muddying my range of view, was that at least I had got my necklace back. That in my final moments, I wasn't going to be completely alone. In some twisted way, there was comfort in the fact that I was tethered to my brother. Thoughts of him flitted through my mind, and Tom's face flashed back at me. The creases he usually carried from laughing were smoothed out somberly, and I wondered if he'd been thinking of me, too, while he'd been dying, while he'd been fighting against his own body to stay alive. 

        Pain shattered inside my chest, so many sensations flickering at once. And then, just as quickly, it all drowned out, a cold numbness trickling in, and I knew I could never forgive Levi—the boy who was going to take everything from  _me_.


	24. Chapter 24

        "HAYLEY," A THROATY voice said, closing in on me. But it wasn't the use of my name that felt like someone was tossing me a lifeline, it was that  _voice_. "Jesus Christ, hang on. Don't you dare leave me."

My eyesight was blurry, as though a dirty fingerprint had smudged my vision, and it hurt to breathe. My brain frantically skipped back through my memories, snagging on those haunting eyes and the bony fingers that had been wrapped around my lifeless neck. I'd been dying. Levi had strangled me.

        "Hayley," that familiar voice said again, reaching into the darkest recesses of my subconscious. I felt myself being moved, like I was being lifted off a hard, cold surface.  _Oh God, the pain._  My head throbbed, lilting inertly as warm arms braced my body. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, baby. Can you hear me?" 

        Snippets of static-filled sound penetrated the quiet, ringing in my ears. I felt overstretched, as if gravity was tugging at my insides, and the darkness was back, creeping in.

 _Jace_ , my mind screamed.  _Is that you?_  

        I tried to fight it, to stay awake, but it felt like I was being pulled under by a crosscurrent, sinking down into the coldest, deepest end of the ocean. 

        The last thing I heard before the shadows took me again was the distinct noise of my garbled breathing, hissing like a snake, and that harrowed voice, whispering my name, over and over.

◇ 

        SOMEONE WAS SQUEEZING my hand, anchoring me as I drifted aimlessly between a chilled darkness and a place where I wasn't quite lucid. 

        A shudder worked its way through me, and my chest rose and fell in a slow, sluggish rhythm.

        I was breathing again. But how? How was that even possible?

        Air whistled down my throat, almost like a gust of wind blowing through an empty cave. My body had been hollowed out, and I was lost in the pitch black, trying to navigate a way out.

        The haze that had seeped into my consciousness was starting to clear, and the crushing pain was back with a vengeance. Gone was the dull ache of tenderness and relative peace. 

        The scratchy sheets that cocooned me felt like sandpaper against my skin, and the beeping sound of an IV machine drilled through my temples.

        Confusion gnawed at me. How the hell was I even alive? I remembered the weightlessness, and then the freefalling. I remembered the fire that had engulfed my lungs, and I remembered losing the ability to breathe. I'd even felt death the moment my heart had stopped beating.

        I couldn't possibly have survived. Not after all that. And yet, somehow, I was still here. It was nothing short of a fucking miracle.

        "Hayles," a gravelly voice whispered, and strong, callous fingers tightened around mine. "It's me. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."   

        My pulse thundered, drowning out everything else.

         _Jace._

◇  

WHEN I SLOWLY blinked my eyes open, a soul-sucking exhaustion poured in, and I tried to comprehend my surroundings. It felt like I'd been sleeping for days, but I couldn't be sure. I was having a hard time processing anything, much less how I'd survived Levi's attack, or how I'd wound up in the hospital. The white walls, faded blue curtains, and the pungent smell of disinfectant had been a dead giveaway.

        I twisted my neck on the starchy hospital pillow, wincing at the flare of pain that shot up the back of my head. Every small movement felt like someone had just shoved a hot poker straight through my spine, but I ignored it, shifting rigidly. 

        "Take it easy," Jace said gently, his voice pitching low. "The doctors don't want you moving much. Not yet."

        He was sitting at the side of my bed in a chair that seemed way too incommodious and small for his large frame, and when our gazes locked head-on, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

        His face was covered in bruises, a stomach-churning canvas of blacks and purples, and some that had already begun to fade to yellow. His lip was busted, swollen and split open at the corner, but it was those crystalline eyes that completely and utterly wrecked me. They were glassy and bloodshot, filled with a world of unspoken emotion.

        As it turned out, it only took that one glance at Jace for me to know the answer to the question I'd been so desperate to ask him. I hadn't even needed to verbalize it. It was so obvious, even in the deafening silence, that I was only alive because of him. The man I'd thought had the power to break me had, somehow, in spite of all odds, saved me from the boy who wanted me dead. 

        "Are you—?" I rasped, feeling a strange lump in my throat that I could hardly talk around. My voice sounded weak and cracked. It was like I'd shattered, barely able to hold myself together anymore. "Is he—?" 

        Jace stiffened, the muscles in his back tensing under the fabric of his gray sweater. "Levi's in jail," he told me. "He's gone, and he won't ever be coming back." 

        Overwhelming relief swept through my system. I tilted my chin up toward the ceiling, my lower lip trembling. My eyes stung, my vision blurring in and out, and I realized I was crying. A sort of calm settled over me, a semblance of happiness. There was justice, and while it would never truly erase what had happened over the last few months—all that Levi had put me through—I could still take comfort in that. I could take comfort in the fact that it was finally over.

        "Your parents are on their way, too," he went on. "I called them. They'll be here soon. Until then, it's just you and me. I, uh, hope that's okay." The vulnerability and uncertainty in his tone kicked me in my gut. Hard. 

        He looked so wary of me, as if he was scared of uttering another word. As if he was scared of having a conversation that carried a certain heaviness and meaning, but it felt like I'd been walking around in a fog for years, not hours, and now that I was coherent again, I wanted answers.

        "How did you know?" I asked, ending our silence, and then I peeked down at our entwined hands to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. After three weeks of missing him, of trying to forget him, Jace was here, and he was touching me again. "How did you even know where I was? We haven't spoken in weeks." 

        Something indecipherable flickered in eyes. "I organized it with Owen. I was going to help you move out of your dorm instead. I was coming to try and talk to you. I fucking missed you, and I wanted to..." Jace went quiet for a moment, and for some dumb reason, I felt my stomach swirl giddily. "But then I got there, and I swear to God, the world fucking stopped. I've never been so terrified in my life."

        I exhaled shakily. Flashbacks of Levi's murderous stare, of his ice-cold hands constricting my windpipe, clawed through my mind. 

        "I'll never forget what that felt like—the second I realized I'd lost you for real. You weren't breathing. You were..." He couldn't finish. 

        "Jace—" 

        "There's no easy way for me to say this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. You died _._  You died in my arms. You left me for a few minutes and—" He broke down then, dropping his forehead to where our hands were joined. His shoulders shook, his body wracked with silent sobs, and I could feel the grief twisting my insides into a complicated little knot. I'd never seen him like this before, and it was utterly soul-destroying. 

        Worse yet, the knowledge that Levi had killed me—that for a few drawn-out, horrible moments, I'd been  _dead_ —had a stark fear piercing my belly. I swallowed thickly as I tried, and failed, to absorb Jace's words.

        "Hey.  _Hey_ , I'm still here," I murmured, letting go of his hand to thread my fingers through his hair. "Don't go there, okay? Don't do that to yourself."

        His head snapped up, and my breath caught. "But it's  _my_  fault," he ground out. "I did this to us, Hayley. I pushed you away, and more importantly, I wasn't there to protect you." His eyes were fixed on me. "I wasn't there to protect you when I said I would be."

        I stared at him for a beat, registering the look of self-reproach on his face. I think I would have preferred being blamed, to be honest, because I probably should've been. After all, I was the one who had been stupid enough to wander blindly into Levi's lair.

        "I thought I was never going to leave that dorm," I said, the harsh truth causing a shiver to race through me. "You understand what I'm saying, don't you? You  _were_  there for me. You saved my life, Jace. Thank you. Thank you so much." 

        "Don't thank me," he whispered, drawing back. Self-disgust contorted his expression even more. "I almost killed him, Hayley. If the police hadn't shown up when they did, I probably would've."

        Sensing my confusion, he added, "Even after the EMTs got there, Levi wouldn't stop ranting. He kept telling anyone who would listen that you were dead, that he'd killed you. He was so out of it he didn't even notice that I'd been working on you long before the paramedics took over, that I'd gotten you back. I could only take so much, and something inside me just... cracked under the pressure. I don't know. Even though I'd already fought him off of you when I got there, this was different. This was something else. It wasn't redemption I felt, it was something ugly and vile. Something I never want to feel again." 

        "You're not a bad person, Jace. You did what anyone would have done, and you know it. Hell, I'm sure Tom would've knocked him into the middle of next week."

        At the mention of my brother, his features hardened. "There's something you need to know," he volunteered hesitantly. "I wanted to be the one to tell you."

        "What is it?" I croaked out.

        "Hayley, I... I don't even know how I'm supposed to tell you this."

        I stilled, sensing that what I was about to hear was going to be bad. Like the kind of life-changing, universe-altering, bad. The kind of bad you never recovered from. Not really.

        "The police think Levi's been planning to try and... hurt you for a while. They found the photos in the dorm he was renting, the photos of you he'd taken over the last couple years. He's your brother's age, and he grew up in the next town." Jace paused. "He was there the night that Tom died, baby. He was the survivor of the other vehicle."

        Dread plummeted like a stone in my stomach, rippling through me. My anxiety resurfaced, and the possibility that Jace was telling me the truth had me floored. Completely and utterly floored.

        Shocked, all I could do was gape at him. My mouth opened slightly. "But... but that doesn't make sense," I managed. The room was spinning, the bright fluorescent light overhead out of focus. "I remember his name, it was plastered all over the papers, it  _wasn't_  Levi, it was—"

        "The police identified him as Aaron Holt," Jace interjected, and my heart rate soared. I could hear the monitor I was hooked up to beeping faster now, catching the spike in my pulse. "It's him."

        I hated the way that the terror cascaded through my bloodstream. I hated the way that Levi still affected me. I didn't want to give him that type of power.

        "No, I don't... that's not..." I was struck speechless, which was a rare thing for me.

        "He changed his name to Levi, his brother's middle name, and reverted back to his mother's maiden name, Brooks, after the accident. He never notified the police that he'd changed his name," he said, like this explained everything. "I don't know, maybe at first he was trying to start over, but grief can do fucked up things to people. Sometimes they're not strong enough to see a clear way out."

        I cast my gaze down to the white, crocheted blanket, not wanting to see the flash of pity or reticence in his eyes. "So Levi is Aaron? Holy shit." 

        My brother's best friend had, more or less, killed Aaron's entire family. His parents and his little brother had died that night. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like: to go from having a normal life and a  _home_  to being totally alone. To having nothing at all. 

        I don't think I'd ever forgive Levi, or be able to wrap my head around why he'd been driven to do what he'd done, but I had only sympathy for Aaron. Having lost Tom, having known the immense impact his death still had on me, it only exacerbated that feeling. The scrawny blond guy in the pictures on the front pages of every local newspaper—a terrible tragedy in a neighboring small town attracting the media like a swarm of locusts—had always looked so haunted and inconsolable. There hadn't been any rage or malevolence gripping him. Not back then.

        "I know that all of this is a lot to take in," Jace said slowly, cautiously, "and that the last thing you need is me complicating shit, but there's something else I need to say. Will you hear me out? Can you do that?" 

        "Well, I'm not exactly going anywhere right now," I pointed out, my lips twitching. 

        A real, breathtaking smile stole across his face, revealing his perfect dimples, but as quickly as that smile came, it slid off, and his expression twisted, becoming vexingly sober. Whatever additional smart-assery I might have been able to produce melted away when Jace stared back at me searchingly, barely blinking. The intensity and desperation in his gaze flayed me, stripping all of my layers away, leaving me bare and totally defenseless.

        "I shouldn't have broken up with you," he said, and I was drowned in sadness. Not because he regretted it, but because I'd been right that day in the parking lot. I'd been right all along. He'd finally figured out that he'd made a mistake letting me go, but instead of feeling satisfaction, all I felt was sorrow. "You need to know that, Hayles. Just like you need to know that I didn't end things between us for the reasons you think."

        I inhaled sharply, my lungs expanding, and a twinge of pain stabbed me just below my ribs. Jace's eyes held nothing but pure adoration, and my heart lodged in my throat. He leaned in closer to me, his fingers grazing my cheek.     

        "I know better than anyone how close I came to losing you today, and I don't know if I can survive losing you again," he admitted, his voice gruff with what sounded like fear. "I know it's a dick move for me to be saying all of this now, but maybe when you're up to it, we can talk more about..." he trailed off, unsure. 

        The disbelief I felt must have been reflected on my face, because Jace didn't keep talking. As I held his gaze, I saw in a clear and unguarded moment that passed between us, what he wanted. Acute awareness surged through me, and I should've been overjoyed, but I still felt so numb, so distrusting. So adrift.

        "I don't know," I told him eventually. "I—I don't know if I can do that, Jace." 

        My heart ached. As much as I wanted to be with him, I didn't know if we were right anymore—if there was even a right way for us to be together again. I'd never been courageous enough to love myself more than I loved him. I'd never been confident enough to put my trust in my own judgment. But everything had changed now. Almost dying was probably the biggest wake-up call I could've ever gotten. And I wasn't sure if I was prepared to keep offering him second chances and forgiveness. Did that make me weak? No, not necessarily. I'd like to think it made me stronger.

        His jaw clenched tight, and I knew it wasn't the answer he was expecting. He sat back, looking away for a moment, disappointed and... defeated. "Okay, yeah. I understand."

        Instead of feeling relief, a jolt of panic spiraled through me. I could feel myself starting to backpedal, but between the pain meds and everything I'd been through tonight, it wasn't exactly an easy feat to sort through the onslaught of emotions that flooded me. "I'm not saying no, but for now, I think I just need to—"

        The blue hospital curtains parted, and Officer Bedford emerged, the lines softening around her mouth when she saw me. "Sorry to interrupt," she said, taking a couple of tentative steps toward us. "I've been trying to hold off for as long as I can, but I'm afraid we're going to need to ask you a couple of questions and take a formal statement now."

        I tried to suppress the dread that followed. "Okay," I responded. I was reluctant to talk about it and re-experience the painful memories, but it wasn't like I had a choice. This was routine procedure.

        Her attention flitted to Jace. "Have you told her everything?" she asked him, her demeanor professional and brusque, as always. 

       "No, not everything," he said with force. What? There was  _more_? "She just woke up. I didn't want to overwhelm her."

       "Good. That's good." She nodded curtly, sounding vaguely pleased. "Would you mind stepping outside for a minute now, Mr. Hammond? I think we've got it from here." 

        "All right, then." Reluctantly, Jace climbed to his feet. He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, and his face went blank. But his eyes, they contained an entirely different story. Even from a distance, I could make out the doubt and determination that was warring in them. He really didn't want to leave. "I'll be in the cafeteria, wherever the hell that's located." Jace slid Officer Bedford a look, and a tense energy pulsed between them. "Fifteen minutes, okay? Then I'm coming back, and you're both gone."

       I was getting more worried by the second. Why was Jace talking to her like that? More specifically, why did it seem like they'd already come to some sort of understanding? 

       "Thank you," she said, lowering her clipboard. "My colleague and I won't be long."

        Jace turned to me. "See you in a bit." He smiled, but the sadness still lingered in his eyes. "Your parents aren't far away, either."

        I nodded jerkily, desperately wanting to tell him to stay but somehow resisting. 

        To my surprise, he placed his palm on the bed beside my shoulder, stabilizing his weight, and then he bent to kiss my forehead. His lips were warm and soft, like a whisper. 

        I shivered when he exhaled slowly, the heat of his breath fanning my neck, and I silently appreciated the calming effect he always had on me. Like the moon controlled the tide, the gravitational pull to be close to Jace was next to impossible to withstand, and I lifted my arms, sliding them around his waist. The smell of him, like wintry air and light cologne, made me dizzy.

        "I'm so sorry, Hayles. I thought I was doing the right thing," he rasped into my ear. Something fluttered inside my stomach as I cataloged his words. The way I could feel his lips moving as he spoke, as if he was physically branding them onto my skin, filling me with newfound hope. "I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted this for us." 

        Jace withdrew a second later, looking me over one last time. I caught him side-eyeing Officer Bedford before he exited the room, slipping out the door and leaving the two of us alone, finally.

        Snapping my attention back to Officer Bedford, her gaze held steady on mine, and I briefly pinched my eyes shut in a last-ditch effort to calm down, because I really needed to do this. I needed to understand how this had happened. I needed to know that Levi was going to rot behind bars. I needed to put this whole thing behind me.

        Then the door swung open again, surprising me, and Trevor, the guy who'd handed me the note from Levi that day in the library, stepped inside.

        I blinked, trying to contain the many questions that I had. Shocked and confused, I finally settled on, "What the hell?"

        I was officially lost.

        Officer Bedford cleared her throat. "I feel like it's my duty to offer you an explanation. In fact, I think it's the least Officer Romero and I can do." She smiled slightly at that, glancing over at Trevor. Who was, apparently, a cop. What the fuck? "I can imagine that you must be feeling let down by the justice system, that we didn't put the appropriate measures in place to prevent this from happening to you, but, in actuality, Officer Romero and his partner have been front-running an undercover investigation, trying to take down Levi Brooks, all year."

        My back straightened. I don't know what I'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.

        Was this what Officer Bedford had meant when she'd asked Jace if he'd told me everything?

        Holy crap. This  _was_  a lot. Too much, in fact. My brain felt like it was full of cobwebs and fog. No wonder he hadn't wanted to tell me, to overwhelm me. This was insane, completely crazy.

        "Officer Romero is an undercover police officer. He's been surveilling Levi—I mean, Aaron—trying to arrest him for drug manufacturing and trafficking," she said, and my mind was still racing a hundred miles per second. 

        "You're a police officer?" I accused Trevor, disbelieving. My voice came out sharper than I'd intended. "How could you bring me that note, then, knowing what kind of person he is? Why didn't you do anything to protect me?"

        He looked down at the hospital bedsheets, then back to me. Guilt framed his face briefly, and then it disappeared, renewed confidence settling into his features. "I was trying to instigate a drug deal that morning, but Aaron wanted me to deliver a note to you, instead. I needed to earn his trust. I needed to do that in order for him to sell to me," Trevor explained, crossing his arms. "I couldn't risk jeopardizing our case, Miss Donovan. When it came down to it, my orders were to take down a high-profile supplier, seizing the quarter of a million dollars worth of illicit drugs Aaron intended to sell and trade—protecting you in the meantime, too." 

        Okay. I guess there was logic in that?

        "Did you always know Levi was Aaron?" I asked, not really understanding how it all fitted together. "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this."        

        "I know," Trevor said, his eyes immediately softening. "It's a lot to process."

        Officer Bedford walked over to me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Up until now, Aaron had no criminal proceedings against him, which explains why he didn't notify us that he'd changed his name," she answered on behalf of Officer Romero. "We'd already dug into Levi Brooks' background, but he'd falsified documents, given us no reason to believe he wasn't who he said he was. We didn't know that he was Aaron, or that he had a personal vendetta against you, Hayley. We missed the connection here until it was too late."

        I stayed quiet, sensing that she wasn't finished.

        "As you know, Levi has been on our radar for a while, but we didn't have enough evidence against him," she went on, her lips thinning. "That morning I called you, I was hoping you'd help us, share anything that could strengthen our case." There was a pause. "But you're in here, which, I'm sure you realize, means we couldn't pin the drug dealings on him in time."

        I swallowed. Yes, I had read between the lines. Even though Officer Bedford wasn't openly saying it, if I'd told them everything—filed that restraining order—they might have been able to arrest Levi for violating it. I wished I'd had the courage to do that, but I hadn't. I'd painted myself into a corner. We were all wiser in hindsight, I guess. I knew I would have done so many things differently if I had my chance over, starting with demanding police protection twenty-four seven. Even then, it still may not have been enough.

        "You're lucky someone else  _was_  prepared to come forward with that information," Trevor chimed in. "They told us everything. How Levi showed up at your dorm, how he was stalking you. Because of that, another plainclothes officer was assigned to your case. Eden Lindy."

        Oh my fucking God. 

        My stomach rolled. I wanted to be sick. Glancing up at the ceiling, I concentrated on my breathing, on trying in vain to hide my reaction from them. 

        "Eden?" I repeated numbly. "She's a cop, too?"

        The knowledge that the  _one_  person I'd thought, without a doubt, hadn't been caught up in all this, had, indeed, played such a central part... kind of knocked me off balance. Fortunately, I was lying down.

        I'd never suspected it. Never thought that Eden was anything more than a quirky freshman with a Ryan Gosling obsession. As much as the betrayal stung—knowing my friend had been in on it all along—it was a relief that there'd been someone looking out for me. That she, of all people, had been protecting me, or at least, she'd been trying her best to.

        "We were working the Brooks case together, then her orders changed. She was reassigned to protect you, the same morning we started working with our informant." Officer Romero didn't break eye contact. "Even though it might not have looked like it, we were doing everything in our power these last few weeks to keep you safe, Hayley."  

        "I get that now." I sniffed, losing count of how many times I'd been a blubbering mess lately.

        "It's unfortunate that Levi figured out who she was," he continued, wearing one hell of a pissed-off expression. "After he'd attacked her, he was free to get to you."

        I froze. "What? Is Eden okay?"

        "Yes," Trevor reassured me. "She's in this hospital, too. Just down the hall, actually. I'm sure she'll be paying you a visit later, when she's up to it."

        So overwhelmed, I sagged back against the pillows, relieved, and still trying to absorb everything. "So, what happens now? After I give you my statement, what will happen to Aaron?"

        "When we arrested him for your attempted murder, we had enough evidence, paired with our suspicion of his intent to sell, to raid his farmhouse and dismantle his drug operation," Officer Bedford said, and there was a lightness in her tone that I hadn't heard before. This was clearly a big win for them, not just for me. "He's going to be in prison for a very, very long time."

        Thank the baby Jesus.

        Less than a minute passed before it dawned on me that I still hadn't figured out who their informant was, the missing piece to this fucked up puzzle. Someone had taken it upon themselves to do what I'd been too scared to do—to report everything, to demand police protection. Someone had tried to keep me safe in the only way they'd known how. 

        I inhaled deeply to control the swirling suspicion inside me. "Who was the person who informed you, told you everything about Levi?"

        Trevor grimaced, like he'd been dreading answering this question. "I can't share that person's name with you," he said matter-of-factly. "We can't reveal the identity of the tipster, it'd be a breach in the promise of confidentiality."

        "Of course. I understand."

        It didn't matter. I had a feeling I already knew who that person was. And he was probably going to be returning from getting coffee or whatever any minute now.


	25. Chapter 25

FOR THE NEXT week, Jace never left my side. Even when my parents insisted he went home—that he took a well-earned night off—he remained stubbornly intent on manning the fort.

        Despite his whispered, heartfelt confession that first night together in the hospital, and all the times since then I'd felt him watching me closely, Jace and I had slipped effortlessly into a platonic falsehood. 

        I didn't know how to ask him if he'd been the one liaising with Officer Bedford, and he never tried to broach the subject with me, or any topic of importance, for that matter. The cloud of reluctance in his gaze told me I'd officially scared him off, and frankly, I hadn't anticipated feeling so miserable and angst-ridden about that.

        It didn't help that the hospital staff had stopped pumping me full of drugs. Now that the meds were starting to wear off, I had trouble sleeping when night came. Everywhere was sore, like my bones were still bruised, and even when I did manage to doze off, I'd often be disturbed by the nurses doing their rounds, or by weird noises that floated down the hall at an ungodly hour.

        Tonight, I awoke to the sound of footsteps at the base of my bed.

        I peeled my eyelids open slowly, waiting for my vision to adjust to the darkness.

        The lights were off, and the room was cast in the soft, dim glow from the hallway.

        Jace was sleeping next to me on one of the cushioned chairs, his head tipped back. The curve of his Adam's apple was more pronounced, and I studied his chiseled profile. He was beautiful. He still looked so tired, his eyes shadowed by circles, and the stubble across his jaw was darker than normal.

        Waking up to Jace, him always being by my side, never failed to tug at my heart. 

        God, I loved him so much. I needed him in my life like I needed my next breath. I missed him, and he was right  _there._ Why couldn't we just close the distance?

        That thought crept in, but I pushed it away, unable to get too attached to the possibility that there was a happy ending for us. That after everything we'd been through together, there was still a chance we'd be able to find our way back to each other.

        I couldn't afford to think like that, because I knew, I knew, that sometimes, when a relationship broke, it wasn't always meant to be fixed.

        Movement from the end of my bed drew my attention, and I rose up onto my elbows, wondering why the weeknight nurse was being so unusually quiet.

        "I didn't mean to wake you," a familiar male voice said, and I squinted at the approaching figure. A sliver of light crossed Owen's face. He was clutching a bunch of pink carnations, and he put them down on the overbed table. "I'm just here to drop these off, they're from Piper and me."

        Straightening up, I settled back against the pillows that were propped up at the headboard. "Oh, wow," I whispered. The thoughtful gesture unleashed a rush of warmth. "Thank you, Owen. They're lovely."

        He nodded, a blush tinting his cheeks. "Have you had many visitors this week?" he asked, settling into the other comfy chair.

        "Yeah, a few," I told him, sort of smiling. "Eden was here earlier, she stopped by before they discharged her."

        It hadn't been a long visit, and I still didn't really know how I felt about it all. Eden had apologized for deceiving me. She'd told me that befriending people when you were undercover, people you were supposed to protect, wasn't smart—something you were warned about in the academy—but she'd done it, anyway. I knew she genuinely cared about me, and I'd always care for her, but she was a twenty-two-year-old police officer from Atlanta, not my close friend. And she was leaving. She'd been stationed in Louisiana for her next undercover drug bust, and that was hard to take. Brutal, even. She would no longer be in my life, and I'd had to say goodbye to her.

        "Poor girl." Owen swallowed hard. "I still can't believe Levi hurt her, too."

        Obviously he had no idea about Eden's real identity, or half of the shit that had gone down, and I didn't really feel like explaining it to him right now.

        "Yeah," I agreed sadly. 

        He glanced over to where Jace was sleeping. "Man, he's giving a whole new meaning to around the clock care."

        "He's been here every night for the last week."

        Owen shook his head in amazement. "Well, if that's not a declaration of love, I don't know what is."

        An awkward pause fell.

        His dark blue eyes turned knowing, and I battled the overwhelming urge to start fidgeting again with the hospital blanket. 

        "It's not out of guilt, you know," he considered. "It's because you're  _it_  for him. That one girl we're all actively searching for, whether we realize it or not. The girl who holds all the power. The girl you spend your life with."

        I prayed that he was right, because if he was, maybe then I could let myself believe him.

        Before I could even react, Owen sighed. "Honestly, I don't see how Jace could've handled the situation any better. Yeah, we're guys, and we do dumb shit sometimes, but he was trying to make up for it, Hayley—all the times he's let you down in the past. He was trying to protect you. I mean, silence isn't a virtue, and he probably should've told you what he was up to. I'm not making excuses for him, though, because I would've done the same for the girl I love. And I'd do anything to keep my sister safe, too, even if that meant forgoing my own happiness. That's what being an overprotective big brother's all about, right?" He noticed my quizzical look, and his face paled slightly. "Shit. He still hasn't told you?" It wasn't a question.

        My brows furrowed. What was up with the abnormal amount of secrets in my life? It was doing my fucking head in. "Told me what?"

        His chest swelled with a deep breath, like he was bracing himself, like he might be about to deliver a deathblow. "That day in the parking lot, when you ran into Jace and me, we were talking about something. Do you remember that?"

        "Yes." Otherwise known as my first encounter with bona fide heartbreak. How could I forget that day?

        "Jace woke up to a text message from Levi the morning after the frat party, after we'd beat him up. It was a photo of Amelia. That sick fuck had actually broken into Jace's parents' house to take a photo of her in her sleep," he all but growled. "Levi threatened her. He said if Jace didn't break up with you, he was going to..."

        The fine sprinkling of hair on the back of my neck prickled. "What was he going to do?" I prompted, not sure if I even wanted to know where he was going with this, but my curiosity outweighed my reluctance.

        "He told Jace if he didn't end things with you"—he tightened his right hand into a fist, his knuckles blanching white—"he was going to come back into her room the next night. He said Jace would be an only child, like you are now. He said, either way, it was a win-win, because you deserved to lose Amelia, too—to lose everyone, just like he had."

        That sentence unraveled me like a spool of thread. The knowledge that Levi may well have gone after my best friend, that she'd been in jeopardy, pounded horror through my veins. Jace hadn't let that happen, thankfully. And, with a burst of clarity, I realized just how wrong I'd been. How wrong I'd been about everything.

        "Are you saying Levi blackmailed Jace?" I demanded, gritting my teeth. "That he  _never_  wanted this?"

        "That's exactly what I'm saying."

        It felt like someone had just ripped a chunk of my heart out.

        "Jace wasn't going to go through with it at first," he said, his gaze steady on mine. "He went to the police, instead. Showed them the text message Levi sent him, told them everything—how Levi was stalking you, threatening you, too. He even told them we'd roughed him up. He was done, willing to lay it all on the line, as long as it meant that no harm came to you or Amelia." His eyes flitted over to the man in question, checking to make sure he was still asleep. "Officer Bedford said he had to break up with you, to go along with it. If he didn't, it would threaten their case against him. They were close to making an arrest, apparently. I don't know much more than that, Jace couldn't really elaborate, but I do know he didn't want this. Not for a second." 

        My heart tripped about in my chest again, and the urge to cry was overwhelming. Jace had been willing to sacrifice himself, his own happiness—our relationship—to protect me. To keep his sister safe as well. 

 _This is why you love this man. Why you always will,_ I thought to myself.

        "So, you know everything now, I think," Owen went on, and I managed to nod. "He broke up with you that morning, not because he wanted to, but because he had to. Jace..." He hesitated. "Jace warned Officer Bedford, he said you'd never go for it, that you'd know he was lying. So when you didn't... I don't know, I don't think he ever thought you'd believe him," he added quietly, and that admission skewered me, plunging the razor-edged dagger deeper into the side of my ribcage. How had the tables turned so suddenly? Why did it feel like I had somehow betrayed Jace, not the other way around? I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't know what to feel. Any residual anger melted away. 

        "He followed the blackmail to keep Amelia safe, and she is. She's in another country now. He thought he was protecting you, too. I don't think either of us imagined it would end this way, but that isn't on Jace. He made the right call, Hayley. He did what anyone would've done. What I wasn't brave enough to do for my sister, and that decision will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life." 

        Tears built at the base of my throat. "I'm so sorry, Owen."

        "It is what it is." He shrugged it off. "Anyway, you understand what I'm saying, what I'm asking, don't you?"

        I did. Owen wanted me to walk a mile in Jace's shoes, to forgive him, to thank him, for what he'd done, and for being the kind of person he was. 

        Wasn't that just the definition of love, anyway?

◇

THE FOLLOWING EVENING, I was discharged from the hospital with an astronomical health care bill and a plethora of pain medication in tow.     

        Per the doctor's suggestions, I wasn't driving myself home, either. Jace was. 

        My parents had been ready to cart me off to Fowler's Hill until Jace had insisted on giving me a lift home. He was heading in that direction, too. The closing date on his family house was tomorrow, and he still had some loose ends to tie up with the new buyers.

        We hadn't spoken since Owen's impromptu visit last night, and I was feeling about ten levels of awkward. I still had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to say to him now.  _I'm sorry for doubting you?_   _I shouldn't have let you let me go? I shouldn't have made it so easy for you to say goodbye?_

        None of that was okay.None of that could erase what had happened.

        I'd had so many questions for so long, and now, for the first time, it felt like I had the upper hand. I knew that some of Jace's answers had the potential to shred me apart—a window for him to see through all of my pretenses—and I needed to make a choice. Did I want him to tell me everything he'd been keeping to himself? Could I fight for us any more than I already had?

        "You all set?" Jace asked, his voice coming from behind me. He stooped down to pick up the small bag I'd neatly packed the day before, drawing my attention away from the empty hospital bed. 

        "Yeah," I whispered, turning around to face him. 

        I had no right really, not anymore, but my heart still hammered against my ribs. Every time I saw him, it was the same reaction. My pulse jackknifed against my throat, and my knees went soft.

        Jace was waiting patiently by the door, my tote bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and they were slightly rumpled, having been slept in. I wasn't sure how it was humanly possible, but even after a week of disrupted sleep, of operating on unhealthy doses of caffeine, Jace was even more gorgeous. He was handsome, in a freak of nature kind of way.

        His blue-gray eyes settled on mine, searching. When the wary look faded from them, he nodded, and we headed down the narrow hallway.

        After I'd thanked the nurses for all they'd done to assist my recovery, we slowly made tracks toward the hospital parking lot. Not entirely recovered from Levi's brutal assault, I was still pretty weak, and my legs felt like they had no strength left in them. It didn't help that I'd been bed-ridden for the better part of fall break. 

        The sun had set, and the air was cold, hinting at a fast-approaching winter. Thunderclouds rolled in low, their bellies full of rain, but it was so nice to finally be outside again, to feel the wind on my clammy skin.

        Jace's Chevy was a mission to climb into at the best of times, and I had to suppress a smile when he followed me around to the passenger side. He intuitively placed his hands on either side of my hips, and in one smooth motion, he hoisted me up into his truck. His hand lingered, fingers splayed at my waist, and he didn't step back immediately. 

        Every cell in my body w hyperaware of his proximity. The warmth from his touch spread through me, thawing the perennial chill that had seeped in, melting the layer of ice that had encased my heart.

        "Thank you again, for this," I murmured, staying there a moment longer, "and for everything else you've done for me." 

        His head lowered gently, resting on top of mine, and he breathed into my hair. "You're welcome." 

        When Jace held me like this, like I was breakable, it dredged awful memories to the surface. Memories of how close Levi had been to breaking me beyond repair. There was nothing to mitigate the pain I still felt, the hollow ache that was always there. It sank deeper inside me, where no healing agent could reach.

        Shivering, I tried not to get sucked back into that night, into reliving the fear. 

       "Come on," Jace spoke softly, his voice easing into the stretch of silence. He moved away, and I glimpsed an ocean of sadness in his eyes. "We should get going. We've got a long journey ahead."

        The newfound intimacy diminished as he put more distance between us, and we were suddenly worlds apart again. There had always been this intense pull for us to come together, but for some reason, we just couldn't get it right, like ships passing in the night. 

        With time, we'd become experts at this.

◇  

        JACE AND I were ninety miles out of Fowler's Hill when the mother of all storms hit us. 

        The rain was coming down so hard now that I could barely see through the windshield anymore, and I felt the unmistakable swell of anxiety in my chest. 

        Usually, I loved thunderstorms, but whenever they touched down, I tended to be safely indoors, preferably huddled up in bed. Now, I was sitting in an all-metal vehicle, flying along the Route 1 highway. 

        I'd already had one brush with death this week and I didn't particularly fancy another. 

        "Jesus," Jace muttered under his breath. He hunched forward, squinting as he focused on the road. "I don't know if I can keep driving through this." 

        His admission caught me off guard, and I willed the knots in my stomach to untie themselves.

        A deafening clap of thunder rumbled above us, so loud it literally shook his truck. 

        "Yeah, you're probably right," I admitted, pulling my legs up and tucking them close to my chest. Resting my chin on my knees, I tried to concentrate on the country pop music that was playing on the radio, and not on the sharp streak of lightning that lit up the night sky. 

        The further we drove, the more cars we spotted spun out in ditches or parked along the side of the highway, waiting out the storm—the smart thing to do. But at that moment, I didn't care that the sky had opened up above us, or that we were right in the center of it. All I wanted was to get home, for the thick gray clouds to part and the rain to cease, but it was incessant. Each droplet belted down loudly on the roof like thousands of little bullets, and I could barely hear Jace when he eventually said, "Did you see how far away the next exit was?"

        "Uh, I think it's only a few miles ahead. Why?"

        "We're going to have to try and stay the night somewhere," he answered. His tone belied the concern that had gradually settled into his features. 

        I glanced over at him, trying not to look as nervous as I felt.

        "I can't see shit. The roads are too slick." While it was a completely rational explanation, unease still built in my belly. "Hopefully there's a place we can stay nearby. It's getting pretty late, anyway."

        The thought of spending the night with Jace in a crummy interstate motel had both excitement and terror flooding through me, warring for my attention. 

        Three very slow and agonizing miles later, we'd taken the next exit, venturing into the closest town, but every motel we passed had their 'no vacancy' signs lit up, flickering in the darkness. Most of the street lights were out, damaged by the storm, and our quest to find someplace to stopover was becoming even more dumb and dangerous. 

        Jace's truck bounced roughly along the country road, splashing through potholes that had formed deep puddles. Eventually, the strips of small shops and Victorian-style buildings fell away, and we were surrounded by trees and vegetation again. 

        "Well, that must have been all of Buck's Hollow," Jace commented. In my peripheral vision, I noticed his eyes assessing me, and then they dropped to where I'd clasped my hands together, a feeble attempt to prevent them from fidgeting. 

        "What the hell do we do? If we keep driving this way, we're going in the wrong direction." Air hissed from my teeth. "Should we turn back?" 

        The forest was eerie and noisy here. The storm thrashed the trees, and the wind howled, whipping up the fallen foliage. The distant rumblings of thunder were a reminder that we still needed to find somewhere to take cover. Somewhere we would be safe.  _Safe._ That was something I hadn't felt for the longest time.

        "Hang on," he replied after a brief pause. He straightened in his seat, and I stared at him for a moment, taking in his shadowed profile. "I think I can see something."

        Sure enough, as we carefully rounded the next corner, there was one last run-down, crappy motel just up ahead, down a narrow dirt road. The wooden sign out front was hanging crooked, but much to my relief, they had vacancies. 

        Thank God for small favors.

        "This all right?"         

        Taking my silence for assent, Jace pulled into the driveway, following the winding gravel path until we reached the clearing. There were only two other cars in the guest parking lot, and Jace idled the truck in the circular driveway, directly outside the reception entrance. 

        Something flickered over his expression as he glanced at me. Uncertainty? Hope? I wasn't sure. "I can spring for two rooms?"

        It hadn't been a question, more like a statement, but the idea of sleeping alone in a dark, unfamiliar room, seeing shapes out of the shadows that risked jogging awful memories, had icy terror snaking through me.

        "No," I said, a little too quickly, and my cheeks flushed. "I mean, I just don't want to be alone right now. Can you—can we please just share a room?" 

        His eyes betrayed nothing, but his hand stilled on the door handle. A beat of silence drifted by, and then he responded, "No problem. Sit tight."

        As I waited for Jace to check us into a room, I got out my phone, exhaling in a nervous rush. I quickly tapped out a message to my mom, knowing she'd be worried sick, especially when I never came home.

         _The storm has us staying the night in a motel outside of Buck's Hollow. See you in the morning. Love you._

My stomach flipped over as I read and re-read the text I'd just sent her.

        Jace and I were going to be stranded together all night in a pokey motel room, and I probably wasn't going to get a wink of sleep. Aside from the recurring nightmares that would keep me awake, I'd be lying next to him, having to clench my jaw around overruling words... words I could never take back. I'd be falling asleep beside the person I spent every minute loving, every minute missing. The person who had seen my heart and still walked away. And then, as if that hadn't been tragic enough, I'd found out he hadn't even walked away at his own volition. 

        My brain started to obsessively break down and sort through all the possibilities that brewed alongside the storm. Did this mean we would share a bed, as well as a room? Was this some form of divine intervention, forcing us to finally talk about what really mattered? 

        Up until now, we'd managed to avoid having that conversation, but spending the night together? That shot holes in the walls I'd meticulously fenced around me. It was going to be easier for Jace to break through, I realized. For him to find me again, only to discover that I wasn't the same girl as before. I was partially broken and completely messed up now.

        Countless moments later, he climbed inside the Chevy again with the room keys. "We're just down a bit further." He was shivering, his hair and his clothes soaked.

        "Shit. You're drenched, Jace." 

        "It's okay," he said tonelessly, shifting the gear into drive. "There'll be a heater in the room or something. Don't worry about it."

        When we parked, he grabbed the keycards from the center console and turned to me. "I'll go up first and open the door. Can you make a run for it?"

        "Yep." That shouldn't be too hard. It felt like I'd spent half of my life running away from things. 

        "Don't actually run," he clarified, hesitating. He smiled, an easy kindness that crinkled his expression, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You're hurt. Take it slow."

        I waited for the signal, for the dim light to flick on in the room, and when it did, I braced myself. Shoving the passenger door open, I swung my legs around and inelegantly slid out of his truck, my feet finding the uneven ground. 

        The heavy rain fell on me, and in seconds, I was drenched, too. Another crack of lightning split the sky, sounding like a blast of cannon fire. 

        A dull pain flared in my spine as I walked as quickly as I could toward the motel room, to where Jace was standing, the soft glow of lamplight illuminating his dark figure. I stiffly scaled the rickety external staircase, my bones creaking in protest after days of nonuse. 

        The place was dilapidated inside, with dinky farm chairs and a lumpy queen-sized bed. The room looked like it hadn't seen a fresh coat of paint since the nineteenth century, but we'd found shelter, nonetheless. 

        "Here." Jace handed me the scratchy towel he'd retrieved from the tiny ensuite bathroom. His voice was rough like shrapnel. "Use this to dry off."

        When I got a good look at myself, I saw that my T-shirt was dripping wet and transparent, clinging to my cotton bra. Of course. How cliché. I folded my arms across my chest, feeling shy all of a sudden. "Thanks," I mumbled, looking up at him. 

        With his gaze trained above my neck, Jace sank down on the bed, leaving me standing in front of him. There was uncertainty etched into his features, and then the familiar warmth and longing was back. Interest crossed his expression, too. Sudden, extreme self-consciousness took root as his eyes cut into me, piercing and deep. 

        Wordlessly, I retreated into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind me. 

        Examining my reflection in the small mirror, I despaired. My face was as pale and sickly as I remembered, and the yellow and greenish bruises still peppered my neck. If I studied them too closely, I swore that I could still make out the indentation marks of where Levi's fingers had dug into my skin. 

        I shuddered involuntarily, the memory making my gut twist. 

        Peeling my shirt off, I wrapped the towel around my body and kicked off my leggings. I hung my clothes over the rusty shower curtain railing, still holding out hope that they would drip-dry overnight. Even though I could overhear Jace lighting the gas heater on the other side of the door, I knew it would take a while for it to permeate the two rooms. 

        By the time I came out, Jace was crouched by the radiant heater. He was shirtless, his jeans slung low. Damn it. Forget the sleep deprivation and the night terrors, this was the cruelest torture yet. All I wanted was to burrow myself into the crook of his arm, to tell him that he was the most handsome man I'd ever known. The only man I would probably ever love like this. Even my soul hankered for him. It was a greedy hunger that made me bite my lip—a hunger I never knew existed until I'd met him, fallen for him.

        Barely able to catch my breath, I fastened my grip on the towel, because if I was to accidentally let go, I would be standing there practically naked before him. Exposed. And he would take note of all my flaws and imperfections, the ones I'd been trying so desperately to hide. My vulnerability hit hard. 

        Jace cleared his throat, jerking me out of my thoughts. "Uh, so, is this okay? Are you okay?" 

        His gaze was sharp, hopeful. It didn't bother me that he was asking such an impossible question, because it was Jace, and in this room, right now, I didn't feel compelled to lie, or like I had to pretend with him anymore. 

        He was either willing to love me unconditionally or he wasn't. He could say goodbye, or he could grant me safe passage into his heart, where I would stay, where I could heal. He could be my port in the storm. And I was ready to find out, one way or another. 

        It required tremendous courage, and I prayed that I still had some of that courage left, stowed somewhere deep inside of me. 

        "Not really." Pausing, I inhaled sharply. I still felt so fragile... so afraid. My sense of confidence and security had made a clean escape last week, and I was hollow now. Empty. "I'm scared."        

        I wasn't referring to the thunderstorm, or being stranded here with him, either. The only time I ever felt some semblance of safety was whenever Jace was around. The answering quirk of his mouth told me he understood. Maybe more than I'd ever realized. 

        "Me, too." His eyes watched me warily, intently. 

        I was so scared of loving him, but I was equally scared of losing him. Both prospects sent a wave of fear crashing through me. 

        Before I could think better of it, I took a measured step toward him, my eyes sweeping over his face. "And I'm scared about what will happen if I come any closer."

        He exhaled in a slow rush. "Why?"

        "Why?" I echoed. "Because  _you_  scare me. The things you make me feel have always scared me. I think, maybe, it scares us both." 

        When he didn't say anything, didn't argue, simply held my stare, steady and serious, I swallowed nervously. I had to work up the nerve to keep going. It was past time for us to have this conversation. "I know, Jace... I know about the blackmail, about everything."


	26. Chapter 26

        FOR A MINUTE, Jace just stood there, his expression unchanging. A twinge of unease formed as he looked at me, as his hands fisted in his pockets. "Owen told you, didn't he? He's the only person who knows."

        There was a heavy silence, and the air charged up around us, laden with everything left unsaid. There was so much that _needed_  to be said.

        "Don't be mad at him. He thought I knew. Assumed you'd feel inclined to tell me something like that," I said, my heart in my throat. "Why didn't you? Why would you keep that to yourself for so long? I mean, were you ever planning on telling me?" I winced at my lame questions.

        One arm went up and he raked his fingers through his damp hair. "Of course I was going to tell you. I just wanted to give you some space. Like I said that night in the hospital, you've been through the fucking wringer, and the last thing you need is me complicating shit. You said you didn't want to talk about our relationship, and I wanted to respect that, to give you time."

        Ever the reluctant hero. Endearing, and totally selfless, don't get me wrong, but I'd had enough. 

        "Jace," his name came out as barely a whisper. I sank down on the mattress, tucking my legs beneath me, still holding on to the tightly-wrapped towel. "When we were having that conversation in the hospital, I thought you'd walked away from me of your own free will. Now that I know you didn't, that you went to such great lengths to protect me, to protect Amelia, it changes things. It changes  _everything_." 

        For a beat, maybe two, he didn't react, didn't say anything.

        "I always said I'd protect you, babe, no matter the cost," he said eventually, voice rough as gravel. With the word  _babe_ , my insides tightened. "Even if that meant letting you go, letting you think I didn't want to be with you anymore."

        At that moment, it took everything in my power to remember how to breathe. With him staring at me like that, with him uttering the words that had the power to change everything, again, it practically sucked all of the oxygen out of the room.

        "I don't need space or time," I whispered. "Stop holding in your feelings, Jace. Can you just, for once,  _talk_  to me."

        At this point, I had nothing to lose. All I could do was hope that my words might unlock something in him, whatever was holding him back, causing him to put this new distance between us. I needed  _him_  to fight for  _me,_ otherwise this time would be no different. We would never make it.

        Jace's eyes blazed in the dim light, and the heat radiating behind them was like an inferno. The tiny spark of hope in my chest ignited into a ball of fire, and I watched as his guard crumbled around him, the mask slipping from his face.

        Before I had a chance to process what he was doing, Jace stalked across the room, dwarfing the space I'd tried to maintain between us. He reached me in two long, purposeful strides, and his hands flattened on the bed, on either side of my legs. A sliver of surprise flitted through me as he leaned in, his gaze sliding down to my mouth before lifting back to my eyes.

        "You know I never wanted this, Hayley. I was just trying to do the right thing," he rasped, and my heart clenched. "I didn't know what else to do... I still don't know what I'm doing. All I know is that you're what I want, what I've always wanted. And now we're here, in this motel, and you're wearing  _that_ "—his white-washed knuckles gripped the comforter tighter—"and I can't fucking think straight."

        I inhaled, temporarily paralyzed as I tried to fight the strange butterfly sensation in the pit of my stomach, almost like a thousand tiny wings were fluttering in my chest.

        He'd crouched down, his mouth only millimeters away now, and the urge to close the distance was overwhelming. To wave the white flag in surrender—or, in this case, the towel. Fevered anticipation eddied through me, but so did trepidation. The sexual tension between Jace and me was a physical, pulsing thing.

        I knew, as much as I wished it were true, that I couldn't control who I'd fallen in love with all those years ago. There was no real choice when it came to things like who took a piece of your heart, because most of the time, it was without your permission. I was his—had always been his—until he'd pushed me away, again. My anger had burned itself out at long last, but that didn't mean I was just going to ignore the way he'd reacted. He was so good at finding ways to shut me out, still, and that needed to stop.

        "You shouldn't have broken up with me, Jace, or pretended like it was what you wanted. You should have told me everything. I would've understood," I said. "This silent communication thing isn't going to work long-term. You need to be honest with me."

        "I know that, but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to tell you what was going on." The line of his jaw hardened. "The cops made it very clear that I had to cooperate with their investigation, that one wrong move might have set Levi off. I had to make you believe the break up was real, too." 

        I sighed. That annoyed me beyond reason. Not because it didn't justify how he'd handled everything, but because I could only imagine the kind of pressure the police must have put him under. All the shit he'd been dealing with, carrying around. His mom's Parkinson's. Threats against his sister and me. I wasn't the only one ready for a break from all of it.

        "The thought that I might have lost you, Hayles, it kept me up at night," he went on before I could respond. "It made me insane. Officer Bedford  _assured_  me they'd keep you safe. I just wanted you safe, baby, you know that, right? Because, I swear to God, if anything happens to you, I know it'll destroy me. It almost did."

        My heart was pounding with adrenaline. I nodded, or at least I think I did. "I know. There was a lot at stake, and I don't know what I'd have done if something had happened to Amelia. You... You made sure it didn't."

        It was an impossible position for him to be in, and Levi made good on his threats. I knew that now. Jace had done the right thing.

        His shoulders rose with a deep inhale. "But something did happen. Something happened to  _you_. You got hurt, I wasn't there, and fuck, it feels like it's all my fault."

        The silence hung again, and we stared at each other, absorbing those words.

        How could I dispute that? Something awful  _had_  happened to me. But if Jace had never reported it, never come for me, found me in that dorm room—if things hadn't unfolded in the way they had—I might not be here. He was the reason I was alive. He had no reason to feel guilty.

        "What happened to me was not your fault," I whispered, needing him to hear that, to believe it. I held his gaze, determination pounding a wild rhythm through me.

        Jace would endure whatever unfounded guilt he felt, and I would brave closing my eyes every night, only to be haunted by Levi's face, the murderous fury in his green eyes. We would not let him take any more happiness from us than he already had.

        "Do you hear me?" I held his face in my hand, making sure his eyes were still on me. " _He_  did this. Not you. And he probably would've always tried to kill me, regardless of whether we'd stayed together or not, regardless of anything _anyone_  did, because he's a fucking psychopath. A psychopath who was hell-bent on revenge." 

        I was the person the blame had shifted to by default. Derek's family had moved away. My family hadn't. I was Tom's sister. I had been the easiest, and most convenient, person for Levi to hate. I understood that. I just needed Jace to, now.

        My words must have cut through the darkness—through the doubt that had been digging its talons into Jace—because the next thing I knew, he was leaning his forehead against mine, exhaling as if bone-weary. "Maybe we had to go through this. Maybe Nietzsche was right,  _that which does not kill us makes you stronger,_ " he murmured, his voice amplifying in the quiet of the cramped room. "Twenty years from now, we'll remember this as the beginning, Hayles. We'll get past this, together."

        I'd never heard Jace talk like this before. Stunned was an understatement.

        When I didn't say anything, he pulled back slightly, his eyes pinning me. I was trapped beneath the intensity of his stare, rendered utterly speechless. The full force of what he was saying slammed into me all at once.

        "Twenty years?" I blinked at him. "That's a long time. I didn't think you'd be thinking so far ahead."

        "With you, yeah. I think about forever, about being the kind of man who deserves you," he said without a hint of doubt. "You were right that day in the parking lot, you know," he continued, his throat bobbing in the shadows. "I made a mistake, and it didn't take me very long to figure that out. I knew it the moment I said goodbye, that I shouldn't have let Officer Bedford talk me into it." A muscle in his jaw ticked. "Do you know how hard it was to lie to you? To pretend I didn't want to be with you anymore? I almost couldn't do it. And when you just accepted everything I'd said so easily, despite all the times I'd told you to trust how I felt about you, it punched the air out of me. I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or angry. Then I realized just how badly I'd let you down by not being honest, by not telling you what you mean to me."

        He moved his hand to my cheek, his palm warm and rough against my face. Even though I thought it was impossible, my pulse careened even further.

        "I stopped running from what I felt for you a long time ago," he confessed. "Probably since the morning you showed up at my apartment. God, when I saw you again, after almost a year of trying to forget about you, it was like I was seeing clearly for the first time. Why I never fought for my relationship with Zoe, why I couldn't help but feel like I'd been given an out when I realized she'd been cheating on me"—he winced, as if he was only just admitting that part to himself, let alone me—"and why I could never bring myself to be with anyone else. You're so beautiful and unforgettable. You challenge me, put up with my bullshit. You're a force to be fucking reckoned with, but you're also the most forgiving and compassionate person I've ever met. After all these years, you were bound to get under my skin. Yeah, it scared the shit out of me at first, and the night you opened up to me, had the courage to tell me you loved me... I'm not proud of the way I reacted. It was like I saw my future barreling down the line and I panicked like I used to, a knee-jerk reflex."

        He thumbed away the tears that leaked from my eyes. "I'm not proud of the way I let you think I was indifferent after we broke up, that it wasn't fucking torture seeing you and knowing you weren't mine. Knowing you thought I'd given up on us." Jace paused. "But, most of all, I'm not proud of the way I let you think I wasn't in love with you. Because I  _am_... I am in love with you."

        That was when everything stopped, my heart included. My breath shuttered out in a gasp. "You love me?"

        "Of course I do," he murmured. "All year, I've been trying to find the words... to tell you how I really feel." His voice was hoarse. "I love you, with all of me, and I always have, Hayles, it just took me a while to catch up. But I'll show you how much I love you, I'll spend every day proving it to you, with everything I have, if you let me. Will you let me?"

        Warmth spread through me, his words stoking the fire that still burned deep in my chest.

        "Yes," I managed, finally. "Jace, I—"

        His mouth landed hotly on mine, and I opened up to him, completely. There was no holding back anymore. No concern about falling apart if I let myself want this—want him—too much. He  _loved_  me, and the way he kissed me now left no room for doubt. There was no restraint left, either, so when his lips skated over mine softly, and his tongue slid into my mouth, my grasp on the towel loosened. I pressed closer, craving more. Needing more.

        Everything had changed. It was reminiscent of the night I'd finally confessed how I felt about him, except this time, it was vastly different. This time, we were both brave enough to feel the type of love that swelled so high between us, to be pulled down by the undercurrent. 

        Both of us were breathing hard now, drowning in each other.

        His hands traveled down my body, deliberately slow, and goosebumps broke out on my flesh when he reached the edge of the towel. My knees felt wobbly and I wasn't even standing. How was that possible?

       "I missed you, so fucking much," he ground out into my ear. His lips trailed along my jaw, down my neck, and back up in the most scorching, reverent kiss yet. 

        Within seconds, an intense, searing desire had flared to life, but it was so much more than that, and I felt the shift within Jace, too. The pain and sadness and loss didn't exist at that moment, and the way his hands managed to hold me steady and set me free at the same time was like a healing salve for my soul.

        Here we were, our bodies sealed together, the sound of rain falling on the tin roof, the open land. Surrendering to each other and surrendering to the fight we'd been losing all year: to stay away, to keep running from this. 

        I buried my fingers in his soft hair, seeking more of his mouth, more of his touch. Needing to feel every piece of him pressed against me.

        Jace crowded my senses, the kiss growing deeper, and then he was lowering me back onto the bed, aligning our bodies. A shudder went through both of us, and he let out a long, low groan, the sound reverberating down my spine.

He slid his calloused palms up my thighs, over the flare of my hips, and then halted at the hem of the towel, which had slipped down significantly but still covered most of my skin. He was seeking permission, and when I didn't react, his fingers parted the scratchy material, revealing my cotton bra and panties.

        "God, I could get lost in you," he whispered, tugging on my bottom lip. 

         _I'm already lost in you,_  I wanted to say.  _Finding more and more parts of myself; all the missing pieces you've been safeguarding._

        A fervent hunger swirled, surrounding us like a powerful tornado. His hands traveled up my body until his knuckles skated over my most sensitive area, and my legs widened even further, inviting him in.

        "You don't have to worry about hurting me," I told him breathlessly. "I won't break."  _Not when it's you who's touching me._

        Jace lifted his head, his gaze flashing to mine, and my heart spasmed. At that moment, he could see right through me, almost like I was cut from glass, and those two-toned eyes were worshipping.

        The tips of his fingers brushed my inner thigh, slipping under my thin panties, and I moaned, my belly fizzing with arousal. My hips arched up as he snaked a finger inside. 

        Lust simmered beneath the surface, along with this weird, emotional bubble that had encircled us. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting myself  _feel_. Letting myself go. My mind was silent for the first time this week. Lightning struck outside, bursting and blending color behind my eyelids. 

        Jace's fingers drove me crazy, pushing in and out of me, and his mouth drank from me, but still, it wasn't enough. "Please," I whimpered, my hips bucking against his hand, seeking more.

        Frenzied and fumbling, I reached for the front of his jeans, thumbing out the button and tugging down his zipper. And then he was helping me, his body shaking beneath my hands. Satisfaction stole through me, knowing he was just as affected as I was, knowing he was being brought to the very edge too while still being held at bay.

        "Hang on." He backed away, digging into the front pocket of his discarded jeans. When he withdrew a small, silver wrapper, I bugged my eyes at him.

        "You brought a condom with you?" I asked incredulously. As much as I could appreciate his preparedness, I let out a puff of amused laughter. "Wait. You  _knew_  this was going to happen?"

        He peered down through his lashes. "No," he said, his full lips curving into a half-smirk. "But I hoped it would."

        Jace wasted no time undressing me and rolling the condom on, and when there was no fabric between us anymore, the warm weight of him settled fully against me. Our naked bodies were flush together, and his erection rubbed against me there—right fucking there—grazing my opening and triggering a jolt of heat that spiraled down to my core. Nothing but need and want transpired through me, kicking my brain out of the equation.

        I felt his heart beating wildly under my palm, and his lips moved against mine, pulling shallow breaths.

       "Are you sure, baby?" he said gruffly, trembling from the restraint. His eyes narrowed on mine, trying to detect even a flicker of hesitation. "We can stop. We don't have to do this tonight."

        My heartbeat thumped off-kilter, and I was swimming with equal parts anticipation and fear. "I'm sure," I told him. "I don't want to wait anymore."    

        The sight of him positioned between my legs had my body on high alert, and when he guided himself into me, a pinching pressure grew. My thighs involuntarily clamped on him as the burning sensation stretched further and increased, and just when I thought it was over—that his thickness was all the way inside me—he pushed deeper with one last thrust.

         _Shit. Shit. Shit._

        It hurt like fucking hell—way more than I'd expected. Whoever said their first time actually felt good was a liar.  

        I gritted my teeth, waiting for the sharp, stinging pain to subside.

        Jace tensed incrementally, until he was utterly still inside me, not moving. "You okay?" His voice was guttural.

        "Yeah. You're just... oh  _wow_ , that—" I gasped.

        He pulled out slowly, and when he eased back in, the pain ebbed away to a dull ache, eclipsed by the increasing friction.   

        His forehead creased with concern. "Do you want me to stop, Hayles? Should I stop?" 

        "No." I sucked in a ragged breath. "Keep going."   

        He rocked out again, and then back in, deep and full, making me whole again. I felt everything. It felt  _right_  in a way that nothing had ever felt right before. Setting his forearms on either side of my head, his mouth swept over mine again, and he instinctively started to move inside me.

        Jace was quiet and yet he'd never said so much. Every caress, every kiss, was like a vault opening up, unsealing our secrets and reserving more treasured memories between us. 

        Shards of pleasure rushed through my veins, and I moaned, trying to match him, rolling my hips up to meet him. His body responded in kind, and he picked up the pace. 

        "Hayley," he rasped, exhaling a choked-up breath.

        That one word—my name, his voice—anchored me. Prevented me from floating away on a cloud of all-consuming bliss. 

        Thunder rattled the window, and lightning flashed into the tiny room, filtering through the closed curtains, flickering across our faces. A fierce ache throbbed in my chest. His beauty was heart-stirring, and his features were soft with awe and love as he stared down at me. I couldn't believe that, after nine years, Jace was mine. And he was making love to me. We strained against each other silently, slowly, learning the curves and planes of each other's bodies. 

        Jace watched me as I came apart in his arms, and then his hands cradled my face, and his lips captured mine, putting me back together again.

◇  

        IN THE DARKNESS, with the dull rumblings of thunder as the storm raged on outside, Jace helped me forget... to forgive. I would love him forever for that alone, for not only providing shelter from the weather, but for offering a safe hiding place from the shadows that chased me, the memories that haunted me. 

       His hands held their own memories, and as he'd traced my body—paying even closer attention to everywhere Levi had touched me, bruised me—Jace gave me back something incredible.He gave me _hope._ Hope that I'd be able to rebuild and find the girl he'd spent years slowly, gradually, falling in love with. 

        There was solace in the silence that drifted between us afterward, and I listened to the sound of his heart, thrumming beneath my cheek.

        "Do you remember that time in my room last year?" Jace asked, surprising me. His fingers swirled gently over my lower back. "The first day you came over that summer, when we spent hours just listening to music and not saying a word?"

        I nodded, my stomach dipping.

        After a slight pause, he admitted, "You keep telling me that I saved you, but you were the one who saved me. You saved me, Hayley. And not just that day. Not just once."

        I inhaled, thinking back to that summer. We were both so lost and confused, trying to make sense of Tom's death. Trying to heal our broken hearts. Trying to find our footing in a world that was determined to keep spinning around, in a world that didn't wait for anyone—particularly those who were still trying to catch up. 

        "I could never go down a dark path, not when you were always there, making sure I stayed on track. You're like my bright, northern star," he said, and I stared into those blue-gray eyes as they melted me from the inside out. "That day you sat down on the floor next to me and closed your eyes, you just listened. To nothing and to everything." His chest rose on a heavy breath, and then Jace's voice lowered, taking on a hushed tone. "I remember thinking,  _maybe one day, this girl will be mine_ , but only when I've earned it. Only when we can recognize what this is, so that we can honor it... so that we don't ruin it."

       Something dislodged behind my ribcage, like an old, repressed insecurity wiggling free, and I knew, within those four walls, we'd found our freedom. Our truth. And it occurred to me then, at that moment, that life was filled with  _"maybe one days"_ —there wasn't always going to be a guarantee—but I understood the importance of taking each day as it came. The importance of trusting that everything happened for a reason, unraveling in the way it did. 

        There was always a lesson to be learned, especially within all the pain, heartbreak, and sadness. After all, there was no light without a little bit of darkness. And I wasn't going to let my dark or frightening experiences consume me, because, without them, I wouldn't be here. 

        I wouldn't be with Jace.

        I wouldn't be falling asleep in his arms.

        And I wouldn't be held against him so tightly, my arm slung across the middle of his chest. I wasn't even sure if there were two of us anymore—where he ended and I began. I'd never felt this close, this connected, to anyone.

        Emotion clogged my throat, and I struggled to form a worthy response. A response that conveyed just how much I understood, just how deeply my feelings ran.

        "I love you, Jace," I finally settled on, tilting my face forward to kiss him. 

        His lips fit to mine perfectly, feather-light, and we breathed each other in. 

        When that smile reserved just for me pulled at the corners of his mouth, and he whispered,  _I love you, too_ , I knew I'd also been given something else, something better:

        The promise of forever.          


	27. Epilogue

**_6 MONTHS LATER_ **

_Dearest Tom,_

_I can't believe it's been three years today since we lost you... since I had to watch the one person I thought I'd never lose, leave me. It didn't matter how much I prayed that you would stay, or how tightly I tried to hold onto you, just like sand between my fingers, you eventually slipped away._

_A part of me left with you_ — _my big brother, my protector, the person who promised to always keep me safe_ — _and it's been so hard to define who I am anymore without you. It's been difficult to rise up on my own two feet, and it's taken a long time for me to find myself again, but I finally have._

_I've slowly pieced myself back together, with the help of our parents, my best friend, and Jace. I think, in some way, even before you died, we were always destined to be a family. We've all had to learn to be resilient and brave in the midst of so much tragedy. And with Jace's parents still traveling, I think we've been able to draw strength from each other even more._

_I know I'm writing you a letter you can never read, and maybe that's absurd, but Jace has been encouraging me to put my feelings into words, to say everything I've always wanted to. Perhaps he's right... perhaps this is the chance for me to properly say goodbye, after all this time. I've held onto you, onto the overshadowing sadness and misplaced guilt_ ,  _for far too long. I know I need to let you, and myself, move on._

_I'd like to think you've been watching over me since you left and that you already know everything that's in my heart. That even though it's been three years since we last spoke, you still do listen whenever I feel like talking. And that even though you're gone, you still manage to be with me somehow._

_Because if I look closely enough, some days I swear I can see you. I can see that all around me is you. You fill the air I breathe, the sun that shines through my window every morning, and the flicker of hope I feel burning from within. It doesn't matter that you can't be here physically anymore, I know you are in spirit. And now that I know where to find you, I can take comfort in the fact that you never left me. Not really._

_You'll be glad to know you were right all along_.  _I can rely on Jace. He's stepped up so much for me, especially in these last six months. The fallout of everything I've been through, the culmination of Levi's trial... it's taken such a heavy toll on me. Jace and I have been through so much together already, and we've come out of each challenge stronger than ever. I know I can always find him by my side in my darkest hours, or in times of despair._

_He safeguards my heart, and I treasure his._

_So I'm sitting here on my bedroom floor right now, writing this letter to you on top of an overpacked cardboard box, and I don't know when I'll be back here next._

_Jace graduates next month and he has a photography internship lined up in Oregon. He's asked me to move with him, Tom, and I think you already know what my answer was._

_I told him yes, of course._

_I'm transferring colleges and I start my sophomore year at Oregon State University at the end of summer. Jace wants to rent out this little cottage on the coast. He says that's where we'll make our home. He wants to start building the life together that I've always dreamed about._

_I know it might seem like we're leaving everything behind, but I don't view it that way. I see it as a new chapter, not as an ending._

_I might not see Mom and Dad for a while, and I'm kind of scared. Scratch that, I'm terrified. And I've also had to deal with Amelia's disappointment, the fact that she's still harboring feelings of betrayal. I know, deep down, she's secretly delighted for us. I think she's just too stubborn to admit it right now, and I don't blame her. I wasn't exactly thrilled when she first told me she was leaving for Europe all those months ago._

_As it turned out, she came home early, anyway. It wasn't a surprise to me or Jace, though. She'd wanted to give her parents their space to travel and dream together, afraid of becoming an unwanted third wheel. But now, only a short two and a half months since returning, her brother and best friend were going to be worlds apart again, and that was so unfair, apparently. Her words, not mine._

_Leaving home is never easy, let alone adding nearly 3,000 miles of distance, but beginning a journey is something I believe we all long for._

_It's nerve-wracking every time I do this. Every time I pack up, move forward, and take another chance. But the last time I did this, it ended up being so much more than I could've ever hoped for. I made lifelong friends, I faced my fears, I overcame unexpected obstacles... and I found love._

_After years of being patient, after years of waiting for something I thought I might never have, I finally found love with the boy I've always wanted to share it with. Despite all the hardships he and I have faced, we healed together, found sanctuary in each other._

_I can still remember the days you would glance back and forth between Jace and me, and your eyes would clear, almost knowingly, as if you knew, long before we even did, that we'd find our happy ending in each other. You couldn't have been more than twelve years old back then, but I'm convinced you knew, and I hope you're proud of us now._

_I'm leaving Fowler's Hill for good in a couple of days, and I didn't expect it to be so bittersweet. I think I spent the last two and half years so focused on wanting to escape this small town that I didn't really appreciate everything that's happened to me here. All the sacrifices I've made, the mistakes I've forgiven and learned from, the sadness I've let go of, and the love I've felt. Everything that's shaped me into the person I've become happened in this sleepy small town._

_As much as I'm going to miss it here, Fowler's Hill will always be locked away in my heart_ — _a special place I will remember and hold onto. It's where we grew up, after all, and it's where I feel closest to you._

_Even though I'm going to put this letter on top of your cremation headstone today, even though I'm going to drive away from this town the day after tomorrow, I know you'll continue to follow me wherever I go. I know it's never really goodbye, because I'll be reunited with you again, one day._

_But, for now, I'm in safe hands, Tom, and you can be at peace with that knowledge. You can trust that I'll be okay. Because I am. For the first time in a long time, I'm okay. And when I'm not, I'll be sure to find someplace quiet to confide in you._

_I miss you every single day and I will love you forever._

_Hayley._


	28. Bonus Chapter

**_JACE'S P.O.V_ **

Two years ago

◇

WHAT THE HELL was wrong with me?

        Sitting down on the edge of the bathtub, I shoved my hands in my hair and let out a long exhale.

        Hayley Donovan had tugged at something inside me, and like a spool of thread, I was unraveling. 

        All I'd felt since I'd come back home was a shit ton of sexual frustration and longing. She wasn't even eighteen yet, but the images my mind conjured up of her were merciless. Her ocean-blue eyes and plump, kissable lips were every teenage boy's fantasy, and I abhorred that she'd inadvertently become mine. Because I wasn't a boy anymore, I was a man, and I should've known better.

        "Are you up here, Jace?" 

        Hayley's voice was soft, laced with worry, and her footsteps were ominously close to the bathroom door. My body tensed and relaxed simultaneously.     

        A knock sounded, and I couldn't describe my level of fear. I'd come here to escape her, to shut myself away and hide like the fucking coward I was. 

        Seeing her perched on Sean Pearson's lap, skimming her hands up his sides and tangling her fingers in his hair, had felt like someone had cut into my chest with a rusty knife. How dare she make me feel this way. 

        I was pissed off. And jealous. But mostly pissed off.

        Music from downstairs blasted—Hinder's "Lips Of An Angel" was vibrating the tiles beneath my worn sneakers, and the song couldn't be more fitting.

        All night, I'd hung off her every word. I'd tracked the gentle movements of her mouth, wanting to press my lips to hers and catch my breath back. She'd stolen it, and I was still trying to work out when, exactly, that had happened. 

        Hayley had a hold on me, and I was dying for the awful pressure to stop clamping down on my chest.     

        "I know you're in there," she said, and I clenched my teeth. "I can see the light under the door. I'm coming in, okay?" 

        Before I could even respond, she waltzed inside without invitation, and I glanced over at her. Her eyes had me trapped, and she came toward me, not stopping until we were a mere foot apart.

        "What are you doing up here?" she asked after a stretch of silence. She sounded slurry and tired. "Everyone that's here tonight came to see you."

        "Guess I'm just not in the party mood."

        The truth was I just didn't want to see her kissing Sean. I wanted to switch off these damn feelings. I wanted things to go back to how they were before, but my body shook with the physical effort it took to ignore her, to ignore the hollowness in my gut. 

        Hayley crouched down between my knees, forcing me to pull my arms off my legs and to lean back. Keeping my eyes closed, I waited for a beat, hoping maybe she'd give up and leave, but she didn't. She never did.

        "Why are you being like this?" Her frown deepened, and I focused all of my energy on not reacting to her proximity. "Ever since you got home, you've been avoiding me. Did I... did I do something?" 

         _You made me want you._

        I almost blurted it out, but I clamped my jaw shut and shifted my eyes away. I couldn't look at her.

        "Jace?"

        The way she whispered my name, the way it came out of her with such desperation and hopefulness, sent a shiver down my spine. 

        My gaze involuntarily traveled back to her. God, she was so fucking beautiful. How had I only just started to notice that? 

        Her silky hair tumbled around her shoulders like a dark veil and she had an adorable smattering of freckles on her pert nose. There wasn't a single part of her that wasn't absolutely perfect. Even the way those blue eyes stared intently at me, as if she wasn't afraid to lose herself while she was searching for something in me. 

        "No," I told her. "You didn't do anything. I don't know, I'm just..." I couldn't understand how I was feeling, much less articulate it. I wished I was drunker. Then I wouldn't be as aware of the stupid-ass emotions that whirled inside me.

        Hayley nodded slowly, like somehow she'd still been able to make sense of that. Like she'd heard my unspoken plea for her to drop the subject. 

        "Do you mind if I stay here with you for a while?" she said eventually, but I didn't miss the sadness that lingered on her pretty face.

        Why was I handling this so badly? 

        Because I wasn't ready to let myself want her. Because I'd promised Tommy I wouldn't hurt her, and I knew I was still too messed up after Zoe to honor that. My heart was too broken to give to her now. How could I possibly be the guy she needed—the guy she deserved—when I was so at war with myself? 

        When I didn't answer, Hayley settled next to me, pressing her cheek against my shoulder. The smell of her vanilla-scented perfume wrapped around me like a thick haze, and I couldn't fucking think straight. Her warm body fitted perfectly against my side, almost like we were made for each other, and it felt dangerous being this close to her. 

        I wanted to curl my arms around her and guard her against the world. This last year had been hard on all of us—I'd grown up with Tommy, and his death had left a gaping hole in the cavern of my chest—but Hayley had suffered the most. Somehow, she had convinced herself that she needed to struggle in silence. She refused to openly grieve, to face all the emotions head-on. And those few times she had lowered her guard? It was always with me, and I didn't know what to make of that.

        She was so lost, and she kept turning to me for support, as if I wasn't completely empty and adrift myself. I think in her eyes, she'd always seen something in me. Something worthy. Or maybe I just reminded her of Tom. An older guy she trusted, could bare her soul to. A guy she'd probably always thought of as a surrogate big brother. 

        The crushing disappointment of that admission had me drawing in a shaky, surprised breath.          

        "Don't worry, we don't have to talk or anything. I think I just need to sit down for a minute," Hayley mumbled groggily, "and I... I need the room to stop spinning."

        "How much have you been drinking?" I said, deliberately letting my tone go disapproving. My sister should never have encouraged her to toss down those tequila slammers. The fumes alone were strong enough to burn your nasal passages. 

        "I don't know." She shrugged and that small grin was back. "Does it matter?"

        "Underage drinking isn't the answer, Hayles," I spoke quietly. "Take it from me. It doesn't do shit. The monsters are still there when the buzz wears off."

        Her head tipped back, and our gazes locked for a long moment. 

        "I don't need to hear this, Jace." The softness vanished, a dark look hardening her features. "Yes, Tom's gone, but that doesn't meanyou need to be the one giving me the brotherly lectures now." 

        "I'm not—" I halted abruptly, and the word _brotherly_ dinged in my skull. At that moment, it felt like I'd been punched and knocked down. What I felt for Hayley wasn't friendly, and it sure as shit wasn't brotherly. "Look, I'm just trying to give you some advice. Take it or leave it. I just think maybe you should reassess some of the choices you've been making lately."

        She moved away, bristling. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

        "Well, for starters, it probably isn't the smartest idea to hook up with a guy like Sean. I mean, Sean Pearson? Come on." The response flew out of my mouth carelessly, and I grimaced.

        "What's wrong with Sean?"

        I told myself that the best thing to do was to stay quiet, but another hot streak of jealousy tore through me, roaring back to life. God, I felt like a fucking pre-teen. "Uh, let me see." I pretended to consider this. "Sean's a rich asshole who thinks he can get whatever he wants. You're not sober enough to make intelligent decisions, but clearly he feels okay about taking advantage of you."

        That was eighty percent true. It  _was_  about Sean. But the other twenty percent was about something else entirely. When I'd seen his mouth fused with hers, it'd messed me up.

        For the first time, I saw Hayley as something that belonged to me. She was supposed to be mine, and I didn't want to share her. In fact, I'd wanted to show her what a real kiss was. I'd wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss her long and deep. I'd wanted to kiss her until it could erase the past and until she couldn't remember anyone that came before me. I wanted to ask if I was the only one drowning under the weight of how much I wanted her. If I was the only one who felt this way. The prospect of her answer scared me as much as it thrilled me.

        "Wow. I must be reallydrunk."

        I blinked, not expecting that.

        "I can't believe what I'm hearing," she continued, and then she laughed a little derisively. 

        "What's so funny?"

        Hayley watched me for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Are you jealous or something? Is that what this is?" she finally asked. "I don't remember you telling Amelia off like this, and she's been kissing boys for a lot longer than I have."

        Fuck. 

        Silence crashed over the room. 

        She had me there. 

        I opened my mouth. Closed it. "I'm not jealous. Emotion has nothing to do with what I'm telling you." It was a douchebag response, and a bald-faced lie, but it was all I had. The thought of her kissing other guys set my teeth on edge, but how the hell could I possibly say that? 

        "Ugh, so you're in one ofthose moods." 

        "What?"

        She pierced me with her eyes, and my pulse raced like I was preparing for a fight. "You know," she answered without delay. "Those moods where you manage to run from everything—from the way you feel—even though you're staying perfectly still. You retreat inside yourself, and you don't let anyone reach you. Not me, anyway." 

        If Hayley wasn't so fucking right, I might've been offended by what she'd said.

        "Why is that?" There was a pause, and then she went on, "I don't think I've ever been able to read you, and I probably never will. You're like a closed book. You give nothing away, constantly evading questions and stepping around my words. Why do you always push  _me_  away?"   

        Unease turned the beer in my stomach, and I was speechless. She'd figured me out, so easily. So much for not understanding me. I think she knew me better than I knew myself. 

        "Christ, Hayles. Usually my sister's the one who gets all philosophical and shit when she's drunk." I cleared my throat quickly. "I don't know what you're expecting me to say right now. Yes, I do push you away? Because I know I do, but I..."

        Obviously, she'd picked up on the fact that I was dodging her, especially since I'd been home this summer from college, but how was I supposed to tell her that being around her had hot possessiveness coursing through my veins? Or that every time I looked at her, something inside my rib cage seized?

        "Is it because I'm Amelia's best friend? Is that why? Because you don't see us having a friendship outside of my relationship with her?" Her tone was as grim as her expression.

         "No." I scrubbed a hand down my face. If only things were that simple. "You don't get it," I said.  _I don't just see you as my little sister's best friend,_ I wanted to yell.  _That's the fucking problem. You're all I see._   _Everything I want. But I shouldn't... I can't. And even if I could, I'm too goddamn weak._  "You don't want me to put this on you. You shouldn't have to deal with my—" 

        "But I do get it," she interrupted. "I've gotten the message pretty loud and clear, Jace. You're not jealous, you're just weirdly protective. You think now that Tom's dead, there's this warped sense of obligation to be this older brother figure. I get it. You won't open up to me, you're never going to see me as anything more than an honorary sibling, and it doesn't matter that I've had feelings for you—" She visibly swallowed, horror ghosting across her pale features. "Oh my God..."

        The words were out there so suddenly, catching us both off guard, and my heart fucking stopped. I think it actually flat-lined in my chest. And then it started to beat wildly—life coming back to me in the form of her deepest confession—as I stared down at the girl in front of me. The girl who I'd never wanted to leave behind when I'd left for college two years ago, but hadn't dared to look too closely at why. The girl I'd spent sleepless nights thinking about after Zoe and I had broken up. Instead of my ex-girlfriend's face, I could only see hers, and the guilt I'd felt was all-consuming.

        "What did you say?" I asked before I could think it over. My voice sounded thick. 

         I wanted her so bad and I couldn't have her. But instead of walking away, I fed the temptation. And I let myself pretend, just for a minute, that maybe things were different. Maybe I wasn't broken. Maybe she wasn't Tommy's little sister. Maybe we weren't so wrong for each other that it couldn't help but feel right.

        There were reasons why I had to keep my distance, I knew that, and reasons why I couldn't let someone in. But in that bathroom, in that bubble of friendship and trust we'd built together over the last seven years, it was easy to forget. It was easy to hope for something I didn't think I'd ever want again. 

        "I... I didn't say anything," Hayley whispered. She squirmed further away, tucking a dark strand of hair behind her ear. 

        She was drunk, and I was smarter than this. The alcohol had loosened her lips, and I was taking advantage of that. I was no different to Sean. Disgust clawed at me.

        "Bullshit," I said gently. "You have feelings for me?"

        Hayley's gaze slid back to me, and I braced for the shift I knew would happen between us. Nothing would ever be the same again. 

        "What would you say if I said I did?" 

        I inhaled slowly, trying to compose myself. This wasn't how things were supposed to go down. She wasn't supposed to see something good in me. She wasn't supposed to cover my hand with hers, splay her fingers over mine and squeeze. She wasn't supposed to want me back. 

        "Well, I guess I'd say that I—" 

        Hayley lurched forward suddenly and clutched the sides of the toilet, cutting off what would've been my pathetic attempt to tell her how I felt. Her tiny body quaked, and I heard the unmistakable retching noises.  

        I scrambled forward, curving my arm around her small frame. An instinct. Just like at Tommy's funeral, all I wanted to do was hold her. 

        Man, I was so screwed.

        Everything she'd drunk tonight had decided to make a reappearance, and I wasn't all that surprised. Hayley didn't normally drink, and she and Amelia were partying with all of my friends—most of who were twenty-one and had built up an alcohol tolerance. 

        Incapable of doing anything more for her than holding her hair and comfortingly rubbing her back while she was physically sick, I don't think I'd ever felt so reprehensible. I was the idiot who should've never let her hang here tonight while my parents were out of town.

        I cursed under my breath. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." 

        Her skin was hot and feverish, and when she finally sagged back on the floor, I was forced to let go. "Nope, it's the tequila's fault. Tequila sucks," she groaned.

        A chuckle rumbled out from me. "Well, I can get behind that, too."      

        I passed her a clean washcloth, and she cringed and hung her head. "Oh God, this is so embarrassing."   

        For some reason, the vulnerability in Hayley's voice threatened to crack my heart wide open. After everything we'd been through together—after the days she'd spent holed up in my bedroom at the beginning of summer, trying to save me from myself—you'd think she'd realize that she'd already seen me at my worst. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. 

        "Don't worry about it." I brushed a loose strand of hair back from her face. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to touch her again. "It's just me, Hayles."

        "I wasn't just talking about vomiting my guts up," she admitted, not taking her eyes off me, and it felt like I was being flayed alive. "I can't believe I... I don't even know why I told you that. I don't know why I was wondering if, hoping, maybe, you felt the same." 

        It took a moment for my brain to register that she was asking me a question.

        I tried to speak, to reassure her, to tell her that these feelings I had for her weren't disappearing, despite how often I wished them away, but only a strangled sound came out. 

        Fear held my tongue hostage. I was so fucking scared of being hurt again, of her knocking down the strongest walls around my heart and not liking what she saw. Zoe had betrayed me, lied to me, broken me, and left me, without looking back, and how I'd felt about her wasn't anything compared to what I already felt for Hayley. What would be left of me then?

        So I said nothing. 

        God, I was such an asshole. I hadn't kept my promise.  _I_  was the asshole who was hurting her. Not Sean Pearson.  _Me._

My blood iced over at that realization. 

        She was walking away, and I was letting her. What the fuck was wrong with me?

        I watched Hayley climb to her feet and leave, and that put an ache in my chest like no other, but I still couldn't find the words. 

        And when I never saw her again after that summer—when she never gave me a chance to explain—I buried it down even deeper. Everything I'd ruined the night I let her go.

        I should never have thought it was okay to love her. Not until it was a truth I was ready for.


End file.
